From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
Remi hadn't slept. Of course he hadn't. Instead, he'd been imagining various scenarios in his head, potential futures and conversations that likely would never happen. His mind wandered down paths of dialogue, of various scenarios, but ultimately he knew none of it would be of any help.
And so, leaving almost before the sun was fully up (made all the easier given that Remi could now vaguely see the world around him), the alchemist headed back towards an all-too familiar wagon that would probably have within it an all-too familiar fox.
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
The wagon knew when there was a customer, and it had creative ways of letting Ianto in on the secret. So even before Remi drew close enough to knock, there was a thumping and rustling from within, and the shutter shot up from the side of the wagon to reveal the merchant. Ianto was ruffled and sleepy, his coppery hair everywhere and his greeting stifled around a yawn, but as he saw it was Remi he relaxed, at least.
"Mm, you're dropping by awful early, you know," he grumbled, rubbing at his eyes and squinting out at the other man. "Well, what'll it be? Business or pleasure?"
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
Some might think that not being able to see would be a benefit in times such as this, but not so for Remi. No, not so indeed. He didn't want Ianto's face to be hidden, didn't want the emotions there to be smoothed away beneath the black. Remi already knew the fox was crafty with words, but his face—his eyes especially—were far more expressive than his tongue had ever been.
"I kissed Ronin." Remi blurted, pale eyes cast towards the direction of the fox's voice. His heart rate had already increased, his lips parted as his breath shuddered in and out. "Or..he kissed me, but I did not stop him. And I kissed him back." He added, the truth flowing unhelpfully from his lips. The silence crashed in Remi's ears and his heart clenched and fell to the bottom of his stomach as he could only imagine the expression on the fox's face.
Looking lost and genuinely remorseful and wounded, one of Remi's hands stretched outwards, though there was nothing to orient him. He'd heart the shutters and assumed Ianto was somewhere above him leaning out, but had no way to know for sure.
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Oh, well... that went from zero to eleven in one blurted sentence, didn't it? Ianto blinked a couple of times, visibly taken aback (not that Remi could see it) and struggling to comprehend with how sleepy he still was. As the alchemist stretched a hand out Ianto reached and took it, guiding the other man to the counter of the Wishing Wagon even as he still tried to comprehend what he was saying. Ianto didn't like to think of himself as a jealous person, but there was something about Remi's tone that suggested this was not some small thing that had happened.
"Okay," he said slowly, deliberately. "I mean... what... I guess we never..." They'd never said they were together, apart from Remi and the Sam thing, but that had been the unspoken truth, hadn't it? "I don't know what you expect me to say to that," he said eventually, equally as unhelpful without meaning to be.
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
He expected a word first, but it was a touch that he received. For a moment Remi's chest felt like it was going to cave in as a mangled sob got lodged in his throat. Gripping the offered fingers he let himself be steadily moved, his other hand rising to feel out the counter.
I guess we never... Remi winced at that, knowing precisely what the implication was. He'd felt it the night before with Ronin—the guilt, the feeling of betrayal. "I know...I...should have.." brought this up differently? Said hello first? All the words he'd thought to say had all but disappeared. Instead he looked hopelessly upwards, seeing nothing but feeling everything. Running a hand up the side of his face, slowly he shook it. "I am so sorry." He added in quickly, blank gaze scanning the darkness and wishing he could see.
"Can you..can you come down?" He nearly-pleaded, knowing after what he'd said he hardly was in a position to be asking anything of the fox, but needing him close just the same.
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"No, I mean... I... you're fine. Don't be sorry." Did he mean that? He didn't know. At the request that he come down Ianto mumbled something like an acceptance, the wagon rattling and rumbling as he made his way out, hopping down so he could circle around to Remi - not that he knew what to do right now. It felt like a chasm had opened up between them suddenly, Ianto left stupidly standing before the other man.
"I'm here," he said, so he could give Remi somewhere to orient himself. "...So... what happens now? What do you want?" He didn't mean it as an accusation, but his thoughts were rapidly beginning to race and, try as he might, Ianto couldn't stop them.
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
Remi waited. He heard the wagon shuffle, but given what he'd just said, it was entirely likely that Ianto was telling it to pack itself up and move. Which...was precisely a bit of the problem. Remi really didn't know Ianto, not anymore. Flinching ever so slightly at the sound, Remi turned into it, a hand again stretching out. To what? Take Ianto's? Merely orient himself? But no. What happened with Ronin hadn't eclipsed what the alchemist felt for the fox, it had merely put it into perspective.
"I am not sure I know. I do like being with you. I care for you, and I hope you do know that." Stumbling over his words, Remi paused. The colour had faded from his face save for his cheeks and the pale slivers of green-ice that were his eyes. As he had told Ronin, he'd never done this before. Hoping to have captured the fox's hand by now, but even if not, Remi smiled sadly as his vision misted over. Not that it mattered, though he could feel the sting of the tears just the same.
"You always said that we could make new memories. But I...I have. I am not the man I was before.." His voice cracked then, and Remi had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from letting his composure break entirely. "This...this is not about you or him...it is about me, I think anyways, and.." Trailing off, his thoughts entirely scattered, Remi merely frowned at the tears coating his lashes.
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"Mm. I know that." It was out of autopilot, even pity perhaps, given that he was the one responsible for Remi being blinded, that Ianto took the outstretched hand to give the alchemist a chance to orient himself. Still befuddled by sleep and wondering if, maybe, he was just having particularly terrible dream, Ianto swallowed hard and forced himself to find words for a conversation that was over before it had really started.
"No," he said softly. "No, it is about me. I get it, though - I do. I've always lived under somebody's thumb. I go looking for it when it isn't there. Maybe that's how I ended up in this situation. But I... I know, that things are different to how they were in Northaven. I'm not... I can't put you or anyone else in danger anymore. It was right for... for this to happen." Inhaling deeply as if to keep himself together, Ianto blinked quickly and gazed somewhere back at the wagon. "Thank you for letting me know."
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
Clutching the hand like a drowning man, Remi took a step forward. It was as close as he dared be, as close as he thought he was allowed to be, indeed feeling the gulf that walled off the fox from him.
Helplessly the alchemist shook his head, the tears falling down his cheeks. "No" Remi whispered emphatically, shining eyes rising but not meeting Ianto's. "I do not care about the danger." He added with an absurd laugh that hurt his heart as soon as it left his lips.
Clenching his teeth together and knowing that he was almost out of words but hating every lost second, Remi exhaled a shaky breath. "I wanted it to be you." He whispered, the tears flowing freely now. "I wanted to love you." Remi whispered, the words nearly too broken beneath a suddenly too thick accent and trembling lips to be understood.
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"That is precisely the problem isn't it," Ianto said, his tone coming out clipped and hurt. "You don't care about the danger, and you get hurt and it's my fault and I carry that around, Remi. Every sunrise you don't see, every part of your life that you miss is because of me." Swiping at his eyes with his free hand, Ianto let out a shuddering sigh. "You don't care about it, but I do. And it doesn't feel like what I care about mattered, when I tried to warn you about Arduinna. When I tried to keep you away."
Giving Remi's hand a squeeze, Ianto forced himself to calm down. "I'm glad that you didn't," he said, his voice tight. "At least you won't get your heart broken all over again." Finally releasing the other man, Ianto stepped back towards the wagon. "I think I'd like you to go," he said. "Do you... can you get back by yourself?"
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
The alchemist blinked out of habit, surprised to hear what felt like rebuke in the fox's tone. It wasn't the first time that Remi had been told that his priorities and his lack of regard for his own safety were disproportionate, but it was the first time from someone he cared about. Knowing that there was nothing he could say, the muscles in Remi's jaw continued to tense as he bit back on the tears that wanted to continue to spill.
With a bitter laugh, Remi shook his head, pale eyes looking up towards the sky. "Then why does it feel like it is?" He asked, only to find the hand in his suddenly gone, and the (physical) warmth of his friend Ianto withdrawn.
"Oh...I.." Remi didn't think it particularly mattered whether or not he needed help. Even if he didn't, he couldn't ask Ianto for it. Biting down on a trembling lip but forcing his lips to curve into a smile just the same, Remi nodded.
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
"I don't know," Ianto said softly, fumbling to climb up and back into the Wishing Wagon. "But I... I can't help you put it back together again this time, Remi. I'm sorry."
There was pain - some indistinct ache building, sharp and insistent in Ianto's chest, but he wouldn't pay it any heed until he was alone. He waited impatiently for Remi's nod, not knowing whether it was true or not but at the same time not feeling like he could attend to it.
"Okay," he said. "...Be safe, Remi." Without another word, the wagon clicked shut and Ianto was gone.
06-15-2019, 08:11 PM (This post was last modified: 06-15-2019, 08:12 PM by Remi.)
sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man
He didn't feel regret. He knew he was doing the right thing. Even had he not actually shared his feelings with Ronin, had he not let the ex-captain kiss him and kissed him back in return, Remi had been a shade unfaithful in his own mind. He couldn't be with Ianto and harbour feelings for someone else. It wasn't who he was.
So it wasn't regret that he felt as he heard the door latch, but a yearning for another world. Another time. A duality somehow that would let him live the life that he had once had, before portals and the loss of his memories, but also to live the life that he had endured, with daughters and guildhouses.
For a moment, Remi just stood. He tried to keep his tears silent, holding his breath, and inhaling the smell of wood, and cinnamon, and the strange smokey-scent that somehow always followed the fox. He had so many questions still—were he and the fox still friends? what about his bargain with Zariah, to free Ianto?—but they seemed stalled just now.
Running a hand up the side of his arm, Remi squeezed his eyes shut, letting the tears fall as they would. "I wanted it to be you." He whispered again, before turning and beginning the awkward stumble home, that would result in several cuts and bruises.
~FIN
sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand
Coding base by Sky!
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
