in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be
holy enough to save you
Phoebe can’t even look to her when she continues, mentioning that Rexanna has a choice, and her eyes never stray from the Midwife as she rampages on. Jaw clenching against the flickering light that calls to the magic still within her. She swallows hard against it, eyes never leaving Phoebe’s face as her friend lays into her, throwing and spitting venom. Her hands form into fists at her sides, and she steps back from Phoebe. “You are just a woman.” She says, softly at first. Because that’s all she is. Phoebe has nothing special about her to take on the war between gods. “They can do anything to you, smite you down where you stand, there is nothing you can do on your own Phoebe. Stop trying to be the martyr.” Her cool composure comes crashing down in a split second.“I have been helping. I have been doing. I am not wallowing in my own pity.” Her voice is surprisingly calm throughout it, not even a higher pitch like Phoebe’s has reached, but it comes rushed and without needing to breathe, there’s not a sound of breathlessness to it. “Where am I bitching and moaning?” She asks, hands splayed out to gesture, head lifting higher. Her voice takes on an almost queenly tone. “I am living my life to the best of my ability, taking the options granted to me, and making the best of it. I suggest you start doing the same.” A calm, cool fire beneath her bones.
But the next comment strikes more of that cold flame within her. “You’re not answering. I am not avoiding guilt, I am saying that we are willing to help. But you can’t see that. You can’t see any of it. You can only see the things you want to see, and when people don’t fall into that, they’re automatically in the wrong to you.” She can’t stop herself before the words fall from her lips. “Sunjata’s love is fickle at best, from what I could tell. Men like him, once the fun is gone, if there's nothing else, they leave. Emmett’s sense of home and family were more than you could mesh and meld with, but he had tried for you. I could tell at the meeting he was at, when he stood up to Zariah, when you had gotten back together with him.” She rushes through the words quick until she steps back once more, hand alight with a small glowing gold light. “Maybe you are the problem, if you care more about your personal woes rather than seeing what others see? Perhaps you need to grow up a bit more.”
The fading light in her palm disappears and she steps back with an adrenaline surge like nothing else, releasing the clench to her jaw before she retreats once more. She hadn't meant to say any of it, didn't mean for it to come out with as much venom. But gods she was tired of everyone thinking they knew what she should do better than her.
REXANNA
