like lipstick traces on pillowcases

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

The Oasis was as unchanged and beautiful as it had been the last time Sohalia had visited, and that had been years ago.

It was a beautiful day, the kind of spring day with the perfect level of chill to the breeze to balance out the heat of the afternoon. The sky was a brilliant blue, save for a few passing clouds. The water was crystal clear, with little fish and tadpoles darting around in the shallows, and makeshift rafts littered the banks, beckoning passersby to push them into the water and float around, lazy and unbothered.  On any other day, Sohalia might have claimed one of the rafts for herself - and for Flora, of course, who was due to meet her any moment. But this was a conversation that she wasn't sure she wanted to be trapped out on the water for.

Tarak squawked from overhead, dropping from above to land nimbly on her shoulder, preening proudly in the Flowerbirth sun. Soh reached up absently to scratch his favorite spot beneath his chin. The sun caught on her golden waves, left unbound to curl around her face. She'd chosen a floral sundress with bright blue flowers, turning her silver gaze almost aquamarine, and the breeze ruffled the hem as she paced along the water's edge.

She was nervous, and no matter how much she told herself she shouldn't be, she couldn't shake the feeling that this meeting was going to go poorly - and that it was going to entirely her fault.

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow

Flora spots the flutter of Sohalia’s sundress before anything else—a splash of blue against the green, sunlight kissing the hem as it dances in the breeze. She slows her pace as she approaches the Oasis, her sandals kicking up tiny sprays of dust and grass, one hand already lifting to shade her eyes from the glittering afternoon light. It’s beautiful here—obnoxiously so—and for once, she isn’t in the mood to appreciate it.

Not when Soh had written that she needed to talk. It had helped that her friend had said she wasn't pregnant, because honestly with everything happening, that was precisely Sohalia's kind of luck, but still Flora had born her concern like a chill she couldn't quite shake off.

She rounds a bend in the path, curls wind-tossed and loose around her face, a tied sarong in around her hips and a cropped blouse cinched tight against her ribs. "Hey babe," she calls lightly, though her voice carries the sort of casual tension that suggests she’s very much not as breezy as she’s pretending to be. Instantly she can tell thanks to her own recently cured infection that at least the Family hasn't gotten their claws in her friend, which does help settle her nerves considerably.

But then she slows again, catching sight of the way Soh paces the water’s edge, and something in Flora’s posture shifts. "Has something happened?"

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

Flora's voice, when it floats out over the water, carried a certain tension that Soh had been expecting, given the contents of her letter. She turned to find her best friend approaching, looking as fabulous as ever, but with an air of concern that touched Soh even as it made her feel ashamed. "Hey," she replied, crossing the distance between them to sweep Flora into a hug - a hug that felt an awful lot like goodbye, because even if Flora had once said that she'd support Soh if anything were to happen between her and Koa, that might have changed with Jack's recent departure.

And if there was a competition between she and Flora? Well, Soh already knew she'd lose.

But she was getting ahead of herself. "Kind of," she said, biting her lip nervously as she released Flora. "But it's actually not anything bad. I think. I mean, it's just - well, it's - I'm -" She laughed, the sound grating even to her ears. The pitch was wrong, and there was an anxiousness that she couldn't quite shake. Soh huffed out a breath. "It's complicated."

Fighting the urge to continue to pace like a caged animal, Soh fidgeted instead with her hands, wringing them in front of her. "Flora, you know I adore you, right?"

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow

Flora lets herself be swept into the hug, arms wrapping tight around Sohalia with a firmness that says she’d needed this even if she hadn’t known it until just now. But it does feel like goodbye, and that feeling sinks sharp into her stomach. It makes her grip linger, her chin tuck just a little tighter against Soh’s shoulder like she’s bracing for something.

Flora leans back, brows lifting as she watches her best friend spiral in real time. Her fingers catch one of Soh’s fluttering hands mid-fidget, squeezing it lightly in hers. "Okay," she says, the word slow and steady, trying to anchor them both. "Not bad. Just complicated. That’s fine. We do complicated all the time." There’s a smile in her voice—small, wry, trying.

But when Sohalia says you know I adore you, right?, something shifts behind Flora’s aqua eyes. They narrow just slightly, her hand still holding Soh’s but her shoulders tensing all over again. "That’s usually something people say right before they drop a bomb," she says, trying for light, but there’s a crack in the middle of it that wasn’t there before. "Soo....bombs away?"

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

There was so much tension between them that Soh could feel the foundation beneath her feet cracking, shifting like sand, and all she could think was that she couldn't do this again, couldn't lose another best friend, couldn't be alone in this world all over again. But what was she supposed to say now? Oh, just kidding, things are fine, tricked you! No, there was no going back now that she'd started.

We do complicated all the time, Flora said, and Soh choked out half a laugh before it died in her throat. And yet Flora still tried for levity, and Soh couldn't have appreciated her more if she'd tried in that moment. So she hesitated. Not much. Not for long. But just enough to be noticeable, to further the divide that Soh could feel growing between them.

But Flora wasn't Jude, and the things that should have torn them apart never had before. And Soh held onto that like a lifeline in a storm, praying that they could withstand the tempest to come.

"Okay, right. Okay. I just - I know this isn't the right time, but I wanted to tell you before I did anything, and you've always been honest with me, so -" She was rambling. She knew she was rambling, and yet she couldn't seem to stop. "It's - it's about Koa." She forced herself to meet Flora's aqua gaze. "I, um, I want to try to make a go of things with him." There. It was out in the open, and now all she could do was wait for Flora's judgment.

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow

Flora doesn’t speak at first. Can't. She doesn’t move either. It’s the kind of stillness that isn’t quiet so much as staggered; like something inside of her has just tripped a wire and now the rest of her is waiting to feel the explosion. Her breath catches. The world doesn’t stop, not exactly, but it does go muffled. Sunlight glitters off the Oasis like it always has, but for a moment, it might as well be miles away.

I want to try to make a go of things with him.

Koa's name shoves through her like salt in a cut, sharp and sudden and stupid for hurting as much as it does. Because she’s the one who let him go. She’s the one who chose the complicated captain with the devil’s smile and all his secrets and consequences. And gods, she does love Jack, still—she’ll probably always love Jack in that wild, oceanic way—but when she closes her eyes now, it isn’t the sea she sees. It’s warmth. Laughter. The way Koa had looked at her like she was the sun and not the fire that scorched him.

Flora wants to be happy for her friend. Soh had Koa first after all and the Luminary deserved nothing but the best, as did the dragoon, but..but gods does it ache.

Flora swallows hard, mouth parting and closing again. She lifts a hand and presses the heel of it against her eyes for a moment like that might shove the tears back down. When she drops it, her lashes are wet, but she’s smiling. Brittle, but it's there. "Well," she says, her voice thick but wobbly with an attempt at humour, "complicated is one word for it." Her laugh is too sharp. She tries again, gentler this time. "Sorry. I’m not mad. I’m not. It’s just…"

It’s just I wanted that too, once. It’s just I don’t know if I made the right choice. It’s just I can’t help thinking maybe you’ll get everything I gave up. It's just he's going to make you so happy and I'm fucking miserable.

Trying to swallow down a further trade of selfish thoughts, she takes a shaky breath and reaches out, fingers brushing Sohalia’s arm in a gesture that’s soft and real even if everything else in her is trying not to splinter. "I'm sorry that telling me is hard and weird...it's supposed to be a good thing when you like someone." Her smile trembles but holds. "So if you want to try with Koa, then... I’ll be here. Okay?"

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

Soh knew that it would hurt. Gods, did she know, because hadn't she been in Flora's shoes once before? Except it wasn't the same thing, not at all. Flora had already rejected Koa by the time she told Soh about him; Soh was just starting out.

It would have been him, Flora had whispered once, lost and broken and yet so sure she'd made the right decision. And Koa had loved her, once, and now...

Now Jack was gone, and Flora was reeling, and instead of trying to help her pick up the pieces, Soh was trying to start something with her ex-boyfriend.

She really was a terrible friend.

Soh reached out to lace her fingers with Flora's, because even though she was trying to be happy for her, Soh could see the brittleness underneath. "Thank you," she whispered. "I just - I didn't mean for this to happen, but I..." She trailed off, fully aware of how stupid it sounded. "Gods, that's so dumb. I just don't want to lose you, Flora. You're my best friend, and I don't know how to do this." Flora. Koa. Jude. Everything was so gods-damned complicated all the time. Was it so bad to want things to be easy, just this once?

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow

Flora laughs—but it’s wet and broken at the edges, her smile barely holding shape through the salt lining her lashes. "I’ll go lead the Family myself before I let a boy come between us," she says, squeezing Sohalia’s hand even as her throat tightens. "I mean it. Dahlia and I? Matching thrones. Watch out." It’s humour, sure, but it’s armour too. A way to hold the cracked parts together while she says what needs to be said.

"You don’t need to feel bad." Her voice is softer now. Calmer, though she still blinks hard like that’ll somehow keep the tears at bay. "I made my choice, Soh. And gods, just because I'm a mess right now, please don't think you don't get to be happy just because I’m not."

She sniffs, dragging the sleeve of her sweater across her cheek before exhaling shakily. "Last time Koa saw me, he couldn’t even look at me for more than a second or two. I mean, after what I did—after I picked Jack right after he.." Her voice hitches, and she looks out across the water, blinking at the brightness on the ripples like it might burn the sting out of her eyes. She didn't need to finish the sentence, and not just because Sohalia knew how it ended. If Koa was going to be her boyfriend, there were certain parts of their combined history that probably were weird to mention now. "There was never gonna be a future for us. Even if… even if there was some world where he was okay being second. And there isn’t."

And yet.

"You're going to be so happy with him." Her gaze flicks back to Soh, fragile and full of pain but holding steady. "Gods, Soh, he’s—he’s so good. You already know that. I just…" Her laugh shakes loose again, half-grimace. "And you absolutely deserve that." Her fingers squeeze once more, tighter now.

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

Flora's humor brought a smile to Soh's face, but it was a pained, stressed, fragile kind of smile - the kind that spoke of too much going on beneath. She knew her friend well enough to know that the playfulness was a front. Despite her best intentions, she had hurt Flora - or, perhaps that wasn't quite right. Flora was hurting, sure, but was that really something for which Soh could shoulder the blame? Would things be different if, say, Jack was still in the picture?

There was nothing to say as Flora continued on, and all that Soh could offer was a quiet sort of affection - not that that was much comfort, she was sure, but it was all she could offer. "I hope you're right," she said. "We're not technically together yet - I told him I wanted to be, but I think, after last time, he just... wants to be sure I meant it. We're supposed to meet up again soon and -" She cut herself off. "I'm sorry. I don't know how much you want to hear." Distress colored her eyes, darkening her silver gaze as she fretted. "I know this is - this is weird, even by our standards."

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow

Flora laughs, the sound a little hoarse but real all the same, like something shaken loose from under all the bruising. "Of course I want to know everything," she says, nudging Sohalia gently with her shoulder. "You think I’m gonna make you walk around with all that inside you without spilling any of it? Absolutely not. I’ll tell you if it gets to be too much, I promise."

She leans back on her hands, staring out over the water, the sun catching her curls and throwing gold around like it doesn’t know any better. "Yeah, it’s weird," she agrees, her voice drier now, wry. "But honestly? What isn’t these days?"

A pause, long enough for a breeze to stir the hem of her top and the edge of something softer in her chest. "Go on," she says, turning her gaze back to Sohalia with something that might just be a smile. "Tell me everything. When are you supposed to meet up again?"

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

Something tight and tense in Soh's chest loosened at Flora's gentle nudge, and she settled into the grass beside the Oasis with a relieved sigh. It might be strange, and it might be awkward, but she could rely on Flora - and now she felt ashamed that she'd ever doubted her friend. Maybe she and Jude had only been a shadow of this, and that realization stunned her; never before had she questioned their previous relationship, and of course the circumstances around its dissolution were... unique, but would a true friendship have been able to withstand it all?

She wasn't sure.

Flora paused, and Soh waited; and when the Doubletake indicated that she should continue, Soh smiled shyly. "A little less than two weeks," she said. "And if we both still want to, then I guess we'll be a couple; but if one of us doesn't, then..." She trailed off. If one of them didn't want to go forward, then it would have to be Koa. Especially now that she had Flora's blessing, she wasn't inclined to go back on what she'd told him.

"What if... what if he doesn't want me anymore when we meet up again?" The question was quiet, unsure, a revealing of Soh’s deepest fears. The thing was, she would understand if Koa changed his mind. She’d be devastated, of course, but she’d get it. And she’d have no one to blame but herself.

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

& if you never bleed you're never gonna grow

Flora doesn’t even hesitate. "That’s not possible," she says, with a conviction so sharp and immediate that it startles even her. "Koa’s been gone on you since the first time he met you. I've seen the way he looks at you, Soh." Her voice softens at the end, thinking back to the time she'd said for the Luminary to shoot her shot with the dragoon way back when. The way Flora had teased them both when her feelings for Koa had been nothing more than a crush she was able to push aside.

She draws her knees up, wrapping her arms loosely around them as she tilts her head toward her best friend. "Are you okay with some unsolicited advice?" she asks—then rolls her eyes before Sohalia even answers. "Doesn’t matter, I’m doing it anyway." The wind stirs around them again, warm with the scent of freshwater and flowers, but Flora’s words are anything but breezy. "Don’t wait the two weeks."

She doesn’t look away, doesn’t blink, because this matters. "You don’t know what’s going to happen between now and then. None of us do. I thought I had forever to sort things out, and look where that got me." The edges of her voice are raw again, not bitter, just brutally honest. "What if something happens? What if time—this time—is the thing that gets in your way?"

Her hands move restlessly, gold rings glinting against the curve of her knee. "If you both knew how you felt back then, if you’d said something instead of waiting, would you even be in this situation now?”" Her voice doesn’t waver, even as her throat tightens, even as her own could-have-beens circle like sharks in the back of her mind. She doesn’t say Koa’s name again. Doesn’t say that if he’d spoken up before Jack had pulled her into his orbit, he'd have been the one. That there’s a version of her life, sun-warmed and anchored, where her twin is still alive and she’s with someone who smiles at her like she’s sunlight and kisses her in the waves.

Instead, Flora simply shrugs. "I get it. He’s hesitant because of everything that's happened. And maybe you think two weeks isn’t that long. But if there’s a chance—if there’s even a sliver of something happening—don’t you want him to know exactly how you feel?" With the Family's violet presence ever marching on and with Koa doing more and more to try and position himself in the fight, it wasn't impossible to think something could happen to him.

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to say goodbye

Startled by Flora's conviction, and by the quickness with which she jumped to reassure Soh, the Luminary stared at her with a mixture of gratefulness and surprise. She felt silly, now, to have thought that Flora would do anything but support her. Flora had always been in her corner. Softening, Soh crossed her legs, leaning forward to trail her fingertips in the water. "I hope you're right."

Soh would have taken the unsolicited advice without question, but Flora didn't wait for her to agree before launching into it, and the Luminary listened in silence, her gaze trained on the reflections shimmering on top of the water. She was quiet when Flora finished - not in an angry way, or a dismissive way, but in a way that made it clear that she was thinking deeply about what Flora had advised.

"Two weeks feels like forever," she admitted, biting the inside of her cheek in thought. "Even if I know it's not. And I hear you - I do - but... if Koa wanted to wait, to have time to really think about it - or to give me time to think about it - I mean, shouldn't I honor that?" She withdrew her hand from the water, watching the ripples as they danced across the surface. "I mean, I don't need time. I know how I feel. But I don't want to pressure him."

She wasn't even sure she was making sense, but she looked up at Flora with vulnerability in every line of her face. "It feels like... everything I've done in the past, it was the wrong choice. What if I mess things up again?" Except this time, she wouldn't get a third chance.

Everyone wants to see heaven
But no one wants to die

Sohalia

i could be the reason you can't sleep at night

Flora listens—really listens—as Soh speaks. She doesn't jump in. Doesn't cut her off or try to reframe the fear into something more manageable. She just watches her best friend with steady, red-rimmed eyes and lets the quiet settle for a moment.

Her voice is soft, but unyielding, like sea glass worn smooth by years of salt and truth and far too many mistakes. "You’re not pressuring him by showing up and saying how you feel. You’re not dragging him down the aisle or demanding answers—you're just… giving him all the information. The real stuff. And trusting him to do what he needs to with it."

She swallows, the movement visible in her throat. Her gaze dips toward the water but doesn’t linger, flicking back to Soh before the emotion can settle into something sticky. "You're not the same person who made those choices. You’re smarter now. Softer in the right places and stronger in others. And you want something real." Her voice trembles there, just faintly, but she holds on. “So yeah. Maybe he does need time. Maybe he wants to be sure. But I think if you show up and tell him exactly how you feel? You’ll make it easier for him to get there. To believe it."

And then, after a pause, her lips twist into something dry and familiar.

"Or..maybe you could send him a letter. Saying you're counting down the days and hours and all that romantic sort of stuff until you see him again. I just.." Pausing, Flora takes a breath. "I'm just realizing more and more that nothing is ever guaranteed and...I dunno. Time is a lot more precious than I used to think it was."