a word that i can't forget.
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
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#1
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   There were few things in this life that Ashe could rely on. There was Ronin and Remi and her mother. Her consistent night terrors certainly. Her own body had always been something she could count on - perfectly expertly honed since she was a child, drilled, drilled, and drilled again until there was no room for error. Her body was a weapon, and it was hers to control.

   Just… not lately.

   Maybe the middle of the night wasn’t the best time to be showing up to any decent person’s home for something less than an emergency, but Ashe still found herself crouched upon the rooftop across the street. Her stomach knotted, and fire-blue eyes rimmed with red staring down at the front door of the clinic. She hadn’t exactly been kind to her body over the last year, it wasn’t as if it’d be unusual for everything to be acting out of order. Right?

   The wolf was unsure enough to leave the Guildhall in the dead of night after waking from another nightly horror. When she was done involuntarily emptying her stomach in the restroom, when she was done with her shaking and her tears, she clambered out the window, heading straight for the clinic with a frantic buzz in her head.

   Aafter another long moment of consideration, she left the rooftop behind to head inside. It was dark and empty within as she silently entered, but something about the scents wrapping around her were a comfort. They reminded her of another clinic, back in Northaven. Another healer that had taken her in when she had no one, and nowhere to go. She wondered if that healer still lived, or where she was.

   ”Phoebe?” she called into the stillness, her heart in her throat. Her hands still trembled as she pulled the string at the bottom of the stairs, and she stepped back to fold her arms over her chest.
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
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#2
Phoebe, like most people at that time of night, was dead asleep, curled up in her bed with Pim. Midwife and dragon slept soundly under the blankets, but when the little bell jingled, both awoke with a start. The blonde yawned in unison with the pink dragonling, and was on her feet in a second. She was a light sleeper and easy riser given her profession. Hearing her name called made her move a little more quickly, a groggy Pim at her heels. ”I’m coming!” she called down as she slipped on her shoes. Fortunately she had no need to change, her sleeping dresses being comfortable day dresses.

She hurried down the stairs, thick blonde braid draped over her shoulder, holding a candle in its holder so she could see. It took her a moment to recognize the woman, but her mind – now catching up with her body – landed on her soon enough. One of the people who fought alongside Roana at the Spire – Ashetta. ”Hello Ashetta.” she said, her voice gentle and soothing, her presence exuding calm. ”Whatever is the matter?” she asked, glancing around to see if there were others. Was someone suddenly in labor? Was someone hurt? Ashetta herself seemed fine enough.
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 7 (lvl 3 Attuned) - Strg: 10 - Dext: 27 - Endr: 19 - Luck: 14 - Int:
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#3
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   As soon as she pulled that string, she wanted to spin around and run out of there in her furs. Run, and run, and run, until her paws bled and she could hardly breathe. But of course, the midwife was on her toes, ready to respond to anyone that walked through her doors. ’I’m coming!’ she called, and moments later, she appeared.

   Phoebe descended with candlelight a cool demeanor, and Ashe swallowed roughly. Her hands started shaking worse, palms getting clammy. ”Hey, Phoebe,” she greeted dumbly. She didn’t realize she was breathing heavily until she asked what was wrong. That she looked haggard, sleepless, and pale probably didn’t help.

   She looked up to meet Phoebe’s warm eyes with electric blue. ”I, uh..” She couldn’t seem to make her voice work right, and she cleared her throat with discomfort. She blinked rapidly and stepped back into a streak of light through a window, lining her in shades of silver. ”It’s, um.. Just me.” Her nerves were frayed, her heart fluttering dangerously light, her very bones trembling, her stomach sick---

   The words dropped like heavy stones, and the rest of her breath left her lungs with them. ”I need to know if I’m with child.”
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
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#4
The midwife’s head tilted to the side, a bit confused why Ashetta seemed so unnerved as she stumbled over her words and trembled like a leaf. But when she finally admitted what the problem was, she made a little ‘oh’ shape with her mouth, which melted into a warm smile. ”Well, you’ve come to the right place. Come on now, why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the couch there, curl up with that fuzzy blanket there, and I’ll make us some tea?” she said, gentle patting her shoulder to coax her in that direction.

The main part of the clinic seemed like a large living room really, with overstuffed furniture, throw pillows and blankets. Phoebe lit the fireplace first, to help lift the chill from the night air, then went to the kitchen to put a kettle on. Pim rubbed himself in a very cat-like manner against Ashetta’s legs, trilling up at her before scurrying to the couch. His head popped up from over the back of it, making the little trilling noise again, as if calling her over. It wouldn’t take too long for Phoebe to get the tea prepped, bringing it over to Ash.

”Here, this will help calm your nerves a little bit.” she said in a soothing tone, sitting on a chair near Ash. ”So why do you think you’re pregnant?” she asked gently, the warm smile still on her face as she held her own mug of tea.
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 7 (lvl 3 Attuned) - Strg: 10 - Dext: 27 - Endr: 19 - Luck: 14 - Int:
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#5
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   Ashe blinked and nodded and silently followed after the little pink dragon, gingerly seating herself on the edge of the sofa. Spoken aloud, it felt terrifyingly real. 'I need to know if I'm with child.' She fought the surge of emotion that constricted her throat. The fear. If it were true, oh, gods---she couldn't do it without him.

   She gratefully accepted the tea when Phoebe returned, but she didn't drink. She held the warm mug between her hands and took in the warmth from the fire, her whole body on fire with crackling energy. "Thank you," she said softly, fire-blue eyes tracking the midwife as she took her seat. She was a Steadman if she was remembering right. She remembered Brahm, the lumbering bull a well-liked officer back in the Storm Army. The one that married Roana… he must not have come through the portal.

   Pregnant. The word hung in the air and made her draw a sharp breath, and she finally took a sip of the warm, surprisingly soothing tea. She met Phoebe's warm eyes and cleared her throat. "I don't know if you know where I've been… I was out in the storms for a few months, just a while after… after Ronin came back." Surely everyone knew of it by now? Hopefully not her part in bringing him back from the dead. She glanced down to the mug in her hands, the steam curling into the air. "I was looking for my family. And I haven't…"

   Her heart was in her throat, and her jaw clenched as she blinked back the wetness that tried to gather in her eyes. She wanted to stop thinking about him and Theea and the pain of desperate want that came with them, but the situation demanded it of her. Her voice was quiet and hoarse as she went on. "I haven't had any monthly bleeding since before then. I'm always exhausted. Weak. I'm nauseous… often. Though I've always struggled with keeping anything down at night." Was it starvation or pregnancy?

   And which answer would hurt more?
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
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Posts: 3,062 | Total: 5,479
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#6
As Ash sat, Pim grabbed the blanket on the back of the couch. With one good tug it would slide off and awkwardly drape over Ash. There! He did good! The pink dragon curled up then, keeping the tiny lady company on the couch.

Phoebe didn't know the whole story, no, but she listened quietly, a kind smile and warm eyed expression trained on Ashetta. Since just after Ronin came back? That was almost two whole seasons! She glanced at her stomach briefly. Some women didn't show much, but Ashetta was far to small for that to be the case - unless the man had been tiny too she supposed. "That is quite a long time." she observed, voice gentle. "You would nearly be due by now, and usually nausea like you describe subsides after the first few months." she said with a smile.

"May I feel your abdomen?" she asked. "You can lean your head against Pim there. He is quite a comfy pillow."
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 7 (lvl 3 Attuned) - Strg: 10 - Dext: 27 - Endr: 19 - Luck: 14 - Int:
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#7
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   Due? No, she... she hadn't been gone that long had she? She had estimated it being around six months---had she truly been lost out there so long? She took a shaky breath and looked down to her abdomen. Ashe was painfully thin, and she found that her heart was slowing with the logic Phoebe presented her.

   "Ware you around in Northaven, when the Grand Healer had twins, and she didn't even know she was pregnant until they arrived? Roana had delivered them." Ashe shook her head. It had been an insane, absurd situation, but it was certainly memorable. "Surely I'm not... like that."

   Phoebe seemed so sure, so confident that pregnancy wasn't the case. Ashe swallowed, rolling through a rapid change of relief, of grief, of want, of more relief. Not without Kalt. She couldn't do it without him. She wasn't sure she could do it at all. Still, she nodded and glanced back to the friendly dragon, giving Prim a weak smile as she leaned slowly back to rest her head over his warm scales.

   Ashe glanced out the window and internally cringed, the shadows of night still pressing in. "This was a fucking stupid reason to wake you," she said by way of apology.
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
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#8
Phoebe shook her head at her question about the Grand Healer. ”I was not, but Roana is my sister-in-law so she told me about it.” she said with a soft smile. ”It is my understanding that they were very early and she a relatively tall person. I would be absolutely shocked if you were experiencing a similar pregnancy.” she said with a calm, steadfast tone.

Pim trilled at Ashetta, resting his head on a pillow as she leaned back against his scaly belly. As Phoebe had promised, he was indeed a comfy pillow. The midwife knelt next to her, rubbing her hands together to warm them up before pulling up her shirt just enough to see her tummy and rolling her pants down just below her hips so she could see the area over her womb. With warmed hands she gently pressed against her lower abdomen, running her fingers along the area. ”Just relax and breathe, I won’t be able to tell if your are all tense.” she said with a warm smile. But tense or not, Phoebe would get what she needed from the exam and carefully put Ash’s clothes back in place.

”Well, it is certainly no reason to swear.” Phoebe said with a smile, in an almost motherly, chiding tone. ”My doors are always open, day or night. If half past midnight is your preferred visiting time, that’s fine by me.” she said with a light laugh as she stood. ”And I think you will be happy to know that I do not think you’re pregnant, but lacking nutrients. When the body isn’t healthy, your monthly flow will stop, so you won’t get pregnant because it is doing all it can to sustain itself, much less itself and a baby.” Phoebe said as she went to her medicine cabinet. ”I’m going to make you some herbal remedies that will help get your body back to rights – it isn’t healthy for you to not have your monthly for so long. And I would like to schedule regular visits so I can keep an eye on your progress.” she said as she began preparing Ash what she would need.
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 7 (lvl 3 Attuned) - Strg: 10 - Dext: 27 - Endr: 19 - Luck: 14 - Int:
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#9
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   Ashe wasn’t sure what she expected with Phoebe examined her. She knew what the midwife would be doing, but how long had it been since she let anyone touch her so boldly? She sucked in a sharp breath as her hands pressed over her skin, muscles tensing, heart racing, and she nearly leaped up from the sofa then and there as Phoebe’s hand drifted lower. Stop stop stop stop---

   The words almost burst from her mouth and she braced her hands against the couch, but then Phoebe pulled at her attention. Ashe was still for a moment, staring down at the midwife, to her exposed stomach, and the thin scar that draped across her abdomen. ”Relax. Right,” she huffed, and she forced herself to release the breath she had been holding. She never took her eyes off of Phoebe as she continued the examination, tracking her every move.

   As soon as it was over, Ashe was quick to sit up from her vulnerable position, swallowing roughly. She flashed a tight smile, nodding gratefully as Phoebe assured her it was alright. Years outside the Guild now, and still the norms of the world were forgotten more often than not. Waiting until daylight for visits, not spending her days on rooftops, letting a midwife touch her --- normal things that still escaped her.

   A then.. not pregnant. The relief that crashed into her was more than she expected, and she let out a sigh as her hands raked through her hair. She listened in silence as the girl explained her malnourishment, every bit of it making sense. Ashe had never gone as long without nourishment as she just had, but she was no stranger to the havoc it could wreak on her body.

   ”Considering all I’ve eaten for months is scrub root and lizard when I could find one for the last two seasons,” she said, leaning forward to fold her hands in her lap. ”I can’t say I don’t appreciate a tonic.” She needed to get back into fighting shape---she was in pitiful condition now that she was sure she wasn’t pregnant. What would she have done? Without Kalt here… her face fell, her eyes dropping to the floor with her shoulders caving inwards. Theea’s grinning face flashed in her mind’s eye, and her throat tightened.

   ”My monthly stopping… this, uh.. It won’t prevent me from...from having any in the future, will it?” Her heart raced just asking the question, but gods, she was woefully ignorant to these topics. She had grown up with men and only men, raised by them and with them. She bit her lip and glanced up at Phoebe with an uncharacteristically raw look. Why was she even asking? Was it something she wanted one day? With him? If he ever even comes home, idiot girl.
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
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#10
Phoebe remained quiet, focused on her work as Ashetta spoke. It seemed she was more processing her own thoughts and feelings than actually saying anything warranting comment. But even in silence, her expression remained warm, her presence soothing, almost motherly as she prepped the various remedies she was going to Ash to help get her body back up to shape and healthy. Slowly but surely, quite a large bag of items was put together, and she began to carefully write down instructions for the regimen.

”Well likely not in the near future. I would give it a few months after your monthly flow begins again before you can carry. Even if you do fall pregnant, it wouldn’t be easy, so I would avoid that for now if you can.” Phoebe said gently with a small smile. Not now, not soon, but not never, for her benefit as well as any child she might carry. ”When you have an interest in pursuing that though, let me know and I will be happy to help make sure you are ready. We just have to get you healthy first.” There was a lot she could do, various supplements and such she could make, that would help Ashetta out.

”Now, I want you eating three full meals a day. They don’t have to be large, but they need to be consistent. Same with a regular sleep schedule and getting some exercise throughout the day. Make sure you take these supplements and tonics as I have on this sheet as well, and come visit me in a month, okay? Of course if something comes up before then you can always stop by.” she said with a warm smile, holding out the bag to her.
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 7 (lvl 3 Attuned) - Strg: 10 - Dext: 27 - Endr: 19 - Luck: 14 - Int:
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#11
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   Phoebe assured her, and Ashe nodded as she took the information with careful gratitude. Then she went on to say when she was ready and her eyes went wide as she looked up at the midwife. "Oh no, I'm not---I mean I won't be---" She pressed her lips together, looking down to the tea on the table. "Right. If I do. Can't make that decision when my other half is missing." She wasn't ready to say it was what she wanted. She wasn't ready to say she never wanted it, either. It was never in a million years something she considered in her cards, not even possible. And with her family missing...

   She listened in silence as Phoebe listed off instructions with a kind and clinical tone. Eat, sleep, supplements, tonic, exercise... Ashe slowly reached out to take the sack from her. Did she really need all of that? Sleep... that would be the tough one. She had finally begun sleeping better, often draped over Kalt or curled against him. But now? Without him? It hadn't been since before the storms that she got more than a few hours at once.

   Ashe nodded. "A month.. right." She swallowed, thinking through it all. Just malnourished. Not having a baby. And she still could one day, if she wanted. It didn't matter anyways, did it? Her mate was missing, too far away for even their bond, and their daughter with him. It didn't matter if she trusted him to keep her safe while she was near defenseless for a year, it didn't matter if she ever wanted that with him. It didn't matter, because she was alone, and he was it.

   She rose to her feet with a shakey breath, giving a nod to Phoebe. "I'll let you get back to sleep," she said, looking regretfully to the door. Not like she would be sleeping. There was a rooftop and a bottle of rum with her name on it, and she wanted nothing more than to numb all the wounds throbbing in her chest now. The clear blue eyes of Kalt and Theea both haunted her, emptiness clawing in her belly. She'd go and wallow until the sun rose, or train, but she'd bothered Phoebe enough. Her voice was rough as she went on. "Thanks for.. all this. Sorry for waking you."
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
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#12
The blonde gave her a sympathetic smile. ”I am just letting you know your options. It can be hard to really think about seriously if your other half isn’t around though. I’m sure it is just a matter of time before he gets back here though.” she said gently. As far as her list of things she needed to do to get back into tip top shape…well, it was rather hard to not sound clinical. It was sort of a clinical process. But the nervousness she continued to show, the sadness in her eyes, it tugged on her heartstrings.

”Ashetta…I know I don’t know you very well but…well you seem like you could use a friend right now.” she said with a warm smile. ”Why don’t you stay here and rest for the night? I have plenty of beds, and Pim is a wonderful snuggler.” As if to confirm, Pim trilled brightly, his chest puffing him proudly. He would be a sorry gift from Frey if he was anything short of an expert cuddler! ”And in the morning I can make you some cinnamon rolls and you can be on your way then?” When she apologized she just shook her head, a grin curving her lips. ”Don’t apologize, it really is alright. This is my job – helping women whenever they need it, and I love doing it.” she assured again.
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
Messenger

Age: 28 | Height: 5'0" | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 7 (lvl 3 Attuned) - Strg: 10 - Dext: 27 - Endr: 19 - Luck: 14 - Int:
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#13
as the sun waits to eclipse, and the taste teases my lips,
   Ashe paused half way to the door and tensed. A friend? She was never any good at hiding how she felt, her stupid bleeding heart on her sleeve. Did she seem that pathetic just then? As Phoebe went on, she looked down to the floor, and to the sack in her hand. Pim let out a trilling sound, and she looked back over her shoulder to the midwife and dragon.

   The girl forced a smile, looking between them. "I don't want Ronin and Remi thinking I've vanished again," she replied. She didn't want anyone to believe she would leave them again, and certainly not her family. Of course, she was only seeing the midwife, and she hadn't disappeared... and then the offer of cinnamon rolls had her belly clawing, her mouth watering. When had she last had something like that? She half turned to face them, regarding the midwife with a guarded stare.

   "I'm not exactly the best of company, Steadman," she finally answered, her mouth quirked into something like a half smile. She stood still there for another moment, one foot toward the door, the other toward the woman offering company, until finally the turned fully. Her arms dropped to her sides, falling under her tattered blue cloak. She sighed, nodding her head as if in defeat. "Guess I never finished my tea though."
I'm too tired to wrestle with it. will we burn or will we repent?
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
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#14
Phoebe smiled and shook her head. ”A little heart rush is good for one’s health every now and then. Besides, I am sure it will take more than being gone a few hours for them to worry that much. They are men.” she said with a light laugh. But Ash eventually turned back towards her, and the midwife smiled, glad to see her offer being accepted. Some people accepted love and care with ease – other’s needed it forced upon them for it to be appreciated. Ash seemed like the later sort.

”Oh, well that’s fine. I am good company and you’re the one who needs it.” she said brightly, carefully bringing Ash her cup of tea, which was certainly cooled to a bearable temperature by now. ”So why don’t you make yourself comfortable and I will get you a bed all set up.” Phoebe told her, moving to the wall of sheets at the back of the room. She opened one up and inside she would see a cozy bed with a small nightstand and chair – a mini room of sorts. Phoebe fluffed the pillows and filled the washbasin carafe with cool water should she need it.
Phoebe
I'll be your shoulder when you cry


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