Talkin' Bout My Best Friend

Beatrix I'll clean my room in exchange for your immortal soul Beatrix considered as she bopped along, dark eyes looking up into the branches of the trees. Hmmm. A snake? She wasn't super sold on that one. "But I can't cuddle a snake! They are slimy and cold and not fuzzy like Bobi." she said, tapping her chin thoughtfully. Auntie Edrei did have sort of a point though. "Buuuuuuutttttttt..." she said, lifting a finger in the air, prepared to make a very serious point in argument with herself. "If it was around my neck all still and I didn't like someone, I could teach it to dart forward and eat their face!" she said, punching her arm forward and making a snapping motion with her fingers like a snake would. Then she cackled as she imagined a pet snake eating somebodies face on command. Yep. Launceleyn children appreciated things that were generally considered a bit too dark for younger folk. "What about fluffy things? Do you think we might find a fluffy thing like Bobi?" she asked, pointing at the bobcat kitten. She certainly hoped so! Then she could cuddle it and teach it to eat people's faces! That would be so perfected! Beatrix grinned at the thought alone, continuing to search through the bushes and trees.

”Wow B, way to be choosy. And for the record, snakes aren’t slimy. They’re pretty smooth actually. And they totally love to cuddle since...you know, they’re cold blooded so your body heat basically keeps them alive.” However as the kid mentioned using the snake as a face-eater, Edy dissolved into a cackle as the girl punched the thin air. “Yeah maybe. Although I found Bobi inside actually. Did I ever tell you that? I found her in the infirmary when we first came here. She was with her momma I think, but she was dead. With like 3 other dead bodies.” Edy said all of this with a shrug. Most people wouldn’t be so cavalier with a kid, but Bea wasn’t just a kid. She was a Launceleyn, and one being raised by Z of all people. Dead bodies definitely wouldn’t keep her up at night. Not that Edy thought anyways. Ahead Bobi yowled at something, and Edy stopped short. Tilting her head slightly, she realized for the first time that if something were to go wrong here...Edy was the adult. She was the one in charge. Fuck. ”Uhhh....you hear that?” EDY Could dress up to get love. But guess what? I'm never gonna be that girl who's living in a Barbie world

BEATRIX When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies Beatrix rolled her eyes, in what would arguably become one of the top three biggest eyerolls of the century. ”Well yeah I’m choosy. I’m a Launceleyn we get to be choosy ‘cause we are better than everyone.” Beatrix said in a sassafras tone. Oh yeah. This nine-year-old was chest deep in the Launceleyn family kool-aid. Maybe she would grow out of it. Maybe not. But for now she had a superiority complex that a girl her age frankly couldn’t back up. That was what the adults in her life were for. ”What do you mean cold-blooded?” she said, confused by the term. ”Blood is warm, haven’t you ever poked it when you cut yourself?” If the readers had not yet begun to question the Launceleyn’s child reading methods by this point, now would be a good time to start. ”Dead bodies? Were they all scratched up? Did Bobi’s momma kill them? I bet she did, I know my mom would kill someone if they came after me.” she said with a nod. Zariah was a strict parent but Beatrix knew she would end anyone that tried to hurt her. Perhaps it was extreme but she saw the world in extremes as it was. When the kitten yowled, Bea froze in place before crouching a little bit. ”What is it Bobi? What do you see?” she said, slowly scootching forward after the kitten.

"You can be choosy but you can't be a shit about it." Edy chastised with a false sense of importance. Quickly though her serious expression dissolved entirely as she grinned down at her sassy counterpart. Had she ever poked at her own blood? Not the type of question you'd normally hear from a 9 year old, but as it turned out, yes Edy had. Often. "Obviously. You know Z is big on blood letting as a way of focusing magic." It was one of Edy's preferred methods of casting. Especially here when she could actually be healed and didn't have to walk around wounded all the time. "Cold blooded is like...well. Your body keeps you warm. For cold blooded critters, they don't regulate it themselves. That's why when it gets cold snakes get slow and they chill on rocks in the sun." "Some were scratched up, some were just plain old fucked up." Edy confirmed with a nod. "And yeah, she probably did kill them. I mean, I don't know what else would have. Seems pretty mean to put them in a room with a momma bobcat and her kitten though." Yowling and growling low in the back of her throat, Bobi began to prowl forward. If she had a tail, it would have been flicking behind her, but as it was, the kitten kept her head and shoulders low as she stalked. "Okay cool. Guess we're doing this." Edy muttered under her breath, fire already warming her palm in case some weirdo shit happened. EDY Could dress up to get love. But guess what? I'm never gonna be that girl who's living in a Barbie world

BEATRIX When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies ”Why not? If we are better than everyone doesn’t that mean we can do and be whatever we want?” Beatrix asked in response to being told she couldn’t be a little shit. She also wasn’t entirely sure what a little shit was…but she had an idea. ”If Loren can be a little shit all the time, how come I can’t?” she said with a little huff. Loren got away with everything and he wasn’t even very nice. She didn’t understand. What made him so special? ”Yeah, blood magic! But mom isn’t sure that it works anymore cause stuff is different here. She said that is why my magic isn’t as powerful as it should be at my age.” Sure she was nine, but a nine-year-old Launceleyn was usually about as lethal magically as the average late teenager magic user anywhere else. But this new world was affecting all the mages oddly. It made Bea mad. It wasn’t fair. ”Ohhhhhh.” Bea said when Edrei explained the meaning of cold-blooded. ”Well, I guess that means I would never lose it, cause if it wasn’t around my neck it would die of the cold or something.” she said with a little shrug. She would still hope for something fluffier. ”Yeah whoever those people were were real stupid doing that. But it means you have Bobi now so that is good!” she said with a grin. As quietly as she could she stalked behind the kitten, hoping to see whatever had gotten Bobi’s interest.

"Nahhhhh." Edy replied with a quick shake of her head. "There's being better than everyone else, but also having everyone else know you're better than them. Now that we're in wherever the fuck this is, we've lost that second bit. No one knows who the Launceleyns are." Hell, we don't even know who we are anymore. "There's no royal family on our side, no compound, no nothing. It's just us kid." The mention of Loren made Edy grind her teeth and sneer slightly. "Well, Loren was being a little shit and look where thats got him? Out in a sex cave with some random, and not on this fun adventure with us." Once upon a time Loren probably would have come along, to play big brother and be all judgy about Edy. But damnit if she didn't miss that asshole all the same. "Oh no?" Edy mused, glancing towards Bea with a raised eyebrow. Huh. So far things had been a bit wonky here, but not like....magically inert wonky. Edy actually felt stronger since coming here, but she wasn't about to tell Bea that given what the girl had just said. On the ground, Bobi's hackles were raised and the kitten had started hissing and growling at whatever it was she was looking at. Edging forward, both Edy and Bea would see a horrifically mutated stag grazing in the distance. It had an extra leg hanging uselessly from its stomach, an extra and likely unseeing eye on the side of its face, and a weird crown of antlers that looked useless and also painful. "What in the actual fuck?" Edy whispered, edging around a tree and grimacing at the sight of the creature. EDY Could dress up to get love. But guess what? I'm never gonna be that girl who's living in a Barbie world

BEATRIX When I grow up I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies Beatrix rolled her eyes. ”It’s called Caido, Edy.” Beatrix said dramatically. How did Edy not know something that simple? Then again how did Bea know it? No one would ever really know; kids had a knack for picking up knowledge on the fly after all. But she didn’t like what Edrei had to say on the topic either. ”Well then we gotta show everyone we are better than them! That won’t be hard, right?” the girl said, a look of determination on her little features. They just had to beat everyone up. Easy peasy. But some of what Edrei said next confused the girl. Full, dark brows furrowed and she looked up at her Auntie Edy, trying to decipher her words. ”What’s a sex cave? Are there bats there?” she asked innocently. She was only nine after all. The birds and bees talk wasn’t on her homeschool curriculum yet. Though, considering Edrei’s nature, it was probably about to be. Beatrix nodded as she meandered along. ”Yea. Mom said the magical laws are different here and the types are kind of different too. So she is really good at stuff still but I am stuck with just baby magic.” she said with a huff and a frown. Frankly, Beatrix was terrified that she would be weak at magic. She knew how important it was to be strong and she didn’t want to be the weakling. It was probably the root of her over the top bravado as a mask for her insecurity…not that she had the self-reflective ability yet to realize that. ”But it’ll get stronger! I work really hard when she tries to teach me!” she said with a self-assured nod. Beatrix tiptoed next to Edrei, peaking around from the other side of the tree. Her eyes widened, looking at the grotesque creature in horrified awe. ”Its so ugly and scary looking!” Beatrix said…then a slow grin lit up her features and an evil little cackle escaped her lips. ”Let’s catch it!!”

"Oh yeah, and just where is Caido, smart ass?" Edy taunted with a mischievous O of surprise on her lips, as if coaxing her younger counterpart to call her on her language. "I mean it might not actually be a cave. Maybe Loren found a house, but there's definitely sex going on. Why else would he just up and abandon us, huh?" Rather sternly, Edy looked down at Bea. "If anyone ever tries to make you put sex before your family, you kick 'em right in their squishiest bits, wherever those might be. Got it?" With a bit of a frown, Edy nodded. Whatever this world was and however much it sucked, Edy couldn't imagine being part of a magical family in it without magic. She was a Launceleyn after all, and though magic always took a bit of time to bloom, it always did. Still, something in the back of her mind darkly wondered if perhaps Bea's...wouldn't. "I wonder if any of the gods I keep hearing about can do anything. You ever seen any of 'em yet?" Ugly and scary and let's catch it. Yep. She was a Launceleyn alright. "Well, you heard her." Edy cackled towards Bobi, who took off at a full run. She could obviously outrun Bea, but would trail behind, magic ready the fuck to go. EDY Could dress up to get love. But guess what? I'm never gonna be that girl who's living in a Barbie world