The pit | I fell in the pit

For days now he had been here, and the lion's grip on his mind was as stalwart as ever. In the blackened recess of his brain, Remi had curled in on himself. The world was a blur and his place in it seemed fragmented and frustrated by all that had happened. He remembered the mud. Remembered the sweetness of his mother's face and the blackness in the words she'd spoken to him. He remembered sinking and letting the predator take over. Remembered his mothers blood in his mouth (and how good it had tasted) and how he had wanted more, more, more. He remembered making his way home and fighting quite literally to get a hold of himself what that poor stupid man had interrupted him. He remembered the terror and the smell of fear. He remembered fighting Ronin. And then there had been the pit. As a hawk Remi could have flown out easily, but as a lion he was well and truly caged here. All it would take was the predator relinquishing its hold on Remi's mind, but it wasn't quite ready to do that just eat. Even as exhaustion and hunger frayed the lion's senses, still it held on. The pit was gauged up and down the sides with claw marks and a seemingly incessant stream of roars peeled upwards at all hours, seemingly communicating the same thing. Fuck you. I'm here now. remi roar

The roars were terrible and endless and they had all been warned about the monster in the pit. Only it wasn't a monster, not to Vervain. It was the closest thing she had to a son down there, if Ronin Taliesin's words were to be believed, and she had no idea why or what had happened to force the transformation in him. Still, she had abided by the ex-captain's words and she had waited. Waited for a day and a night and then rinse and repeat, and still there was no change in the gentle alchemist turned beast. So Vai had decided that enough was enough and, at last, in the mist and rain of the morning, she approached the pit. She wore a hooded coat to ward off the downpour, and from her belt she had strung a few fresh rabbits (the non-going for the throat kind, as it would happen). Taking a deep breath, she tossed the rabbits into the pit before approaching herself, sinking down to sit in the mud near the edge, but not quite enough to see Remi. "It's me," she called. "Remi, it's Vai. I'm here." vervain where the wild things are

He could smell her instantly. The rain and the wet dampened the scent of her slightly, but as she neared all full of good will and helpfulness the creature below was intimately and immediately aware of her presence. Food was a good strategy, but hunger was probably the only thing that would drive the lion back and allow Remi to come forward. Now that these pathetic offerings had been given, the lion knew that it could remain at least a few hours longer than it previously might have. And that was good. Very good. With a snarl the creature immediately devoured the tiny creatures thrown into the mud. The lion cared little for the state of them, easily tearing through their pale pelts to the meagre scraps of meat within. Pausing for just a second at the sound of Vai's voice–a flail from Remi from within the brain of the beast–the lion merely roared in return, glaring up through the haze of mist to where the huntress sat just out of eye-sight. remi roar

Vai pursed her lips and waited, holding her breath and hoping she might hear Remi's voice ringing up to her within a few moments. She would be sorely disappointed, however, and a flicker of frustration moved into her gaze as she was greeted with yet another fearsome roar. "Remi..." She sighed, scooting forward in the mud to peek over the edge of the pit, blue eyes piercing out from beneath her hood. "I don't know what happened to cause this," she murmured - she'd never even heard of multiple animal shifts, but perhaps whatever had happened to her magic had exerted a similar effect on Remi's shapeshifting. Whatever the reason, an angry lion was a lot harder to deal with than an angry hawk. "But you can't tell me like that, can you?" Raking a lock of wet, dark hair out of her face, she frowned sadly into the pit. "It's been days, Remi. You must be exhausted. Lions are proud but they aren't stupid, and neither are you. There's a reason it's in control right now, you must know that." vervain where the wild things are

As the huntress peered over the edge, the lion sprung. It knew that it couldn't reach her (already it had tried many times to claw its way out of the pit with no success), but hopefully the look of terror or the smell of fear would be worth it. Claws dug into the mug as the lion's brutally hostile face snarled up at her. Teeth snapping as the large creature fell back downwards, the lion landed and growled low in its throat. As Vai continued to speak, the lion turned its back to her and began picking through the bones and other remains of the rabbits that it had left. Via was however, 100% right. It was easier to just stay like this–perhaps even to die like this–rather than face what he had done. Try as he might to blame what had happened to his mother on the creature, Remi knew that he was the one ultimately in control, even if it didn't feel like he was. The lion flicked its tail absently growling with annoyance at the alchemist shifting about in its mind. remi roar

Vai, even as wild as she was, couldn't not flinch at the lion that came lunging towards her, and while there was a narrowing of her eyes rather than the whites of terror, she had no doubt that Remi would scent the adrenaline suddenly rolling off her. Her hands twitched towards her bow - of course she hadn't come unarmed - but she stopped herself from levelling an arrow towards the lion. "We can stay here all day, Remi. I've got nowhere to be until the evening. Granted, the Rathskeller is down a little because there's very little alcohol coming in..." Something she knew the alchemist would have been at least partially responsible for. The rain still poured down onto them both, the mud slippery and soaking and thoroughly unpleasant for lion and huntress, she had no doubt. "Whatever it is," she said eventually, "you know I still love you, right? Like one of my own." vervain where the wild things are

The satisfaction on the lion's face was clear. Sure it might have been nothing more than a reflex on Vervain 's part, but seeing her bristle even slightly caused the beast's mouth to water. If only it could reach up those last few meters... She spoke again and the lion continued not to care or listen. Inside however, Remi could feel the weight of his own guilt triple as the huntress made reference to the obligations he was currently ignoring. The lion sat down hard as the alchemist mentally ran his hands through his hair, that pure moment of Remi's sorrow physically forcing the lion down for a moment. Then she said she loved him. When was the last time anyone had said that to him? Certainly not Delphine who was infinitely too selfish. Not Ianto, close as they were. Certainly not Loren. It probably had been Vai. And she was saying it now. Still saying it. With a roar of discomfort, the lion suddenly swatted at its own face, before rearing up slightly. Its torso suddenly contorted into pale flash covered with claw marks and a swath of matted but curly hair. "You don't know what I've done." Remi sobbed into the light rain, inhaling a shaky breath before his lips once again turned into a snarl and the lion reasserted itself with a snap of its teeth. remi roar

The relief that crashed over Vervain was palpable, the huntress letting out a shaky breath at realising that, for better or for worse, Remi was still in there somewhere. He could be reached, however briefly, and she winced to see the fight going on between man and beast. "You're right, I don't." She shook her head. "And I won't, unless you tell me." Tenatively, she moved towards the mouth of the pit again. "...It makes you feel safe, doesn't it?" It was a wild guess but wild pretty much described everything going on here right now. "The lion, I mean. You don't have to think about anything, or make decisions, or face whatever has happened. I think I understand, but it's been days, Remi. You can't do this forever." vervain where the wild things are

The lion's back bristled. Vai was right. She was always right, but then Remi wasn't actually disagreeing. He was just hiding. Slowly the body of the beast began to shake slightly, but not from the cold or the rain. Deep within its ferocious and primal mind, Remi truly was breaking down. He wanted to give up so badly, to just stay like this until something finally took him over, whether it be death or the creature in its entirety. You can't do this forever No, the alchemist agreed, closing the lion's eyes. With a gruesome shudder, the lion's body fully contorted this time, leaving the alchemist barely clothed and covered in mud and the dried blood of his mother and likely a bit of Ronin's and his own as well. Wrapping his arms around his legs, Remi placed his head against his knees and tried to take a steadying breath. Every now and then his fingers would flex into claws and the hair on his head would grow tawny and long rather than curled, but for the most part the alchemist was able to maintain his shape. With arms trembling, Remi finally looked up. The grey sky overhead made it hard to focus on the dark shape that was Vai, and he had to narrow his eyes against the brightness and the falling rain. Inhaling shakily, his throat contracting with a sob that desperately wanted to escape, Remi felt his face crumble. "I killed her." remi roar

The breath that Vai let out escaped in a low whistle as the torn, bloodied and filthy form of the alchemist finally appeared in a pit scarred by a lion's claws. She was quiet as he curled in on himself, giving them both time to see whether or not the beast would take over again. When it looked, ultimately, like Remi had won the war, Vai pushed back her hood and smiled down at him sadly. I killed her. The three simple words had the huntress frowning gently, though rather than fear or disgust at the supposed confession, there was something like focus in her eyes. Vai had married a beast, after all, and she had travelled and lived with criminals worse still, even, than Devrum. If Remi had killed someone she wouldn't judge him - she would fix it. Simple as that. "Who, Remi? What happened? She asked in a slow, calm voice. "Do you want me to come down there?" It would be easier and much less nerve wracking if he was to fly up to her, but who knew what kind of state he was in, really. vervain where the wild things are

Just as he was about to answer, his eyes suddenly blazed gold. "N-n-n--nNN-NN He tried, but already his teeth were elongating into fangs and a wickedly hungry snarl was bleeding across his face. His cheeks contorted and sprouted whiskers as the hands on his legs turned into claws that dug grooves that quickly filled with red across his knees. "I---..--" He tried, fighting against the tongue that was far too large for his mouth. With a snarl that was half man and half feline, Remi bit down hard on his own lips which caused them to shrink as the lion retreated from the pain. "--can't control myself." He managed at last, gasping and wiping the blood away from his lip with the back of his arm. With a laboured breath, Remi exhaled loudly and leaned his head back against the muddy wall of the pit. "My mother. She was in the woods and.." Closing his eyes as fresh and salty tears stung the back of his eyes, Remi raised dirty and bloody hands to harshly grind against his eye sockets as if that would somehow stop the pins and needles that pricked the back of his skull at the mere thought. "She called to me and...an-d..." He tried again, but the words died in the back of his throat which suddenly felt closed and very scratchy. remi roar

"Your... your mother, Remi? But..." But she was dead. Quite dead. She'd heard the story from the hawk's own lips, in fact; their common love of fairytales had been one of the things to cement their relationship. "Hey... no, look at me, okay?" The lines of red he clawed across his knees matched the other crimson ribbons on his body, but those were old and did not look good. Shifting to her knees for a moment, Vai shrugged out of the coat she was wearing and dropped it down to Remi so he could keep warm for however long he kept his human shape. "What makes you think it was her? Could it have been a trick? Were you sure, Remi?" Because hell, people had come back from the dead since they'd been dragged to this place - she'd witnessed it herself - and if that was the case... and he said he'd killed her... Now it was Vai's turn to rub at her eyes. "I can't help you from up here," she said softly. vervain where the wild things are

She asked him to look up, but his head felt as though it was weighed down by lead. Really though, he couldn't bear the kindness that he knew he'd find in her gaze. He didn't deserve it, not after what he'd done. Somehow, after all these years of trying to be right and good he'd ended up the exact opposite. Within, the lion prowled hungrily and his mind was not ignorant of how easy it would be to simply let it take control again. As the coat fluttered down, Remi looked up with shock in his tear-blurred gaze. For a moment he had thought she meant to jump down and was using her coat as some sort of landing pad. Fear and adrenaline coursed through his body and the lion fastidiously rushed to the forefront causing Remi's eyes to blaze gold and his teeth to expand into a snarl. That she didn't seem to be following was annoying to the lion who sulked backwards. Not wanting to get blood on her jacket, but also not wanting to cause offence by ignoring the sacrifice she'd made by taking off the coat, Remi leaned forward and gingerly picked it up. It smelled of warmth and of Vai, and Remi could feel something deep within himself clench and break. "It was her." Remi protested, although truthfully he knew that it couldn't have been. "Back from the dead I think .. this place it ..." Shaking his head and swallowing Remi tried to put words to what he had felt and seen that night, but found that he couldn't. "She asked me to come with her. We went into a marsh and she said that if we stayed there we could be together again." He knew how it sounded. Even at the time he knew how it had sounded, but even so his lip quivered and caused a fresh streak of blood to flow silently down, mixing with the rain and his tears. "She wanted me to die to be with her." Remi managed, knowing that he needed to say the words to Vai as much as to himself. "And then the lion came..and.." With a shaky breath and a sob he could not longer hold, Remi buried his face against Vai's jacket and against his cut-up knees. Squeezing his legs tightly, the image of his mother's sweet face and her kindly words replayed over and over in his mind, supplemented by flashes of passion and pleasure supplied by the lion who happily envisioned the scene as well. Specifically the bloodier bits. remi roar

He said it was her and Vai couldn't deny him, but if they were talking then maybe they could wend their way to some sort of sensible explanation. If there was one. The lion certainly wasn't sensible, and as Remi's eyes burned golden and he reminded her of the monster lurking underneath, she felt that staying up there for now was probably for the best. At least he took her coat, though. It was wet more than it was cold, but that was for Vai who hadn't been out in the elements for days. "She wanted you to die...?" She scowled at that, shaking her head. "No, Remi. She would never have asked that of you - she'd want you to live." The conviction in her voice was entirely personal; as a mother who had searched for her child for so long it had all but seemed impossible that it would happen, all Vai had wanted was for Ashetta to have her best life possible. "I think maybe you knew that too - that's why the lion came..." Taking a deep breath and letting it out again, she tucked her hair back behind her ear. "Remember when we were in the infirmary and you told me about that shrine...? About religion, and what appeared, and how it made you feel...?" Hopefully he'd know what she was getting at. "Maybe something was doing that again?" Or maybe Remi was crazy. And either way it didn't matter - whether real or not he had killed his mother in his eyes, and that wasn't a burden she could simply take from him. "What are you going to do now?" vervain where the wild things are