we can't make any promises now
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#1
Only absolute necessity would’ve brought Loren to Remi's doorstep. Not because the librarian didn’t want to see the alchemist. No, it was exactly the opposite: Loren wanted to see the other man so badly it was all he could do not to run to the Attuned’s workshop. But as strong as that desire was, it was trumped by an even stronger dread. Remi had every reason to hate the Launceleyn, after everything the librarian had put the other man through. And after Loren’s less than stellar reunion with Ronin, the summoner had even more reason to fear.

Unfortunately, Loren had always been fate’s bitch, and said fates had absolutely given the librarian a reason to seek out his old friend and lover. After the alchemist had mentioned the magically sealed and locked doors at the manor, the summoner had sought them out and, lo and behold, there were doors that, try as he might, he could not open. Seeing as there was no telling what Zariah or Edy might have kept back there—and seeing as Loren had agreed to let the manor be used as a gathering place for LongNight—Loren knew he needed to get inside those rooms sooner rather than later.

Which meant Loren had to go see Remi. There was some reason to hope, however; in their encounter at the meeting the alchemist had held, the other man had hardly seemed to recognize Loren. Maybe, just maybe, the Launceleyn could get one of those keys and get out without the Attuned being the wiser.

Again though, given his luck he wasn’t counting on it.

It wasn’t hard to find the alchemist’s workshop: Remi was unsurprisingly quite popular among the people of the Hollowed Grounds, and everyone he’d asked was able to give the summoner directions. No, what was hard was actually forcing himself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Once upon a time, in another world, another life, Loren had promised the other man the world. He’d allowed himself to dream with Remi, and they’d talked about the workshop they’d build together. How it would contain everything they needed, including their life together.

And then Loren had crumbled under the pressure and thrown away what might have been his last chance at happiness. Well, he had too many regrets to count, but he couldn’t begrudge the alchemist having built a life without the Launceleyn. That didn’t make it any easier to be on the outside, seeing what he could’ve had tantalizingly just out of reach. While he honestly wanted Remi and Ronin to be happy, it was too hard to face them without some sort of protection.

So Loren did what he always did, and retreated behind his walls, into the shell built by a lifetime of torture and training, of spycraft and ducal manners. It was a complicated balance, one he sometimes failed to keep, and when it fell it was usually followed by unimaginable pain. But when it worked, it kept him from feeling too deeply, and better yet, from showing his emotions. He’d spent a long time meditating that morning just to make his mask easier to maintain.

Loren prayed to any god that would listen for it to be enough. But he was Abandoned, and he doubted they’d answer his call.

Eventually, he came to the other man’s door. Loren took a deep breath, wrapping another bar of steel around his soul. Then he knocked, bracing himself for the worst.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#2

While Loren might have been fate's bitch, the alchemist was fully at the mercy of the gods of Caido. Both Ludo and Frey had jointly demolished all memory and feeling of and for the Launceleyn, as though the endless days that had passed with Loren's name on Remi's lips and hope like ever present thorn in his heart, had been nothing. The duke was Remi's first love after all, and once upon a time the boyish alchemist would have been naive enough to think that not even a god could take that away. And though they had, it was Loren's untimely disappearance just when Remi had needed him the most that had properly crushed all of his bright might-have-beens.

And so it was that as Remi did gods knew what in his shop, he had no sense of the foreboding that Loren did as he stood just outside of the door. "It is open—" The alchemist called out hearing the rap against the door. Should the Launceleyn find the courage to open it, a cheery bell would tinkle overhead announcing his presence. As the shop had once, when Loren had come to Remi heart in hand and then cock in mouth, the workshop was a charming explosion of ordered chaos. Sunlight filtered in through the windows illuminating any number of projects that Remi was working on. Telescopes that Loren might recognize from days and days passed, as well as other strange creations in various stages of completion lined the various shelves, all of which would inevitably bring Loren to the back of the shop where Remi sat.

Back turned and hunched over, Remi had his tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth as he fiddled meticulously with an assortment of gears and springs. Using both magic and manual means, cogs floated around his head as he tried desperately to insert something into a chamber with little luck. Giving up with a gently amused sigh, Remi ran his forearm across his eyes before spinning about on a stool to face the librarian. Only just as he hadn't been at the meeting, Remi was far from the man Loren had last met in this place.

From awkward, athletic, and boyish, Remi had amassed an impressive physique along with his magical abilities. Perhaps the most striking change though was the shattering of his eyes. Once the colour of seafoam green, now they were far too pale. Just as gentle, but with the milky foam-coating of the blind. Still, that wasn't to say the alchemist couldn't see, as evidenced by how easily he moved and focused on the man before him.

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#3
Remi’s voice gave the summoner pause, but only for a breath that came too fast. The cheerful bell was entirely at odds with Loren’s heavy heart as he walked into the too, too familiar chaos. It was almost exactly what he remembered, even though nothing was the same: the scattered projects in various stages of disarray and assembly, ingredients and components strewn about seemingly at random but also seemingly perfectly placed, and even telescopes, which nearly stopped Loren in his tracks when he saw them. It hammered home even harder to Loren what he’d almost had and then lost through his own folly and weakness. This was what could’ve been, his real life dream turned to a nightmare of his own making.

Somehow he managed to stumble the last few steps into the heart of the workshop. Then the pain got unimaginably worse (which he hadn’t thought possible) when the summoner actually laid eyes on the alchemist. It was the first time the Launceleyn had seen the other man up close, and the changes were obvious. Where Loren had hollowed out, Remi had filled out, put on muscle; his healthy frame probably looked even more so when compared to the librarian’s too sharp cheekbones. Perhaps even stranger was the magic that the alchemist could now seemingly employ. At least, that's what Loren had to assume, strange as it was, since near as he could tell it was just the two of them. That had always been one of Remi’s dearest wishes, and what Loren had provided the other man for a short time. The happiest days of Loren’s life.

One of them had gotten everything they’d ever wanted, and the other was just an empty man who hadn’t realized it was past time to give up.

But the biggest change was Remi’s blind yet still seeing eyes. The white was a sharp contrast from the brilliant green they’d been. Worst of all—and Loren’s salvation all the same—was that even now, even as the summoner stood there, searching for some sign from any source above or below, there was no flicker of recognition in the alchemist’s filmy gaze.

For a long moment Loren remained silent. He was debating whether or not to say something in the face of Remi’s utter lack of reaction. On the one hand, it seemed unfair to stand here in full knowledge of who Loren was and what they’d been to one another; on the other hand, Loren was barely holding on to his sanity, and a confrontation with Remi would shatter what little mind the Launceleyn had left. Those paths stretched before him, equally terrible. There was no right choice, only bad and worse.

He decided, because he couldn’t stand here forever.

And he’d picked the coward’s route, choosing to say nothing and get in and out as quickly as possible. He knew it was wrong of him, and that he was putting off the inevitable, and that it would just make it worse in the end. But simply standing here was taking everything he had left. Any more would tear his already shattered soul completely to pieces.

Cold steel and mountain lakes. He pictured both, and focused on his breath, and only then did he trust himself to speak. “Hello there.” His voice came out stiffly, but that was probably the best he could manage under the circumstances. It certainly beat sobbing uncontrollably. “I was just stopping by because you mentioned at the meeting that there were magically sealed doors at the Launceleyn Manor, and I was wondering if I could get a key.” There, all business. Let this be all business. Because there certainly wouldn’t be any pleasure in it.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#4

The alchemist remembered the voice, if not the face from the meeting. Setting down the components still lingering in his hands, Remi wiped a grease and charcoal stained hand on a cloth which appeared suddenly, offering the man a bright and boyish smile. "You are one of the new Launceleyns, yes?" He asked, brows furrowing slightly as his head tilted gently to one side.

As Loren elaborated, the alchemist's kind smile shortened slightly. Lips parting so that he could nibble the inside of his lower lip, Remi hummed a note of recognition. On the one hand...the manor was not his to control. And if this man was indeed a Launceleyn, he was likely entitled to inherit the secrets of the manor. On the other hand though, what Zariah had initially planned and indeed the circumstances under which she'd designed some of the more secretive aspects of the house, were cause for alarm. She'd nearly killed Remi in her efforts to force him to do her bidding, and were it not for Edy dragging his nearly lifeless body back to Ronin, he may well have died in one of Zariah's secret rooms.

Clearing his throat and flashing Loren an apologetic if not crooked smile for having failed to answer, the alchemist exhaled a long stream of air as he ruffled a hand through his curls.

"I did make Zariah five keys." He explained, as if that was somehow reason enough that more shouldn't be made.

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#5
Remi’s boyish smile, the one that Loren knew so well once upon a time, nearly undid him. Somehow, though, he managed to keep himself relatively intact. “I’m Edy and Zariah’s cousin.” Well, kind of: they were more distant relatives than that. But explaining the whole family tree would take too long, be too difficult, and expose Loren’s identity, basically everything he wanted to avoid in that moment. Hopefully the alchemist would think the tremble in Loren’s voice came from grief over Edy’s death—which had indeed hit him hard again in that moment—and not anything to do with the way the light played over the lines and planes of the Attuned’s face.

The long pause, where the other man hummed a pitch that shredded Loren’s heart, was excruciating. And he had to look away when the alchemist smiled apologetically—as if Remi could do any wrong to Loren that would come close to the harm the librarian had done to the Attuned—and ruffled his hair. The Launceleyn was afraid that if he kept gazing at the other man’s unruly curls, Loren’s fingers might move of their own volition to smooth them out.

Then Remi finally spoke and Loren’s heart sank further. “I see.” Any delay was dangerous, as with each passing moment Loren risked either revealing himself or losing himself. He wasn’t sure which would be worse. “Look, I just want to make sure that there’s nothing stored in those rooms that might prove dangerous, especially if people will be staying there for LongNight.” Hopefully that would overcome whatever reluctance the alchemist was feeling; Loren hadn’t ever known the other man to deny someone help when they needed it, so long as their heart was in the right place. Granted, Loren's heart was all over the place, but he was at least telling the truth about his reason for being here even if everything else was a lie. “So if you could just tell me where I could find one of the keys, I’d greatly appreciate it and I’d get out of your hair.” The Launceleyn was slipping, his words coming out just a hair too fast, and his tone gaining the barest note of frantic panic. But he couldn’t help himself, not with Remi so close, yet with an uncrossable chasm between the two of them.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#6

"An actual Launceleyn, then." The alchemist remarked dryly, lips pulling down in an effort to keep his smirk from growing too broad. His memories of all the Launceleyns—Loren included—were poor at best (save for Beatrix, who he'd rescued). Peter seemed nice enough, but of course he wasn't born into the clan. Hadn't endured whatever it was that hardened the family into the mages that they were.

The sudden curt tone from the stranger had the alchemist blinking with a naive sort of bewilderment. Straightening ever so slightly, ever submissive beneath most sorts of confrontation, still Remi hesitated. The man couldn't know, but to produce more keys, Remi would have to go back to the manor. And free of Zariah or Edrei though it might be, it was a place that still haunted some of his more vulnerable thoughts. "I can guarantee that none will enter through those doors without a key." He interjected softly. This did not seem to be an argument he would win, but if the worry was simply for the safety of those milling about the manor, the alchemist would literally stake his reputation, for whatever that was worth, on the security of the locks he'd devised.

Again came the flutter of lashes to belay Remi's sense of soft confusion. He shook his head a fraction to indicate that no, Loren wasn't in his hair, feeling suddenly flustered that something he'd done had given this man that impression. "Unfortunately I do not know what Zariah did with the keys. Edy I am sure had one—" Wincing apologetically for saying her name if indeed Loren was kin, Remi tugged in a breath as he continued. "Peter, perhaps? If you cannot find the keys.." Raising his shattered stare to find the blue of Loren's eyes (though to Remi, the mage was simply a nearly-monochromatic rendering of his real self), he tried on a small smile. "...I would have to make them from the locks themselves." And, though perhaps it was inconsequential, the keys were magical items. Items that the alchemist had hoped to save in an effort to protect the inhabitants of the Grounds during LongNight.

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#7
Hearing Remi call Loren an actual Launceleyn was like a punch in the gut. He closed his eyes briefly, not able to prevent his hands from clenching into fists or his jaw from tightening.  “No. Not really. Just someone with their name and their blood.” If he hadn’t in effect rejected his family’s lifestyle by leaving them once and for all, then surely they had disowned him when he disappeared during their time of need. Regardless, it was a moot point: they were dead or gone and, while he was back now, no one was here to make him answer to them. More importantly, though, he wanted nothing to do with the horrible legacy they’d left behind. And he especially didn’t want Remi, of all people, to think of him in that light.

Maybe letting that burst of anger out had been a mistake, though, since even just the anxiety in Loren’s voice from earlier had caused the alchemist to pull back. It was an all too familiar sight to the librarian, and another crack appeared in his careful mask. Seeing as he was about to disagree with the other man, Loren knew it was going to get a whole lot worse. In fact, he looked down so he wouldn’t have to watch the Attuned any longer. It was too painful to meet the alchemist’s gaze or see all the small motions Loren had once cherished. “Begging your pardon, but I’m less worried about someone getting in than something getting out. And there’s always a way to get around even the strongest magic. Especially because you said you made five keys, so it’s already designed to open under certain conditions.” Surely if there was a key here then Remi would’ve offered it, but Loren just didn’t know anymore.

He hesitated, then decided to change tactics, desperate for anything that would get him out of here sooner. “Moreover, it seems like these monsters are experts at getting into places they shouldn’t, and I would hate to leave them an opening just because we thought we were secure and that all the entrances and exits to the manor had been sealed.” If nothing else, otherworldly monsters with powers they didn’t quite understand should do the trick where regular people didn’t. It was sad, but Loren was impressed that he was managing to keep his composure. It certainly felt like it would slip away at any moment. But the fact that Remi had so obviously changed made it easier.

It was just the familiar things that were hard to bear.

As the Launceleyn was still looking down and away, he missed it when the alchemist fluttered his lashes and shook his head. It was a good thing too, because it allowed Loren to actually pay attention to the Attuned’s words. With dawning horror, the librarian listened to Remi’s admission that he had basically no idea where the keys were. While Loren didn’t quite get what Remi was saying about making new keys—and Remi knowing more than Loren about even a specific type of magic would’ve been shocking under literally any other circumstance—it seemed far less important to hunt down the ones that already existed. The other man surely must understand the implications of what he was saying, but apparently not.

Loren’s worry about how the other man might react to another outburst was dwarfed by the terrible thought that Jace or Beatrix might accidentally find a key and stumble upon one of these doors and unleashed something terrible. His head shot up, and he gave the alchemist a panicked look. “Wait, are you telling me that all five keys are unaccounted for? So even if I trusted your guarantee that no one could get in without one, it’s entirely possible that someone or something out there has one? Or could find one?” The Launceleyn didn’t mean for his words to come out so accusatory, but between the difficulty of being in Remi’s presence and the new terror that these mysterious sealed rooms could be opened at any moment, he’d lost any semblance of control.

Spinning on his heel, he practically ran to the front door of the workshop. He had to get home, now, and turn the manor upside down until he was sure there were no keys there. Or, if he found one, he would have to open every door and confront whatever was inside it. But even as his hand closed on the door knob and flung the door open Loren realized that while those were important, he was still making a mistake and running away from his problems again; that he was running towards another one didn’t make any difference. He'd promised that he wouldn't hide from his mistakes and issues any longer, and this was no exception. Although he'd had a moment of weakness earlier, he could make up for it now.

So he halted, one foot out of the workshop, door knob still held in a white-knuckled grip. “You really don’t recognize me, do you?” It took every ounce of strength and willpower Loren had left not to bolt out that door and say those words.

And he hadn’t even gotten to the hard part yet.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#8

The alchemist mumbled an uncomfortable sound of apology at seeing how his comment about the Launceleyns was taken. Cowing humble beneath Loren's words, Remi simply lowered his gaze with a silent nod. He knew little of magic really, having only had it for a year or so. None of his enchantments had failed yet, but the possibility was open, as this stranger pointed out. "No. You are right." He agreed, the unease he felt thickening his accent considerably.

Mouth agape in response to Loren's sudden burst of anxiety, Remi tried to form his thoughts into actual words but time had slipped by. Already the man was headed towards the door leaving a wake of confusion and a distinct feeling that the alchemist had someone done something wrong behind. "They were all given to Zariah—" He tried to explain, hastily making his way out from behind the counter and stumbling as he did in his effort to somehow dampen the stranger's fears. The keys might be unaccounted for yes, but surely Zariah would not have been foolish enough to simply leave them about.

Bright splashes of colour appeared on the alchemist's cheeks in response to Loren's verbal slap. Even so, with a heartbeat pounding out a rhythm of bewilderment, still Remi moved towards the door still feeling as though he owed the stranger more of an explanation perhaps than had been offered so far. However as Loren drew to an abrupt halt, opening but not leaving the shop, so too did Remi pause as well. Looking boyish and ruffled in his uncertainty, the alchemist stood eye to eye with the Launceleyn for the first time in a year. But of course as Loren had already noted, the expression and emotion that should have been coursing across Remi's face was noticeably lacking. Instead, there was only a softly perplexed smile.

"Ahh—" Remi hummed, shattered gaze briefly scouring the lines of Loren's face for only a moment before he shook his head, an apologetic no. "My eyes.." He said with a half-smile as if that might serve as some sort of justification.

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#9
As Remi mumbled an apology, Loren flinched. This was all going perfectly wrong, and there didn’t seem to be anything he could do to fix it. Granted, it was always going to be impossible to make this right. But somehow the Launceleyn had made this more wrong, which he hadn’t believed possible; the librarian’s very presence was making Remi upset, distressed, and that was absolutely the last thing Loren wanted. Of course it was inevitable, since telling his former lover Loren was back was going to piss off the alchemist, upset him more than Loren could fathom. But they hadn’t even gotten to that part yet and it had all fallen apart. It was just going to go downhill from here.

Maybe the Launceleyns really were cursed to always bring misery in their wake. After all, none of them had ever proven capable of anything but destruction.

When Remi agreed that Loren was right, his breath caught in his throat. He wanted to shout that this was wrong, all wrong, that none of this was right, but everything felt so fragile in that moment that he was afraid that if he said or did anything, moved or even breathed it would all come crashing down. Then the moment passed and he was moving, and then stopping in a confusing mishmash of limbs, stuck at the threshold to Remi’s life. Hearing that the keys had been given to Zariah simply stoked the panic Loren was feeling. She was hardly the careful sort, definitely not a forward thinker. No she was the kind of person to be so sure of her superiority that she probably hadn’t bothered to even hide away such a dangerous item. It wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest to find that she’d left them for anyone to find, so long as they went looking for them.

Then the alchemist was before the Launceleyn. And the librarian knew he was out of time and at the end of his rope. Still, he couldn’t bear the sight of Remi standing right there, couldn’t bear knowing the summoner could reach out and touch the other man. So he closed his eyes, pretending for just a few moments more that he was anywhere else but here. Apparently they were both struggling with their vision at the moment, since Loren's had grown blurry from tears just before he squeezed them shut. However, there was nothing wrong with Remi’s eyes, or at least that wasn’t the root of this problem. No, something else was going on here, something beyond Loren’s understanding. That didn’t change what the Launceleyn had to do.

“It’s me, Remi. It’s Loren.”

Turned out, saying the words hadn’t been the hard part after all. No, that was still yet to come.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#10

Oh.

There should have been a flood of emotions, and perhaps if there was, it would all have been easier. Instead, the hollowness imposed by Frey and Ludo's intervention in his life opened up not like a chasm, but like a cavern through which second-hand memories lingered like ghosts.

You are the man I loved first...

And then

..and you left me.

Hopefully Loren did not expect a reaction right away because he'd not get one. Instead, the alchemist's shattered eyes roamed the topography of the Launceleyn's face anew, as if looking hard enough might yet spark something. Indeed there had been a time when the alchemist was sure that merely seeing Loren again would be enough to break a curse. Only that experiment had never manifest, for the librarian had never come back. Only he was here now, but too late. Now Remi merely stared at the face wondering what it was he had so loved about it that had made the alchemist endure heartbreak for all the months thereafter until his memories were torn entirely away.

But what was there to say now? I thought of you every day, looked for you always? You were all I had ever wanted, but I was told how badly you treated me? Or perhaps instead, you're like a ghost who can never be sent away, because you were never there in the first place? Do you know what it is to have nightmares about things of which you can't recall?

Stupidly, but perhaps not surprisingly, the alchemist's first reaction was to smile faintly. A nervous and boyish smile to be sure, but kindness was ever Remi's go-to. Feathers appeared in his curls as a hollow sort of anxiety spread down his spine, melding to ice as it lowered down towards his knees. Immediately his eyes lowered as he looked away, somewhere off to the side of Loren's shoulder as a roller coaster of subtle shifts took hold of his expression as Remi tried to find a place to begin.

"Oh." He managed at last, not unlike Ronin. "Hello."

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#11
Loren kept his eyes closed so that he wouldn’t have to see the pain on Remi’s face and so that the other man couldn’t see the tears that threatened to fall on the Launceleyn’s cheeks at any moment. But that moment stretched on, with no words from Remi, for an excruciating eternity of torture worse than anything Loren’s family had ever put him through. This could hardly hold a candle to what Loren had put Remi through, but it burned the summoner all the same.

And then all he got for it were two words. Two words that were fall too casual for such a momentous occasion, that held confusion and uncertainty and not the pain and anger he’d braced himself for, two words that were probably the last he would’ve predicted hearing from the other man’s lips. Two words. That’s it. Not nearly enough, and somehow too much at the same time.

The last remnants of his control shattered and Loren’s eyes popped open, tears falling freely now. He was beyond caring what people might think. And he caught the tail end of Remi’s smile and the feathers fluttering over the other man’s body, and it sent him even further into the abyss that the summoner had often called home and would now once again. Still, naively perhaps, Loren searched those once-green now-white eyes, that face the summoner had spent countless hours studying, the body he’d barely begun to explore before the librarian had tossed it aside for something, any sign that there might be more than this emptiness.

But there was nothing there for either of them. Not anymore. Though his cheeks were drenched, Loren’s voice was dead, devoid of any emotion. “I have to go.” He released the door knob he’d gripped until then, and with it, his last sliver of hope. And he turned to leave, intending to depart without a backwards glance.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#12

The tears surprised Remi perhaps even more than Loren's presence did. The alchemist was told how horribly the Launceleyn had treated him, how his proclamations of love had gone ignored entirely, how the man had forced him into decisions he hadn't been ready to make. Through the lenses of Vai, Ronin, and Ianto, the librarian had been painted as a man undeserving of the alchemist's affections, who kept the commoner at quite a distance, tugging him close only when it suited him. And, given that Loren had disappeared from him, and all of them, with no evidence to the contrary, Remi was more or less inclined to believe the testimony of his friends.

The tears though..

"I do not remember you—" Remi said, the words rushed as Loren turned to leave. His frown was deep now, and far away somewhere, Ronin would feel Remi's heart stutter anxiously. "Ludo took the memories of..." Like a needlepoint in his heart, pain freckled through in small thorn-like doses of uncomfortable precision. "...all those I loved." Samuel. Ianto. Loren.

"I do not remember anything." He added in something only a pulse above a whisper as yet more feathers adorned his curls.

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
the Firebrand
Headmaster / Grand Healer

Age: 29 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Attuned x Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Halo
Level: 11 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 33 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 39 - Int:
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 5,165 | Total: 9,913
MP: 3415
#13
Hearing it out loud, that Remi didn’t remember Loren at all, was disheartening, but it confirmed what the summoner had suspected ever since the lack of awareness in the other man’s eyes. However, the worst part of it all was hearing the alchemist admit that he’d loved the Launceleyn. For a moment, Loren’s vision swam from more than just the tears, and he swayed on his feet, worried he might pass out. Even weakened as he was, though, his body and training rebelled against such an act, and he felt every muscle in his body tighten, as if to block out the heartbreak. If only it were that easy.

“I-I see.” This time, it came out as a choked sob. Loren was ashamed at that, but the fact that he was even standing and speaking was miracle enough. “Then I w-won’t bother you f-further.” Ever again, if Loren could help it: this was the cleanest break he could’ve asked for. Maybe starting over as strangers—which they were—would make the pain into something the Launceleyn could live with.

Because he’d never be able to get over it.

He took a few faltering and unseeing steps away, stumbling as best he could from his biggest mistake. It didn’t matter what Remi said past this point. Loren knew he would have to deal with the aftermath on his own. Luckily, he was good at that, because every time he found someone to care for him, he managed to fuck it up and push them away. So he'd put up his walls again, and he’d stay alone, all so that he could keep everyone safe from the disaster he’d made of his life.
LOREN
Not quite an open book
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#14

When Samuel heard the news, he rallied against Remi. Vowed to start anew and then...had abandoned him entirely, in more ways than one. Ianto, disappointed but persistent, had risen to the challenge of new-memory making, never letting the alchemist linger too long in the past. And Loren? Loren it seemed would decide all on his own what he now meant to the alchemist, leaving him confused and hollowed-out once again.

Standing at the door, a hand on the wood the other rubbing anxiously at his collarbone, he watched Loren turn his back and stumble away. Frowning and thinking for an insane moment of trailing after the Launceleyn, the alchemist merely swallowed down a shattered-shell of emotion. "I do not think you were.." He said the gulf Loren put between them again, finding it almost unreal to know that all of this had happened once, and was now happening again.

REMI
Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured
& I lost so much more than my senses
'Cause loving you had consequences
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)


RPG-D