From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Well, with the bandana in place and splints along her wrists, there’s one person she has to talk to. Luckily, her legs still work, but she does need someone to guide her. Giving them a brief description of Samuel, it wasn’t hard to imagine that she’d want to talk to one of the men that had arrived with her – had kept her on the back of Remi’s shift until they arrived in the comfort of the Luxere lights. She’s not sure if he wants to talk to her, but… Well, that’s too bad.
The person helping her knocks on the door, angling her to it. “Sam? It’s Rex. Can we chat?” She asks, pausing while the person that’s helped her leaves her. She’s sure she can make it work from here, but she doesn’t want to barge in on something she shouldn’t be. At least she wouldn’t be able to see any of it (ha), and with it she angles her head down slightly toward the ground out of comfort, finding nothing but darkness where her vision should be. So what was there really to look at?
After speaking with Jigano and Remi and having his hand treated by Nate, Sam was absolutely exhausted. Ascended didn't get tired in the classical way, but he was still more than familiar with emotional drain, with a heaviness in his eyelids that had far more to do with pain than sleep. He had come to the room (secretly a little relieved Nate was still gone, wanting to be alone) to have a nap.
A knock at the door woke him with a start some time after he'd fallen asleep and for a moment, still on edge, he sat up with wide eyes and stared, his good hand digging into the mattress while the one remaining finger on his other clutched at his chest. Rexanna's voice comforted the fear that it was a monster on the other side, but he found himself scared for a whole new reason.
Rexanna had to hate him now, right? She had every reason to. Sam didn't know if in his current state he could take hearing from her what he had done, how she felt. But he couldn't deny her. He knew it had to have been a Herculean effort for her to even get to the room.
Sam opened the door, dressed in a quickly thrown on old shirt of Nates and some loose pants, much more casual than his normal attire. "...Come in, Rex..." He took her arm and nodding to the person that had helped her over, guided her into the room until she could sit on the bed. Before she could say anything, he found an apology babbling out of his lips. "Rexanna-- I- I know I have caused something unforgivable and horrible to you and you are right to be mad at me and I'm very, very sorry about it, I don't know how to tell you how sorry, I've been thinking I might talk to The Voice and ask her to take some energy or...fluid, from me, if it'll help her cure you..."
He trailed off, the idea only half-formed anyway and he realised he'd probably commandeered the conversation away from what she had wanted. "...Um...but...what...do you want to talk about?"
Ah good, he is there, in the room. She mumbles her own thanks to the person that’s helped her as Samuel takes her arm, guiding her into the room to the bed where she sits and quietly marvels at the softness of the bed despite not really having the feeling to appreciate it much more than that. But before she could open her mouth to thank him for helping her to the bed, he begins to speak. Had he been thinking about it before she arrived? Had he had time to prepare?
Her lips close and she lets him say his peace, at least until he mentions the idea of talking to the Voice and sacrificing some of himself for the sake of curing her, and she shakes her head to that – head angling toward the location she can hear him in. He trails off, and soon after asks what she wanted to talk to him about, and gods there’s a lot to unpack in that statement. So she starts easily, legs lifting to fold underneath her in a crisscross shape, arms folding into her lap.
She has to be honest, now, as much as it bothers her to do so.
“Sam… I can’t lie and tell you that I’m not mad.” She starts, head tilting as a frown finds her face. “But you don’t need to talk to the Voice about that just to atone for something.” Her mind flits back to Frey, and her own similar tendencies before her frown deepens lightly. “I’m alive. Beat up, but alive. Which means that you can help me fix this in a different way rather than becoming some sort of sacrificial lamb. I’ve had enough of that. Enough time being that. So here’s what we’re going to do.” There’s a bit of firmness to her voice that she hasn’t really used here in Caido yet, but something underlining beneath it seems royal, seems diplomatic and queenly beneath it all.
Training from Halyven, definitely.
“I’ve read my scans, and aside from the obvious with the eyes, the unicorns healed my chest from where the beam was. But my wrists can’t be fixed by them. My ribs can’t be fixed by them. My nose can’t be fixed by them. And I’ve had many offers from people to go to the Voice with me to fix it. But you have to take me.” The Penumbra explains quickly, head lifting in a distinctly classic Rexanna look, despite not being able to see. “If you want to help me fix this, do that. Take me and apologize by helping fix me. But I will not have you sacrifice parts of yourself to it.” I won’t make you go through what I went through, just for me.
Rexanna shifted how she was sat; if Sam squinted so he couldn't quite see the holes were her eyes had once been, she almost looked normal. But he could hardly stand there and squint the whole time, so he went to sit by her, gently so he did not move the bed too much.
The way she spoke of him was like a disappointed mother, but not the way his own mother had once been. Had this conversation been with her, he knew it would have started with something like It's things like these that make me wonder if a pathetic coward like you could be my son, Samuel. No, Rexanna was gentler, but he still curled into himself as she said he was mad, ashamed to have hurt someone he respected.
Her request made him tilt his head, surprised. Would she not want her husband, someone more comforting than himself? He had wanted to take Nate to the Voice after Long Night, but he supposed that could wait, if it meant he could atone himself to Rexanna. Anxiously he took in a breath, thinking it all over, then nodded. "Yes, I could do that. I'm...sure The Voice will have words for me too..."
Sam sighed, lightly tapping along his ruined knuckles. "...You...um...do you understand what I was trying to do? I know it was a stupid idea but I didn't mean for things to go like this."
There is kindness that settles within Rexanna, an untamable fire of it. Where it made it difficult for her to be harsh, to not understand and try to put herself into those same situations, to see if she could do any differently. Very few had seen the true wrath that lied beneath the surface of the Penumbra, the darkness to her light. And here in Caido? Only one had. And he was dead now.
So her question, no, her demands are met with agreement. And she nods her head toward him, hearing the breath and angling herself toward it, the back of her hand reaching up to brush against the bandana she wears to hide where sapphire pools once were. “I’m sure she will.” She admits quietly. Words for all of them, more than likely, based off of the destruction. How could she ever hope to repay the Voice for this small gift? This blessing?
It likely wasn’t by constantly needing to be repaired, broken constantly and fixed. A waste of resources.
He asks her if she understands what he was trying to do, and for a moment she’s silent. “You were trying to get information from them, right? To see if they are like us?” She asks with a tilt of her head, waiting briefly before continuing on the trail he leaves. “It was a stupid idea. And we weren’t as prepared as we should have been, especially over LongNight of all times.” She’s not going to sugar coat it. It was stupid, but she had also agreed.
“So before we go running headlong into it, I think we need to talk it out next time. Decide whats worth it and make sure we’re prepared. That being said, what were you hoping to get out of it?”
"Mmm." Sam was dreading the next time they would see The Voice. She had usually been good to him, yes, but little moments...a tug on his hair, a change of tone...he had seen hints of a darker side to his Goddess and he feared the day he would finally see it in full.
Rexanna was quiet after his question and Sam looked sideways at her, hands in his lap (tapping, tapping at his knuckles, little shots of pain as little punishments) waiting to hear what she had to say. Hearing it was a stupid idea, as much as he knew it himself, stung a little.
"...I was hoping that...well..." He sighed, screwed his eyes up for a second as he tried to put into order what he wanted to say. "I don't know if you know, but Jigano told me that the monsters that come out in Longnight were once Ascended...that The Voice has left behind and let go like that." Sam shook his head slightly, still not wanting to accept that. "I wanted to see if it was true and if we could...bring them back. Because Rexanna, if they are old Ascended...what if that's us, one day? What if people hate us and we spend all our time trying to kill?"
What if, what if. "..I just...wanted to try and help them or get some comfort, I suppose."
Sam might be dreading it, but Rexanna was looking forward to it. To feel complete, whole again, to ask their goddess to fix her eyes from the issues of the night. And if she couldn’t? Well, they’d find a way. If the Voice could make an invisibility chip for all her Ascended, then certainly she could make something work. She wouldn’t remain useless, couldn’t remain useless with all the prospects on the horizon.
He sighs, screwing up his eyes pausing before he manages to state the thoughts in his mind to reply to her. And she mulls over the information with a small nod. “I’d heard something similar, yes.” She says quietly, though from who she can’t remember right now. But the panic that seems to hide within the words he tells her, has her stomach churning, and she realizes she literally cannot be this way to Samuel. She’s upset, yes, disappointed? Maybe a small amount.
But he’s still kind of like her brother now, right? There isn’t a part of her that could actively be cruel at him without making up for it in some way. And despite the splints on her wrists, she turns to face Samuel, lifting an arm in the hopes of not hitting him with it, before trying to pull him in for a hug. “Sam… I’m afraid people might already think that.” She admits quietly, recalling the Fae and the Mathair. Recalling Roana who had tried to kill them all.
All they could do was to try and prove them wrong.
She sighs too, biting down on her lower lip briefly before she shakes her head. “I think… That perhaps with the earlier versions, they might not have been able to have the control that we do. She’s better now, stronger. And this has been happening for how many years? She calls us her bright ones, what if we’re the best version of them we could be? I think she might try to do everything she can to prevent us from going down that path.” She hopes, at least.
“You are so kind Samuel.” He truly is. “But sometimes there’s just… Nothing we can do. We can’t go back, can’t revert back to the normal version of ourselves. Even if we could, if I were just Abandoned still… I would have died out there. I’m not sure I want that fragility again.”
Sam looked over as Rexanna lifted her arm towards him, not realising what it was she was trying to do at first (the part of him that was still that scared little boy thought she might strike him, but he'd gotten good at squashing those voices down); as he realised she was trying to hug him he turned to her and gently held her as she held him. The gesture seemed incredibly graceful and he almost shook with the relief and happiness it brought him.
Maybe apologies would be difficult, conversations muddied, but he could and was being forgiven.
"...I...suppose that's true." He said, as Rexanna pointed out they were the 'bright ones'. It was also true that 108, who had been around for hundreds of years, was at least humanoid, if devoid of any visible emotion. "But I've never been able to stop myself worrying...and making up new things to worry about."
Was he kind? At the moment he only felt stupid and small. "I feel that no matter how kind we are though, people are always going to judge us by The Voice's actions...so many people are angry about the Blight. I don't know how to make her understand we need to fix what people think of us, or they'll..." He left that ominously open.
Her terrible attempt at a hug is actually understood, and she relaxes when he agrees – holding her gently as she wraps her arms around him. She might be upset, but she can forgive. It’s her biggest flaw at the end of the day. She always tries to find the best in people, especially those close to her. And Samuel? He was close to her now. Even if his plan over this LongNight had nearly gotten her killed, she forgives him. With a few demands tossed into the mix.
And he agrees with her that it might be true, a light smile crossing her face gently at the implication he offers next. “It’s hard.” She says quietly, shoulders rising and falling in a light shrug. “But sometimes… There’s those that you just need to not worry about their opinions or frustrations. You need to look out for yourself.” A brief pause as she contemplates, knowing that Samuel is a Natural, perhaps it might hit a bit stronger. “Frey told me that before I was cursed.”
His comment next about the kindness the Ascended can show versus what the Voice wishes to deal with, is something she understands. It’s something she’s tried to come to terms with over and over again. And with a heavy sigh, she agrees with a bob of her head. “They’ll kill us?” She ends it sharply, abruptly, because she too has thought those thoughts. If her information recently of Roana is any indication. “I think Wessex may have tried to, but perhaps we all need to get together to talk to her about it.” A light frown crosses her face. “We can’t set her free if we’re all dead, after all. Certainly she realizes this.”
Sam wished he knew how to stop caring about other's opinions; he had lived his entire life terrified of the judging eyes of those around him and it would not be a habit he could break easily. He had always been in awe of people that could confidently do whatever it was they wanted and toss away the comments of those that criticised it.
Something Rexanna mentioned did catch his interest though and despite knowing he probably shouldn't, he asked: "You were cursed...?"
The sharp way she finished his sentence surprised him but she was right. That was really the ultimate fear, wasn't it? Mean words and resentment were one thing, but over time that could build into something much worse. "Maybe...yes. Maybe if we all say it together, she would understand. Probably not...at the same time as everything we need to say now, though. We shouldn't say it while she's mad."
Mentioning the Voice being mad made him take in a shaky, nervous breath. "Rexanna...are you scared of The Voice at all?"
10-31-2019, 08:06 PM (This post was last modified: 11-01-2019, 08:16 PM by Rexanna.)
REXANNA
“You were cursed?” She soon realizes that he doesn’t know any of that, and she nods slowly. “I was, yes.” A quiet admittance. “The shrine in the Glade, Remi and I stumbled across it. The first time I met him actually. And Frey appeared… The whole thing with Remi losing his memories the first time was because of that whole ordeal. And so I went back, to ask Frey to give Remi his memories back and to take mine.” Shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “They told me exactly what I told you, to not sacrifice myself for people that wouldn’t care at the end of the day. Cursed me to let myself loose a little, and then… Well, that was that. I learned my lesson.” She says before aiming to bump his shoulder with hers gently. “So now you need to learn yours.”
She’d help him, of course. She couldn’t just let him do it on his own.
She doesn’t know what the Voice is like when she’s mad, has never experienced anything but the comfort of the goddess after her Ascension. And she nods lightly. “We must get all of us together, explain our side of it.” She offers before a question reaches her that interests her. “Scared?” She repeats with a tilt to her head, thinking about it. “I think… I was only scared during my Ascension. It felt like my magic was being torn out of my body, burning me from the inside out.” She has fire magic after all, and fire and Ascendeds certainly don’t mix.
“But not scared… I’ve never had a reason to be.” A pause, a tilt to her head. "Are you?"
Sam listened to Rexanna's story, waiting for some horrible ending - he had never met Frey, but he trusted that all the Old Gods could enact hideous deeds of violence and torture. When she finally described her curse as cursed me to let myself loose a little, he frowned, confused. That didn't really sound like a curse, more like advice.
He'd felt like he'd learned enough lessons in the last 2 years for a lifetime, but he nodded. Perhaps he could learn one from this that would actually stick, make him feel like he'd grown and was more prepared for life going forward. It was nice to hope.
Glad that Rexanna understood why he wanted to speak to The Voice about their reputation, he smiled until she spoke of magic burning from the inside out during her Ascension. He hardly remembered his, the moment having been blotted out by trauma and a mind that struggled to hold onto a lot of things. "But...you still have your magic, don't you?"
Sam paused at her last question. It felt like if he admitted anything here, The Voice might still hear. But he was already going to be in trouble, so he supposed he may as well be honest. "Yes. She has much power and...I feel that if we upset her or did something she didn't like, she wouldn't be afraid to hurt us with it. I mean...think about it . She controls all of our bodies. She is the only person that truly knows how they work. If we wanted to leave or follow another God...she could shut us down in an instant."
“But... you still have your magic, don’t you?” She can hear the questioning tone to Samuel when he asks, and her head tilts toward him with a small nod and a smile. “Yes.” A quiet admittance. Before, she would have shown him her magic in some form or another. Here, though? She’s too weak, too tired to go and waste her resources at her fingertips just in case things go very wrong. She doesn’t have the Luxere to summon anymore, no Sparkbirds, nothing other than fire, creation, transmutation, and well… fireworks.
They all seemed inappropriate here anyway.
And so instead, she focuses on Samuel’s worries — which are definitive things, real true reasons to be afraid. And yet? Rexanna believes that the Voice is understanding. “I think that our numbers are so small that she wouldn’t be able to afford to disable us.” She replies quietly, contemplatively. “What reasons would she have? If some of us go off on our own, in the end, it’s still she that made us. We would find our way back regardless for one thing or another.” Shrugging her shoulders lightly. “Even if we were watched or aligned with a different god.” They can’t help them the way the Voice can. As for going back to how they were? She doesn’t know how it would be possible.
