the wheel has come full circle

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin had been here before. It felt like it, anyway - the landscape was different, the training dummies were a lot shabbier and he was a fallen star now, but the rest was the same. Something dark and thorny prickled deep in the pit of his stomach, a helpless frustration about the way things were panning out.

A hunt had gone wrong and Emmett was dead, and Ronin had failed to save him. Ashe had come back after being lost, alone, and Ronin had done nothing. Zariah was queen and then not queen, and Edy had pushed every button going, and Jigano had--

Ronin shook his head, forcibly clearing his thoughts and striking the head clean off one of the dummies with a right hook. Swearing, he booted it across the training grounds and told himself he would fix it later. Running his fingers through his hair, the hunter retired to one of the benches to sit with his head in his hands. In the meantime, the astral projection of himself continued to run the obstacle course around them; he was doing all he could to get used to simultaneously controlling it as he went through his day.

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    Ashe was starting to get used to bizarre sights in Caido. This place was fantastical and strange and terrible and beautiful. Unicorns, dragons, gods, and beasts. Storms of magic and raw power, whole races that belonged in storybooks back in Northwind. All of this she had come to accept as apart of her world, no matter how unbelievable it seemed.    Except for seeing two Ronins out behind the Guildhall. That was a bit startling.    She was just adjusting her training bracers and walking out the door when Ronin breezed by her, making an effortless run through the obstacle course - better than anything they'd had in Northaven. "Evening crab-kicker," she greeted brightly, stepping out into the sunlight.    And then she saw Ronin sitting on a bench, far more strain in his posture than the Ronin that ran the training course. "Evening starboy," she said, and then stopped midstep. She blinked, looked at the one running the course. Back to him sitting on the bench. Back the Other-Ronin. Back to him.    "Uuum...." She took a breath, pressing her lips together with a frown. "I don't remember bringing two of you back." you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.

the things we hold are always the first to go

"Madam spy," the running Ronin greeted as he ran by, for all intents and purposes sounding as though he really was running an obstacle course. The real deal, of course, could only hide an already reluctant smile at not breaking his concentration despite the appearance of the woman he called a sister. As she spoke again he pulled his head from his hands to look at her, the astral projection falling to a halt somewhere beside her to fold its arms and grin - a much easier expression when it wasn't real.

"You didn't, I promise. I don't think even I could handle two of me. But this is a trick I've picked up, apparently. I can project myself... out. Away from me. It can talk and everything, but it can't touch things." So saying, the projection swiped a hand right through Ashe's arm. "How're you?"

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    Ashe glanced up at Projection-Ronin with a quirked brow, and she stuck her tongue out at the apparition when he passed his hand through her arm. ”Perks of being a starboy I guess?” She moved to sit down beside Real-Ronin, but her smile was tempered by the palpable tension rolling from the hunter.    She avoided his question as she looked about the training grounds, nostalgia tugging at her chest. ”It’s better than the grounds in Northaven, but it reminds me of them,” she said, her posture mimicking her friend’s with her wrapped hands dropped between her knees. She flashed a brief smile. ”You got the dummies right. Though I think that one should have it’s head attached.”    She angled her head to look at him before bumping her shoulder against his. ”What’s wrong?” you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.

the things we hold are always the first to go

"A starboy? You say that like there might be multiples of me. I promise, the illusion is just that." So saying, Ronin let his astral projection flicker and fade as he gazed upon the training grounds with Ashe. He had noticed her deflection - when didn't she deflect? - but he was too tired, too wound up to dig deeper. He had asked, she had decided not to open up. Story of his life.

"That one deserved what it got." He narrowed his eyes half playfully at the training dummy and its missing head, rolling his eyes a bit as she nudged him. Where to fucking begin? "Well," he said, "between Zariah going missing and the box of frogs that has opened... I'm not well, Ashe. Something happened at the Spire and Safrin threw herself into it. She has the blight now... and so do I. I don't know if you've heard about it."

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    Ashe's heart dropped like a stone. The Launcelyn fiasco was a fucking problem to be sure but.. the blight. She'd heard of it only in passing, and Ronin… "You're sick?" she said, straightening to inspect him closely.    She had thought it was just stress that made him look so worn and weary, but the blight… and Safrin too? She swallowed and looked out into the training grounds, her chest tightening with every second. She only just got him back, gods above, she had done everything in her power, beyond her power, to get him back.. "It's being studied.. something is being done about this, right?" Remi -- he would never just let something like this go. She didn't know enough about the blight. Sickness was not something she understood how to fight.    Her breath turned shakey, and she drew a hand over her face. "I'm not losing you a second time," she said, eyes hardening as she looked back to him. "I won't." you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.

the things we hold are always the first to go

"Mm." Ronin nodded gently, before glancing up at Ashe as if noticing her straighten up to look him over. "Oh stop," he said gently, giving her a nudge. "You're as bad as Remi. It's not too bad yet - I just get tired easily." And his hands trembled sometimes, no matter how hard he clenched his fists. And he didn't really feel hungry a lot any more. But it wasn't something to bother his loved ones with just yet.

Nodding to her, he followed her gaze back out to the grounds. "Remi is studying it, Phoebe was studying it, there have been expeditions out into the Greatwood about it... they're on it." But nothing seemed to be finding a cure, and with the whole leadership shenanigans it was difficult to focus on his own encroaching mortality.

With a weak smile, he reached out to sling an arm around her and pull her close. "You're damned right you aren't," he said. "I'm not going anywhere, Ashe. I promise."

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    Ashe frowned at him as he waved away her concern. As if she wouldn’t worry after him. He seemed like himself, but even beyond the stress weighing heavily on him, there was something off. He got tired easily, but what else? What was trying to take him away from them again? She glanced down to her hands, wringing them together like she wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.    Remi was on top of it, of course he was, and it was a comfort to know it. And others.. Others were trying to find the answer. A cure would be found, there had to be. She pulled her lower lip between sharp canines, brow furrowing in thought. ”Someone’s gone into the Spire, right?” Discomfort curled in her gut at the very mention of the place. She would never not hate it there, but she wouldn’t hesitate to go again. Not when it came to Ronin.    She was shaken from her train of thought as Ronin looped an arm around her shoulders, and she huffed as she leaned against him. Glancing up at him, she met his weak smile with a reluctant one of her own. ”I’ll hold you to that.” She poked him square in the chest with a meaningful look. ”I love you, Ronin. Don’t you dare ever make me say goodbye again.”    She returned her attention to the training grounds, pursing her lips as she sat up. ”Are you too worn out for some training? Used to be we trained every with every sunset, til my series of fuck ups.” She gave him a rueful smile. ”Maybe we make a routine of it again, keep your strength up.” you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin sighed softly at the mention of the Spire, shrugging his shoulders to Ashe. "Not yet, I don't think. There's an expedition planned but it isn't anything to do with the blight. It's more to do with... I don't even know - something that was found beneath the Spire, some big snake or whatever. The whole place under there is filled with poisonous plans, though." Giving her another gentle squeeze, he let her go again.

Smiling and rubbing at his chest where she had poked it, he nodded to her. "I love you too," he said. "I'm not going to waste the chance you gave me. Too much to do, and apparently a whole fucking place to help run." Because whilst he hadn't received a fancy notice (good), the rumour mill was no doubtedly already spreading the news about his new position.

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    Ashe nodded, visualizing the black tower in the center of the Hallowed Grounds. A wretched place that carried the worst of her memories in this world. "I want to go," she said. "If that's where it started, that's where we need to go." It seemed obvious, but dread was still creeping up her spine.    The subject shifted, and the wolf girl sat up with a frown. She had certainly heard. First the great news: Zariah was missing, giving her room and time to understand what she wanted to do about it. Then discovering Edrei still held the Hallowed Grounds in a Launcelyn choke hold. And then Wessex, that ascended who came back once more from death. And now Ronin.    "What even happened? You didn't want it?" she asked. She pulled at her lower lip with her teeth, her hands bracing on either side of the bench as she looked up at Ronin. "Back in Northaven..." She took a heavy breath before she continued. "I almost enlisted in the Storm Guard. I would have if you'd been named general before... all of this."    It certainly was no secret that Ashe did not follow anyone. She had never looked at their superiors and saw good people, she never once had faith that a single one of them gave a shit about the rest. Oppressing shapechangers, ignoring terrorism, playing their social political games, she had hated them all --- the Launcelyns among them. It was on principle she detested authority so much. Others could do what they wanted---she was never to bow before anyone again. But...    "I would have followed you then, and I'll follow you now," she finally said without looking back at him. "But never them. I won't. I never will." you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin nodded slowly, understanding her determination... but knowing also what it would mean for her to do it. "If it helps," he said slowly, "there's a big old hole in the middle of it now, so it's not as underground as it was." He nudged her, hoping he might cheer her up a bit. But then obviously the conversation came back to his new title, and even Ronin didn't feel like being cheerful.

He snorted as Ashe spoke; as if anyone in their right mind would want it. "It was decided," he said simply. "People thought I would do a good job, and so... I intend to do it, for as long as I'm able." Even though it was hard. Even though he found it difficult to see the light in the darkness anym ore. Even though he felt lost. He would do it.

Smiling warmly to the woman he called sister, he leant in and kissed her dark hair. "I ask that you help me. Not that you follow me. I expect nothing less from you when it comes to them, and the rest of the world. I'm just glad to have you back."

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    A gaping hole in the Spire that opened it to the sky? If Ronin wanted to set her at ease, it worked. She offered him a crooked smile and nodded, and she nudged his shoulder back. "It helps," she replied. He had seen her once take a plunge underground, and while she had never explained to him why she couldn't breathe when the earth pressed in on all sides, but she was infinitely grateful that he understood. That he at least knew of her fear.    She frowned, and as she tried to piece it together... she realized that it wasn't so hard to pair Ronin with the visage of King. Strange, but not hard. Never in a million years would Ashe have thought she wouldn't detest any King she came across. She never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that she would love a King, and call him her family.    But it was Ronin, and that made it different. King, friend, and brother. He kissed her hair and she looked up with the familiar gesture. "I'll always help you, you know that," she replied. Others... Once, she had been able to say the same for the rest of the world too. That she would help. "I fucking suck at it though." She still smiled ruefully up at him. "Though I guess demanding you back from the gods went okay."    At she had that moment in her life that she could be proud of. She stared at him a moment longer, not for the first time memorizing every line of his face, the shade of his eyes, the tilt of his smile. He'd be fine. She wasn't going to lose him again. "Is there a plan then?" she asked, straightening up to stretched her arms over her head. "I mean... what's the deal with multiple leaders? How can that work?" you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.

the things we hold are always the first to go

Mussing up her hair after kissing it, Ronin rose to his feet and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care if you think you suck at it. You always help, and I always appreciate it," he said warmly, shooting her a smile that was all him, no charm or guise to mask the way he felt. "Demanding me back from the gods went more than okay - don't you ever forget that. You are the reason I'm standing here today, Ashetta Yla. I'm not going to waste your gift."

He offered her a hand up, barking out a laugh at the prospect of a plan. "Yeah, right. It can't work, Ashe. It's an accident waiting to happen, but it's what was dumped on me and it's what I have to deal with now. I'd prefer not to talk about it, honestly."

ASHE question: how do you make a monster stop feeling so monsterous? you give her something she can hold in her palms without crushing, you give her something sweet and tell her to keep it.    Ashe gave a meaningful look up at Ronin with a slant to her mouth, but at the sight of his grin, she couldn’t hide hers if she wanted to. She looked down again, shaking her head. She wanted to deny it, to say that anyone would have done it, that it had been one blessed success in her long line of fuck ups, that what she did was nothing. But it was something. A piece of her soul shorn away, the dead brought back to life, an embrace with Mort that would never leave her. ”I’d do it again,” she said on not wasting it, looking back up at him. ”A thousand times over, Ronin.”    Her hand slipped into his and she dramatically pulled herself up, rocking onto the balls of her feet. Her smile turned dry and her hands fell to rest against her hips as he laughed. No, she couldn’t imagine that two queens and a king could work. Something would need to be done, just… not right now.    ”Alright then King Crab-Kicker,” she said, tilting her head up at him. ”Fuck politics.” Gods knew they’d had their fair share of that shit in Northaven. Even a lowly commoner like her had felt the effects of those games. Is that what would happen here now? Would social ranks be enforced, blood status introduced? Ronin would never allow it. And she sure as she shit wouldn’t.    She stepped around him, to the head of the dummy a few paces away. ”How’d it happen anyways---you and Remi?” She wanted to know, gods, she had missed everything… and it would do good to hear of someone else’s happy stories. There was enough emptiness plaguing her. With a spin and a swift kick, she sent the straw-filled head bouncing toward Ronin. ”Feels like it should have always been like this between you.” you wipe the blood from her hands you say her name, over and over like an absolution. you forgive her. you forgive her. you forgive.