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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

"Mm, indeed." The alchemist agreed with a lazy smile. "If only there was sun to lay in these days, and not endless heaps of snow."

Reading the fox's expression, the alchemist realized that perhaps not everything was as behind them as he'd once thought. Not that it would ever be in a sense, because some feelings, on one side of the equation anyways, would never fully dissipate...but was offering the merchant a room really such a leap? "Mmmmm." The alchemist hummed awkwardly, clearing his throat and staring down as his hands turned his teacup feeling both disappointed and somehow incredibly stupid at the same time.

Staring at Ianto very much like a wild-eyed creature, the alchemist's nostrils flared slightly as he tried to pull in air. "Oh..right.." He muttered, still pulling in choppy breaths as he started to sweep the broken pieces into a small pile. "..a manticore." Remi added after a moment, hazarding an unsteady glance towards the fox. "...I.." A piece of cup cut neatly into Remi's palm and he merely stared at it as a bead of blood formed.

Precisely colour of the splatter that his wings had deflected the night Aoife's kidnapper had been brutally murdered, his body hid, leaving the Hollowed Grounds non the wiser.

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"Ah yes, if only," Ianto lamented heartily, smirking and sighing as his thoughts drifted momentarily to sunnier and happier times. When it had all gone so wrong was beyond him, but then again that seemed to be a common feeling among most of the people he met as of late. Though the conversation had been awkward, regarding the fox's place to stay for Deepfrost, ianto couldn't have accounted for the turn it would take next.

Wincing as the shard of debris bit into Remi's hand, Ianto frowned and scooched closer, reaching out to cup his hands around the alchemist's so he could better see the wound. "You should be more careful," he chastised, trying on lightheartedness where it had all suddenly evaporated.

"A manticore, huh. So it has a name." He smiled. "Any chance you can make us some bandages, and I'll wrap this up?"

IANTO

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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

Remi's cheeks swam with colour as he looked down at his hand. His lashes fluttered seemingly without end as his breath hitched and then finally stopped. It was so red, the blood, but there was so little of it. With Skyler it had poured and poured and poured out of him. It had..

..so sticky..

..and the smell. how the lion in him had wanted it. and his body wasn't even that heavy. where was it now? had the storms obliterated it, or had some creature feasted on what was left? not that ronin had left much ...

His thoughts came slower and slower as the world buzzed and his cheeks turned cold. Slumping without warning into the fox, Remi promptly passed out.

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"...Remi?" It didn't take a genius to realise that there was something very off with the hawk - which was lucky, because a genius Ianto was not. One of his hands moved to the alchemist's shoulder; a fortunate gesture, given how the other man went slumping into him not a moment later. "Whoa--" Ianto just about caught him, able to guide him down to the ground safely, though what had caused it was utterly beyond the fox.

Well, he could guess (and all of it was blight and Ronin related, given that he had no idea what had happened with Skyler), and whilst in the back of his mind he could still very much appreciate how Remi looked, exhaustion wasn't pretty on anyone.

Carefully, Ianto folded his scarf into a square to support Remi's head, covering the alchemist with his coat as a blanket before he started to clean everything up. The shattered remnants of the cup were deposited in the kitchen, and the fox stoked the fire and made up a jug of cold water for when Remi came around.

He didn't go far, periodically checking on the other man before busying himself further. Hopefully Remi wouldn't mind waking up to a tidier guildhall.

IANTO

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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

Snoop, steal a few trinkets, try on a few clothes, drink Remi's wine? These were things he might have thought the fox might do while he was unconscious. But clean?

With a low moan that sounded like thunder in the alchemist's head, his eyes slowly opened to a room darkened by the passage of the sun, but still cozily lit by the fire. Sitting up with a gasp he looked to see that the flames hadn't just burned the house down, but had been recently stoked. Frowning and rubbing at his eyes he glanced around disoriented. The scarf? Hadn't he meant to give that to Ianto? And whose boots were those? And...hadn't be dropped his tea cup?

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"Don't move too quickly," Ianto said in a low tone, his footsteps echoing softly on the flagstones as he approached the stirring alchemist. Grabbing the water jug and pouring a glass, he crouched down and offered it out to Remi. "You passed out," he explained. "You smashed a cup, and that was it for you, I think. Just go slow with this, okay? You're at home in front of the fire."

Maybe once upon a time pillaging might have been an option, but certainly not from Remi. And definitely not now. "How are you feeling?"

IANTO

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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

Glancing up with a look of confusion, the alchemist could only stare dumbly as the fox approached as if seeing him through a fog. "I...oh. I am not sure I have ever passed out before." He mumbled apologetically, looking down at the cup as if unsure what he was meant to do with it. "A cup?" The hawk repeated, before reaching out for the water and staring down into it.

"I..." Suddenly overcome with thirst, the alchemist drained the entire glass before pulling in a full breath. Raising a shoulder to rub his ear against it, Remi settled back into a more comfortable seated position as he shook his head slightly at Ianto. "I..do not really remember. I remember breaking the cup, I think. And then.." Inhaling a breath that did not magically turn into an explanation as he thought that it might, he merely shrugged helplessly at the fox.

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"A first time for everything, it seems. I'm glad I could be here for it?" Ianto smiled warmly, waiting for Remi to accept the glass before sinking down to sit with him before the fire. "Whoa, hey - I said go slow," he tried with the glass of water, but it had vanished into Remi before he could so much as get the words out. Listening to hear out Remi and get his version of events, Ianto shot another smile his way.

"It's okay," he said. "Don't try and force it. Maybe you were staying away from the memory for a reason."

Suddenly shifting into something smaller and markedly fluffier, Ianto shook out his fox fur and padded up to Remi, hopping up and into his lap. In case it's easier just to sit, rather than explain, he said.

IANTO

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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

Remi's mind knew it was a joke, knew he should laugh. Har har, as if you have not been part of enough of my firsts, he might have said under other circumstances. Now though, the alchemist merely found himself spluttering on the water as his stomach clenched wanting to throw it back up. Coughing and then wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Remi nodded distantly as he exhaled.

"What were—" Distracted by Ianto's shift, Remi smiled appreciatively and indeed happily accepted the bundle of copper. Wrapping his arms around the fox in a way he couldn't when Ianto was a man, the alchemist breathed in his friends woodsy scent and closed his eyes. Letting his fingers invade the thick winter fur, Remi shook his head gently. "It was the blood. I.."

Biting the inside of his lip and curling his fingers around the fox in earnest now, he buried his face against the scruff of the fox's neck. I did something...something I cannot undo.

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Lolling back against Remi, Ianto huffed out a breath as the alchemist struggled to keep down his water, the fox nosing at his friend's palm (the one not cut up) as if in silent admonishment for him to be more careful with himself. All but melting around Remi as he was bundled closer, Ianto snuffled into his ear and rested a fluffy head against the hawk's shoulder, equally feeling more comfortable like this than as a man.

Remi's words echoed in his mind and Ianto nosed at his neck and behind his ear, relaxing bonelessly into the hug. Do you want to tell me about it? he asked. Or you could just show me, if it's easier... An Attuned's bond was a funny old thing, it turned out.

IANTO

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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

Drawing his knees up as he leaned against the fireplace, Remi let his head loll against the fox's, enjoying the simple comfort of the wild thing and its various tactile feels against him, warm and real in his lap. I am not sure you want to see. The alchemist wordlessly whispered. One hand stroked down the length of his friend's back while the other busied itself in the too-soft fur just behind the fox's ears.

A man kidnapped Aoife.. He thought softly, though the ease of his posture was still relaxed, his fingers tense and twitched in the deep red fur. It did not take long to find him, and when we did...Ronin and I.. Melting against the fox, Remi nuzzled his face into the fur in an effort to keep himself from sobbing.

Unable to find the words, the alchemist did as Ianto had suggested: through the bond the fox would both see and feel the overwhelming worry and concern. The maddening rage directed at Skyler for daring to goad the two men on and try and fight back. How his hand had tightened on Aoife's throat. The way that hand had been severed and had fallen to the ground...the surreal sound of wet that had accompanied Ronin's ever punch. The smile on the king's face as life bled out of the kidnapper. The easy weight of the body as Remi had disposed of it.

Shaking, Remi's chest convulsed a few times as, in an effort to contain the sobs wanting to break free, he'd simply held his breath.

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Leaning appreciatively into the touch, the fluffy red brush of his tail curling about him, Ianto merely listened as Remi spoke. He might not have wanted to see, but that didn't mean that Remi didn't need to show him, and even as the alchemist tensed and shifted against the fireplace, the fox remained melted against him in a warm, furry hug.

The tale, though, was harrowing. Aoife had been kidnapped? That in itself sounded like it would be enough to put Remi in the sort of state he'd been seen in, but then... well. Then the alchemist continued. His fur bristling, breath hitching in his chest, Ianto was assaulted by the emotions and the visuals of that day, and he tucked his head firmly beneath Remi's chin as if to try and get away from it.

Remi, I... What could he say? That it was fine? That it was understandable? That they had killed a man and had - from the look of Ronin and the feelings coming from Remi - thoroughly enjoyed it. A shudder ran through Ianto, but if anything he burrowed closer to the alchemist, like he could find the man beneath it all and take him away.

He would have killed Aoife, that man... wouldn't he?

IANTO

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all this time i was finding myself & i didn't know? i was lost

Not with any inappropriate intent, but suddenly the alchemist wanted to do nothing more than to tear away his clothes and hug the fox against his bare skin. Not for sexual reasons, but merely to feel something close again, someone that moved when he did, someone that understood. Or at the very least, had the capacity to. Instead he simply pulled his friend as close as possible as if the alchemist could somehow shield him physically from the mental barrage of horrific images being sent his way.

He...said he wanted his sister. I met her once, actually. She was quite afraid of him and what he would do to her. Ronin would not even consider any sort of trade. On this, Remi seemed uncertain. Did he feel proud of his husband that he'd not negotiate with a crazy man, that he wouldn't subject another life to Skyler's madness simply to save Aoife? Or worried, that Ronin so easily chose murder as the solution?

I would like to think it is being a parent that ... that made us act as we did. Made me act as I did, but.. Trailing off, his mental voice failing him now, Remi cried silent tears into soft copper fur as he slowly shook his head. Pulses of confusion rippled to his friend's mind, the dawning horror that the alchemist had changed in fundamental ways. At his core Remi was good, or he thought he was. But Caido had broken something in him, allowing darkness to take root in the cracks where Remi had tried to put himself back together. Never before would he even think it possible that he'd be an accomplice to murder, that he'd be capable of hiding a body. And yet that was precisely where he'd ended up.

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ALCHEMIST