From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
There were many things that had to be done to prepare for LongNight. Most things were already done, but one of the more important things remained – calling the Luxere. Out in the garden behind the College, which was filled with snow instead of vibrant plants, she had set up large bales of hay and other treats that would help make the College building a nice place to stick around when the dark week came. Pim was inside, tucked away so his predatory presence wouldn’t cause the gentle glowing deer to startle and run.
Amongst the bales and snow, Phoebe sat, singing a happy little tune from her childhood, her whispery voice soft and soothing:
Ho, ro, the rattlin’ bog,
The bog down in the valley-o
Real bog, the rattlin’ bog,
The bog down in the valley-o
Well in the bog there was a hole,
A rare hole a rattlin’ hole,
And the hole in the bog
And the bog down in the valley-o
Ho, ro, the rattlin’ bog,
The bog down in the valley-o
Real bog, the rattlin’ bog,
The bog down in the valley-o
Well in the hole there was a tree,
A rare tree a rattlin’ tree,
The tree in the hole
And the hole in the bog
And the bog down in the valley-o
Already Luxere had begun to gather, a small family, coaxed in by the happy song and plethora of food, content to listen and munch the afternoon away.
Loren had meant to come out to the College to help Phoebe with, well, experiments and LongNight preparations and classes, and all sorts of things. Unfortunately, life sort of got in the way: he’d grown increasingly busy and increasingly isolated as LongNight approached and his former friends and loved ones drifted away from him. And yes, he knew that he had pushed them away as well, and that he had no one but himself to blame for the departures, given how he’d been acting recently. However, it was harder and harder to find a spare hour and to muster up the energy to do anything above the bare minimum.
But he was still trying to stick to the few promises he hadn’t broken yet. So, Astra by his side, serviceable but unflattering brown woolen clothes and brown cloak wrapped loosely around his increasingly gaunt frame, he made his way through the Deepfrost snow to the College. When he arrived, he was surprised not to see anyone there. Then again, he barely spent any time there and he was the only student, so maybe he shouldn't have been shocked after all. Why spend time at a school if there was no one around to teach.
However, a sound drew him to the back of the building, where he discovered a small courtyard. And in that courtyard was a bunch of hay and other treats, a small herd of luxere, and Phoebe. Who was singing. The summoner simply leaned against the doorframe, listening to her voice coax the magical deer closer. Astra, for her part, immediately joined the crowd of her wild and larger cousins in eating and frolicking around the healer.
It was a simple and repetitive tune. So, when Phoebe reached the chorus again, Loren joined in, his soft baritone hopefully not startling the woman too much.
Ho, ro, the rattlin’ bog,
The bog down in the valley-o
Real bog, the rattlin’ bog,
The bog down in the valley-o
He’d been singing a lot, recently, given how much the luxere (Astra included) and while his voice was entirely untrained, it was pleasant enough. Hopefully this particular set of luxere would think so as well. Strangely enough, even though he felt dead inside, the magical deer didn’t seem to mind his presence. Just because he was an empty and hollow man didn’t change the fact that his magic was light and his hands were clean.
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
The much smaller than normal Luxere that suddenly joined the group was the first indication that someone else had shown up. But she didn’t look at first, simply smiling at the new little deer in the group. One of the younger ones came up to her and she gently scratched behind its ears, still singing her tune. Pim glanced up at the summoner, curled up and banished indoors as he was, but otherwise kept on snoozing. Glow deer weren’t that interesting to him, even though his human seemed to love them.
But when another, familiar voice joined hers, Phoebe glanced over, smiling warmly at Loren. A light blush rose in her cheeks, shoving aside any memories that would make her a bumbling idiot. Besides, there were Luxere to sing to – and fortunately, her song being a folk song, it wasn’t too hard to catch on to. She patted the bale of hay she sat on, inviting the Launceleyn over to sit as she slowed down the tempo of the tune, in hopes he could keep up and sing along. If not, he could keep up on the chorus at least.
”And on the tree there was a branch,
A rare branch, a rattlin’ branch
The branch on the tree and the tree in the hole
And the hole in the bog
And the bog down in the valley-o”
If Loren had come to sit next to her, Phoebe would pass him a little bag of oats and carrots – things the Luxere liked very much.
While the song might’ve been easy to follow, Loren wasn’t a mind-reader and he couldn’t possibly predict the verses. Nor did he take Phoebe’s invitation to sit, although he did take the bag she offered and started passing out the oats and carrots within. Astra obviously got first pick, but after he’d stroked her head and fed her properly, she joined the throng of luxere clamoring for treats.
Methodically, every time the chorus rolled around the summoner would join in. He lost himself in the work and the song, which was far more pleasant than anything in his mind and heart, which were both dark places these days. And no, he did not want to talk about it, even if there was anyone to talk to. He'd said far too much and it just had driven home to him that he was a terrible communicator and should just avoid people entirely.
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
Phoebe tried to not let the pang of sadness that washed over her when he didn’t sit consume her. He was a bit standoffish so she really shouldn’t be surprised. They did fall into a comfortable rhythm with the song at least, her singing the verses on her own with him joining in for the chorus. The Luxere very much enjoyed it and seemed content to stay around even as the song came to an inevitable conclusion.
Once it did, she glanced over at Loren with a small smile. ”Thanks for joining in. Hopefully we’ve serenaded the Luxere to come back for LongNight as well.” she said with a light laugh, petting the head of one that continued to nuzzle her hand in search of treats. Round brown eyes glanced over him, her expression dropping slightly. ”Have you lost more weight, Loren?” she said, a hint of concern in her voice.
The song finally concluded—it turned out to have many more verses than he’d realized and his throat grew a little hoarse by the end—and the luxere seemed to dance about them in appreciation. Or maybe it was just his imagination and too much time spent around Astra, who seemed more intelligent and affectionate than her wild kin. Indeed, even now she came up to rub against Phoebe before his companion finally returned to his side. He dutifully scritched under her chin. He was out of treats, but that didn’t stop the rest of the luxere from crowding around him.
It proved a welcome distraction and useful way to avoid meeting the healer’s eyes. ”Hopefully.” He’d fed and sernanded the luxere multiple times, and yet people seemed to think that it wouldn’t be enough. Then again he was one person, and only recently had others begun to assist him in his efforts. And most of his own endeavors failed, so that was probably for the best. At the concerned tone in her voice he simply shrugged. ”I don’t know.” He hadn’t looked in a mirror recently, which meant he could honestly say that even if he had his suspicions. His voice, now that he wasn’t singing, had a dull quality to it. Again, he found that he didn't care how he looked or sounded.
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
Astra would be pleased to discover that Phoebe was very good at giving scritches and did so willingly as the Luxere rubbed up against her. Her gaze turned around to the gathered Luxere and she smiled a bit. ”This is more Luxere than I have ever managed to gather on my own. You really must be magic.” she said, a bit jokingly.
But by the time he answered her second question, it became clear he likely wasn’t in a joking mood. She frowned a bit as she looked back towards him, considering what she ought do. ”Well, if you aren’t careful, I am going to start showing up three times a day to force feed you, which I am sure you would just love.” she said with a light laugh. Phoebe hugged her cloak around her waist a little tighter, sighing a bit. ”You seem a bit more down than usual too…what’s wrong?” she asked gently.
No. Loren had magic. But he definitely wasn’t magic, unless it was the darkest of arts. If he was, he could wave his hand and fix all the mistakes he made. As it stood, he just kept making more and more of them until he felt like he was about to collapse under the weight of it all. ”You did most of the singing and set out the treats for them. And more of them are showing up because it’s later in the season.” He hadn’t put out the food or done much of anything at all except hold some oats and support her on the choruses; she definitely could’ve managed this much on her own, and he knew he wasn’t doing much here.
Moreover, he wasn’t going to respond to her joking tone. ”I’m eating.” Well, picking at food whenever he felt hungry, which was rarely these days. She certainly didn’t need to force feed him and he’d slam the door in her face if she tried. ”And nothing’s wrong. I’m just busy. Which is why I didn't make it out here sooner, sorry.” Most of his problems were related to people she felt far too strongly about for him to feel comfortable opening up to her. Of course, that was assuming he’d ever feel comfortable opening up to her, which was a big if.
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
Her frown deepened as he spoke, refusing to give himself any credit it seemed. Of course, he wasn’t wrong about there being more at this point in the season, but it still was unnecessary. ”It sounds like someone needs to learn how to take a compliment.” she said with a small smile.
And even though he said he was eating, she didn’t believe it for a second. If he was with regularity, he wouldn’t be continuing to waste away. ”Don’t be sorry.” she said with a light shrug. Cells weren’t going anywhere. There was time for their research. ”You don’t have to lie to me you know.” she said softly, looking down at the pattern of hoof prints in the snow. ”You should take a break. You’re literally working yourself to the bone.” she said.
Loren just stared at Phoebe. The issue had nothing to do with his inability to take a compliment and everything to do with the fact that he didn’t fucking deserve a compliment. Still, he didn’t want to encourage or engage with her. ”If you say so.” Everyone seemed to have an opinion on what he should or shouldn’t be doing with himself, or with his time, who he should be with or not be with, what he should be putting effort into.
Unfortunately for them all, he was getting a bit sick and tired of catering to their wants and needs and being ignored or ridiculed for his efforts. Enough was enough. He'd give them his skills and his expertise, but they didn't get his kindness or his heart, what little was left of it. ”I’m not lying. And it’s my life. Right now, other people’s lives might be at stake, and I have work to do.” His voice was completely empty of any inflection, and while his words might’ve been a bit harsh, there was no expression in his eyes. He was simply doing what he needed to do, and nothing more or less than that.
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
Oh boy. So this was how it was going to be huh? Her head dropped again, frown firmly set in place. She had a feeling she knew why he was upset – and by feeling she meant 100% certainty – but wasn’t sure how well he would take it if she brought it up. ”I see. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to tell you what to do like that. It was really just a suggestion.” she said quietly, his words, despite lack of inflection, seeming unnecessarily harsh. But that was what some people did when they were hurt – they made themselves as prickly as possible.
”Remi told me about what happened between you two.” she said quietly, daring to glance over at him. ”And for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. I know how much it hurts to have your heart broken.” she said with a soft sigh, glancing out over the Luxere. For a moment she fell silent, lost in her own thoughts. Emmett. Sunjata. Fresh and old they ached still, in different ways for different reasons. The midwife wrapped her arms around her waist, glancing back over at the summoner. ”I know because Remi is my friend you might not want to talk to me about it but…if you need help with anything…I would be happy to. You’ve been kind to me even when I was cruel to you for no real reason and…well, I’d like to help. If I can.”
And then, for the first time in this conversation, an expression stole across his face and color rushed to his cheeks. But it wasn’t sadness, or exhaustion, or even bleak despair. No, it was rage, an anger that he’d rarely felt in his life and crashed over him like a wave. As it filled him, he drew himself to his full height and his hands clenched into fists.
He was furious, the type of fury that made his magic dance and his eyes flicker with a dark light. And this time, he felt completely justified in feeling this way.
That’s right, Loren had been kind to her. And this is how she repaid that kindness: by speaking to the last person in the world the summoner wanted to hear about in that moment about the last thing the Launceleyn wanted to hear about. The healer might’ve thought she was being nice in that moment, by bringing up Loren’s trauma. But all she’d succeeded in doing was enraging him.
As always, though, his anger felt like ice water in his veins. And his voice when he spoke was more frigid than the Deepfrost air that sank into the garden they stood in. ”So what, you two gossiped about it? Talked about me behind my back? Had a good laugh at my expense?” Astra, hearing that tone, tensed, then pawed at the ground and bleated anxiously, lowering her antlers as if to figure out what had put him in such a mood. However, even that wasn’t enough to pull him back from the brink. Not this time. Fucking enough already.
I believe that the darkness reminds us where light can be
As Loren’s rage rose to a fever pitch, Phoebe remained calm and passive – if anything she may have shrunk away from him. But his anger was not like that she was used to. It was loud and brash, it was quiet and icy, making her own blood run cold. She blinked at him, still frowning, but a bit surprised by the sudden fire in his voice and expression. She had perhaps expected him to become defensive, but not this. And Phoebe, without the blight to fuel her, simply lacked the sort of fiery rage to help her reach his heightened emotional state, and so she didn’t even try.
”No, it wasn’t anything like that. He was upset and needed someone to talk to in order to work through his feelings.” she said simply. ”I don’t really have an emotional investment in it. He is close to me but I’ve no reason to dislike you or favor you in any way either. I…feel badly for you both really.” she said, her tone genuine as she spoke calmly. ”I…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you angry. I just wanted you to know that…well you don’t have to go through it alone or bury yourself in work either…or even pretend you’re okay. I’d…I’d like to help you like you’ve help me.”
Well, that was rich. The corners of Loren’s mouth curled into a sneer as Phoebe seemed to shrink before him; her words just seemed to lower the temperature of the icy fury rising within him. Astra looked between the summoner and the healer, then cowered behind him. The luxere didn’t want to be in the middle of any of this. Unfortunately, the Launceleyn had now found a convenient target in the healer, and he wasn’t going to let her off that easily. ”Oh is that so? So you were, indeed, talking about me behind my back.” That much was clear, and there was no way she could deny it.
”I don’t need your pity or your help. And I just want you to know that we’re not friends. Nor am I sure I ever want to be friends with you.” She seemed like a pretty terrible person to have as a friend in that moment. ”You said Remi was your best friend, and if you’re not emotionally invested in him and if you don’t favor him over a stranger, I shudder to think how you’d treat me.” Her calm demeanor was just making him angrier. He had no interest in pretending everything was okay, so at least she’d succeeded in that much. Unfortunately, what was clear to him was that her behavior and the alchemist’s had been completely, utterly wrong. And he wasn’t going to act like it was all fine and dandy any longer.
Remi didn’t have a monopoly on the pain and heartbreak. Loren had more than his fair share, and if that’s what Phoebe really wanted to hear, then well, here it was. She should probably be more careful what she wished for.
