long road out to recovery

Since Sam had moved into Ronin's guild partly to hide from potential attackers, he had not left often. The outside world had become in his mind a dark place full of people just waiting for a chance to jump. He had not felt so paranoid about what lurked beyond his own four walls in a long time and the uncomfortable creeping cold of fear settled into his skin comfortably, like an old coat. There was only one thing that was greater than the terror and that was his love of his work and his friends. He had seen Ronin back and recovered, had heard others were doing well, but did not dare let himself be optimistic for the fate of Jigano. The man had seemed far gone at the Spire, beginning to lose control of himself. So he headed to the Loreseeker's guild intending more to look about and try to work out the place for a possible takeover than find his friend. Amalia had told him the position would be his in another time and while he was sure she wouldn't be happy about him, an Ascended, leading her guild...not to mention the fact that he didn't much fancy a leader position anyway. But if Jigano was gone (a thought that brought an immediate lump to his throat) it was his responsibility to make sure the guild did not die too. Walking into the hall, he traced his hand slowly along a table, looking about the place with a sigh. Could he do this? The emptiness of the room seemed to mock him. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Isuma had gone ahead, the little gryphlet soothed and pampered until she was nearly as round as a little ball by Jigano and Rory both after she had returned to the farmstead to reunite with her companion. Jigano had taught her well, and she had fledged into a fine hunter, capable of taking care of herself when the blight struck him down. However mighty a hunter she was, though, at heart she was still a lover more than a fighter, and as she returned to her senses alongside the white fox she wanted love, attention, and knowing that her humans were safe again.

Safe Jigano was, though black rages still took him as the blight fought back against the lessening of its hold on him. His eyes still showed black veining, for one, and should he bleed the tell-tale inky strands would still be visible amidst the red. His skin was chilled to the touch yet, but it grew a little warmer each day, and the darkness in his blood thinned a little further as he mastered himself and regained some of what had been lost for those first mad weeks of winter. His strength was coming back slowly, and he was beginning to make the trip into the Settlement more regularly again, puttering about the Atheneum, bringing snow moss to the Infirmary, and gathering people to help build the Spark Bird's perch.

Visiting the Guild, too, to prepare it as a bastion against Long Night.

So it was that Isuma reached the Atheneum first, bounding down the stairs with the tiny click of owl's talons and reep!ing joyful greeting at the familiar fringe of red hair. She launched herself across the intervening space with a happy flutter of wings to land on Sam's shoulder if he'd let her, rubbing her cheek fiercely against his own in a hello of exuberant relief to find him there and well.

The clicking of claws coming down stone steps made Sam turn just in time to see Isuma zooming towards him - a rather surprising sight, one that made him yell then laugh at his own surprise, reaching up to scratch her neck with a smile. "Oh, hello--why are you here?" Usually, when Isuma was somewhere Jigano could not be far, but in the back of his head Sam wondered if she was untethered now due to bereavement. He did not have to wonder long - as soon as he saw Jigano come down the stairs Sam burst out into happy, confused, emotional tears, nearly falling down to the ground in overwhelming relief. Instead he supported himself on one of the tables, hands shaking. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Isuma might not know exactly what Sam was saying, but she liked playing the 'conversation game' with her two-legged friends, and she chirruped back at him as if replying to his question, even as she snuggled into his scratches with a happy little purr. She was puffed up and proud at 'scaring' the tall red-furred human, and magnanimous in her victory as she rubbed affectionately against him. Her joyful note along the mental link with her companion had let Jigano know that there was welcome company ahead, and he hurried down the stairs with the sack slung over his back carrying its precious burden.

Thanks to the Isuma, Jigano had been expecting Sam. What he hadn't expected were the tears, and his heart lurched with worry as the gryphlet peeped in concern at the gentle Ascended. "Sam, what's wrong?" he asked instead of the greeting he'd been preparing. He had hoped to find his friend again in the Guildhall someday soon, but if either them was going to break down he had expected it to be himself, still suffering from blight-induced mood swings. He shook away that thought, letting the sack fall to the ground with a soft, light whuff - far lighter than expected for its size - and quickly crossed the distance between them. Though his own hands still shook with illness he reached out to lightly touch his friend's arm. "Vi's Roses, they worked. I'm not cured yet but... I'm mending. You don't have to worry about me anymore," he tried to reassure the other man, still not realizing that the tears were from joy and not something darker.

Lately, with the blight still hanging over him, all tears were the result of something darker, and it was hard to remember that people could cry for reasons other than rage and pain.

At first all Sam could do to respond to Jigano's questioning was shake his head, his throat too clogged with tears for a decent response. He had to put a hand across his mouth, close his eyes and still himself before he could speak again, eyes still shining with the extra moisture. "Nothing's wrong, Jigano, it's just, you're...!" He moved forward an inch to hug the bard then remembering himself, moved back, instead holding up his hands and hovering them over Jigano's arms. "I thought...I was so sure you had died. I was here to try and..and.." A shaking, careful breath was needed to get his voice working again. "To see about taking on the guild myself, for you. But now I don't have to, do I?" He had never felt such relief; not only that his friend was well but that he had not killed him, accidentally or not. When Sam had heard of the roses he had thought the plan mere superstition, but he was ready to never doubt again if this was what it could do. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Hugs were still a little awkward, but since his brush with blight-borne death, Jigano had found much of his reticence for them had faded. He might never be as unabashedly tactile as Amalia and Sam could be, but he had come too close to never being able to hug anyone ever again, and it had shifted his priorities more than a little. He tilted his head at his friend, giving him a weary smile as he stepped forward and offered the bookkeeper a careful pat on the back - careful both for his unfamiliarity with such gestures still, and because he still could not trust himself completely, never knowing when the darkness coiling within his belly would try and strike.

"I thought I had died, too," he admitted soberly, stepping back to look his friend over again, reassuring himself that Sam was at least outwardly unharmed. "I don't remember most of that time. It's just... darkness. I know I attacked some people though. Hurt them. I... didn't know if you were one of them," he admitted in a low voice, looking away guiltily. He rested a shaking hand on the back of one of the chairs around the big table, subtly leaning against it as a wave of weakness threatened. Hearing that Sam had been trying to take on the position of Provost sent twin flares of pride and bitter jealousy through him, and it wasn't hard to know which was the nightmare still pulsing in his veins. He swallowed hard against the tarry lump in his throat, biting back the first snappish words that tried to escape.

Isuma took that moment to bound back to his shoulder, mantling a protective wing over his head as she pressed hard against the side of his neck, offering her support. He exhaled shakily, and nodded to Sam as he pulled the chair out and half-collapsed into it. "Thank you, Sam. I appreciate that. I hope that I'll be here for many seasons yet to come, though." He couldn't quite manage a smile in the face of the blight's grudging retreat, but he patted the chair beside his invitingly. "Tell me, old friend, what has been happening around the Settlement since the weather changed?" From Leafchange into Deepfrost, from spiralling down into madness and now the slow climb back out of that black pit. While he had been a rabid beast driving himself to destruction amid the snow, what had the rest of the world been doing?

The pat on his back was more than Sam expected and the gesture made him laugh, the sound odd and ugly through his tears but the smile genuine enough. It was hard to keep a smile when he heard what Jigano knew of his time Blighted, though. Sam rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve and hesitated before he spoke, wondering if it was the kindest thing to do to tell Jigano of what had happened. Whether it was best to let the man go ahead thinking he had caused no further harm than that he already knew of, or to tell him of it all now so he would not be surprised later. Perhaps Jigano could make the decision for him. "You...did not physically hurt me. But if you do not want to hear of it, I won't tell you and it can be forgotten. It...it is already forgiven." He promised. He went to sit down at Jigano's prompting and felt another surge of relief about not having to be the new Provost. That kind of pressure on top of his already fraught mind would not have been good, he knew. "Oh, um...well...I haven't been around outside, too much. This is actually the first time I have left the Monster Hunter's guild in about a week. Because..." Sam looked to the side and sighed, his hands in his lap wringing uncomfortably. "I was attacked in my shop...a knife to my neck. By someone wanting me to get The Voice to apologise to the Old Gods...or something? Remi saved me, but..." Rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to find the words, he ended up just shrugging. "I did not want to go back home or to the shop for a while, anyway." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

He knew already from how Sam's face fell that the bookmaker was one of those he had wronged, and the bard drew in a shaking breath as he sought to steady himself and accept what he had done. He remembered fear in Amalia's eyes, blood on Ianto's wrist... but if he hadn't hurt Sam physically than what could his blighted body have done to the poor man? "Was it... worse than what I said at the Spire?" he asked hesitantly, the memory of one of his last lucid days before the first snow fell and the blackness descended only a little fuzzy in his usually-sharp memory. Deepfrost had arrived and stolen his mind, his memory, his sense of self but for a few brief moments stolen in blood and the pricking clarity of a Rose's thorn.

The monster hunter's guild? If he'd had more energy the bard's brow would have arched in open curiosity. Though he desperately wanted to pursue the question, Sam was clearly gathering the courage to offer some explanation, and Jigano focused on drawing in slow breaths and containing the darker emotions still pressing against his throat while he waited for his friend to continue.

That lasted until Sam found his words, and those words sent the lorekeeper surging to his feet, the chair clattering over behind him as Isuma rose to take shelter in the chandelier. The blight had found the chink in his armor it needed at the flicker of shock and anger, and Jigano stood with fingers tipped in sharp black claws and a mouthful of fangs as the blackness surged to nearly overtake the blue in his eyes. "Who!?" he hissed, a lethal edge to his voice as he pinned the bookmaker with a more-than-half-feral glare. "Who did this to you?!" Sam was his friend, and there would be hell to pay by whoever brought the gentle redhead to harm, be it goddess or wretched mortal rodent alike.

"Oh, no I...I meant what was said at the Spire." Sam admitted, rubbing his arm and looking down. Did Jigano not consider that to have been anything bad? While it had not caused any lasting physical wounds on him, the words had added to his constant chorus of naysayers in his head that told him he could not do anything right. He had hoped for a true apology now that the Blight was leaving Jigano, but he sighed, accepted that he may not have been the one most hurt and might not get one. He had expected Jigano to be upset at his news, maybe a little angry, but the reaction he got was so intense it shocked him, Sam leaning away and gripping at the table. "Uh, w-well, that's the th..thing. We don't know. It was a woman, b-but..Remi put up a notice. But I don't know who it was." While he was upset about the attack, Jigano's anger scared him and immediately made him want to downplay the event. "I mean, it was...strange, but I'm alright...Remi keeps me safe, and Nate's there too.." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"I am glad I didn't attack you, as I did others," Jigano said quietly, uncertain why Sam looked so uncomfortable. Had he assaulted the bookmaker after all, and he was lying to spare the bard's feelings? The lorekeeper had already apologized for his blight-fueled words at the Spire the night it had happened, and thought that the apology had been accepted. It didn't occur to him to continue groveling over it, not when others bore significant scars from the damage he'd inflicted before they could stab him with one of Vi's Roses. "When the first snowflakes began to fall... I felt myself fading. I ran, tried to get as far away from here, from everyone, as I could but...then it all went dark. And the only memories I have were when I was stuck with thorns from the Roses. At least, until just recently."

Lest he begin to feel too sorry for himself, however, Sam's news struck all worries of his own behavior from his mind as the blight roared to life within him, taking the spark of anger and fanning it to a wildfire. There was a vicious, wicked cast to him in that light, his weakness vanishing as black blood pulsed gleefully through his veins and nibbled at the edges of his mind again. "Did he get her scent?" the blightbeast growled, clawed hands flexing as if already knuckles-deep in the attacker's viscera. "Is he tracking her down?" A manticore could do a great deal of damage, Jigano knew, but he wanted Sam's enemy beneath his claws and fangs, and a low growl rumbled ominously in his throat as he pushed away from the table to stalk a restless pacing around the room, half-tempted to head up the stairs and begin the hunt then and there.

"...That sounds awful, Jigano. I'm glad you came back." A lot of Sam's worst fantasies were thoughts of losing himself in the many years he had to live, his life fading out of his mind but not his body. What Jigano had gone through caused him great fear to think of, and his empathy for his friend far outweighed any anger at the words he had uttered during his descent. Jigano did not seem to want to drop the subject of his attacker so easily. "I don't know. Um...he left a note on the Notice Board about it, asking for help, b-but he didn't actually fight her. She left before he could. I suppose you could ask him..?" Though the moment had been so frantic he doubted Remi had concentrated on much besides getting the knife away from Sam's neck. "I do worry about...more attacks, like that, which is why I'm staying at the guild right now. So I can be safe...so it's okay." He tried to reassure once again, reaching out to gingerly pat Jigano's hand. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

It had been awful, and Jigano nodded wearily, finding a weak smile for his old friend. "I am, too," he said quietly, but those three words were packed tight with feeling. It was too bad the good feeling couldn't last, but at hearing that Sam had been attacked all relief and gratitude fled in the face of his anger towards the one who had dared such a trespass. Sam had been targeted, threatened with violence, and for what? Someone too cowardly to confront the Voice themselves. Jigano was ready to leap to violence himself right then and there, if only the culprit had been within reach of his claws.

Hearing that Remi had asked for help did little to soothe him. He hadn't stopped by the Notice Board yet, though he would need to do so soon for reasons of his own. The lorekeeper seethed as he considered his options, knowing that even his own senses would be of no help on a week-cold trail in a shop where so many feet had passed. The alchemist should have known to use his leonine nose...!

The growl rising in his throat caught suddenly at the touch to his hand, and he snarled instinctively down at Sam before the sound died to silence. He blinked at the bookmaker, taking in his uneasiness, his fear, and the blightbeast shuddered hard before stepping away and raising his clawed hands to hide his face, feeling the sharpness of his teeth and the anger that still twisted his expression. Isuma chirruped softly from the chandelier, coaxing him to calm down as he slowly retracted his more bestial traits, wrestling with the blight's power over him all the while.

"You shouldn't... have to live like that though," he managed to get out, taking deep, shuddering breaths to try and calm himself. "You, of all people. You're a bookmaker, for Mort's sake. You mean no harm to anyone. What the hell did they think they would accomplish, threatening you?" Though Sam had done plenty of harm without meaning to by following his goddess's commands before...

The snarl that came from Jigano made Sam flinch, taking his hand away. Watching Jigano carefully, he slowly began to relax as he saw the bard become more human again. The Blight's lingering effects were stronger than he had imagined; to actually see the consequences of the disease he'd helped spread truly added to his guilt. Jigano's questions were ones he had asked himself, and he did have a couple of answers. "I suppose it's easier to attack me than someone like Wessex...they probably know I'm not going to fight back." He imagined if the same thing had happened to her, she would have known what to do, would have immediately turned and overpowered her assailant without a second thought. "And...I mean...you were angry with me about it before. I think...people are just mad, and they don't know what do. I mean, after all, it was...my fault..." He looked down, sighing. Last time they had spoken about it, he had angrily defended himself and his Goddess; it was painful to have to admit to Jigano he had been wrong. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

The reason for attacking Sam instead of Wessex was unfortunately true, and Jigano gave a grunt of acknowledgment, however reluctant. "Then they are a coward as well as a fool," he growled, but it was followed by a sigh. "I'm sorry I wasn't there... to help protect you." Though what he could have done that Remi couldn't have done better he didn't know. It didn't stop him from wishing, though, wanting to have been there, and not lost in the dark while his body rampaged through the snow doing who-knew-what terrible things and attacking the people he loved.

Sam had a good point, and the bard winced at being reminded of his anger, too. The flicker of regret drowned out the last sparks of anger and he nodded reluctantly as he went to right the chair and sit slowly back down again. "Was it your fault alone?" he asked tiredly. "Sam, what happened? Did the Voice ever give you any answers for what she told you to do?"