solemn warnings

and i'm still waiting for a life that never was

It was not a pretty day.

Fitting, Alys supposed, for what they had set out to do. Having returned home for the first time since LongNight, the seer was on edge (and suspected that her partner was, too). The skies overhead were overcast and dreary, pregnant with rain that had yet to fall. She hoped it would hold off long enough for them to accomplish their task, however unpleasant it was going to be.

While Tal had offered to take care of it for her, she couldn’t imagine putting him through that simply because she was too cowardly to face it herself. Neither could she imagine doing it without him. Something about having him there made her feel braver, more prepared - though she knew that she was anything but.

After all, what could one even do to prepare to see the decaying corpse of someone they loved?

They stood out back by the little grave, a chill wind coaxing goosebumps onto her arms. Her hair was tied back out of her face, and she wore dark, somber clothing that seemed to fit the occasion. Looking up at her partner, Alys took a deep breath. ”Are you ready?” she asked in a voice that was soft and raw, nervousness and hesitation clear in her tone and face.

Alys

"No," he admittedly honestly. "But I dunno that I'll ever be. But if it means gettin' her back even an hour sooner... then, yeah, I'm ready for that." The courier stood beside his partner, dressed in clothes he didn't mind getting muddy, and squeezed her hand to give and take what comfort there was to be found in the day. The clouds, for all their threat, felt weirdly appropriate for the task ahead of them. A bright and sunny day just wouldn't have felt right for such a somber undertaking...

Tal winced at his unintentional word choice and stepped forward with his shovel. Boreal sat nearby, a quiet sentinel to the proceedings who, for once, seemed to understand the gravity of the moment. Instead of giving her human a hard time, she crooned reassuringly to both Tal and Alys. He had explained to her as best he could in images and emotions what they were doing and why, and though she couldn't follow all of the details she was at least clear on the cause and hoped-for effect.

"Are you...?" He shook his head, stopping himself from completing the stupid question. Instead he exhaled and tried again. "How many tasks are left?" He released her hand reluctantly and wrapped his around the wooden haft of the shovel. He hesitated with the blade a few inches above the too-small grave and then steeled himself and sank it into the earth, lifting the first pile of soil out and tipping it to the side gently.

and i'm still waiting for a life that never was

That was the only way to get through the task: to think of Sascha, and of returning her to the living to complete their little family. Otherwise, Alys wasn’t sure she’d have had the courage to do what needed to be done. Digging up Sascha’s grave felt an awful lot like desecrating a tomb, and it made the seer nervous in more ways than one.

Tal’s question was a relief, if only to give her something to think about other than their task. ”Three,” she said softly. ”I just need the snow from Halo and the water from Frey’s Breath and the Eyes of Vi. It shouldn’t take long.” Hopefully. She wasn’t sure how long she could carry around Sascha’s body, even with the best intentions.

To fill the silence, Alys kept talking, unable to bring herself to find another shovel to help with the grisly task of digging her companion out of the ground. ”I talked with Zavien, Maea, and Ronin. It was… enlightening.” The sound of Tal’s shovel biting into dirt had Alys clenching her teeth together, wrapping her arms around her middle tightly, her nails biting into her arms.

Alys

He wouldn't say it out loud, but he was relieved that she was leaving this part of the task to him. No one should ever have to dig up their loved one. Every shovel full of dirt was as heavy as his whole heart, a stone of sorrow that pulled at his soul even more than his arms, and there was a sick dread in his chest at what shape the body would be found in. Even knowing that it was necessary to return Sascha to life didn't make the current task all that much easier to bear in the immediate present.

"Snow an' water? 'Least th'Greatwood is clean again. We'll get y'there after this. An'... Alys? Why don't we leave Sascha - her body, I mean - somewhere safe til you've got th'rest? We can put her - it - in th'cellar here. Or maybe there's a place in th'Refuge." At least Flowerbirth in King's End was chilly enough that rot wouldn't be as much of a problem as it would be in warmer regions. And while Halo would be even better, he wasn't about to suggest taking the little bear's body back there again so soon.

He turned over another scoop of dirt, growing slower and more careful the deeper he went. The ground was hard and it wasn't easy to be gentle but the courier did his best to break the earth apart without doing anything to damage what was lying an unknown distance beneath. Alys's voice washed over him, offering welcome distraction and comfort that Tal needed as much as she did. "Yeah? What... what'd they say about it?" He was as desperate for something else to talk about as she was and he grasped gratefully for the thread she offered.

and i'm still waiting for a life that never was

If Alys shouldn’t have to do this, then neither should Tal, and the seer felt no small amount of guilt that he was the one setting about this task. Even so, it wasn’t enough to drive her to find another shovel. She simply supervised, reaching one hand out to rest on Boreal’s head, as much as comfort to the dragon as for herself.

”Oh - right. Sure, we’ll keep her somewhere safe.” She hadn’t thought that far ahead, really, not inclined to wonder about the state of Sascha’s body. At least it had been cold in Deepfrost, and the weather had yet to fully turn. Hopefully she would be well-preserved, or as well-preserved as she could be, given the circumstances.

Swallowing hard, Alys continued to speak, offering a distraction and comfort to Tal and herself. ”Well, Zavien… he’s… I think he’s having a hard time adjusting. But it seemed like it helped him to talk about it. Maea and Ronin were easier to talk to, maybe because it had been longer since they died? But all three of them said they wouldn’t change things - that, given the choice, they would still choose to come back. It made me think… even if there are challenges… hopefully Sascha won’t regret it.”

Alys

Boreal leaned against Alys's leg, a quiet rumble in her deep chest as she turned her eyes up to the Seer. She couldn't provide all the comfort that her human's mate needed, but whatever she had was Alys's for the taking, given freely and with her whole, big heart. The comfort that she received in return was shared through her bond with Tal, giving the Messenger strength to continue their grisly task.

The edge of his shovel struck softer dirt and he took a deep breath before adjust his angle and scooping the looser soil out in shallow scoops, careful not to drive the blade deep now. He listened to Alys as he pulled back the blanket of earth that had protected the little bear through Deepfrost and swallowed hard when a careful probe found resistance a few inches deeper.

"Yeah... Zav's goin' through a lot, what with Lena an' all. Ronin's a hero an' Maea's, well, she's been through some changes, I think. Zav, though..." He swallowed hard and set the shovel aside, bending down to start scooping the last layer of earth away with his hands to avoid damaging the body - further damaging it, at least - that was so near now. "I'm glad they came back. All o' 'em. An' I know Sascha'll be happy t'be with you again. Seein' you alive an' bein' able t'come home... yeah. Yeah." He wasn't crying. He just had a runny nose from the chill Flowerbirth air that he couldn't feel, thanks to his Frostbite Cuff. Maybe some allergies. It was spring, after all, and the small body that he gently freed from the earth was so terribly fragile inside the stained linen that it had been buried in.

He lifted it and straightened, then stood hesitantly as he cradled the companion's remains close to his chest and looked at Alys, lost and unsure of what to do next. What she needed next.

and i'm still waiting for a life that never was

The three of them were a matched set in terms of their emotions - and Alys felt them all. In a way, it was almost a welcome sensation, to know that she wasn't alone in her feelings about this task. It would have been a challenge at the best of times, but having Tal and Boreal to share it with made it less of a burden. Still, as Tal reached Sascha's body, Alys started to shiver. It wasn't cold, but she couldn't stop shaking as she watched him uncover the shroud that held her little love.

"I'm g-glad they came back, t-too," she stammered, eyes glued to the lifeless body in Tal's hands. Despite a desperate need to escape, to look anywhere but there, she found that she couldn't turn away. Tal's reassurance sounded muffled through the roaring in her ears, and she was suddenly lightheaded.

She refused to allow her body to give way. She bit the inside of her cheek until it bled, clenched her fists so hard that her nails dug into her palms, and forced herself to look up until she met her partner's gaze. Fierce determination warred with unending grief in her dark eyes. "To the cellar, then?" she asked, her voice sounding distant in her ears. "She'll - she'll be safe there, right?"

Alys

The stammer wasn't really noticeable given how much his own heart was breaking, or how unhappy Boreal was at seeing the body of her cub exhumed. Even knowing it was for a good reason - the best reason - didn't make painless for any of them. Easier, yes, but not without a ripping open of scabs that had barely begun to close. There was fresh blood in all their hearts as Tal shuffled forwards, the precious bundle held gently in his arms.

"Th'cellar," he agreed quietly, wishing it would start to rain. The last thing he wanted was to cry now and make things harder for Alys, but his heart and his eyes weren't giving him much choice in the matter. He'd never had a poker face worth anything at all, and wearing his heart on his sleeve meant in grief as well as anger and joy.

"She'll be safer there'n anywhere else." He headed in that direction, his steps leaden but sure as he took pains not to jostle the fragile body he held so carefully. His vision may have been misty but he knew their back yard too well to trip there. It was a promise he would do his best to keep, for all their sakes. "Can... can y'get th'door for us?"

and i'm still waiting for a life that never was

Tal walked carefully, carrying a piece of Alys’s very soul in his arms, and she couldn’t have been more grateful. The task had proven challenging for them all, as they’d expected - Alys had fresh tears on her face as they moved towards the house, Tal was crying, and even Boreal was solemn and quiet. But even as this pain washed through Alys, she knew that it was for a good cause, and she was quietly determined even as she continued to shiver.

She moved ahead of their little procession to get the door, swallowing hard as Tal passed through and started down the cellar steps. When they’d descended into the dark, she blinked a few times to get her bearings, then shifted uneasily. She had hated burying Sascha in the first place, and now leaving her somewhere else dark and cold grated on her nerves. Still, she knew Tal was right - this was the safest place for the little ursur for the short time she needed to leave her somewhere.

”Thank you, Tal,” she said softly into the darkness, watching her partner and her companion. She was so grateful to him that he’d been here for this, to help her, to carry her heart through all that it had been through - and all while he’d been fighting his own demons. There was nothing in the world she could think of to repay him, but she knew that he wouldn’t accept recompense anyway. This was just what they would do for each other - but it had to be said all the same.

Alys

Tal carried the too-light, too-still form of the little ursur cradled in his arms as if to shield even those from the cruelties of the world. His heart thudded against his ribs with every step, a poignant counterpoint to the tears that leaked from his eyes. By the time they reached the cellar his nose had begun to run as well. It didn't make the trip down the stairs any easier, but even without his Goggles he knew every step by feel more than sight. He'd built them, after all, with Alys's help, after the house had been completed. His home was with her and on the Peregrine, but this place was a close third.

"Yeah," he mumbled back with a sniffle, clearing his throat as he moved through the dark with careful steps. The light from above filtered down, pale and gray and not reaching the deepest corners of the cellar, but he barely needed that much. He wasn't going to hide Sascha away in some cobwebbed corner, though he paused, hesitating as he looked around. The shadows were a physical weight on his back in a way they'd never been before and he had to suppress a shiver as he stood there, seeking a place to lay the companion's remains.

In the end he chose a section of table that would hold glass jars in the fall, waiting to be filled with preserves and foods that could be stored through the winter. Now, in Flowerbirth, the table was mostly empty, and he laid the linen-wrapped bundle of pelt and bones gently on it. Easy to collect, when Alys was ready to return to Mort, but out of the way and off the cold floor. Tal sniffed again and went back to Alys, unsure of what to do with his hands until he cleaned them. "I'll head up first. Give you a minute, if y'need it." He leaned down to press his forehead to hers briefly before heading back up the stairs. If Alys joined him, he would pull her into an embrace once they were back in the light.

If not, he would give her as long as she needed with the body of her companion, who would - Mort willing - soon be whole and well and with them all again soon.

~Fin