look at how my tears ricochet

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

A few days after the battle against the Void Yeti, Sohalia made her way to the building that she’d been told housed the recovering Zavien. She’d been relieved to hear that he was recovering within the Citadel walls, though she’d have preferred he not be injured - particularly not as he’d been fine up until running to her aid. Perhaps it wasn’t entirely her fault that he’d been hurt, but she took some of the blame upon herself anyway. Maybe if she’d been stronger, he wouldn’t have been put in harm’s way.

Even if he hadn’t agreed to join her council, she still would have sought him out; but she had to admit that his role not only as a council-member-to-be but also as a Stormbreak citizen drove her to check on his wellbeing. Though she didn’t know him well, she knew him well enough to worry, and she owed him thanks for encouraging her to leave the battle when it had become clear that she would not be able to survive staying.

She knocked lightly before pushing open the door and peeking in. ”Zavien?” she called softly, waiting for a response before she entered the room. ”Can I come in?”

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Zavien

Crumpling another failed letter between his fingers, Zavien closed his eyes with a small wince from the movement. Now that the adrenaline and disbelief had worn off, the permanent wounds were starting to become more apparent, and everything hurt. Most of his physical injuries had been stitched together by a variety of skilled hands, but even they couldn't completely heal the damage that had been done. Bandages wrapped through his entire chest and torso, lined with ointments and poultices that had begun to ingrain in his skin. Every breath tugged against the gauze and the tender wounds beneath. It hurt to sit up, to lay down, to eat, to sleep, to breathe. Everything just hurt. And when he tried to close his eyes to push it all away, he saw the purple yeti reaching for him, blood splattering across the snow, and darkness. There was little relief to be found anywhere, evident by the dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes. 

A voice and a knock interrupted his thoughts of self-pity. Glancing up at the door, he puzzled out the familiar tone and inflection, suddenly alert. "Soh? Uh, sure." He sat up a little further to greet her, grunting softly through a deep, painful breath. Zavien braced his arms against the side of the bed to let the moment pass before calling out again. "Come on in." As she walked through the door, he prepared a soft smile.

Find a place inside where there's joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Sohalia was unprepared for the sight before her. She'd been grievously injured by the yeti, but Zavien? He looked like he'd been torn apart.

As he invited her in, her breath caught in her throat as she took in the sight of the bandages wrapped across his torso, lined with ointments and poultices and gods knew what else in an apparent effort to keep his organs inside his body. There was a faint scent in the air - metallic, but with an herbal undercurrent from the dressings. Zavien's eyes were red-rimmed and underlined by dark circles. They had that in common; Soh couldn't escape the nightmares as she slept, either. Still, despite all that, Zavien still offered her a soft smile, and Sohalia's lip trembled in response. She bit the inside of her cheek until it bled. She'd been magically healed, but Zavien... it seemed that he hadn't yet been afforded that luxury. The least she could do was hold it together while she talked to him.

"Hey," she said softly as she entered, locating a chair in the corner and dragging it over to sit beside his bed. "Please relax. I won't stay long. I just wanted to check on you." She tried on a smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes - not a commentary on Zavien, but a reflection of the bone-deep exhaustion that threatened to pull her under. Her gaze roved once more to his bandages. "How bad is it?" she asked quietly, her brows knitting together with concern.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Zavien

'Torn apart' was an apt description of Zavien's condition. Despite magic and physical healing, he still had miles to go before he'd make it to whatever his new 'normal' would be, scars and all. Apparently getting brought back from the dead didn't exempt him from the pains of physical mortality. At least he had people who cared for him to ease the recovery. Soh wasn't the first, and she wouldn't be the last, but he appreciated her all the same, granting her a fuller smile. "Thanks."

Taking stock of his faculties and injuries, he tried to come up with the best answer that truly described how 'bad' everything had turned out. 

"I -" 

'died'. 

The word failed to take life, catching in his throat enough to elicit a subtle flinch. Saying it would make it true, and he wasn't sure he was ready to face it yet. He couldn't hide from it forever, but he kept it buried deep as he gave her another soft smile. "I'm doing better." And it wasn't a lie, even as he left the extra bits out. 

Whether for distraction or genuine concern (most likely a mix of both), Zavien turned the question on her, "How are you?" He could see from her own eyes that she wasn't 'good,' but he hoped she might be honest with him. They'd been in the battle together after all. That had to count for something.

Find a place inside where there's joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Sohalia might put two and two together once Vox’s broadcast came out, but for now, she was blissfully ignorant that one of their party had died as a result of their battle with the yeti. Perhaps for now she simply believed that Zavien had been injured much the same as she had been - albeit with less magic to aid in his recovery. When he said he was doing better, she took it at face value, nodding solemnly. ”I’m glad,” she said, sincerity in every line of her face.

When he returned her question, though, her face shuttered, her eyes falling to her lap, where her hands twisted into fists. ”I’ve been better,” she admitted, forcing herself to breathe. If Zavien was to be on her council, when - if - she ever retook Stormbreak, she owed it to him to be honest, at least. ”I can’t sleep,” she confided quietly, her voice shaking. ”I keep reliving the fight.”

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Zavien

Zavien was grateful that Soh either didn't know or didn't comment on his death, content to accept her goodwill with a soft smile. Although there wasn't much to say to her own response, he felt the way she looked, tired and haunted. The initial days had been too filled with pain and fitful recovery for the memories to catch him; but as more time passed, they slowly came back to him, attacking every peaceful moment with horrible thoughts, images, and sensations. 

He nodded his head in understanding, his smile turning a little more bitter as he met her gaze. "Me too..." The signs may be obvious upon his face, but he still tried to disguise just how much it was impacting him. Even as Zavien shared his own feelings, he couldn't finish the words. "It's hard. No matter how many times I tell myself that things worked out in the end, I still..." See the yeti looming over them. Feel the tearing of his muscles beneath its claws. Feel the life leaving his body... It's not something he was likely to forget anytime soon. He secretly wondered if he would ever be able to close his eyes without thinking of the dark loneliness of death. 

Swallowing, he gathered one of the crumpled pieces of paper as a distraction. The movement made him wince slightly, but he continued to smile. "Now I'm just trying to find the right words to reassure Lena..." He was obviously going to exclude the topic of his resurrection until they were face-to-face, but it was still hard not to lie. She deserved the truth more than just flowery words; however, he needed some time first. Zavien didn't want her to see him like... this.

Find a place inside where there's joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Soh listened as Zavien offered his own pain in commiseration, unaware as yet that his had been so much worse than hers. While she had nearly died, he had died, and when she learned the truth, she would recognize that there was no way that her experience could compare to his. Perhaps someone might tell her that it wouldn’t do to compare hurts, that everyone shouldered their own burdens in their own way, but she wouldn’t be able to help it. Zavien had told her to go and she’d listened, leaving him to die. She’d never forgive herself for that.

But for now, she was blissfully unaware, and she turned her attention to the paper that Zavien held with a slight crinkling of her brow. ”Lena?” she asked, puzzled. What did the Caretaker have to do with Zavien? Since her friends had never informed her of their relationship, such as it was, she had no idea that there was anything more than friendship between them. Still, it didn’t take but a moment for Soh to connect the dots, and understanding washed over her face.

”I wish there were words to reassure the people who care about us,” she said with a sigh. Gods, she was so positive. ”Sorry,” she added, making a face. ”I wish I had words of wisdom to share, but…” And she shrugged, at a loss. What more was there to say?

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Zavien

Her confusion was unsurprising. Zavien and Lena hadn't told many people about their budding romance. It wasn't necessarily a secret, but they also hadn't made an announcement to all their acquaintances. People were finding out slowly as they appeared at events together and told friends, but he still enjoyed the quieter beginning they were able to cherish. And it was kind of fun to see people make the connection because sometimes he still didn't believe it himself. His smile turned deeper, more genuine as he thought about the Caretaker. "Yeah. We've been dating for a few months." Again. Baffling to say aloud. 

Despite all the positive emotions around his girlfriend, the idea of returning to Stormbreak generated a wince. Soh's words weren't something he could argue with, making it all the worse. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair, the bandages and skin stretched uncomfortably, making his words come out a little more strained. "I get it. I think I'm more nervous about seeing her in person..." And telling her the truth of his injuries. He didn't think she would shy away from the wounds themselves, being a mender herself, but the darkness of his mind was something new, something she hadn't signed up for. His feelings for her were real, and he hated the idea of tainting her smile with any of the trauma that now plagued him. Although it pained him to think about, they hadn't been together long enough for him to know if they would make it through this. All he knew was that he wanted to try. 

The silence grated against his ingrained manners, and Zavien turned back to Soh with a gentle smile. "So... what do you plan to do now?"

Find a place inside where there's joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

”Congratulations,” Soh said, because it seemed like the right thing to say. She wondered why Lena hadn’t told her - but then, if it was still new, then perhaps the Caretaker simply wanted to keep it private. Having had her share of disaster when it came to dating, Soh could understand why someone might want to keep their personal life to themselves. ”I think she’ll just be happy that you’re alive,” Soh said, not yet knowing just how close to the truth she’d come. That while Zavien had ended up alive, it might not have been so if only one thing had gone differently.

Silence stretched, and Soh might have excused herself for Zavien to rest, but then he voiced the very question that hung heavily on her own mind: what now? Soh bit her lip, shifting uncomfortably in her chair. ”I don’t know,” she admitted. And she might have left it there, if it weren’t for the fact that Zavien was just as intertwined with her plans as she was. ”We won against the yeti, but at what cost?” She shook her head, thinking of her own near-death experience, of Zavien’s clearly monstrous injuries. She didn’t even know yet about Alys’s companion, and already the cost was far too steep.

”I suppose… I need time to figure it out,” she said after a brief pause. ”If this was what it was like to go up against the Void, then we don’t stand a chance against the Family.” And if they have any hope of changing that, she needed to get stronger. They all did. ”But don’t worry about that now,” she added hastily, realizing that in his condition, Zavien didn’t need to be burdened with what came next. ”Just - rest. Recover. Decide what you want to do next.”

fin

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning