this ain't for the best

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

"I wonder if it got worse...when we first went down, before the roof caved in, I had to transmute some of the plants to make them non poisonous. But after that when everything started to collapse with all the fire...it was all I could do to hold the building up." Safrin's subsequent collapse of the ceiling certainly hadn't helped.

"I was thinking something like that, though...It might have to be magical." Remi mused. "The only trouble with having magic is...not knowing how it works at all. What the limits are. How do...experiment without being wasteful, I suppose." Shooting the summoner a rather sheepish grin—the magical academy back in Northaven having been strictly off limits to the likes of Remi—he merely shrugged.

Looking properly uncomfortable, Remi averted his eyes and rubbed self-consciously at the back of his head. "Oh, I do not know if that is true.." As it was, Loren had the same amount as Remi, but something about the way Remi heard the words made him flinch away as if the summoner's words were chastising instead of somehow congratulatory.

Frowning, whether at the names or the information or both, Remi nodded slowly. "I wonder if it has something to do with you? The magic changing since.." Rotating his wrist in a you know movement, he continued, "..there are those you do not like to touch."

The white sheep of the family

Struggling to keep his face impassive, the energy bled out into the Launceleyn’s foot, which resumed its tapping motion. ”I don’t know. It’s just as likely we damaged it when we moved the rubble or…” He hesitated, voice dropping to the barest whisper. ”Or during whatever happened after I stepped through the portal.” Swallowing, he realized his foot had picked up its pace. He frowned down at the offending limb as he forced it to still.

The frown stayed there, and his voice grew more uncertain. ”I don’t know. What about, um, folding planks that you can lock into place with hinges and bolts, so you can adjust the size as needed? Like a, a, a, one of those wooden screens that people get changed behind, the ones that zig-zig.” He waved his hands vaguely in the air as if that would help his less than stellar explanation before they fell into his lap. ”And a cloth covering on the outside to protect against the elements.” Embarrassed smile slipping onto his lips, he belatedly added, ”You can just transmute it if you make a mistake. Can’t you?” He tilted his head and gave the alchemist a curious look.

As Remi looked away, the summoner shrugged. ”I do.” His voice came out equal parts chagrined and resigned. Then it was his turn to avert his gaze. Sighing, the Launceleyn glanced down at his hands. ”I don’t mind being touched. Not at all, not anymore.” Again, Loren blushed, and his words came out half-mumbled.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

Beneath the table Remi couldn't see the frenetic movements of Loren's foot, but he could hear it well enough. Even so, he said nothing. The alchemist had his own fair share of restless ticks and he'd not malign someone else for theirs. "What does that mean?"

Raising a brow with amusement to hear Loren's suggestions, the alchemist remained humbly silent as the man across from him spoke and vaguely gestured out his idea. Biting at the inside of his lip, Remi nodded. The summoner's ideas weren't bad necessarily, but they were certainly not as elegant as the ones the alchemist had in mind. That largely had to do with the differences in their skill sets of course, but it made Remi inwardly chuckle just the same. "Only sort of." He replied with a gently rocking of his head back and forth. "Transmutation has to keep the same...kind, or essence of the thing. If the initial design is too far off, I will not be able to change it." Tapping at the book, Remi did some quick calculations. "I think it will take nearly all of my creation magic for this season to design the sort of wagon I am thinking of." Which meant the margin for error was quite low.

Ignoring this, Remi gave Loren a curious look for a moment, his gaze quite unreadable. Though his sea-bright eyes were kind and without much emotion, something about what the summoner had said halted the smile on his lips. "Ah." He said distractedly after a moment. "Well that sounds..helpful, just the same." Remi conceeded after another breath.

The white sheep of the family

Sighing, the summoner ran a nervous hand through his hair. ”There was a snake guardian. It would let Ascended pass. I told Jigano, Adam, and Wessex that I would check if the portal was working. It was, I came face to face with a bunch of soldiers, along with Adam. I tried and failed to negotiate, then Wessex stepped through. When I came back, there was no snake.” He spread his hands as if to indicate that was all the information that he had, then placed them on the desk, rubbing his palms against the wood.

That shifted into finger tapping. ”Got it. Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” The Launceleyn gave Remi a crooked smile, and Loren’s voice came out gently and without doubt. More than a small amount of uncertainty crept into his voice for the discussion of his own magic, though. ”I guess so.” He glanced at his own set of study materials. ”I should probably get back to my own work.” However, he hesitated, staying in his seat and giving Remi a tentative smile.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

Raising a brow at this information—the snake had been all Jigano had spoken of for months—he nodded. He'd likely bump into the Sage sooner rather than later, and certainly he'd ask him what happened to the great creature.

The words that drifted back and forth seemed like so much small talk, but not in a way that was comfortable. It had at first, but now it simply seemed as though they were both drawing out something that seemed to have no real substance to it. Deciding then though, to make good on what he'd said, Remi grinned at the Launceleyn and nodded. "You should, yes. Or you could come and help me build some wheels? Unless you are properly busy." He added hastily, giving the summoner an easy out should he wish to take it.

The white sheep of the family

Letting out a huff of laughter, Loren ran a hand through his hair then shook his head. ”Not really, no. Making busywork for myself, mostly.” He gave Remi an uncertain but genuine smile.

Then, though, the summoner hesitated, eyes searching the other man’s face. ”I’d be happy to help you with your wheels, though I don’t know how much help I’ll really be. But um…” The Launceleyn’s voice trailed off and he bit his lip. Sighing, he ran another hand through his hair, this time much more nervously. ”You’d rather I be honest with you, even if it upsets you.” It wasn’t a question, but it did come out tentatively, and Loren’s eyes were filled with worry.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

"Good then." The alchemist agreed, moving to stand before Loren's words halted him in his place.

"You keep biting your lip that often and you are going to make it swell." He noted of his almost-friend's new habit, his voice boyishly chipper as if to ward off the weightiness the Launceleyn's question suggested. Swallowing and sitting back down, he raised a brow, giving Loren a long and earnest stare. "Yes. Always." He said slowly, feeling as though he was somehow edging himself into a trap he couldn't at all predict.

The white sheep of the family

Loren waved a hand vaguely and distractedly. ”I can heal it.” Then he went to bite his lip, stopped, frowned, and started drumming his fingers on the desk instead. For a long moment he was silent, then he sighed. "I um..." His voice trailed off before he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep, shuddering breath. When he opened them, he raised his eyes so he was staring right at Remi. "It ah, it wasn't just Abasi." His words were incredibly quiet, and his face was etched with embarrassment

"I went to uh, Frey. And they...it doesn't...alright yes, yes it does." Sighing again, his fingers picked up their pace. "They said the only way to get over you was to um, enjoy myself." His tone came out apologetically and cautiously. "So I, I, um after the Rathskellar, I got drunk and ah, Sunjata and Lusea were there, and uh, one thing lead to another." Hanging his head, the summoner held his breath.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

"Not the point." Remi corrected with a crooked smile, wondering where Loren had picked up such a habit and if it was meant to indicate the sort of uncertainty that it seems to portray.

Waiting for the summoner to speak felt like it bordered on an eternity, though the alchemist thought he knew what it was he was likely to hear. I'm in love with him, Loren would say. He'd look up with that small and private smile, the one that Remi had once fallen so hard for, and then Loren would shrug slightly as if it all couldn't be helped. And Remi would nod, because there was nothing else to do, and it was just the way of things.

It ah, it wasn't just Abasi.

Remi stared back at Loren, though for a moment he didn't appear to have comprehended what the summoner had said. And indeed all the alchemist could hear was a slight ringing in his ears as the world ground to an icy halt. As the story unfolded Remi's lashes fluttered over eyes growing ever more vacant with silent shock. Loren might have thought the more surprising part was the threesome—and indeed that was a shock to Remi's mental picture of the Launceleyn—but that wasn't what caused his breath to catch and his stomach to clench.

Scrunching the bridge of his nose in an adorably innocent gesture as if the information was like so much dust tickling his sinuses, Remi looked up at the ceiling as if he might somehow sneeze it out. He didn't of course, and instead raised his hand to rub absently and unhappily beneath the collar of his shirt somewhere just above his heart. This was the second time now that Loren had willfully left Remi behind; once physically and now emotionally. Biting the inside of his cheek as he blinked up at the ceiling, the alchemist tried to wade through the tangled thoughts pulling at him, but found himself tripping over the same ones over and over again.

Perhaps it was the same selfishness that Loren accused him of, or the self-righteousness that Jigano had, that made Remi suddenly feel frozen to the bone. But never once had he asked for divine intervention in 'getting over' Loren. There was something about love, real love anyways, that made the grieving process seem important somehow. Necessary. Right. But just as Sam had decided grieving over Remi was too much work, too painful, so too had Loren.

Did I really mean so little? He wanted to ask, though quickly realized he didn't deserve nor want the answer to that. So instead he just said, "Ahh.." And swallowed down a painful tangle of emotions. Dropping his eyes back to the summoner, Remi flashed him a brief smile, his expression one of soft anguish. "Saying thank you for that seems a bit...misplaced. But I appreciate knowing just the same." Pressing a closed fist between his eyes and letting them close, Remi sighed. "Phoebe is going to kill you when she finds out."

The white sheep of the family

Loren tilted his head and gave Remi a quizzical look. "What is the point?" However, it was clear from the distracted tone in the summoner's voice that he didn't really care about the answer. Instead, he was watching the alchemist sharply for any sign of what the other man might be thinking.

As Remi swallowed, the Launceleyn ran a nervous hand through his hair and glanced down. "It doesn't...well. You..." Biting his lip again, Loren finally sighed. "What's on your mind?" Then the summoner frowned and looked back up, meeting the alchemist's eyes. "Wait, why would Phoebe kill me?" The confusion was evident in the Launceleyn's expression and tone, but understanding dawned soon enough. "Because it's Sunjata and Lusea?" Then Loren shook his head. "I...hadn't thought about that." He hung his head, more than a bit ashamed.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

"To not hurt yourself in the first place?" The alchemist shot back with a wry grin.

Shaking his head slightly as Loren mumbled through the beginning of a response, Remi forced a smile. "No, I did say I wanted to know." He agreed, thinking that was partially what the summoner was stumbling over. However as he was asked what was on his mind, Remi tried to hide his wince as he gave Loren a rather unsettled sort of look. "Well...it...it is not the kindest thing to hear, as I am sure you can understand." He said in a surprisingly gentle voice.

Raising a brow at Loren's confusion, the alchemist waited for the man to figure it out, before nodding. "I think she thought...that perhaps there was something between you two." He said ruffling a hand through his curls to dismiss some of the feathers threatening to appear there. "And with everything that happened between her and Sunjata, and her and Lusea..." Though...it was entirely possible Loren didn't actually know the extent of it.

The white sheep of the family

Shrugging, Loren tapped his foot against the ground. ”It doesn’t hurt.” Then, the Launceleyn buried his head in his hands. ”I didn’t ask for that exactly. And...I didn’t...I didn’t act on it until you...you told me to move on.” Raising his gaze, he bit his lip as he met Remi’s eyes. ”Or at least...I don’t know. I thought that…” Cutting off his words, the summoner rubbed his eyes. ”I don’t know what I thought. Maybe I didn't think. Probably I didn't think.” Glancing away, he found his palms rubbing against his thighs

At the explanation about Phoebe, though, he snapped his head back to the alchemist. Loren’s jaw dropped, and it stayed that way for an embarrassingly long time. When he finally snapped it closed, he fidgeted uncomfortably. ”She thought what?” His voice came out slightly strangled, and he had to clear his throat. ”I know things were rough between them, but I was under the impression that everything with Phoebe had been...was in the past.”

Running a nervous hand through his hair, he sighed then rubbed his temples. ”Recent past though. I should’ve…” He trailed off, and squeezed his eyes shut. ”Should’ve thought of someone other than myself for once.” This time, his words came out in the barest of whispers.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

& all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along

It was hard to stop his jaw from clenching at that, the way Loren seemed to suggest that this was his fault. That Remi had asked for this somehow..He relaxed though as the summoner clarified, sort of. It didn't help particularly but nothing likely would. "Did not ask for what? The help from Frey, or the.." threesome. Clearing his throat, it was Remi's turn to stumble over his words.

Remi drew in a breath and shrugged uncomfortably. "You and she were getting along so well. She said how you stayed behind to help put the boys to bed and bake..?" The alchemist shook his head, curls bouncing slightly as he hummed a sigh. "She has had...a complicated time with men. I will be the first to say she gets attached too easily but...after the way you treated her, to end up in the arms of her lover and his.." Pulling a face, not knowing exactly what Sunjata and Lusea were, the alchemist shook his head wearily again.

Glancing at Loren, Remi did indeed feel bad for the summoner. His compassion was large enough to drown out his own rising tide of anguish and sadness. "You need to be able to love yourself before you can love others. Is that not the saying?" Remi looked down at the table, smiling sadly. "You have said to me a number of times that you want to figure out who you are. That you want to put yourself first. " Shrugging, the alchemist merely offered the summoner a soft green gaze as if to say, this is what happens when you do that.

The white sheep of the family

Biting his lip again, Loren shrugged. ”Both? Everything?” He held up his hands in a helpless gesture before letting them drop to his lap again. ”I just...wanted to stop hurting.” The summoner’s voice came out softly and more than a bit ashamed.

An incredulous expression crossed his face as he continued to stare at Remi. ”I came to drop off the boys after we arrested Roana. I requested to search the boys’ bags for anything that might aid in a potential escape. Phoebe insisted that we wait until the boys sleep, so I stuck around.” The summoner grimaced. ”I know what I did with Sunjata and Lusea wasn’t kind to Phoebe, but how exactly did I treat her, Remi? I was kind to her, though I was also cruel, but I never did or said anything remotely romantic. At least not intentionally.” This time, the Launceleyn’s voice came out almost gently, though the confusion was still evident.

Closing his eyes again, Loren took a deep shuddering breath. ”Well. I’m shitty at putting myself first and at putting others first in equal measure, apparently.” Then he opened them and held up a hand to hopefully forestall whatever response the alchemist might make. ”I don’t know what I’m doing. About anything.” The summoner’s voice came out matter-of-factly, though there was sorrow lurking in his eyes. Sighing, he shook his head, trying to banish his doubts. "Let's go work on your wheel."

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!