take me back home

KIADA

The Harpy doesn’t venture toward the edge of the barrier again. Not because of the rules Zariah has put in place, but because of her capture and “sacrifice”. She gives it a wide berth, deciding that if she is to go and explore the world, she should start close to home. And since her return, she hasn’t gone nearly anywhere aside from Amalia’s Bakery, Deimos’ home, and her own. It is now that she aims to try and escape her thoughts, to leave behind the frustration and anger at everything. She breathes deeply, shaking her head as she approaches the Atheneum.

Auni is with her, the Luxere happy that Kiada has chosen to explore once again. His hooves click against the ground, and she feels almost a bit of apprehension as she nears the Sanctuary. Down in the Rathskeller is where Ru’in died not more than two seasons ago – the wound is still fresh, and with the recent events, she feels as alone as ever. She gives the Rathskeller nothing more than a passing glance as she makes her way into the library, eyes adjusting to the darkness within despite the bright illuminous sunlight from the outside.

She doesn’t know what she’s looking for, and she steps within to stare blankly at the spines of the books. Perhaps something would pop out at her, or if nothing else at least a good decent amount of time will have been wasted.

The night had been long and dark for a small fox among the uncaring trees, as his heart had finally buckled beneath the weights he had placed upon it again and again. He had fled the shrine, limping from no physical hurt but instead a fracturing far deeper than bone and flesh alone, his soul frayed and worn thin until it hard torn and left him lost amid the trees that had once been so familiar.

No matter how dark or long the night, however, morning always came again, and with it the burdens he had accepted and taken on himself had to be resumed. He was a wearier and more broken man than he had been the day before, but still he gathered himself and forced himself to approach the Settlement, plastering his actor's mask across his features to give pleasant greetings to those he passed, so none would know. Isuma was draped around his neck even in the heat, the gryphlet for once silent and subdued, golden eyes dark with the shared pain of her companion. There were things he needed to collect, a note to leave on the door of the Guild...

He let his mask drop for a moment as he stepped into the shadows of the Atheneum, drawing a shuddering breath. Then he squared his shoulders and drew shaky poise back into place, continuing through the shelves and stacks of accumulated history, lore, myths, and stories.

It was the glow that caught his eye in those deliciously cool shadows, a brightness that had nothing of a candle's flicker in its light. He angled through an aisle and across a line of shelves to see a little luxere standing beside a woman he recognized from Amalia's bakery. The smile was automatic, though his eyes remained hidden in shadow. Still, some of it reached his eyes at the little companion's sweet warmth "Kiada, Auni, good day," he murmured. "Can I help you find anything...?" The offer, too, was automatic but sincere. Isuma blinked at the pair, but made no effort to peep a greeting or move to play with Auni. Perhaps he could drown out the recriminations of his own thoughts of he focused on helping someone else instead... and until he did, he did not think Isuma would leave him alone again. Not after last night.

KIADA

She hasn’t paid much attention to her surroundings here – and why should she have to? She has nothing to hide, nothing to warrant any threat to her character or person, and she simply spends the time zoning out, lost in her mind. Even Auni is caught up staring at the books though not sure why – leaning his head in to sniff and pull back before clacking down the row to the next, to do the same thing. Evidently they smelt good enough for Auni to keep interest – though it’s not like Kiada pays attention to it.

In fact, it isn’t until Jigano is nearly beside her and speaks her and Auni’s name. Her head turns to look at him, her own eyes shadowed and dark, and she doesn’t respond at first. It’s almost like an automatic reaction, but Auni breaks through his mind as he rushes toward Jigano and Isuma. His nub of a tail wiggling and the excitement at seeing a familiar face (in this case two) and waits patiently for a scratch. It’s the only thing the Luxere requires from anyone he meets.

“It’s good to see you Jigano, and Isuma.” She dips her head to the both of them – icy gaze sharp and shadowed, shuddering slightly as she turns to look back to the books with a light shrug. “I’m… Not really looking for anything. Just came to clear my mind, is all.” She says quietly, shifting back to look at Jigano. “Much has happened since our venture into the woods. It’s not all settling well with me.”

Auni, like Isuma, is a spot of brightness in a grey world washed of colors. The sheer enthusiasm that he displayed when bouncing towards the bard brought a little more life to his smile. He reached out for the offered scratch... and then found himself down on one knee, using both hands to ruffle Auni's ears. If the little luxere would let him, he would lean forward to press his forehead to the young deer's, taking a breath as Isuma leaned forward to nuzzle at her fuzzy friend's brow.

"It is good to see you both again as well," he said, sitting back with a sigh. "Forgive me, I should have sought you out sooner. It has been... a difficult time for me, too." He stood with a faint grunt instead of his usual effortless grace, some of his weariness slipping through his facade for a moment before his smile returned. "I can't offer much, I'm afraid but I can at least give you a willing ear. And some tea. That often helps." He nibbled his lip uncertainly, then gestured towards the back of the building, where the door to the Loreseeker Guildhall was. "What has happened with you since we left the Village? And what is troubling you now?"

KIADA

As Auni bounds toward Jigano, begging for a scratch, Kiada watches through her peripheral vision to see the Bard kneel on one knee to scratch. Auni, having no complaints of what kind or how much of an attention he received, allows Jigano to press his forehead to his own, and he snorts a small puff of an exhale toward Isuma in greeting as his tail wags entirely happy with the results of this greeting. As Jigano sits back and speaks, Kiada finally turns her head toward her pale haired friend and nods in understanding.

“It’s been an adjustment.” She says simply, sighing before reaching down to scratch the Luxere behind his antlers. “Tea sounds good, if you don’t mind.” She adds, feeling the chill within her body and wondering if the warmth of tea might liven her mood and make her not as hollow feeling within. He gestures to the Loreseeker’s Guildhall, and she glances toward it before her icy gaze slips back down toward Jigano.

“It’s mostly just trying to adjust to the time I spent with the Fae, now to return and deal with everything that’s changing here too.” She offers a bit vaguely, shoulders rising and falling in a shrug. “I’m trying to learn how to deal with it all.” Because the Harpy has never been good at dealing with it, instead she always pushed it down, fought for something else, ignored it until it simply disappeared. This time the events were different, and no matter how much she tries to swallow it down and dismiss it, they come back to haunt her night after night after night.

Auni's unabashed affection was a blessing, and one that helped bring Isuma a little out of the fugue that had consumed them both. She peeped quietly, rounded ears lifting a bit as Jigano pulled back from the luxere. The bard himself sighed a little, reaching up to scratch at her head as he gave Kiada his full attention, tilting his head in agreement that things had been an... adjustment.

To say the least.

"Tea with a friend is always a pleasure," he reassured her, the words coming out with the ease of long practice. He was a little surprised to find that they were still true, that as tired and battered as he felt, he was relieved to see Kiada, and glad to spend some time with her. They had been given little enough chance to get to know each other, but Amalia clearly cared for her, and he owed her so much more than he could repay for coming with him into the Greatwood, given what had happened. "Come, this way, please." He led the way towards the Hall door, slipping a key from his sleeve and unlocking the door to let them in. After a moment's hesitation he closed it behind them as well, slipping the new bell into place so that if another tried to follow them it would ring and let them know company was coming.

"Yes... I had taken our freedom here for granted, and the chance to stretch our wings, too," he admitted with a sigh as he took a lantern from a niche beside the door and led them down the broad, shallow spiral of stone steps and into the darkened interior of the Hall itself. Once, light had been let in from window wells dug into the south side of the building, passing through the two side rooms there and reflecting into the main hall and the mirrored chandelier above the great table. Now those window wells had been covered over, hidden from casual sight from outside, and the windows shuttered on the inside with iron. "Now that we are being caged I am... mm. I am uncertain what I should do." He shook his head and moved through the hall, lighting lanterns in wall sconces to bring a little brightness back and poking up the fire in the great hearth at the far end of the hall. Several overstuffed chairs, shabby but comfortable and clean, were set in front of it, and he busied himself preparing the kettle and measuring leaves into the teapot.

"Please, sit with me. Perhaps trying to talk it out and shape it into words will help?" he offered gently as he settled into one of the chairs. Isuma slid down his chest and curled into his lap, watching Kiada and Auni with golden eyes and only the barest flicker of her usual cheerful curiosity and exuberance.

KIADA

Jigano agrees to the tea, and Kiada numbly follows him as he leads the way toward the Hall door. She waits as he unlocks it, Auni threading his way through her feet to be as close as possible – his antlers glimmering with a slight glow that comes and goes like a beacon. She steps in and watches, without truly seeing, as he closes it and rigs it so they can hear if someone approaches, and she listens while he grabs a lantern and speaks. Quietly, she nods, she doesn’t know what to do either. She’s never been good at following rules, she’s always chosen the worst ones to go with. At least here she’s trying to be a better version of herself.

He offers her to sit, and she sits across from him as Auni settles at the foot of her feet and looks to Isuma with a small wag of his nub of a tail. Kiada, meanwhile, doesn’t know where to start. “They copied my voice so well, I tried to shout to you. They caught me in a net and dumped me into the Pit. I saw Amalia and Adam, I was relieved to see Amalia. Adam was kind too.” She pauses, brows furrowing as she stares at the floor. “Then Amalia disappeared with Delah and it was just Adam and I, and a storm was coming. Soon enough they told me I was to be sacrificed, and after a moment I just accepted it.” She pauses, eyes flickering up toward Jigano with a small shrug.

“But the sacrifice was just telling my stories to the creature. And well… I think he prefers the happier stories, mine is long and sad.” A half smile ghosts her lips. “I tried to find the happy parts, but… Well, there weren’t much.”

He listened to Kiada solemnly as the kettle began to heat, his usual bright enthusiasm dampened and subdued as the uncharacteristically quiet gryphlet in his lap. Isuma peeped softly at Auni, but for once she didn't bound to dance and play with her friend, too weighed down with her companion's heavy heart to frolic in her usual way.

"I am sorry that I led you into that ambush," Jigano said softly when she had finished, his blue eyes dark with regret. "If I had any inkling of what would happen..." he hesitated and then sighed, looking older and wearier than ever. "Well. I would not have put you or the others at risk, had we suspected how territorial the Fae would be." Long fingers moved to stroke Isuma on reflex, an ingrained habit now as he met Kiada's eyes solemnly. "But it is no easy thing, preparing oneself to die. To say your goodbyes within your heart and then to gather the courage to face that fate head-on... finding yourself surviving after all can be almost anti-climactic, yes?" He managed a ghost of a smile, wry and understanding as the kettle began to bubble quietly on the hearth.

"And then to relive all those memories of pain and sadness..." He drew in a slow sigh, understanding far too well and far too recently how much that could hurt. He shifted Isuma as he thought so he could reach the kettle and pour the hot water over the teapot so the leaves could steep. When he returned to his seat he offered his hand to Auni, if the little luxere would accept more scratches.

"It is no wonder you have found yourself struggling," he said gently. "Thinking you had lost your future, and then being flung back into your past."

KIADA

Jigano apologizes for leading them into the ambush, and the Harpy can do nothing more than shrug her shoulders in response. They didn’t know, none of them had. How could they? It was the unknown and they were woefully unprepared. Her gaze drifts toward him as he continues, seeing his own blue eyes shift with regret. He begins to stroke Isuma and Kiada meets his gaze with a small nod. “I wasn’t ready.” She replies softly. “I always thought I’d die a warriors death.” She says, perhaps a bit jokingly the way the corner of her lip flickers with a light smile (so briefly before it’s gone) and she looks down once again.

She nods to him, sadly. “It’s not the first time it’s happened.” She offers, uncertain if Jigano knows the strangeness of her ascent into the world. “I have met many here that I watched die in my first world. It is… A unique thing, to be a part of so much destruction and death, to go from world to world, only to repeat it in a separate time. I had a twin, his name was Kianzo.” She muses, folding her arms against herself as she folds her legs underneath her. “I was born in a place called Helovia, to a man named Tembovu from Dorobo, and a woman named Rexanna from Halyven.” She pauses, her eyes flickering toward him to see if he reacts to the name. She knows her mother is here, a different timeline, a different version of her mother.

“My brother and I lived with Deimos, he was my and my mother’s King. And then he died and we moved to live with my father in a neighboring land, but my twin had gone missing. I offered to help the chaotic god of the world to try and make a name for myself and to find my brother. He offered me power and glory.” She rambles, eyes drifting from Jigano toward the filtered lights. “He killed our gods, opened a portal, watched my childhood love explode in pieces of black and teal light. My mother pushed me through the Portal through all the destruction. I wore a necklace the god had given me and as soon as I passed through, it exploded.” She gestures, turning her head so he can see the jagged X on the side of her neck. “I was there for a time, and was thrown from there to come here. And Deimos was here, even though he died, he’s different. A different version but with similar memories.” She pauses. “My childhood love was here too, but he was killed over Longnight when I was out getting Auni.”

She looks down to the Luxere, her hands drifting toward him to tangle in his white pale fur. “Rumor has it my mother is here too, but she’s different too.”

Who among them was ready for death? They might know they were heading into danger, might gird themselves for the possibility, but the knowledge that death was inevitable and imminent? That was a rare and terrible thing, one that you could never really practice for. He didn’t say anything, simply listened, attentive and sympathetic with the strain the young woman found herself under, as they spoke quietly and the scent of the tea begin to waft from the pot.

His eyes widened a fraction at her tale of multiple worlds and multiple lives, but he was not as surprised as he might have been. This was the third time he had heard of such a thing, the second time the name ‘Helovia’ had arisen, and he nodded slowly to show his understanding of the larger sweep of her story, even as many of the details were new and unique to her. The name Rexanna drew a tilt of his chin, a curious arch of a brow as some of the giggling during the Fiat Lux baking made a little more sense in that context.

He was intrigued to learn more of Deimos as well, the big man usually one of few words and reluctant to talk about himself. So the big man was a former king… that was interesting, and he remembered the way Rory had looked to the mountain during their failed meeting to draw a rebellion together. But Deimos had died on that former world? Perhaps that was why he was reluctant to take up a new mantle here.

Gods of chaos, promising power and glory, earned a faint wince from the bard, and he stroked Isuma to give his hands something to do, feeling the fragility of his own control, the urge to tap his fingers and reveal his anxiety over that chapter of her history.

”I am terribly sorry to hear that, Kiada,” he said softly instead, at learning that Long Night had claimed another loved one, though he hadn’t known it at the time. ”We will do all that we can to try and keep everyone safe next winter.” He moved Isuma again as his nose twitched at a slight shift in the aroma of the steeping tea, and he slid from his chair to pour the brew into two mugs, offering the steaming beverage to Kiada and taking one for himself. Small tables beside the chairs provided space to place books or tea – preferably not both at the same time – and he set his there to cool a bit while he scooped the leaves out of the pot and left the pot near enough the hearth to keep it warm.

”I only know one Rexanna,” he said as he returned to his seat, tilting his head with a faint smile for his young friend. ” But she is a strong and capable woman, though not much older than you, I’d guess. It must be disconcerting, seeing these people from your past, who don’t share your memories…?” He guessed cautiously.

KIADA

She finds that Jigano is a good listener, letting her vent and speak of her histories that not many that lived in this world knew of. She hadn’t been close enough to them, perhaps for fear of them leaving too – and yet there she was opening up her heart to Deimos (again) and Amalia, on the off chance they might be protected or live.  But who could say if they’d stay safe, the way the two of them run off at any sign of danger. She huffs internally, chewing on her lip and aimlessly resting a hand on her neck, over her scar – as if it’s something that grounds her.

She listens to his response, watches vaguely as he stands to get the tea all while Auni’s eyes linger on Isuma, despite being curled up into a ball on the floor. Kiada nods to Jigano, despite knowing deep down there’s no way to ensure it. Even she vanished out into the night, witnessed Isla’s death, and retrieved Auni because of it.

Gratefully, she takes the mug and lets it settle in her hands to absorb the warmth seeping from the cup. She doesn’t drink it yet, but lets it fill her with a different feeling than the cold emptiness she feels. But as he mentions Rexanna, she looks away, a small nod. “I don’t know if she’ll remember me, if she even has those memories like Deimos does.” She acknowledges. “But they are the same, Deimos confirmed it for me.” She sighs heavily, as if it’s a lot of weight to bear.

“I’m too afraid of people getting close to me in case they disappear or die again. But it’s a lonely life.”

"She might not remember it as clearly as you," he acknowledged, watching the way she avoided his gaze. "If she has lived other lives, between Helovia and here. But her soul is the same, and I do not think a connection as strong as that between a mother and daughter could be broken without leaving some trace on her heart and soul." He picked Isuma up as she started to crawl back into his lap, and rose to place her beside Auni before returning to his seat, his lips softening towards a smile as the gryphlet looked from him to the little deer, and then cuddled up against Auni's chest, peeping softly to her furry friend.

The rest of what Kiada said struck a painful chord in him, twisting around the ghosts he had succumbed to the night before, and he winced as he found his hands squeezing together in his lap, a nervous habit he rarely displayed. "It is," he agreed softly. "Nor is it much of a life. I walked that path for five years." He sighed, tilting his head up to rest against the chairback, letting his eyes half-close as the recently-renewed memories swirled through his thoughts. "My parents were killed six years ago. The friends who had become my family... most of them were dead a year later. Those few that remained were called by duty to take different paths...and I encouraged it. I walked through my world, a wanderer, setting down roots nowhere, getting to know no one well... letting no one know me at all, because what was the point? All I could do was hurt them, and eventually they would die or leave... or I would." He drew in a shaky breath, then raised his head to look at Kiada again, and down at their companions.

"But then I came here. And I couldn't just walk away. And Isuma bound her soul to mine. And..." He lifted his hand as thought catching something in it, empty though it was, and the hint of a smile found him again. "And I realized I hadn't really been living, before. I had been existing, yes, but like a young tree strangled by a climbing vine, I had let my fear of being hurt again stifle my heart. It was killing me slowly... and I had no purpose left but to feed it. At least, until the cycle was broken and Isuma reminded me of the sun again." His smile strengthened at the little gryphlet, and then he shared it with Kiada as well.

"We will fail," he told her, simply. "We won't be able to save them all, and it will hurt like hell when they leave us, no matter how they go. We will blame ourselves and we will stumble and fall apart sometimes. But without them, without having someone to care for, be it friends or family found or made... what are we? The fear of loss can wound as deeply as loss itself, it just takes longer to realize the depth of it," he said softly, blue eyes kind.

KIADA

The Harpy nods in response to Jigano, wondering if her mother would even remember the worst parts or only the good (what little good there was to begin with), but remains silent as he explains the different worlds. It’s when he speaks of the bond of a mother and daughter that she lowers her gaze to the stony ground – she’d never really had a relationship with her mother. What would it even be like? Where would she even start to try and make one? And did she even want one? Or just a billboard to scream the injustices she’d lived because of her?

She mulls the thoughts over as she sips from the cup and watches Isuma cuddle up against Auni’s chest, to which the small Luxere wraps his large head around her and tucks her in closer – his antlers pulsing with a small glow of content despite the sorrow that fills the room as Jigano continues to speak. Her eyes lift toward him to hear a much similar story, a similar feeling at least. Terrified to get close, to leave or be left, to watch those you know perish beneath the guise of war and grabs for power. She gnaws on her lip quietly until he speaks of how Caido had changed him, and his eyes are kind when his story is done.

“I’m sorry about your family.” She says, knowing how it feels deep down. While she hadn’t seen her family die, their absence is as much a pain as any. “I don’t know where to start.” She acknowledges – and it’s true in the way that she tries to talk to strangers. She’s either too standoffish, too much or too little of everything. Her story is a winding, dark tale of suffering and loss, and who wants to be around such terrible events? Who wants to listen to her to learn why she’s the way that she is when she could be alone and not need to explain?

The thoughts mull together until she sighs quietly and sips once more from the mug. She misses another’s touch, a person to converse with, to fight to the end of the world with. She doesn’t think she’ll find them here, and she feels weak for even having such thoughts. She should be enough on her own, with Auni, but she knows she is not. “I’ve only ever been a fighter – fighting creatures or gods or other people. I feel like there’s this monster inside of me, and it tells me I’m better off this way, to fight and fight until I die screaming at the universe for all the injustices of it all, covered in blood.” She recites, fingers tapping against the cup.

She’s thought of it a lot, it’s exactly what she told Adam when they were trapped in the Pit.

He nodded acceptance of her condolences for her family. It was easier to accept them from someone who understood, he'd found, and he reached for his tea to sip it and let Kiada think about what else he had said. It was good to see Isuma and Auni comforting each other; just as his sadness and guilt had dulled the bright gryphlet's exuberant personality, so her cuddling with the luxere helped to warm some of the chill from his own chest as he waited for Kiada's words to catch up with her thoughts. He could almost hear that there was more to come, and patience was the smallest of the gifts he could give the troubled young woman.

When the words came he nodded again, his smile faded to solemnity as he listened and recognized a shadow of what she said. "But you don't need to fight alone," he said softly. "And you have already begun to reach out and find allies... even friends, from what I have seen. With Deimos, and Amalia. And me, as well." He tilted his head thoughtfully, sifting her words to build a picture of the woman across from him, and finding nothing in it that he could not also be accused of, in a certain light. "It sounds as though you have had many things to fight against in your life, and the world needs fighters, as much as it needs farmers and scholars and cobblers," the bard acknowledged, with a sad smile. "But is there anything - anyone - that you want to fight for?"