what's this

Amalia and Deimos were names he had grown familiar with. He had only met Deimos and had learned how incredible the man was. He did so many things without needing to, seemingly helping others without being asked, but he was also quiet and distant. As much as Oliver wanted to ask him for the story, he hardly knew the General. They weren't close enough for Oliver to feel like he could ask him without being a bother.

Oliver had heard many times by now that the gods were both kind and terrible. Or not terrible, finicky? All Oliver could do was assume that he was on all of the god's bad side. Another thing that would ruin any chance of Oliver ever receiving their attention or recognition. He wanted to be accepted by them. He wanted to feel wanted and like he was heard. "I've said...some really bad things. And I know that I'm wrong, but I still think so many bad things...like I'm still mad at them for hating me for something that I couldn't control. Phoebe told me that I shouldn't do that, but I cant help it." Part of him desired to go to Ludo and ask to erase any memories of him hating the gods, but that would require Ludo to even bother answering him.

"I have called them and thought rude things about them...I belittled them so many times and I still have anger towards them. I still try to leave offerings to Safrin and Frey in hopes that I can fix the mistakes that I have done...but I don't think I can fix it. I don't see why the gods would even bother with answering me at this point...and I know saying that will only make them hate me even more." Letting out a sigh, Oliver felt terrible. Speaking about the gods made him feel bad enough, but here he was ranting to someone he didn't even know. There go his chances of ever joining this guild. He had made a terrible, god awful first impression. All because he was too narcissistic.

However terrible Oliver might have felt about his thoughts, he was far from the first to voice such feelings of frustration and disappointment. Jigano only nodded in understanding, letting him continue without interruption as the Provost sat still and quiet, sipping his tea. They were words the young man seemed to need to get off his chest, and the bard was content to listen for as long as was needed until the blond trailed off in defeat.

Even then the white-haired man didn't speak up immediately. He looked thoughtful as he leaned over to the tea caddy to pluck the little bowl of sugar cubes over. They were running low, but not so low that he couldn't still offer them to his guest as he dropped one into his own cup. He let his thoughts fall into order before he replied, his voice gentle. "Your feelings aren't wrong," he said, not chiding - not the way he had once chided Sam and Amalia, at least. He was trying to do better, to be better than that after the lessons they had taught him. Instead he tried to be encouraging, and to let Oliver know that he wasn't alone. "There are many who feel the same way, even among the Naturals. Phoebe... has never had magic or been cursed by the gods. She's an Accepted, I believe. One who all the gods court to try and win to their side. She wouldn't understand what others go through, here. Abandoned, Attuned, Ascended... all struggle with one or another of the gods. Abandoned, though, have it the hardest."

He drew a slow breath, considering his next words carefully as he met Oliver's gaze. "It's not necessarily fair, to blame all for the mistakes of some, but even the gods aren't perfect. This is they way they are, and they aren't likely to change their minds so quickly, to welcome the descendants of those who betrayed them back with open arms. From what you have said, I can see a few options available to you, but there may be others I haven't thought of yet. First," he raised a finger, his smile going crooked, "if they don't want anything to do with you, you can also chose to have little to do with them. Many Natural Abandoned - and even Accepted - go this route. Live your life as you see fit without seeking their approval or involvement. Pray if you must in times of need or desperation, but otherwise let the gods take care of their own problems." It was what Rory did, and several others the bard knew, who had no love for being meddled with.

"If you do seek their goodwill, then it's something you may need to work to earn, as with anybody you want to ask favors from. Help those who serve them, like Amalia and Phoebe and Ronin. Learn about them and try to let go of your anger, if you can. Mistakes can be fixed, but you already know that approaching them with resentment in your heart won't end well, not with the power they wield." He tilted his head sympathetically, leaning back in his chair and crossing his leg as he made himself comfortable now that the tea was served. "I know it won't be easy, and it's something that may take time to overcome... but perhaps learning more about them will help to ease some of that resentment you feel? Can you tell me what you already know about them?" He had given his history lesson in broad, vague strokes, but if Oliver had already spoken with Phoebe and others he might know more than Jigano had realized. And maybe there were some misconceptions or blind spots that hadn't been addressed that he could help clear up, now that he knew the root of Oliver's fears.

Was Jigano to be trusted? Oliver wasn't too sure. Already, he felt far more comfortable with Jigano than he had with almost anyone else. Still, he recently had started to realize that maybe he trusted others a bit too much. Due to his lack of memories, Oliver only knew what had happened in the Hollowed Grounds. There were so many people that he viewed as friends who barely even considered him an acquaintance, most likely. It sucked because there were so many people that he'd be excited to see, only for them to care very little for him. He felt like he meant nothing to so many people, when those very same people meant the entire world to him as they were all he knew. Maybe that's why he was so starved for the attention of the gods: he wanted to feel wanted and accepted. Needed and like at least someone wanted him in Caido. Maybe Jigano did have a point with Phoebe. Oliver hadn't considered that Phoebe could be biased due to her being an Accepted. Still, he felt very embarrassed reflecting back to their conversation. She was a nice person, but she made him feel inferior. The way she scolded him and lectured him. Then again, wasn't he inferior in some way? He didn't know all that much and he was far less helpful than her. She was miles better than him, so maybe she had a right to be upset with him... One of the things making it hard for Oliver was that Jigano admitted that the gods did have bad sides. That it wasn't always glitter and rainbows, but how could he live a pure life fully respecting them when he knew how horrible they could be? Oliver didn't want to hate them but he had so much resentment. He wanted to be wanted and needed so bad. Some people say that being an Abandoned is a gift, like Loren. Maybe he's right, in a way. Loren was a gift to Caido. He had helped so many people. But Oliver? His powers were useless for now. He wanted to feel like he was gifted, but right now? He felt cursed. "How can I fix my heart? I want to be accepted...I want them to want me and I want to be useful. I want to show the gods my dedication to them and I don't want to hate them...I don't want to resent them or think bad things of them." I want to be attuned. Sunjata had become attuned and he was so much happier. Maybe he could be attuned too? That was wishful thinking...but maybe, just maybe, if he fixed his heart and showed his true dedication, he could become attuned as well? "I don't want to feel anger, trust me. I really do want to like them. My anger still comes out no matter how hard I want to get rid of it and I'm so scared that I will never be wanted because of it." Yet again he was ranting to Jigano. God dammit Oliver you idiot. Shaking his head, Oliver took a very deep swig of the tea, happy to feel the intense warmth it brought. "I don't know too much, but I know a small bit. Frey is a god of sex. Looks really sexy. Safrin is...I'm not sure, but I know they made Sunjata an attuned and that they kissed him to do it." Yeah...Oliver didn't know much at all. OLIVER i saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and i could do anything i wanted

"There's nothing wrong with your heart," he corrected gently, seeing in Oliver's desperate desire to be wanted and liked by the gods echoes of his own struggles with his brief-lived kingship. "Your feelings aren't wrong, either. But if you don't like how they've treated you, why does their opinion matter so much to you? Gods are often distant things, even here. There are many times they don't answer prayers - even among Attuned. And even being Attuned doesn't guarantee that they'll like you. Safrin, Ludo, and Frey have all cursed various among the Attuned and Accepted, even in just the past year." Rex and Remi and himself, for starters, and likely others as well.

"It's alright to be angry," he reiterated, voice thoughtful. He sipped his tea as he considered how to approach the conversation better, but he knew so little about Oliver that it was hard to guess what would work, or what would make things worse. "But wanting to move past that anger is good, too. But, Oliver... changing your heart can take time. Be patient, if you can, and let it happen naturally," he suggested gently. "Trying to force yourself to change for the sake of someone else - even a god - may end in you resenting them even more in the end. Life is a journey, not a race. You're young and healthy, and you have many seasons and years to decide what you want - and who you want it from. You have time to learn what the best fit for you will be at your own pace," he ended with an encouraging smile. He could see how upset his guest was, but all he could do was offer support for the moment, and to urge caution so the impassioned young man didn't make a choice that couldn't be undone later. Not without thinking it through long and hard, at least.

He hummed as Oliver relayed what little he knew, swirling his tea as he considered where to begin. "Frey is a very sexy god, from what I hear," he agreed with a quirk of a smile. "They're Rae's creation, and they oversee things like fertility and new life, so sex is a big part of that. Safrin is Vi's 'daughter', a goddess who watches over life but is most associated with the night sky and stars." What more he might have said he bit back, not needing to be in any more trouble with the goddess who had cursed him than he already was. "Ludo serves Mort, and guides the souls of the departed to Mort's domain. When the Old Gods warred with the new ones, Frey, Safrin, and Ludo were shut inside the barrier that was used to trap the new gods and the people within the Hollowed Grounds. They were... well, I think they were a sort of promise of the Old Gods, to let those future, more innocent generations know that the gods had not forgotten them. But those herald-gods, who loved their creators dearly, were still kept away from their families because of what the Ascended New Gods had done. Since those New Gods started out with magic, the old gods have spent three hundred years growing to resent the magic-users who caused them to be separated from the ones they love. I suspect it's because what happened once could happen again," he admitted, voice lowered though there was no one to overhear them in the stone-walled underground hall. "That, given the right circumstances, mages - Abandoned - could repeat the Ascended's path. So the gods tend to be wary and suspicious, even resentful, of those who could continue that war, or even spark a new one."

Jigano seemed to know so much...but he the only thing he didn't understand was why this mattered so much to Oliver. Then again, even Oliver wasn't entirely sure why this mattered so much to him. Still, even with Jigano telling that becoming an attuned didn't guarantee their audience, didn't even mean they'd continue to acknowledge him: Oliver still wanted to be one. Now that he knew it truly was a possibility for him, it was something he felt he had to do. It was something Oliver wanted to work towards. "I...I don't know why their opinions matter, but Jigano I do want to be an attuned now. I'm fine if they continue to ignore me...but help me to understand how I can become attuned." Sunjata was so much happier when he became attuned. So many people he knew already were attuned. Olvier wanted to join them, to feel their happiness and joy. "Unfortunately, others aren't as kind as you...people aren't forgiving, Sunjata. I'm not even all that young. People will judge me. People will get mad at me. People don't like the real me, I'm not someone that people like." Oliver wasn't even sure if he really had any friends here. There were a couple of people he thought were his friends...but did they even feel the same way towards him? He had been lectured enough times to know that he made poor decisions, that his age was absolutely no excuse for how he thought and acted. Even though Oliver had read a lot, he tended to learn better through auditory methods, so having Jigano explain everything helped a lot. It made it easier for him to gather up the information and process it. "That's...a lot. I mean, damn...it does suck that the gods don't really trust me, considering I didn't even know all of that stuff....but I know I wouldn't hurt anyone. I wouldn't go against the gods or try to even become on myself. That's not something I want, not at all." Oliver shook his head and sighed. Did the gods really have that little trust in him? OLIVER i saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and i could do anything i wanted

Jigano sipped his tea quietly, studying Oliver as the young man spoke. He was coming across as impatient and strangely desperate, and the bard still couldn't figure out why he wanted to serve gods that he was so angry at and resentful towards. It made no sense to him, but he his his confusion as the words continued to tumble out, making less and less sense as they did. "How will being Attuned make people more forgiving?" he asked gently. "Because you won't lose your magic. Half of you will still be Abandoned, even if the gods accept your petition. People will always judge you, just as you judge the gods and those around you. As you're judging them even now, assuming that they lack patience and kindness, or that they won't like you." He tilted his head, hiding a smile at the younger man's existential worries because he didn't want to seem like he was mocking him. On the contrary, he remembered being a teenager and having so many insecurities and earth-shattering worries, and he wanted to tell Oliver that he'd be all right, that time would make a lot of those seeming-mountains into molehills...

But there was no way to do so without coming across as a condescending old fuddy duddy, and he kept his mouth shut on it, asking only: "What did Sunjata do?" The tall man had his own problems to deal with at the moment, Jigano knew, with Lusea missing. He had never seen the Korofi man anything but somber and wounded, even when in his panther shift after becoming Attuned - covered in mud, trudging hopelessly along as he rolled balls of mud and let it dirty his fur, too lost in his anxious worrying to care about his appearance or his new shapes.

"And if you have no memories, how do you know that people don't like the real you?" he asked gently again, this time with an encouraging smile. "How do you even know the real you? You're still learning who you are and who you want to be. Don't let others pressure you into becoming something just because they like it or want it - or because you think they'll like you better if you change." It felt strange to be telling someone to slow down when he usually strongly encouraged people to become Attuned, but Oliver's conflicting feelings on the gods were worrisome, and potentially dangerous if they took offense at it when he went to them. Jigano didn't want to see the nice young man hurt just because he was still figuring himself out. He'd help if that was what Oliver really wanted... but the blond youth had been giving very mixed signals so far.

Assurances were easy to make in the heat of the moment, Jigano knew. They were much harder to follow through on, especially when people changed. Oliver as he was now might not hurt anyone or try to Ascend to godhood, but an Oliver ten years from now? An angry, frustrated Oliver who was tired of being ignored by the gods and decided to take things into his own hands, thinking that he would do things better, be less judgmental, or more welcoming than the current gods? "You don't trust other people, it sounds like," he pointed out mildly. "You're judging the people of the Hollowed Grounds as impatient and unkind the same way the gods are judging you, lumping everyone in the same boat and writing them off without giving them a chance, either. But you aren't even from here. You aren't one of the people of Caido, who grew up with the gods, nor they with you. Why do you expect them to give you the benefit of the doubt when you were brought here by their enemy?" He asked with genuine curiosity, hoping that Oliver could see why the gods had no reason to trust him - and every reason to be wary of him, especially with all the anger and hate he admitted to having in his heart for them.

It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair, but they couldn't change the gods, after all, only try to come to terms with them.

That wasn't exactly what Oliver meant. It was hard to put his frustrations and thoughts into words. "It's...not really about forgiving me. I don't know...I feel like there's more I can do than just magic. Yeah, people will still view me as being abandoned, but I want to be more than that. I want to do great things, Jigano. I want to help people and use my abilities for good. I feel like if I became attuned, I could do so much more. I could help more people...and I could maybe connect to more people. Find more people willing to befriend me, because so far so many of the Abandoned people I have met ignore me because they view it as a curse." His intentions were a small bit narcissistic in nature, but he was currently in the mindset that becoming an attuned was his solution. He would be happier as an attuned individual. "I think that I'll be happier...more confident." Oliver shook his head and let out a sigh. "Sunjata has...done a lot for me. I saw him after he had shifted and he seemed so happy. He was willing to even take me to Safrin, to have an audience with her. He has done so many amazing things to help me, Jigano, and I think becoming an attuned has made him happier, really." If it made Sunjata happier, then surely it'll make him happier as well. Jigano was also attuned and he seemed very happy, not to forget Remi who was also a very happy individual. Every attuned he had met was happy...but so many abandoneds were ashamed of themselves or lived in a constant state of sadness. "Jigano...the number of times I have been lectured by people here is...a lot. So trust me, I know people don't like who I am." Oliver was steadily becoming frustrated. Maybe he didn't want to confront certain thoughts or maybe Jigano was misunderstanding him. It would be hard to tell which one it was, really, especially when Oliver was struggling so much with even accepting himself. "I do trust people...maybe even a bit too much. I never said that I thought everyone was impatient or unkind...but like I said, I constantly feel like I'm inferior and people constantly remind me of it. I do give tons of people a chance, if I didn't why the fuck would I even be here talking with you? If I'm apparently the kind to not trust people...why wouldn't I be telling you ever single little thing about me?" OLIVER i saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and i could do anything i wanted

”What do you think that being Attuned will allow you to do that your magic won’t allow?” He asked curiously, probing gently for the underlying reasons for Oliver’s wish as they finally began to unravel down to the heart of the matter. Naturals viewed the Abandoned as cursed, yes, but most Outlanders Jigano had met were either fine with their magic, or saw it as a blessing.

He listened to Oliver explain Sunjata’s change, glad that the tall man hadn’t been unkind to the youth, but Jigano only gave a slight shake of his head, thinking back to their day shifting mud. ”He didn’t seem happy when I saw him in his panther form,” he said quietly. The animal forms had been at best a distraction, but they had done nothing to solve Sunjata’s problems with Lusea’s disappearance. ”If it made him happier, it was only briefly.” Indeed, Oliver couldn’t know all that Jigano had been through either, or the weight of guilt, frustration, and shame that he carried – and had carried as an Attuned, long before Safrin’s curse had fallen on him. He couldn’t know what Remi had endured; the loss of memories, the loss of loves, the deaths of friends, the Blighting of his husband… but Remi was also one of the strongest and most accomplished mages in the Hollowed Grounds, and his strength of character came from a place deeper than either his magic or his animal shifts. Eventually he would learn that Caido had a habit of grinding people down regardless of their race. For now, though, his earnest optimism was a welcome ray of sunshine and Jigano found himself smiling at the mention of so many lectures.

”You’re an Outlander, new to this world and its dangers,” he pointed out gently. ”And you have no memories to guide you. The lectures come from a place of concern, of wanting you to survive long enough to get to know you, rather than from any dislike, I think. It depends on the person, of course… but most people here do mean well.”

He listened as Oliver’s explanation turned to a rant, arching a brow at the sudden swearing that punctuated what came across as an emotional outburst. ”Then why don’t you trust them to like you for who you are?” he asked simply, in return.

Jigano seemed to be asking the right questions, or at least the ones that were thought provoking. It made Oliver question all of his intentions. "Well...there's a lot of things it can do. I don't know, but it sounds so freeing to be able to turn into an animal. And...I don't know how to put it into words, but it's just a feeling inside me. The moment you said that I could do it, me, it just felt like something was right. There was this feeling inside of me that said: yes, do this. This is what you should do." Oliver couldn't find the words. Maybe that meant it was him finding an escape or maybe he truly wanted it. He wouldn't be sure, but he could hope that Jigano could make sense of it. The news of Sunjata being unhappy wasn't something Oliver wanted to hear. He knew about the disappearance of Lusea and it had worried him. Shaking his head, Oliver let out a deep sigh. "Guess I'll have to go talk with him...but I do think that this will make me happier, at least." Talking with Sunjata would hopefully come soon, once the two were able to sit down alone and figure out what the hell was going on. Also: Sunjata had a panther form?! Oliver knew Caido was dangerous, he had seen the bones of those lost during LongNight. "As well as they mean, I wish they'd talk with me like I were an equal, not like I'm some stupid person who's so far below them that they don't need to show an ounce of respect. I try to respect people...and I'm sorry that I haven't been the most respectful towards you." He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back. Finally he had started to calm back down a bit. He had run out of steam and now felt extremely ashamed for how he had been behaving. "I feel like I need to be someone extremely mature, which I know I'm not. I don't know, everyone here knows exactly what they're doing. They have talents, they have memories that they've learned from. They have learned how to use their abilities to better the society....but me? I got nothing. Therefore, people only view me for all my mistakes. I have done nothing redeemable to make them view me as anything better." OLIVER i saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and i could do anything i wanted

There it was. Not a need to appease others or a desire to change for them, but a personal connection to what Oliver wanted. Something for him and him alone, dependent on no one else. Jigano nodded in satisfaction, smiling as he offered more tea. ”Then I will indeed help as much as I can,” he offered warmly. And as soon as the timey-wimey was caught up, he’d explain more.

The apology was met with a grave nod of acceptance followed by a wry smile. ”And I’m sorry for talking down to you. It’s a bad habit of mine that I keep trying to break… without much success,” he admitted with a grimace. ”But thank you for being patient with all my questions.”

Oliver was hard on himself, something he had in common with many on in the Hollowed Grounds, Jigano thought wryly. Including himself. ”You’ve been here, what? Less than two seasons?” he asked, adding a sugar cube to his cup. ”And you’re… maybe twenty-one? Early twenties? I’ll bet that most of those you’ve met have been older and had skills and jobs from their old worlds that they could bring here, and those worlds are so different. Sunjata’s world and Deimos’s world and my world… we can’t even compare between each other, much less with someone who arrived so close to LongNight. But even so, we all had to learn about Caido and what we’d gained and lost by coming here,” he reassured the younger man. ”And it took time to become what we are and get to this point. Almost a year and a half for Deimos and I, in fact, and Remi, too. With LongNight past, you have time to learn, and I’ll make a bet with you that in half a year no one will remember any mistakes you’ve made now.” He grinned at the blond, arching a brow challengingly to see if Oliver would take that bet.

The blonde shook his head. Why was Jigano apologizing? He had done nothing wrong. "Hey, you don't need to apologize. I...I kinda freaked out there. I was being stupid and I wasn't watching what I was saying, and I'm sorry for that. Sometimes asking tons of questions can help lead to us becoming better people." Yeah, Oliver didn't like it all that much, but Jigano hadn't been nearly as hurtful as some of the people he had spoken to. He had a place of heart, while others seemed to care very little for his well being, only worried about correcting him. There were many times where Oliver wished to interrupt, but he knew better than that. He must be respectful of him and allow Jigano to speak, besides, he was starting to figure more things out...kind of. He waved a hand, trying to show that he didn't need any sugar. "Unfortunately, I don't think it'll be that easy. People hold grudges and I worry that they wont like me, no matter how much that I learn from here." Oliver wanted to show people like Phoebe and Loren that he could learn, that he could become more mature and learn from his mistakes: but that'd require him to assume that they're willing to look past his old self first. "Also, I honestly don't really know my age? I mean, I think I'm either twenty-one or twenty-two. So hey, you weren't too far off...but damn, people younger than me are making better decisions than me. Kinda just...feels off, you know?" Any help that Jigano had to offer would be graciously accepted. He wanted to become an attuned, Oliver just knew that he should. The feeling inside him when Jigano told him about it only solidified this as being the only real option he had. "Please...tell me all that you can. I'm ready to listen and learn." OLIVER i saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and i could do anything i wanted

"That's the goal," Jigano agreed with a lopsided smile. He wanted to make sure that Oliver was doing what would be best for himself in the long run, not just trying to impress other people in an attempt to gain some fleeting popularity. So long as he liked himself, or at least could become someone that he liked, the young man would be able to find his way in the world, and would attract others who appreciated him. "And you needn't worry about it; it's water under the bridge." There was nothing to forgive, in Jigano's estimation, but he still appreciated the courtesy of the gesture.

"If they won't change their minds, then you just need to find other people who will accept you, either as you are now or in the future when you've become more settled," the bard encouraged gently. "There's a world out there, beyond this town. You'll find your place in it, or you'll make one, once you know who you want to be." Oliver's desperate obsession with the opinions of others reminded Jigano of Sam when he had first met the bookmaker. It took time, and support, and hard work to overcome all those doubts and fears, but Sam was also an example of what could be done.

As Oliver asked to learn, Jigano smiled wryly and tilted his head in a small nod. "The gods love gifts," he started with the simplest and broadest strokes of the picture. "Offerings, to get their attention and earn their goodwill before you even speak. Ludo likes things that have strong memories attached to them, especially childhood ones. Frey appreciates fresh fruits... but more to the point they like to be paid in, ah, pleasure. Climaxing is a good way to draw them to a shrine," he phrased it delicately. "Safrin..." He paused, for his interactions with the goddess had been fraught with pain and peril for the past half year. "Safrin is... I would not recommend her," he said softly at last. "She is beautiful but impatient. All the gods can be cruel, but I think that she is... she sees what is in your heart, and she will tear it out of you if you do not please her," he finished grimly. "Frey might be best for what you seek. They are a god of nature and change, so if you wish to change your nature they might make the most sense to approach."

Oliver chose to move on past the apologies. Everything was fine on both of their ends and they could simply relax and calm down. He wasn't exactly sure how helpful Jigano's next words were. Oliver knew that he shouldn't change himself for others, that much was abundantly clear. However, how was he supposed to stop himself from trying to achieve it? It was something he did often without really realizing it. "How do I stop myself from changing for others? How do I know the difference between learning from mistakes or changing to reach unrealistic expectations?" In other words: how does he tell what's a problem and what's someone looking at him for something that he is not. It was a jumble of words that Oliver could hardly string into a sentence. The blonde listened as Jigano went on about the gods. Long had he decided that Ludo was someone he should pray to yet, not until he felt like he had a stronger chance of receiving a good interaction. Ludo was playful and Oliver wasn't ready to have his few memories played with. That left him between deciding between Frey and Safrin. However, Jigano seemed to have a strong distaste towards Safrin. Interesting... "I've prayed to both Safrin and Frey before...Frey I left them some bread and apples and Safrin I went with Sunjata, both times I received no response." Oliver informed Jigano, searching for a reaction or any advice the man could give based on these new details. "Why...why shouldn't I personally go to Safrin? I've heard what great things she has done for others...I mean, Frey has also done incredible things." The man let out a huff and leaned back, staring off into space. Gods was this hard to decide. How was he supposed to figure out which one would be the best to go to. There was a blush on his face as Oliver looked back at Jigano. "I'm not really sure how to decide." He was blushing at the thought of what Jigano suggested with Frey, contemplating whether that would even be an option. Imagine just doing that only to have someone randomly walk in. "Based on what you know about me so far....who do you think would be most willing to turn me into an attuned?" OLIVER i saw that my life was a vast glowing empty page and i could do anything i wanted

”Ask people you trust if you’re uncertain, until you become better able to recognize unrealistic expectations,” Jigano suggested with an encouraging smile. ”And ask yourself if what someone wants you to change about yourself would really be in your best interest, or if it would just be more convenient for that other person.” It was something that would only come with time and practice, not overnight, and it would take a lifetime to refine. Jigano knew well the pitfall of trying to make others like him, wearing different masks for different people until they all came crashing down at once. He didn’t want to see Oliver suffer the same hard lesson if he didn’t have to, but sometimes experience was the only way to learn.

He nodded at hearing what had happened at Oliver’s previous prayers, a thoughtful look on his face. ”They don’t tend to answer mages as often,” he agreed gently, empathetic for Oliver’s plight, but they had been over his anger and resentment already and it didn’t need to be rehashed. ”Safrin, especially, can be… cold… towards those who she sees as unworthy. As cold towards them as she is warm towards those she favors,” he explained with a sigh. ”She’s also cursed people. They all have, really. Though Frey’s curses tend to be the lightest to bear for most, from what I’ve heard,” he added after a moment’s reflection. ”But I have found her to be impatient and aloof, whereas Ludo has been at worst honorable and at best… at best it has helped and encouraged me, given me hope and a light in the darkness when Safrin offered only ice and knives.” He smiled crookedly, stirring his tea with an idle finger.

”Personally? I would suggest Ludo. I trust it far more than the others, but if you are wary of the soulguide for some reason, then… probably Frey. They enjoy pleasure and they have shown themselves the most willing to encourage individuals to strengthen themselves and better themselves - for themselves, unselfishly. Their methods might be, ah, embarrassing… but I don’t think they would force you into anything you didn’t want to do for them, as far as physical intimacy goes. Show respect and bring something pleasurable, like a favorite food or drink, and you should be alright,” he advised with a smile.