Sometimes love is a feather

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

For Ianto's sake Remi was glad that the barrier had fallen, but the fox's troubles were far from over. Thoughts of Arduinna and the leather collar around Ianto's next made lines appear across Remi's forehead as he frowned more deeply, humming a note of acknowledgement but nothing more.

As Sam began to answer Remi glanced across, his expression boyish and open, some small reminder of the man he had once been. Eyebrows knitting together at the mention of Jigano and there being much room for improvement (the bard's words? or Sams'?), Remi shook his head, immediately reaching across for Sam's hand, if he'd allow it. "Hey." The alchemist admonished softly, shaking his head once again. "You do not need my approval. I am not..." Opening his mouth to fill in the blank, Remi found himself entirely without words. He was nothing, surely not anyone that Sam should look to for approval, anyways, and it made something inside of his gut twist and turn cold to think Sam thought that he was. "You loved me and I loved you, but...it never quite lined up. I am sorry it did not work out, though I suppose I do know what you mean. Without memories it is hard to feel the way I think that I should about the whole thing."

Running his freehand through his curls, Remi sighed and shook his head gently again. "You always did think that there was something wrong with you...first with being an ascended and now..." Trailing off, Remi gently ran his thumb over one of Sam's fingers, his touch feather light. "But there is nothing about you that needs to be changed. I wish you could believe that."

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a pistol in your hand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

Sam let Remi take his hand, his cold skin shaking lightly as it tended to do under his touch. He stared at the connection as Remi continued to speak, his expression unreadable. Because as much as Remi wanted to insist it wasn't true, he did need his approval. He needed everyone's approval. Remi's, Jigano's, His family's, anyone who came into the store...

It never had quite lined up, had it? It felt like a good way to have put it and Sam smiled so slightly it was almost unperceptible, nodding. Maybe one day he would be fortunate enough to love someone in the right way, at the right time.

"I think it is the way I am made. To believe there is something wrong...and I...know it must be frustrating, but I do not think it is something I can fix quickly. Jigano...no...I.." Sam looked off, chewing his lip, not wanting to speak badly of his friend. "...I have done several things, including the decisions I made with our relationship, that have proved I am failing in many ways. That I..need to work on myself. Perhaps there is something good to start with."

This was about as positive as he was able to get. "It is probably hard for you to understand. You are so wonderfully talented and full of light almost like the sun."

No one can lift the damn thing

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

"No, not frustrating." Remi said with a sunny laugh as he shook his head, his gaze endearing and warm. Trying his best not to let his teeth click together at the mention of the bard's name in this context, Remi squeezed Sam's hand again. "Everyone makes mistakes and fails. Just...just so long as you remember that there is a difference between improving yourself, and being wrong, somehow. They are not the same."

Not wanting to leave the point, Remi dipped his head, trying to catch Sam's gaze and offer his friend a reassuring smile.

"Hah." Remi laughed brightly, leaning back and shaking his head with amusement. "I have been told many times that I am not so much as full of light, but full of ignorance and nativity." That had been Jigano, but there had been others. "There is no one right way of being. Some think they have things figured out and want you to be more like them but...no one has lived your live, Sam, nor mine. No one can tell you how to be." With another smile, the alchemist shrugged. "So you are right. I cannot understand what it is like for you, but that is not because I am remarkable, but because of how unique you are."

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a pistol in your hand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

"I...suppose you are right." Sam nodded, having always seen it that if there was something left to improve, he was incomplete. That until he was perfect he was visibly incorrect to everyone who glanced towards him, that his flaws glowed like signal beacons on his very skin and the only way forward was to patch them over with parts of other people and half-remembered lessons.

Remi insisted he was not all that Sam knew him to be, and he politely pretended to accept it. He was not ignorant to his own internal workings and he knew a large part of his acceptance was a belief that it made sense someone as wonderful as Remi would be with someone equally good and unbroken, unlike himself.

"..Thank you. You are...very sweet and kind. I'm sure Ianto is glad to have you. I must admit I'm...surprised, though. I always assumed if not me you'd be with Ronin, now that he has returned." He shrugged. "But these things are not always predictable. Please, tell me more. I...want to know, if you want to tell, because we are friends and I am interested."

"And..." Sam grinned, pretended to flex non-existant muscles. "If he does not treat you well, I must see to it."

No one can lift the damn thing

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

Ianto is glad to have you. Remi glanced up at his, one eyebrow raised. It was perhaps...not a strange way of putting it, but after all his recent trials and tribulations, the alchemist didn't particularly like to think of himself as being had, even by someone as charming as the fox.

"Ronin?" Remi repeated, cheeks flushing slightly. In a way he had been with Ronin that drunken night in the kitchen. The memory of which made Remi run a hand awkwardly through his curls. "Ahh...no. I do still live with Ronin. And sleep with him..." He admitted with one eye comically closed and his nose scrunched up. "And I do mean sleep. Coming back from the dead was not so easy for Ronin after all, with Vanya still gone." The alchemist added with a shrug. Maybe it was strange that he still lived with Ronin, that he had a not-quite-completely platonic relationship with him and spooned him (or was spooned) to sleep every night.

Watching Sam flex made Remi snort with adoration and amusement and he nodded appreciatively. "Well, I will be sure to let you know if I ever need you as back up." He said with a laugh.

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a pistol in your hand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

When Remi so cavalierly announced he slept with Ronin, Sam's eyes widened and he sat back, and amused (and slightly relieved) sigh of a chuckle leaving him as Remi clarified. "Yes, I suppose not. Is there not any chance of Vanya returning as well? I am sure it is within the Gods power, if Ronin wanted it...I think Safrin must like him a lot."

If this were a story, he knew where he would go from here - that Safrin was in love with Ronin and would not revive Vanya for she could not stand to see him with another woman, even a mortal. But this was not a myth, so the more boring truth was likely that Vanya simply was not as important.

Remi seemed to like his joke and he smiled, sunk down in his chair a little, the casual way he was sitting indicative of how comfortable he was with Remi. "I do have some news of my own. I went to the forest with Jigano and...ah...what's his name...Deimos. And another man I do not recall the name of. We went to rescue members of the Loreseekers guild taken by Fae...but it was remarkably easy. Too easy, really."

Sam wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that, but he felt it deeply. The whole thing had had so much build up then gone so smoothly...he felt like he would be waiting for the other shoe to drop for weeks. "I was invisible for the most of it, but we basically strolled right in with this woman called Arduinna. Have you heard of her?"

No one can lift the damn thing

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

"I do not think so. A woman we know who is like a sister to us had to give part of herself to make it possible. She was immortal and it took the removal of that to bring Ronin back. I...do not know of anyone else with that type of power. But Vanya said she was satisfied to watch us from the stars..." Nibbling his lip, the alchemist sighed. Vanya had Ronin and Aoife...but the rest of her family had perished. It wasn't so difficult to understand her choice to stay, if it was between her and Ronin.

At the mention of having news of his own, for a moment Remi was waiting to hear the bookmaker say that he had met someone as well. What he heard was certainly not what he expected, and the alchemist turned to squarely face Sam, head tilted inquisitively to the side. The mention of the name Arduinna however made Remi sit bolt-upright, the colour that the mention of sleeping with Ronin had put in his cheeks all but disappeared, and his pale eyes widened considerably.

"Arduinna." He repeated as if to make sure that he had heard the name right. "She...she led you there? Did she ask anything of you? Of any of you?" Remi's heart had begun to race in his chest, the worry in his voice making his accent waver.

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

"She was...immortal? My, there were interesting people in Northhaven...I hope she is alright, though I think if I had immortality I'd be quite happy to give it up..." Sam's voice got quieter as he belatedly realised what he was saying. He likely was close enough to immortal, at least compared to the average person. Would he choose to give it up when he reached the end of an acceptable life span?

That was a question far too deep and despairing for the moment, so he tried to put the thought aside.

Remi seemed far more interested in Arduinna than in Sam's musings on the easiness of their quest. "Oh, well...I was not fully paying attention to a lot of it, to be honest, for I was looking out for an attack, but...I do believe she expects some kind of favour in return for her help later. You should probably ask Jigano, he might know better. Why, do you know something of her?"

No one can lift the damn thing

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

"Mhmm." Remi murmured with a nod. "And yes, she is fine. She did not want the immortality either. I am not sure I would." Remi agreed with a shake of his head.

Clenching his teeth together and making the muscles in his jaw visibly clench, Remi conjured a feather in his hands and began to press the vein of it against his palm hard enough to make the skin turn white. Trying to focus his breathing he nodded distractedly at the mention of asking Jigano more about it.

"She...ahh..I know a little of her, and what I know and have been told is almost all bad. That she is manipulative and treacherous. She..." Swallowing, for it was not his story to tell, the alchemist shook his head slightly. "She has enslaved some, here. Forces them to do things. She—" Remi shook his head, the colour coming back into his cheeks with a flush. "Do not trust her Sam. Not for anything." He said, looking sharply across the chair, his pale eyes deepening with a predatory sort of golden colour.

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

Sam had been wary of Arduinna in the forest and Remi's words sent anxiety pouring into his heart, the dreadful confirmation of suspicions he'd felt since they'd met her. "I will not. I promise. I...should warn Jigano as soon as I can." He was trying to avoid the bard at the moment after their odd conversation at his home outside of guild duty, but this was important.

"Though...if she comes to collect on the debt of the rescued members, I am not sure I can refuse. After all, she did help us..." Sam sighed, chewing at his lip nervously. "But I will just do the one thing then try to no longer associate with her. How does that sound?"

He turned to Remi to see what he thought. "Or I could hide when she came, I suppose." He mused, turning his hands invisible.

No one can lift the damn thing

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

"And the others in the group too, surely?" Remi said, brows knitted together. He knew the bard and bookmaker were close, but the others would need to know as well.

As Sam continued, his hands disappearing in what was probably meant to be amusing, Remi cringed inwardly and ran his hands up his unshaven cheeks. "Fuck.." He whispered under his breath, the word sounding crude in his melodic answer, and perhaps all the more so since the alchemist did not normally swear.

"This is not good Sam. I .... I do not think you should hide from her, but she ..." Letting his hands flop back to the chair, Remi's toes curled inwards as his fingers likewise balled into fists. Thoughts of Ianto, the collar, and the way all the vivacity and music drained from his friend's name at the mere mention of Arduinna made his blood run cold. "..she is not good.

Swallowing, Remi looked across to his friend and shook his head slightly. "Why were you in the woods at all? I told you it was dangerous, that the fae wanted to be left alone?"

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

"Well, I don't really know them. I was hoping if I told Jigano he could pass on the message." Sam explained. He wasn't sure he could be convinced to seek out Deimos by himself, the sheer size and intimidating appearance of the man enough to put him off ever approaching him for life.

He was surprised to hear Remi swear and felt his heart sink as he heard not good. Remi was brave, and if he was scared...or at least worried..it probably really wasn't good. Sam chewed at a nail and stared at the wall, hoping that perhaps Remi was just talking from experience of a bad relationship. Maybe Arduinna would be kind to them.

The question caught him off-guard. "Well, because I am of the Loreseeker's Guild, and Jigano asked me to. Members of the guild were missing...could have died, for all we knew. You would do the same if it were people in your guild, Remi." The last part was quiet; Sam did not naturally go against people or point out contradictions, but he had to defend himself in this task, for he had been proud of himself for doing it.

"I am...it sounds bizarre. But with my new power and my strength, I am one of the most capable members of the guild now, I guess...so I had to help."

No one can lift the damn thing

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

"Mmm." Remi intoned, nodding. "Then perhaps you should tell Jigano as quickly as you can.."

Glancing up as Sam explained, the alchemist nodded understandingly. "But, why were they there in the first place? I put up a notice right away saying not to go...and if it was all guild members, why were they there at all?"

With a small and almost sad smile, the alchemist tilted his head together with a sort of self-berating wince. "No, of course. You were always far braver than you gave yourself credit for." He began, lips twitching in a smile, though inwardly he wondered how much of this was because of what Sam wanted, and how much was at Jigano's behest. Being the most capable did not mean Sam was obligated to risk his life. He was not that sort of person, a feature that he seemed to want to change, though the alchemist worried about the why behind his motivations.

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand

Coding base by Sky!

S
A
M
U
E
L

The book of love is long and boring

"I'm... not sure why they went, to be honest. Jigano mentioned something about going to see the woods. I'm not sure. I certainly didn't want to go, even before your warning." Sam sighed, looking down at the ground. "I didn't know when I joined the Loreseeker's Guild would be so...active."

But he had joined, and could not leave now, so he shrugged. "I just hope in the future we avoid such adventure. Do you... have a personal experience of Arduinna? You speak as if you do."

No one can lift the damn thing