I breathe disaster

sometimes love is all that can save us, sometimes love can kill a man

With the boyish sort of genuineness and honesty he'd once could be counted on as having, Remi simply shook his head. He didn't lower his eyes though, no matter how the chill in the air and in Loren's gaze stung his face. "No. I want.." But that was the thing, wasn't it? Smiling painfully, he let the words go. "What I want does not matter. What I thought you needed...I was wrong." It hurt to say, to think, to believe. Even in the moment the alchemist wasn't sure he did. He wanted to fight for the man before him, to pester and demand and annoy him until the walls were once again lowered. He still thought that was what Loren wanted. Stupidly, naively, selfishly, he thought Loren was simply playing some absurd game of cat and mouse. Everything the two had done up until this point reinforced it: the back and forth, the go and stay. "It is selfish, to want you in my life." He concluded, his voice a mere husk.

Flinching slightly if struck, Remi's lashes half-fluttered shut as he shook his head. Charming? No. Not that. "I'm so sorry, Loren. I was so wrong." He whispered, eyes lowering somewhere around the summoners knees before he closed them against the weight of his tears and the friendship that was now sparkling out of existence forever.

Keeping his eyes closed, Remi bit the inside of his lip hard. That Loren wanted to isolate him, to lash out and hurt Remi the way Remi had hurt him, was understandable. But the alchemist was used to being used, to be abandoned. His experiences were honed by the best after all: the man before him. Even so, he felt himself flinch, eyes moving behind closed lashes as he pulled in shaky breath. "But you did not need to." Remi said finally in a hushed breath.

"Glad to hear it." The alchemist replied, and though his voice was strained, he did mean it, even if he didn't believe it. "It is about LongNight. Protecting those who will stay at the guildhouse. That is why I came here, even when I said I would not." He explained, though the words sounded hollow even to him. No doubt Loren would twist them, would call him some sort of pathetic martyr or hero as Jigano once had.

However at Loren's mention of Amalia, Remi's gaze snapped sharply upwards, looking for truth of merely more cruelty in the summoner's frosty stare. Clenching his teeth together Remi forced himself to look away as predatory gold bled into his pale stare. It was lucky he did, as more sparks and light flashed into existence.

Instead of picking them up, Remi too used telekinesis to lift the amulets, though only two. "Only two." He said, swallowing hard and finding it harder and harder to meet Loren's gaze, much as he wanted to. "You might not, but you will not be alone this LongNight. You do not know what it is like." The alchemist replied, his voice breaking slightly for oh so many reasons. However at the mention of being used, Remi's eyes once again flashed upwards, the hand holding Loren away falling to clap against his coat as he fixed the summoner with a stare. Arguments broiled in the back of his throat as his brows furrowed over chilled green eyes. He hadn't. He hadn't used Loren, but...how often had he been wrong? No doubt the Launceleyn would be more than pleased to elaborate, but instead of arguing, Remi merely looked down as the tears he'd been holding back fell. Well, at least Loren wouldn't see.

"Then I am sorry for that, too." He whispered in a voice and thickly accented.

sometimes love is a soft touch, or a line drawn in the sand

Coding base by Sky!