all these roads lead back to you

HOTARU

Though their bodies are different, it feels as if they have climbed into bed together every night of their lives. Hotaru remembers long cold nights, both of them remembering loved ones far from home, their bodies intertwined and companions resting at their feet. The sensations and limbs are different, but there is no hesitation as she draws up the covers, lets the warmth envelope her. Rexanna is cool to the touch, but she does not soak up the heat that Hotaru's body radiates, a phenomenon that admittedly intrigues the Valkyrie. Not enough to question further into her racial characteristics, but something to file away for the inevitable interrogation the next time they had time together.

As Rexanna shifts upward, Hotaru uses the extra space to roll more onto her back, seeking Rexanna's face in the dark. The light is understandably minimal, but it glints off the curve of a cheek, the brightness of her eyes, the dark swathe of hair falling across her cheeks. It's enough. Anything at all is enough to appease her.

Laughter spills recklessly from her, stomach shaking beneath their joined hands. Gods, what are the odds? It had been her favorite perk of the Basin, especially with the desert in her blood from Phaedra. She'd been one of the most frequent visitors, and it had been a great way to meet others in the herd who were too afraid to approach her. Hotaru assumed she wasn't as intimidating, untouchable, when soaking wet and practically half-asleep in the water.

The memories keep flowing, and she tries so hard to stifle her giggles but it's a useless endeavor. It's not quite hysterical, but it's tinged with relief that she can still laugh, still remember the good times past the overwhelming horror of the ending. "Oh Gods I remember! That was horrible! I swear twins were a curse upon us, why couldn't we just have them one after the other? I felt like I was going to pop!" Not to mention that the twins immediately after Ru'in and Romina had nearly killed her, which had led to Rexanna taking her to the Edge in the first place.

"I miss them," she whispers suddenly into the silence, blinking away the burn of tears. The grief is not so potent now, but it is one she will have to carry forever even as the sharpness fades. "I spent so long terrified I would be a terrible mother, and then they became my whole world. I would have abandoned the crown at any moment for them, and now I'm here. Alone. Sometimes I wonder why I survived, why I ended up here, and not them...?" Part of her feels deep regret for letting the conversation turn so suddenly dark, but if she doesn't get it out now, Hotaru fears she won't be able to face the dawn with strength and courage.

it's our nature, we destroy

it's the constant of our kind

no matter the color of blood, man will always fall

REXANNA

Hotaru shifts and Rexanna is there, a ghost in the night, smiling down upon her sister, partner in arms, storm to her flame. And she smiles wildly when Hotaru erupts in a fit of giggles, adding her own quiet gums of laughter rejoice with hers. “You thought you were going to pop? I nearly did.” She snorts. Though Kiada and Kianzo had been her first set of twins, they weren’t her last. And she shared in the same frustration and sadness that Hotaru turns to at the memory, smile falling, memories returning of a life she hadn’t quite lived.

Portals did some terrible things.

Hotaru quakes beneath her, a whisper and a confession, and Rexanna lifts her hand to cross over Hotaru’s chest, fingertips trailing to push the blonde hair across her forehead with tender, ginger touches. “I miss them too, Ru.” She admits, soft and uncertain. She doesn’t know what that means for her, if they all would treat her with as much disdain as the Harpy had. But could she blame them if they did? She had abandoned them for a man, abandoned her home and family for someone who couldn’t keep their promise to her.

Who also was unsatisfied with her, as evidenced by the siblings Kiada and Kianzo shared that weren’t from her. But she listens to Hotaru, caressing and touching and holding, wiping away tears that may or may not fall without any judgement. Gods knew she had cried a few times too.

“Kiada is the only one that’s here. Kianzo, Rein, Safiri, all of them didn’t come.” She whispers back, a frown finding her lips. “I ask why it was me all the time too, to the universe, but they never answer back.” She adds, leaning down to rest her head along Hotaru’s collarbone, in the crook of her neck. “But you were a far better mother than I ever was, and if I could do it all over again I would. I would never leave you. Any of you. I would have spent every night sleepless looking for Zo when he was taken instead of trying to keep Tembovu from fucking everyone in the Edge.” There’s a small amount of steel to her voice.

“I could have remained cuddled up to you every night instead.” She says softly, nuzzling her head in further to Hotaru’s neck, fingers dancing in the blonde locks.

until the lambs

have become

lions

HOTARU

Hotaru is fearless, undaunted, by the ghostlike visage that gazes down upon her. Even the fangs that peek stubbornly past Rexanna's lips are more adorable than frightening. They have always been perfect equals, parallel lines that chase each other into the horizon eternally. Where Rexanna is cool and wraithlike, Hotaru is warm and full of summer-painted life. They are the sun and moon, the sword and shield, the thunder and lightning that heralds the oncoming storm of their union. The world is going to fall at their feet again, just as it always has, and Hotaru can't help her eager smile at the idea.

"Well the last two nearly killed me! I remember nearly popping them out right there on your doorstep when you brought us home," she laughs, eyes bright and wet with mirth and joy at better memories. Sometimes they dimmed in comparison to the darkness of the ending, but times like these forced her to wipe the glass clean and see the bright, effervescent happiness of the memories she had made in her life.

But that light was so easily snuffed out, especially now that she was in a place where she felt safe enough to break down. With someone who not only knew but understood. So many countless days wandering from realm to realm with no familiar faces to greet her, nobody to share her grief. Hotaru had been mindless with rage and loss those first few portals, she had either been restrained or chased out in many places. She had broken so completely and had to rebuild herself alone, cutting herself on all the fragmented glass she had to glue back together.

She's not alone anymore.

Rexanna's words prompt the tears to fall, streaking silent down her flushed cheeks. Her shoulders shake, and her breaths quiver, but she does not let herself sob. "I just want my babies back," she whimpers helplessly as her tears wet the pillow beneath her cheek. Hotaru clings to Rexanna's hand, pressing back to touch as much as she can of her beloved. Thranduil, Ashamin, Deodat...they had not loved her as she loved them. Though her heart mourned them, it would never equal the insurmountable loss of her children. She'd had many in her life, and their loss left a gaping hole that she could never fill again.

As her tears calm over countless minutes, she listens to Rexanna's soft words and lets it calm her racing heart and trembling breaths. The fingers that comb delicately through her hair soothe her, and she tilts her neck to better see Rexanna through tear-clouded eyes, pressing into her touch like a starved animal. "I would have done anything to keep you by my side then," the Valkyrie whispers. "It could have just been us and our giant family, men be damned." A better life, one where her love for Rexanna was unbroken, unimpeded by hasty decisions on both sides. Hotaru lifts a hand to place upon Rexanna's cheek, simply staring at her and soaking in the strength her sister gives her. "Maybe we couldn't have it then, but...you couldn't get rid of me now if you tried." A weak smile comes to her full mouth, feeling like she finally has placed the first stone over the burned wasteland of grief. Ready to start rebuilding, slowly, with Rexanna at her side.

it's our nature, we destroy

it's the constant of our kind

no matter the color of blood, man will always fall

REXANNA

It’s true. For the Penumbra that Rexanna is, Hotaru has always been her Antumbra. And she’ll embrace her sister, best friend, person until the end, should she wish it. She’s only sad that she will not age as Hotaru does. Still, she holds her tight with a soft smile playing on her lips as Hotaru smiles, and mentions the set of twins that nearly killed her. Her head tilts, and she contemplates. “Thranduil’s?” She asks with a tilt to her head as Hotaru laughs. “I’m not surprised, the man’s a beast.” She snorts in response, a slight shrug of her shoulders.

Gods how she’s missed the gossip, the chatter between two friends, two family members. Even if it delves into the sadness that it does, even if it delves into the sorrow they both feel at those that are lost – and her sister clings to her hand, she holds her tight as she can. The Penumbra and Valkyrie, their own eclipse in the night and the dawn filtered blinds. She says nothing to this, other than to nod along and brush away Hotaru’s tears.

What can she say?

She can’t bring them back. She won’t give hope where there is none. She learned that the hard way.

Instead, she combs her fingers through Hotaru’s hair, softly and gently, as the Valkyrie grows soothed. Another smile, softer than before, graces her face as she looks down to her sister, letting her hold and squeeze as much as she wanted. Rexanna doesn’t need to breathe, so if Hotaru wishes to squeeze her as tight as she can for as long as she needs, the Penumbra would never complain.

“Yes, men be damned. Our giant family tree, with some overlap.” She recalls with a wink, lightening the mood the most she can, before she settles in to look at her sister fully in the dark room. An almost playful smirk crosses her face as Hotaru tells her she can’t get rid of her. “Who said I wanted to?” She gives her sister a wink before she pulls her in tight, close, letting her do whatever she needs to relax and thrive.

“I’m here for you, for everything and all of it. I will not leave you again.” She vows, quiet, but truthful. If she’d have trouble getting rid of Hotaru, the Valkyrie better be prepared for the same.

until the lambs

have become

lions

HOTARU

The laugh that escapes her at the mention of her last lover's name is hollow, bitter. "Beastly is certainly a good descriptor for him," she agrees. She had loved him, loved all of them, and they had all left her. Over, and over, and over again. Perhaps the last time had not been a departure of choice, but it did not erase the fact that age and distance had clarified her feelings on the matter. Aware that she deserved better, even if she did not always put much worth in herself. His mockery, even when combated by her own, should never have been so prevalent in their relationship. She should not have had to give up so much for him, to wreck herself upon his shores to convince him of her love. Hotaru should never have had to bend her knee and bare her neck to stroke his ego, to make him give her a chance. Not when he had supposedly seen her as an equal all those years. "I don't regret them, though I do regret entangling myself with that stupid, stupid man."

It's just another grief, another burden that shatters her spine and squeezes her insides as she clings tightly to Rexanna. Until the wave finally passes, the storm clears, and she is left with an empty space on which to build once more. A new beginning, a fresh start, one that Rexanna is privy to. And when the tears dry sticky on her cheeks, and her breaths smooth out, Hotaru finds herself smiling freely. The grief will always stay in her chest, a weight to carry for the rest of her days, but time - and love, support, friendship - heals all wounds.

"The little boys can stay, and we can just use men for procreation purposes," she agrees with a vixen's grin, pleased with this hypothetical lifestyle. Why hadn't they made an all-female herdland? Gods knew it would have been a much more stable life if they had simply banned all men from the start. "Except Deimos. He can stay." A wink accompanies the promise, cheeks sore from the strength of her grin. The single man allowed in their little slice of paradise.

As Rexanna pulls her closer she turns into it, tilts her head to bury her face in the coolness of her sister's collarbone, allowing herself to be squeezed as tight as desired. "Thank you," Hotaru whispers, lips brushing against the skin she presses herself so tightly against. "I'd want nobody else."

it's our nature, we destroy

it's the constant of our kind

no matter the color of blood, man will always fall

REXANNA

If Hotaru had shared her woes with Rexanna, she would have absolutely agreed. Somebody should have worshipped her, the ground she walked on, rather than mocking and teasing. It was fun for a time, but after awhile all it did was drain over and over again, and eventually grow into self-conscious thoughts. And that was the last thing she wanted for her sister. Regardless of who it came from. Still, she nods in response, her own quiet hum of laughter leaving her lips in agreement. “Men.” She shrugs as she holds Hotaru. “You deserve someone who can give you the world.” She says softly, nothing but truth lining her words.

Luckily, she manages to lighten the mood, and she smirks to Hotaru in response. “Well, you can. I’m afraid that’s no longer an option for me.” She admits, but there’s no sadness to it. Not with Bastien’s realization, of knowing how important it was to her at one point, of how she might want to try again, and having already gone to the Voice to see what her goddess could do for them. It was an effort she appreciated more than she could put into words.

And even if she didn’t have kids, if Hotaru wanted to, she’d be the best aunt she could be. Exactly how the Valkyrie was to the Penumbra’s own children. A second mother, who was there when she could not. How it should be.

Still, she barks a laugh at the mention of Deimos, a nod in agreement. “Oh I think he needs to worry more about trying to get rid of us rather than the opposite.” She nods her head in agreement as if to settle the point. The poor ex-Reaper turned Sword would have one hell of a handful with her and Hotaru back together. She wonders what he’ll make of it, of all of it. But there’s nothing else to say in the matter, nothing else to think until it happens, and she pulls her sister in tight to her – fingers tangling in the blonde of her hair as she buries her face into the Penumbra’s neck.

She holds her as tightly as Hotaru will allow, snuggling and nuzzling her in agreement. “Me neither.” She agrees softly, resting her cheek against the top of Hotaru’s head.

until the lambs

have become

lions

HOTARU

Hotaru pauses at Rexanna's firm words, unable to look her in the eyes as her doubts rear their head. "Am I worth that?" she asks softly. "Is there anything left in me, after the damage they left behind?" Part of her, small and hurt but still hopeful, whispers yes. The rest is an echoing, pervasive silence. A numbness that she can't face after too many betrayals and abandonments. But if Rexanna could do it, could find love in Bastien, maybe there was hope left for her? If anyone could see past her guard, her machinations and manipulations. Could see even further past the damaged parts, the fear and distrust. Maybe then. But it seemed like a one in a million chance, and getting her hopes up would only end in pain.

A gasp of salacious despair - and oh what a combo that is - escapes her as she turns further in Rexanna's grip until the pair are nearly face to face with how Hotaru keeps twisting in her hold. "Can you at least have sex?" What a travesty! Hotaru had learned about the human ways of copulation in her slapdash portal journey and personally would have been devasted to not experience the fullness of the act now that she finally had the body for it. Then again, perhaps the bite and its sensations were pleasing enough to Rexanna that she did not miss it. But what about intimacy? The foreplay, the gentle touches? Surely she missed that?

Hotaru doesn't ask about the kids that Rexanna references. She knows it's not a topic either of them are ready for, knows how they both feel about Rexanna's parenting from mere minutes ago in their conversation. If ever Rexanna feels the need, and if Hotaru ever finds a worthy partner whom she loves, perhaps more children will be brought into the world for the pair of them to enjoy. Until then, there is no pressure for either of them, and Hotaru vows to keep it that way.

Instead, she revels in the laughter that comes easily from her lungs, imagining the look on Deimos' face when he realizes the Harpy, the Penumbra, and the Valkyrie are all united once more. The poor man had been through so much, but she still intends to give him grief even so. If she didn't get a break then neither did he!

Hotaru turns further, until her face is pressed to Rexanna's throat as her sister rests her head upon Hotaru's golden hair. Breathes softly, slowly, and revels in the simplistic vows they have exchanged. It is the only confirmation she needs that she belongs. That she can build a new life here.

it's our nature, we destroy

it's the constant of our kind

no matter the color of blood, man will always fall

REXANNA

Despite Hotaru’s fears and worries, Rexanna believes entirely that her sister deserves the best out of anything anyone can give her. And the Penumbra will be sure to ensure it should someone come along. But for the following question, all she can do is stroke her hair gently, a gentle comfort of their proximity, the gentleness of her touch, the hope and happiness lifted within such a soft gesture. “There is… Because you will rebuild it.” She says softly, but determined. Because she, too, had rebuilt after the many times she’d broken.

And if she could do it, she has no doubt within her that Hotaru can do the same.

But she smiles gently down to Hotaru as the question raises in the air between them, a puff of a sound but no air to accompany it, leaves her with a smirk. “Sort of.” There’s a light shrug in response before she gives her sister a slightly roguish look, a fanged smirk as if to say ‘with these bad boys’, but that’s about as far as she goes before she snuggles into the embrace of her sister, the face that brushes up against the column of her throat, and the Penumbra rests her head softly and gently along the blond tresses of Hotaru – home at last, home with them.

“You should try to sleep.” She says quietly after a moment, her own sapphire eyes shut as she runs her usual scans in place of sleeping. A slight comfort of normalcy despite the oddly… Not normal night. She only hopes it gets easier for Hotaru as the days wear on.

until the lambs

have become

lions

HOTARU

Hotaru falls quiet under Rexanna's firm belief, simultaneously shaken and supported by the surety of her words. She squeezes the hand she holds, staring into the dark, the vague shapes that dance in her subpar vision. Rexanna is the embodiment of her faith, her courage, and already she can feel the sputterings of her flames rekindling on stubborn coals. "We just don't know how to quit when we get kicked down, do we?" A soft, whispered confession. A reality that weighs heavy on her soul. There is no rest, no giving up. It's not in their nature, no matter how many scars find their way onto their spirits.

As she turns, bridge of her nose firmly against Rexanna's throat, she feels the vibrations of her chuckle and the words that follow. Urging her into Morpheus' arms, the stroking of her fingers through Hotaru's golden hair soothing in the absence of a heartbeat for her to listen to. "Goodnight, beloved." It's easy enough to slip off in her arms, home at last.

it's our nature, we destroy

it's the constant of our kind

no matter the color of blood, man will always fall