Flamethrowing Head Bopper

?bea

Bea had managed to sneak out her beloved new head bopper without Loren noticing – namely by putting it in a bag. Launceleyn funerals involved burning things with magical fire, but she herself didn’t have that ability. So, the ten-year-old had the wonderful idea to make the head bopper shoot magic fire! It had been Edrei’s, Edrei had wielded fire, she needed it for the funeral – really it was absolutely perfect! So off she went to find the only person she knew of that could make such a thing.

Finding the alchemist wasn’t terribly difficult. He was pretty active out and about with a guild and a shop. It was his shop that she found him at, the bells ringing loudly as she barged in, feet heavy on the floor. ”Excuse me!” Beatrix called out, looking for the alchemist. ”I need my head bopper to shoot fire! Can you help me with that please?”

you can call me queen B

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maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

The sudden cacophony of sound had the alchemist looking up immediately from his work bench in the back. Not normally averse to children—he had one of his own, after all—still he was taken aback by the sight of one so young storming so confidently into his shop. Raising a brow and setting down his current project, the alchemist tilted his head slightly to the side as Bea announced her reason for coming to him.

Not that it made a lick of sense, at first at least.

"A head bopper?" He repeated quizzically.

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!

?bea

"Yes! My head bopper!" she said, setting her bag down and digging through it. It took a moment but eventually she pulled out a dildo of rather unbelievable size. She straightened and then thwacked it twice against the counter, which made a very satisfying smack sound. "It's a stick that is good for whacking people on the head when they are dumb!" she said brightly. "It was my Aunt's and I took it to remember her by."

"But I need it to be able to shoot magic fire so I can do her funeral like we did back home. Can you make it do that?" she asked again, holding it out to him.

you can call me queen B

Coding base by Sky!

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

As the child pulled out a dildo the likes of which he'd never seen before, the alchemist's jaw dropped and his lashes fluttered with comic uncertainty. Indeed as she slapped it on the counter and whatever material it was made from gave an unhelpful jiggle, Remi almost choked on the words he couldn't manage to say. "It...it is not a stick." The alchemist gulped uncomfortably, ruffling a hand through his curls now interspersed with feathers.

The mention of fire was nothing compared to have it shoved towards him, and the alchemist took a step back with his hands raised as if in mock surrender. "Your aunts...Not..." Oh gods, but it would be. "Edy?" He asked with a wince.

He was definitely not touching it now.

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!

?bea

What was with all of these grown-ups and their issue with her stick?! Really, they all needed to get over whatever stick issues they had. She didn’t have time for this. ”It’s long like a stick and it’s got weird bumpy parts like a stick so clearly it’s a stick.” she said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. But she actually gaped at him when he almost cowered from it, backing away. ”It’s just a stick, are you really that afraid of it?” she said.

”Yeah, Edy!” Bea said. ”She was my aunt, and this was part of her stick collection, and I am keeping this one and if you could please make it shoot fire I would really like that.” she said with a dramatic sigh, waving it at him.

you can call me queen B

Coding base by Sky!

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

"It is for sex." The alchemist explained almost calmly, a smirk now trembling on his lips at the absurdity of it all. And yes, of course it was Edy's. Further, that she had a stick collection was in no way a surprise. "A sex stick if you like, but ..." Remi shrugged with a comically queasy look on his face.

As for the fire?

"I had been hoping to save my magic for LongNight. To make items that would help keep everyone safe." He replied, quite reasonably. Issues of a child having a fiery dildo aside, the alchemist had been hoping to safeguard his magical well until the end of the season.

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!

?bea

Beatrix blinked at him. Then she looked at her head bopper. She had heard the word sex before of course but she wasn’t really sure about the particulars…nor did she exactly care. ”Still a stick. And if that is what it is I bet Edrei woulda really liked if it shot fire cause clearly she liked fire and her sex stick collection.” she said, not fully understanding the implications of what she was saying by any stretch of the imagination.

Remi gave a reason as to why he didn’t want to make it shoot fire, and her brow furrowed a bit. ”Well, it would be real helpful to me then too cause it’s pretty much just me and Jacey now and so I gotta have something to protect us right? Cause our mom disappeared, and Edy died, and Peter only has time for his boyfriend, and Loren just yells a lot and pities himself. It’s gross.” she huffed.

”So pretty pretty pretty please? I really really need it to shoot fireeeeeee!”

you can call me queen B

Coding base by Sky!

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

"You are probably not wrong about that." The alchemist conceded with a wry laugh. What little he knew of the fire-mage, sex and flames seemed to be two of her favourite pastimes.

Leaning against the counter, but being sure to keep distance between himself and the sex-stick, the alchemist frowned. "So..you want to use the sex-stick to protect yourself and Jace during LongNight?" He asked skeptically. "Much as Loren might yell and pity himself, he is quite strong. Not that you could not protect Jace I'm sure, but isn't that Loren's job, now?"

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!

?bea

”Edy was my best friend so I am completely right about that.” Beatrix said with an assured head nod. She knew what Edrei would and wouldn’t like, and she knew that Edrei would have liked this stick to shoot her favorite thing – fire.

But apparently this alchemist wasn’t going to give in so easily. Her eyes narrowed a bit as he went on and on and on for what seemed like forever, all about Loren of course. Groan. Adults were so full of other adults. ”Nuh-uh.” she said, shaking her head. ”He disappeared for a whole year. We all thought he was dead. And now he comes waltzing back in like it’s nothing?” she huffed. ”When’s he gonna disappear again cause he gets all grumpy that the world isn’t all roses? I can’t trust him to stick around or protect me or my brother so I gotta do it myself. But. I. Need. Flame. Shooty. Stick.” she said, waving the head bopper for emphasis. ”Cause I am not big yet and my magic isn’t that strong yet. Edy woulda wanted me to have something to defend myself. She woulda agreed that you can’t trust someone who just abandons his family like that.”

you can call me queen B

Coding base by Sky!

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

Remi's smile turned lopsided as he simply nodded in response to Bea's declaration of her friendship status with Edy. "I am sorry that she is gone." He offered gently, having not yet given his condolences. Child or not, Bea deserved at least that much.

Crinkling his nose as the dildo was waved about, Remi tugged in a breath knowing that this was going to be an uphill battle. "Hmmmmm." He hummed, not disagreeing at all that after all Loren had done, putting faith in him now might have seemed like a fool's errand. That didn't however, mean that Remi was obligated to give fire to a child.

"You know, back in Northaven the reason I was brought over in the first place was to be a weapons creator. I did not like it all. If you asked for the...stick to become a shield, I might be inclined to do that. But to shoot fire?" His brows knotted together as he shook his head. Remi wouldn't be condescending to the child and would speak plainly, out of simple respect. But she would find it more than difficult to bully him into doing her bidding as her aunt had done.

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!

?bea

Beatrix paused, her boundless energy seeming to come to a screeching halt as he gave his condolences. It wasn't something she expected...it wasn't something anyone really had said to her yet. No one really paid attention to a kid after all. Her lips pursed in a little frown as she looked down at the counter. "Yeah. Me too. Thanks." she said softly.

But the alchemist gave his reasoning and offered a different suggestion. Not that she liked it. "But a shield won't help cause the monsters will still be there." she said, brows furrowing as she looked at her head bopping stick. "If it shoots fire, I can use it to get rid of them. And for starting fires at night time to stay warm. And for light if it gets real dark. And I also need a magic fire for Edy's funeral. So it isn't just a weapon." she said, thinking up other uses for it.

you can call me queen B

Coding base by Sky!

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

The alchemist offered Bea a crooked smile for her continued creativity in trying to convince him. Still though, she wasn't winning him over. "Edy tried to use her fire against them, I was told. Unfortunately it did not work." As for fires at night? The alchemist raised a brow. "You have much flint and kindling at the manor. I have seen it myself." He countered with a grin.

But Edy's funeral? Remi smiled softly. "No fire I could make would ever be as bright or rapacious as hers was." He said, using her preferred title. "Perhaps you could see Ianto though. I am sure dick-fireworks would be something she would definitely enjoy having at the funeral?"

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!

?bea

Beatrix sighed as Remi went on and on, coming up with reason after reason why she didn't need her head bopepr to shoot fire. He didn't understand! Her brows furrowed with frustration and she groaned, setting the stick down on the floor before running her hands down her face, pulling her lower eyelids down in a simultaneously dramatic and comedic fashion.

"You don't understand! Fireworks won't woooooorkkkkk! she groaned, dropping her hands down. "Launceleyn's burn their dead people. Cause we come from magic and back to magic we go. But Edy's body is gone so I can only burn her stuff and this is the only way I can do it right!" she said, tears of frustration and sadness welling up in her eyes.

"Please make it shoot flames. This is the only thing I can do for Edy now." she said, roughly wiping at her eyes

you can call me queen B

Coding base by Sky!

maybe i'm a runaway train, maybe i'm a feather in a hurricane

but maybe that's a good thing

Remi frowned, seeing now that it was less about weaponry and protection as it was doing right by the girl's aunt and apparent best-friend who'd been unceremoniously torn away from her. Biting the inside of his lip, the alchemist regarded Bea for a long moment, wondering what it was he was meant to do in this situation. Well, what was quite clear: absolutely not give a child a fiery dildo.

But surely he could offer her something else? Something better?

But his magic was for LongNight and the protection of all those with in the Settlement. Besides, as far as he knew he was the only one who could imbue Bea's stick with the magic she wanted, so there was no way of this not tracing back to him somehow. "Bea..." He whispered softly. "Sticks, fire or otherwise, will not bring her back. "

Remi

Table coding by Sky, inspiration from Jae!