i can hear them whisper as they pass by

And I know I'm asking too much
And I know I'm taking control

Sohalia couldn’t believe they had made it out unscathed.

As soon as they crossed into Haulani, safe behind the barrier, she slowed from her run, gasping for air. She was a mess: somewhere along the way, the sarong she’d worn to the party had fallen off, so she stood on the streets of Haulani in nothing but her black one-piece; she didn’t even have shoes, having kicked her sandals off somewhere on the beach. Her hair, which had been tied into a messy bun atop her head, had fallen into a tangled knot at the base of her skull, and she was wide-eyed as she fought to catch her breath.

The others seemed to be in similar shape; of the four of them, though, Noe seemed to be struggling the worst of all. They needed to get off the streets, to have a chance to recover from the ordeal that had gotten them here. And they needed to convince Noe that the safest place for her was in Sohalia’s apartment in Haulani. Even if she happened to despise the Luminary.

”Right,” said Soh, taking stock of their location and pointing down the street. ”My apartment’s not far. We can regroup there.” She glanced between Koa and Kaisel, then turned her attention to Noe, her expression softening into something she might use to approach a skittish animal. ”Do you think you can make it a little farther?”

But a heart that's not worth breaking
Isn't worth much, not at all

Sohalia

Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man
You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them

It had taken very little convincing to get Noe to flee the party. Between her sudden cure and Vox’s resulting screech, she was more than happy to get the fuck away from the chaos, even if a small part of her - a part she tried very hard to convince herself was a remnant of her infection - felt kind of bad for the eldritch horror. They’d been friends, after all. He’d been her favorite.

But it had all been a lie, all designed to lure her in, to trap her in a cage of her own mind.

Thinking back on it, it made her sick.

She stumbled along after the others, not slowing until the rest of them did. And when she came to a stop, it was all she could do to stay upright. She wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground, to be swallowed up and disappear. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel this - this guilt, this shame, this rage.

She was dimly aware of someone speaking to her - Sohalia, maybe; the voice sounded feminine, but she couldn’t have told you what they said to her. She stared down at the ground blankly, arms wrapped around herself, holding together all the pieces of her soul that threatened to fall apart, forever changed by the violet menace that had resided within her for so long.

When they moved, she’d follow. But for right now? Right now, that was the best she could do.

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie
They say looks can kill and I might try

Noe

Kaisel

His lungs burn. His breaths come in ragged bursts. They'd run hard, and they hadn’t stopped until the city of Haulani swallowed them behind its safe barrier. Thanks, Flo-Ro. It's all an attempt to get to a point where they can stop and feel remotely safe, to leave the sound of that voice far, far behind.

He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget it. The sound Vox made when Noe broke free. It hadn’t been a scream so much as a sentient dial-up tone dropped into the fishbowl of his skull, resonating until the space between his teeth had opinions. Ordinarily, Vox’s creatively unhinged threats would’ve earned a broad grin and some return fire from Kaisel, if Vox had been anyone else. Nothing about the Family is hilarious, especially not when it feels like they just activated a cursed television set with a personal vendetta.

Even with the fear riding him like a second skin, the relief is there too. Noe is cured. After everything, she’d come back. Yet…she looks like she's still stuck in the shadow of it. Pale and trembling, eyes distant, like she might break if the wind picks up too hard.

Kaisel drifts to her side, slipping an arm gently around her shoulders. Not heavy, just enough to guide and steady. A way to tell her she doesn't have to hold it all herself. "Hey," he says, voice rough, but warm. "You did it. You’re out." A beat, then quieter, "we’re not gonna let him get near you again."

There's darkness in the distance
I'm beggin' for forgiveness
But I know I might resist it

Koa

I'm the king, and you're the queen
and we will stumble through heaven

Koa comes last, but he comes, panting as he runs to catch up with his family as they high-tail toward Haulani. They're through the barrier by the time he reaches them, paused and clustered around Noe in a way that makes Koa's heart lurch with fresh fear. Vox's anguish still reverberates through him like a discordant, malformed gong, setting already hyperactive nerves into full and screaming overdrive.

He sprints the last few lengths between them, relief palpable as his feet pass over the invisible barrier that marks them as safe. Kaisel has an arm around Noe, holding his sister on her feet - which seems necessary if her blank expression and staring eyes are anything to go by. "Noe?" Koa asks gently, moving to stand in front of the girl. Every bit of her body language screams trauma: the arms wrapped around her chest, the heavy breathing, the disassociation in her face.

He reaches for her, hesitating briefly as his hand nears her cheek. "Noe, can you look at me?" It takes everything he has to keep from scooping her into his arms; he fears breaking her, fears the way she's made her boisterous personality so very quiet and small. "We're gonna get you somewhere safe. Okay?" Helplessly he glances over at Soh, desperate for guidance, for someone to tell him how the fuck they fix things from here.

If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes
I know you wanna go to heaven, but you're human tonight

[/code]

And I know I'm asking too much
And I know I'm taking control

Everything, Sohalia decided, was a bit of a mess. But at least now, with Noe cured, it was a mess they could fix.

Leaving the girl to her family, Soh glanced around, taking stock of where they’d ended up. They weren’t far from the Hanged Man, which meant they weren’t far from her apartment - and that seemed like the best option as far as a place to regroup. It would be quiet, and safe, and if Soh knew anything from her own traumatic experiences in the past, it was that quiet and safe would be what Noe needed more than anything.

The Luminary turned to Koa. ”This way,” she said, glancing between the three of them. ”It’s not far.” Then she took the lead, glancing over her shoulder every once in a while just to make sure they were following.

True to her word, it was only a matter of minutes before Soh was unlocking the door to her apartment and ushering them all inside. She locked the door behind them and made her way into the living area. Large windows framed a sliding glass door that led to a porch overlooking the ocean; on the opposite side of the room was a kitchen. ”Make yourselves at home,” Soh murmured to Koa, gesturing towards the plush couch.

She hoped that Noe would be soothed by the calm of the space, but given that the girl didn’t like her much, she made her way into the kitchen and busied herself with getting some glasses and a pitcher of water. Once she’d carried it over to the other three, setting everything on the coffee table, she backed away, trying to give them as much space as she could without running away.

But a heart that's not worth breaking
Isn't worth much, not at all

Sohalia

Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man
You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them

Noe could still hear Vox’s unearthly screech echoing through her skull. It had been horrendous and heartbreaking all at the same time; the piece of her that had been a Friend of the Family longed to fix it even as she was cured, leaving her biting back bile at the thought that she sympathized with a monster.

What did that make her?

Kaisel wrapped a gentle arm around her shoulders, offering reassurance that did little to make Noe feel better. She glanced up at him, a lump in her throat. How was she supposed to tell her cousin that nothing was okay? That everything was a mess, perhaps her worst of all? That she might be out, but she wasn’t through, and that made all the difference? But that felt like a lot to try to even begin to parse through, so she nodded dumbly instead.

And then there was Koa: strong, steadfast, and, in this moment, utterly devastated. If she looked at him, she’d cry. She’d sob for all that she’d said and done, because where Koa was everything that was good and right with the world, Noe was… not. She was broken. Tainted. And she wanted to be angry, or upset, or something - anything but this yawning nothingness that threatened to swallow her whole.

She wanted to laugh at the concept that they could go somewhere safe. Didn’t they know that there was nowhere they could go that the Family wouldn’t find them? Hadn’t they heard Vox’s anguished threats? Biting the inside of her cheek to quell the hysterical laughter that threatened to bubble up, she forced herself to look up at her big brother, who was watching her with such care and concern.

Care and concern that she didn’t deserve.

She wasn’t really aware of the trip through Haulani, didn’t really pay attention to the apartment that they entered. And instead of plopping down on Sohalia’s pretty couch or settling into one of the armchairs or anything else to make herself comfortable, she instead meandered over to the windows, where she could look out over the waves, watch them crash over the sand and wash away anything that didn’t belong.

She wished there was something that could wash her away, too.

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie
They say looks can kill and I might try

Noe

Kaisel

She feels like stone beneath his arm, stiff, unyielding. The brightness he remembers is gone, her color leeched like the rose thorn took more than infection when it pierced her. She doesn’t respond, and Kaisel wonders, did they fix her, or break her differently? Isn’t there a saying, something about the cure being worse than the disease?

His mind flicks to Flora. She’d come back from this. Noe could too. He has to believe that.

Koa’s arrival is a relief—he always knows what to do. Always. Except—shit—he looks exactly the way Kaisel feels. Kaisel throws him some eyes, a silent plea to rein it in. Slap on the mask. Hold it together. They can’t all fall apart at once, and Kaisel sure as fuck can’t be the most stable one in the room or they’re doomed.

He swallows, though it's difficult to do when his mouth has suddenly gone dry. Kaisel nods to Soh and gently presses along on Noe's shoulders, guiding her forward. She doesn’t resist, exactly, but it’s like leading a stubborn goat: sometimes compliant, sometimes planting her feet like she’s forgotten how to move.

They make it to the apartment, and that’s something. She slips out from under his arm and drifts toward the window like a trapped bird. He stays rooted in the living room, staring after her, the distance between them somehow wider than the space around them. His hands flex at his sides, useless and unsure. “Do you have a calming tea, Soh?” he asks, glancing her way. It's a small thing, something to do, something to offer. It allows them to give Noe space, to leave her with Koa. As close as he is to both of them, nothing trumps your sibling.

There's darkness in the distance
I'm beggin' for forgiveness
But I know I might resist it

Koa

Don't take this the wrong way
You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you

The look Noe gives him, when she finally does, has Koa shattering all over again. There's a cavernous void that yawns behind those eyes, the devastating emptiness of someone who's trying with all their being not to feel. It's not his sister, this shade, this echo, and all he wants is to march back to Vox and wrap his arms around the bastard's neck and throttle him until he gives back that fire and spark, the thing that will ignite her into the Noe who is laughter and embers and chaos and light.

But he catches the look Kaisel flashes and reads it as what it is: a plea, a warning, the reminder that right now isn't about his feelings and he has to get his shit under control. So it is that with a Herculean amount of emotional effort Koa forces himself to smile, his face a mask of reassurance that hides the anguish in his soul. He can scream internally, let the devastation ricochet through his chest, echoes on echoes reverberating where nobody else can hear. It'll be fine. He'll be fine.

He has to be. For them.

They reach the apartment without incident, Koa smiling gratefully to Sohalia as she ushers them inside. "Thanks, Soh. For everything," he murmurs, leaning down to press a kiss to her cheek and a squeeze against her hand before turning his attention to Noe. His sister has drifted like a wraith to the window, an oppressive haze of quiet misery humming around her like a cloud. Koa can't begin to imagine what she's thinking, feeling; he had expected the aftermath of her rescue to feel like a celebration, not a wake. Steeling himself, he strides across the living room toward her, stopping when they're shoulder-to-shoulder, a pair of children gazing for answers at the edge of the sea.

"Reminds me of when we used to go to the Falling with Mom and look for ships." His voice is a low murmur, the warm, soothing tone he used to use when she'd crawl into his bed in the middle of the night, begging for a story to distract her from the nightmare of grief when their mother died. "Do you remember? We'd make up stories about where they were going and who their Captains were and what kind of adventures they'd had." He glances sidelong down at Noe, trying to gauge how she's responding to this tactic. His right arm snakes around her shoulders, solid and gentle, an invitation for her to come in close, to let him hold whatever it is she's going through - at least for a time. "You'd always come up with the wildest stories. I was always so impressed, even if I didn't understand all your logic. It didn't matter- I loved getting a look at what was going on in that clever brain of yours."

He doesn't say the last part, but it's hanging there between them: he'd love to know what's going on in her mind right now, if only she'll let him in.

Only blue or black days
Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose

And I know I'm asking too much
And I know I'm taking control

Sohalia summoned a small smile for Koa, squeezing his hand encouragingly as he passed by on the way into the apartment. Whatever else was going on with Noe, the girl was safe here. Safe from Vox, safe from the Family, safe from the Void. And Soh would keep her that way - provided that Noe would agree to stay. She could hardly lock her up and throw away the key.

Noe and Koa wandered towards the windows overlooking the ocean, leaving Soh to busy herself in the kitchen. She was surprised when Kaisel joined her. Maybe he just needed something to do - something that would make him feel like he was being useful, when there was clearly so much that Noe needed that none of them knew what to do with. "In the cupboard by the fridge," she replied, keeping her voice soft so as not to interfere with whatever conversation the Carpenter siblings were having. "I'll get the kettle on. There are a few different teas. Pick out whatever you'd like."

Soh gathered the kettle and filled it, setting it on the stove to heat. When she had nothing to do but wait, she turned back to Kaisel, reaching out to gently touch his shoulder. "Are you alright?" she asked softly. "It's been... it's been a lot lately." And she wasn't sure that either Kaisel or Koa had anyone to check on them while they were busy trying to save everyone else.

But a heart that's not worth breaking
Isn't worth much, not at all

Sohalia

Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man
You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them

Sohalia and Kaisel busied themselves in the kitchen, but Noe just stared out at the sea. The waves crashed against the sand, over and over. Constant. Steady. Predictable. It was enough to loosen her shoulders, and she dropped her arms to her sides from where they'd been wrapped around her middle. She was still distant, still disheveled, still all the things that no one would associate with the normally fiery engineer, but there was a softening, now. Like she was slowly coming back to herself.

Koa, she thought, was like those waves, his presence at her side every bit as calming as the surf she watched through the window. His voice lulled her, just as it had all those moons ago when she'd seek comfort after their mother had died. Back then, she'd fall asleep curled next to him, his voice the last thing she heard before dreams of better times overtook her. Now, though... this was a nightmare from which she couldn't quite wake.

His arm snaked around her shoulders, and she melted against him, a choked sob threatening to escape her throat. Gods, what she wouldn't give to go back - back to playing pretend and making up stories and a childhood that had felt safe.

Rather than wrapping her arms back around her middle, she clung to her brother, pain and grief and anger rolling off her like waves, even as she tried to stuff the feelings back down. It was easier to be numb. But she'd never been good at keeping her emotions in check.

She didn't know how not to feel.

"If I'm so clever," she said finally, her voice thick with self-loathing and unshed tears. "Then how did I get here?" Infected, tainted, broken.

Shattered.

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie
They say looks can kill and I might try

Noe

Kaisel

He nods at Soh’s instruction and opens the cupboard wordlessly, sifting through the assorted boxes. He’s not much of a tea drinker—especially not the calming kind—but he grabs the one he recognizes. Chamomile. The one his mother reaches for when his dad’s away on missions. Or lately… just every day.

He plucks out a chamomile sachet and reaches for a mug, setting it on the counter with a soft tink. Soh’s question drifts to him as he fumbles with the wrapper—his fingers suddenly too big, too stiff, like they don’t belong to him. He manages, eventually. Loops the string around the handle. Fidgets with it again, then again—because once that task is done, he’s out of distractions, and he doesn’t know what comes next.

He glances towards Koa and Noe briefly before looking over to Soh, so considerate to ask, so patient and calm. He’s afraid that if he really answers, he won’t be able to stop. That if he names what’s twisting in his chest, he’ll unspool completely. It’s not his time to break down. Not here, not now, not when Noe’s still shattered at the windowsill. So he just says, shaky and thin, "yeah." She won’t believe it. She doesn’t have to know him well to hear how fake it rings. But maybe that’s an answer too, in its own quiet way. He leans back against the counter, sighing through his teeth. "It’ll get better. Especially now." There. That one has a little more weight to it. Enough to maybe convince someone. Enough to convince himself, if he just keeps moving forward until something finally gives—either him, or everything else.

There's darkness in the distance
I'm beggin' for forgiveness
But I know I might resist it

Koa

Don't take this the wrong way
You knew who I was with every step that I ran to you

She breaks apart like a porcelain mask, wrapping her arms around his middle and burrowing into the spot in his chest that only she could ever occupy. Koa feels himself shift and move, the fear and anger he's carried so close sliding away to make space for his sister. He holds her like she belongs against him, like Atlas holding up the sky, like a like a ribcage expanding to contain both their fragile, damaged hearts.

"It's okay. You're okay. I've got you." It's murmured gently against her hair, his lips resting there as he kisses her crown. Koa rubs soothing circles over his sister's back. When she finally speaks it's in a tone that threatens to break him again; instead he tightens his grip upon her, squeezing briefly before easing back. "You did nothing wrong," Koa tells her fiercely, his copper eyes glinting as he glares out at the sea. "You are good, and kind, and clever, and they saw that. Took advantage of it. And I..."

He swallows, forcing himself to breath around the lump in his throat. "I should have been there to protect you. I'm so, so sorry, No."

Only blue or black days
Electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose

And I know I'm asking too much
And I know I'm taking control

Sohalia watched Kai select chamomile, fumbling with the packet for long enough that she almost reached out a hand to take it from him. But then the kettle whistled, and Soh turned towards the stove, wrapping a towel around the handle before taking it to Kai's cup to pour. Koa and Noe stood at the window, talking amongst themselves - and from the way the girl melted into her brother's arms, Soh hoped that it was going well for them. Gods knew they deserved a moment's peace.

Kai's answer rang hollow, but Soh didn't press him. She understood that now wasn't the time to fall apart. Instead, she wordlessly filled the mug with hot water, watching the tea bag stain spread. "Yeah," she said softly, but it sounds like Kai's answer on repeat - like she wasn't really sure that it was true. How could it be, when everything was falling apart around them?

But at least Noe was cured. That was worthy of celebration. Soh pitched her voice lower, speaking for Kai alone. "Noe's strong. She'll get through this." She tried for an encouraging smile. "She might kick me out of my own apartment before it's all said and done, though." And, honestly? Soh would let her. Gladly, if it meant that the girl had some life back in her eyes.

But a heart that's not worth breaking
Isn't worth much, not at all

Sohalia

Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man
You did some bad things, but I'm the worst of them

It's okay, Koa murmured against the top of her head, and Noe shuddered against him, her throat constricting against the sobs that threatened to break free. It wasn't okay, and how he couldn't see that was beyond the girl. She wasn't sure that anything would ever be okay again.

An objective part of her brain - the small piece that was still cool and collected - pointed out that, physically, she was fine. The Family hadn't harmed her. If anything, they had been kind to her.

It was just everyone else they seemed to want to kill or maim or infect.

It was the emotional trauma that she couldn't quite reconcile. The friendship that she'd had with Vox - it had been real to her, and she mourned the loss of a friend: the betrayal and the hurt and the missing him that suddenly ached in her chest. But that wasn't something she could even begin to explain. And even if she could, how could she tell her brother - who had risked so much to get her out - that a part of her wished she was still infected? It was the worst kind of Stockholm syndrome, but even knowing that it was a trauma response didn't make it go away.

And beyond all of that, Koa still believed her to be good, and innocent, and moral - and yet she had helped the Family. She'd spread infection in the Oerwoud with her own hands, working alongside Pierce to increase the Family's influence. She'd fought against Koa, excused the horrible things the Family had done. She'd been complicit in her inaction.

And he still thought it was somehow his fault. That was what broke her.

Tears traced tracks down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs. She pressed her face into his chest, clinging to him as though she might never let him go, and when her knees gave out, her brother was the only thing left holding her up. She was breaking in two, sundered and splintering, and even Koa wasn't enough to keep her together.

"No," she gasped between breaths. "It was never your fault. It was all me." She was shaking, trembling in his grip. She hiccuped. "You don't know what I did. What I wanted to do."

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie
They say looks can kill and I might try

Noe