I'll take the weight of the sun

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

It feels like he's been going nonstop since the Rose hit the dirt. Between helping citizens with small repairs around the city and cleaning up the Celestine and getting the Dragoons reorganized and checking on the kids in the Silk Houses and - what hasn't he done? Oh right. They still need to rebuild the Tower, reform the government, reassure the people Stormbreak is safe again, figure out his own living situation, find ways to protect the city from similar situations in the future... and fix every single thing the Family broke while they'd held his city hostage. 

So, just a few things. 

He lets out a deep sigh that draws Sol's attention, the scaled golden head tilting to look up at his companion. Zavien gives him a reassuring smile, feeling lighter despite all the work still to be done. There's hope - for the future and all the possibilities it holds, for the city and its people who have been through too much. It puts a glint in his green eyes that shines through the tired draw of his features as he raises his hand to knock on the door of the last small office tucked into the observatory.

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

If Zavien was tired, then Sohalia was exhausted. She'd been running herself ragged trying to keep pushing through the pain of Tarak's loss, and it was starting to catch up with her. There were deep bags beneath her eyes that her makeup didn't quite hide, and she looked paler than usual. Her hair was tied into a messy braid that snaked over one thin shoulder, and though she'd dressed nicely for a day in her makeshift office, things just felt... off.

She knew that Stormbreak was home, and that home was everything. She knew that she should be celebrating, preparing to retake the city that she'd spent so much time dreaming of leading again. But honestly? These days, she just wanted to curl up under a rock somewhere and wait for someone else to do it for her.

A knock on the door drew the Luminary's attention. Pasting a smile on that didn't quite reach her eyes, the young woman crossed to open it to find Zavien in the doorway. "Oh! Zavien!" Soh stepped aside, gesturing for him to come in. "It feels like it's been forever since I've seen you." Not so very long - just since they'd battled the Void dragon and lost her companion in the process. The memory sent a stab of pain shooting through her, and she turned abruptly to head back to her desk. "How are you?"

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

His smile widened when the door opened, only dampened by the obvious physical exhaustion that greeted him. "Hey Soh. Sorry for just dropping in." That didn't stop him from stepping in, a small chuckle on his lips. "Honestly though. Thanks again for helping with the Celestine. It's looking much better, and I know Lena is really grateful." They still had loads to do, but at least it was a start, the majority of the issues resolved or identified. 

Speaking of, Zavien trailed her inside with Sol discretely on his heels, pausing next to a chair to make sure Soh sat first or instructed him to do so. "I'm doing good. How are you? Do you have some time to talk about city projects?" Some had been started but others would require planning and manpower that he thought she might want to coordinate, and the way his voice rushed through with excited energy said he was eager to begin; however, as his bright eyes took in her more of appearance, Zavien grew concerned beyond the list of tasks, suddenly wanting to hear the answer to his first question more than his second.

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

Sohalia ushered Zavien into her office with a small smile. "Oh, it was my pleasure. I've always liked the Celestine, and Lena has always been a dear friend." Soh was sure plenty remained to be done, but at least they'd managed to get a good chunk of work out of the way for the Caretaker. Which reminded Soh - she should probably check in soon, get an idea of what, if any, tasks she could send workers to help with...

She turned to her desk to jot a note when Zavien stopped her with a question. "I'm fine," she lied, her tone overly bright as she made a notation on a pad of paper and then turned back to the dragoon. The look of concern on his face gave her pause, though, and she tripped over her words as she struggled to find an answer that was both truthful and not entirely depressing. "I'm - it's - um," she stammered, and then grasped onto the second question. "Which city projects? I know we've loads to do, but I bet you have some great plans?"

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

Smiling back, he nodded his head in agreement. "I know she considers you a close friend as well." Although Zavien might also argue that anyone willing to help the Celestine would immediately be in her good graces - and his. He hadn't met Theea before, but he'd made note of her assistance.

But at Soh's distracted movements and too-bright automated response, he slowed, a soldier assessing their brother in arms on the battlefield with caution. He didn't look overly convinced, a pinching on the outside of his eyes and mouth that spoke of his rising concern. "Are you sure? I could always come back. I doubt you have a lot of free time right now." Time and energy were their two biggest obstacles. Time was a limited resource even if he felt like the energy was coming from some bottomless pit fueled by literal hopes and dreams, but not everyone felt the same and he would never be the kind of person to add weight when he saw someone struggling with their load.

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

"No, no - it's not that," Soh was quick to reassure the dragoon. "You're very welcome. In fact, it's nice to have someone to talk to." It was better by far than sitting alone with her thoughts - which left her mind to wander back, again and again, to losing Tarak. Even after having seen him... it still stung that he was gone. And even if she wasn't truly alone in the world - not with her friends and loved ones to keep her company - she couldn't help but mourn the loss of that connection that was so unlike any other.

Plopping into the chair behind the desk, Soh rubbed a hand over her eyes. "Honestly?" she said after a moment's hesitation. "I'm struggling. I thought that retaking the city would be... different. And it's not that I'm not happy to be back. I am. I'm so relieved that we were able to win against the dragon with minimal casualties, and that you were able to find a rose to plant to finish cleansing Stormbreak. But getting everything fixed, making decisions on the city's behalf..." She trailed off, unable to meet Zavien's gaze. "I don't know if I'm the right person for the job anymore. Not after everything that's happened."

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

Nodding at her insistence, Zavien smiled softly, his energy dampening in respect for whatever may be weighing on her mind. "I'm always here if you need to talk, Soh." And only once she'd taken a seat did he select one of the chairs on the other side of the desk, leaning forward to prop his elbows on his knees, his attention fully on her now. 

Soh didn't just look tired, she sounded tired, obviously drained by the responsibilities that had been placed on her. Zavien didn't interrupt, letting her voice the worries, to give space to the emotions she was feeling like he would a soldier scared to face battle, his own expression open with understanding. It was only when she admitted doubt in her role that his thoughts turned to the conversation with Safrin - the one where she'd suggested he lead. He tried not to give away the surprise or the following mix of emotions that coursed through him in that moment. 

Calming his heart, he tried not to jump at anything, not even sure he wanted to lead. The Dragoon focused instead on Soh and making sure it was something she'd thought out, that it wasn's a hasty decision that she would come to regret. He offered a reassuring smile that was as gentle as a quiet dusk. "You've spent so much time and effort trying to get us home that I'm sure it's a little overwhelming."

Zavien glanced out the window to the vast city below and all the people that milled about in repairs. Having not really prepared for this kind of conversation - despite his promise to Safrin - he kneaded his hands together, looking for the right words before turning back to her. "I know you care about Stormbreak and its people - and they care about you - but it's not the same place it once was. There are a thousand more problems and a dark history that will hang over it for a long time. That's not an easy burden to carry. Everyone would understand if it was too much." Before she could assume that he meant she couldn't do it, he continued gently, "There's no shame in admitting that you want something simpler after everything you've been through." After a brief pause, he gave her a smile lined with hope and genuine insistence. "You deserve to be happy too, Soh."

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

If nothing else, Zavien was a good listener, giving Soh the opportunities to voice her worries without interrupting. And, better yet, when she was done, he didn't immediately jump into trying to cheer her, or pushing her in any specific direction. If she'd had this conversation with Koa, she'd have expected a pep talk. But with Zavien, it was... quiet. Thoughtful. Accepting of all that she'd been through and all that she'd endured in seasons past.

You deserve to be happy, he told her. But what did happiness even look like, these days? It felt like a high she was forever chasing, but never destined to catch.

More than anything, Sohalia was lonely. And if she'd learned anything during her tenure as Heart, it was that leadership was isolating. At least back then, she'd had Tarak to lean on, even when she'd messed everything up with her friendship with Jude and her mess of a love life. Now, she didn't even have that. She had Flora, but the Doubletake was in Torchline, where she belonged... and maybe Soh had started to wonder if that wasn't where she belonged, too. Somewhere to be free of the weight and expectations that seemed to settle upon her any time she was in Stormbreak. Somewhere that she could simply be... her.

Whoever that was, these days.

The silence stretched for a moment too long before Soh shifted in her seat. "It's not just that," she admitted softly. "It's that everything that happened to Stormbreak... it's my fault. I wasn't strong enough to stand up to the Family. I was the reason they were able to come into power here. Everything that happened here... it's all on my head.

"Do you know why I became Stormbreak's Heart?" she asked then, tilting her head to one side as she regarded the man she'd come to see as a friend. "It was because there was no one else who wanted to step up. I thought, if no one else wanted the job, then maybe I could step up and do something good." She paused, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "But now it's not just me. There are other options. Better options." A single tear tracked down her cheek, and she swiped it impatiently away. "And Stormbreak... deserves better than me."

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

"Soh," he said her name with such soft firmness, an intensity in his eyes that bellied no argument, "none of that is your fault. And if you had stood in their way, you would've died the same as Flora and everyone else they killed. You are not to blame for the fate of an entire city."

Shaking his head gently at her question, Zavien let her explain how she'd come to be the Heart. He wasn't sure he believed that she'd been the only option, but he hadn't been nearly as involved in the city yet and couldn't speak on what the situation was. Regardless, he was shaking his head again by the end, her tear breaking his heart. "Soh, I believe that you were exactly what Stormbreak needed during its time of peace and transition. You did an amazing job winning the hearts of the people and leading them into a new era. That will never change - the people will always love you."

Zavien took a slow breath, torn between his desire to support Soh and Safrin's belief that he should step up. In the end, he did his best to find a middle ground, her pain too obvious to ignore. Still, he was cautious, tender in how he approached the topic. "But it sounds to me like leadership was always something you had to do rather than something you wanted and - as sucky as life has been to get us here - this might be your chance to step away, to make a clean break and a fresh start." Pausing, he couldn't bring himself to push. "If that's something you want."

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

”But I am. That’s what it means to be a leader, isn’t it?” she argued, shaking her head. Zavien didn’t understand - she’d failed her people in more ways than one, and that was something that she just couldn’t seem to find her way past, no matter how kindly the dragoon might try to convince her otherwise.

But regardless, he also wasn’t wrong about her motivations for leadership, or about stepping back. Hadn’t Flora suggested precisely the same thing, not so very long ago? And hadn’t Soh considered how nice it might be to escape for a while, to give herself the chance to find herself again? ”If I take a step back,” Soh said slowly, tracing a line of wood grain on her desk with one finger. ”Does that make me weak or selfish? I don’t… know if some people would understand my decision.” Read: Koa might not understand her decision. ”And who would take my place?”

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

Zavien shook his head with a confident intensity, unwilling to let Soh carry that kind of guilt. "I don't think it's fair to cast blame on one person, because plenty of other people could have - should have - stood firm when things started getting out of hand; but being a leader also means knowing limits and when to shift priorities, it means recognizing when the circumstances are within your control - and when they're not." And in case she didn't understand, he leaned forward, not a sprinkle of doubt in his eyes. "What happened was not in your control - or anyone else's for that matter."

Sighing softly, he looked out to the city again, at the people who still sang her name and loved her without regret. "Soh, you did your best to act in the best interest of Stormbreak, and I think that's the best they could have asked for. In the end, it got us home again." By the time he turned back to her, a smile was on his face, victorious despite all they'd been through.

But Soh was distracted, a heaviness weighing on her shoulders and drawing her eyes down so that she wouldn't meet his gaze. Zavien grew quiet again, considering her question with the intensity it deserved. "No. I think it takes someone far stronger to step away than to step up. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you selfless because you're not acting out of pride or a desire for power, but out of a concern for the people and what's best for them. Only those who are small minded would find fault in your decision." And he'd be sure to defend whatever choice she made to whoever tried to argue as such.

Then there was the matter of who would take her place and he wasn't sure how to bring up Safrin's endorsement of him. It felt wrong to hide his conversation with the goddess, but he didn't want Soh to think it was his only reason for supporting her decision, to think he had some ulterior motive in all of this or that he wanted to take the position from her. He glanced down to Sol at his feet, taking strength in his companion's proximity and the support he'd found. His green eyes were cautious and gentle when he looked to her again, his shoulders and expression firm in the seriousness of his question. "Would you feel comfortable leaving Stormbreak in my hands?"

There was a moment of pause as he let her consider it before he added softly, a small, almost sheepish smile on his face that felt like a timid ray of sunlight peeking through a foggy window. "I wouldn't have suggested it a few weeks ago - hell, I'm not even sure I'd make a very good leader - but I think Safrin might have known you were struggling. It sounded like she wanted someone to be ready so that you would be free to make your choice without worrying about the fate of Stormbreak." It wasn't a lie, although he might have reframed Safrin's reasoning. Zavien didn't want Soh to feel like her leadership wasn't supported by the gods and possibly make her feel worse about the entire situation.

Shrugging his shoulders, he ran a hand through his hair before clasping them together in front of him, patient and understanding. "That doesn't mean you have to say yes, but I hope you can find comfort knowing that someone else - that I am willing to take the burden if that's something you want." He left it in her hands, a gentle offer that she could refuse if she wished, but an opportunity if she had the desire to take it.

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

Perhaps it was selfless, in a way. But Soh felt anything but, her reasons for stepping aside feeling entirely selfish instead. Wanting to find herself. Wanting to rest. A true leader, she thought, sacrificed everything for their people. What did it say about her that she wasn’t willing to do that for Stormbreak?

But as she thought about it, as Zavien spoke further, she had to admit that it seemed… reasonable, when he argued as passionately as he did. Like maybe she wasn’t just deserting her people in their time of need. Like maybe… maybe they deserved the best she could give, even if that was stepping aside.

And then… then Zavien offered himself in her place, and Soh stared at him with a brief flare of surprise. Not because he wouldn’t be good for the role, but because she had never expected him to offer. That Safrin has suggested such a thing was, perhaps, a bit offensive - did the goddess not have faith in her? Did she sense that Soh didn’t trust her, and wish to place someone in favor into power? Whatever the goddess’s reasoning, Soh was, shall we say, less than thrilled to learn of her involvement in Zavien’s sudden change of plans. But maybe she was just taking it too personally. Maybe it was like Zavien had said - that Safrin had seen Soh’s struggles and sought a solution.

The Luminary sat back in her chair, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ”I think you’d be a wonderful option,” she said finally, forcing a smile that betrayed none of her racing thoughts. ”If you want it, that is.”

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone

Zavien

Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times

He couldn't guess at what Soh was thinking, about whether his words had helped alleviate any guilt she may feel or if they'd only made things worse. Yet he wouldn't take back anything hed said. She needed to know that she'd been a good leader, and Zavien refused to start his own journey with any lies or withheld information, even if it might complicate the conversation. 

The brief flare of surprise didn't offend him - he was still wondering if he'd actually suggested it - but her agreement did, his hand coming up to run through his hair, disguising the slight blush that attempted to undermine his mature determination. "I - thank you." He offered a smile in return, feeling uncertain of the sincerity of her words - on whether she found peace with the decision. "I'm not sure I 'want' to, but I want you to be happy and I want Stormbreak to succeed, and if that means stepping in, I'll happily do so."

His smile shifted to something gentle and serious, doing his best to be supportive of whatever the outcome. "But I don't want you to make the decision just because I said something. This has to be your choice, Soh." Even if Safrin had ordered him to take command, Zavien wouldn't compromise the loyalty he held for his friends, he would never be able to live with himself.

SOHALIA

But you're untouchable, burning brighter than the sun

Soh's thoughts were jumbled as she tried to come to terms with whether or not she was really doing this - whether taking a step back, a step away, wasn't more like running than anything. And yet... despite her misgivings, in that direction lay a peace that she had only briefly dared to long for on a beach in Torchline, with Flora's fingers intertwined with hers.

If she really let herself imagine it, truly allowed herself the freedom to choose...

With a sudden lump in her throat, Soh nodded once. Maybe this was for the best. "I believe in you, Zavien," she said thickly, and her smile was no less genuine for the tears that pooled in her eyes. "I think... maybe Stormbreak needs you. That maybe Safrin was right to choose you." Even if the rejection stung. "I think that this - stepping back - I think this is what I need."

And maybe this was what it felt like to be free.

And now that you're close I feel like coming undone