Secret Keeper

It took Phoebe awhile to convince herself that she needed to do this. Once her own fears mostly subsided, she realized that guilt still weighed her down. Not for the redhead – no she still terrified the young blonde midwife. She thought of the blonde man who had been there as well, who’s secret had been so carelessly thrown about. The thought alone made her frown. Phoebe had been raised very traditionally, to think things like that were unnatural or perverted…but she couldn’t bring herself to accept that it was true. She didn’t really want to exist in a world where any love in any healthy form was shunned. But enough people did think that way, and so it was important that she tell that young man that his secret was safe with her. So here she was, standing at the door to an alchemy shop. Hoo-boy. Phoebe had asked around and managed to get his name and the location of his business. Really, it was good luck that he was an alchemist. He might have some of the supplies she needed for her midwifery work. But that was secondary here. After a moment of hesitation, Phoebe entered the shop, here eyes finding the young alchemist working on…whatever alchemists work on. “Hello, Mr. Remi.” She said quietly as she stepped in, glancing at him, and then at the ground nervously. He might not be pleased to see her, given what she knew, so part of her worried he would toss her out. Phoebe Be gentle to all and stern with yourself

remi Took a fall from a windy height, I only knew how to hold on tight & pray for love enough to last all night Remi was not alright at all, but he was okay. He was managing. He was...in a sea of unfeeling, tethered to a boat of memory. He’d probably be fine. Or he wouldn’t. Time would tell. Time had in fact told, only Remi hadn’t heard what it had to say yet. And so, as the bell tinkled of the door of his shop, Remi stiffened from behind the counter. The various berries used in the creation of launceleyn-blue had been discarded. Why had it been so important to recreate the blue of Loren’s eyes? The man possessed it after all, why had Remi been striving so hard to recreate it in paint? The idea seemed so silly now. Glancing up, he spied the pretty blonde, though the sight of her hardened the alchemist’s heart and caused an appropriately sad expression to gently crease his otherwise boyish and happy face. “Just Remi will do, I think.” He corrected, his melodically accented voice sailing across the small space. As a commoner and a shapeshifter at that (so lower than low) even being called Mr was a bit much. Still, it was good to see Phoebe. Though he’d already found her once closer to the ending of the incident (not that she knew it, of course), it still did Remi’s heart good to see her out and about. “I do not believe we have ever been formally introduced.” Remi said, skirting around the counter and extended a well-calloused and strong hand towards the pretty midwife. She had delivered Delphine’s children after all, and for that, her description had been burned into his memory.

"Remi". She said as a correction. She still stood in front of the door, hands clasped so tightly in front of her, her knuckles turned white. The blonde woman worried her bottom lip, unable to maintain eye contact with him. Oh! But he was right, she hadn't introduced herself! "I'm so sorry, how rude of me! I'm Phoebe Steadman." she said quickly. A common girl, from a common family, the most notable person being her sister in law Roana if he hadn't ever known Brahm. But it was likely he didn't know her name at all. She reached out and shook his hand, her own hands small and delicate but still capable of a firm, respectable grip. A midwife needed to have a good grip - dropping newborns was pretty frowned upon in the profession. With introductions out of the way, her nervousness returned. She remembered why she was there, and therefore remembered the events that had transpired with the god. He might not find her his taste but this man had seen her naked, the thought alone making her whole face turn bright red. She swallowed a lump in her throat. Best to get through this before she lost her nerve. "I just...I-I thought it was important for you to know that your secret is safe with me." she said quickly, a bit flustered. He may have seen her naked, but it wasn't like he could use that to hurt him. There were enough who thought badly about people who preferred their own sex that she and he knew this knowledge could hurt him. "And...well...I don't think poorly of you for it...and I'm sorry for being so rude that day. I was being selfish and that was wrong." In her mortification she hadn't thought about how this would have hurt anyone but herself. But she was rambling and not making any sense now was she? She sighed, disappointed with herself for being such a mess. "I'm sorry I sound so stupid." she mumbled. Phoebe Be gentle to all and stern with yourself

remi Took a fall from a windy height, I only knew how to hold on tight & pray for love enough to last all night As if they were back in Northaven, Remi dropped his head as one hand came up to his heart and the other found the small of his back. There was no shapechanger cuff on his wrist anymore to indicate that he truly was one of the lowest of the low, but still the humble and immediate way he treated her as one of his betters would have spoken volumes. Even so, he preferred the handshake. “A pleasure to meet you properly.” The alchemist said, his mind immediately envisioning her as she had been during their first meeting. The focus of his mental gaze had not been on her nudity of course, but the expression that she’d worn so clearly and the way the almost child-like tones of her voice had wrong out so clearly and gone ignored. At the mention of his secret, Remi’s pale eyes narrowed slightly with confusion before he realized what it was she meant. “Ahh.” He said softly, running a hand through his curls and turning his gaze out towards one of the windows to his right. Remi felt a tightening in his stomach as he ran a hand horizontally over his eyes with a sigh. His secret. Well. It almost seemed not to matter now, really. Remi was still who he’d always been and in fact he was still in love with a man....but he didn’t feel as if he was. The memories and history was all still here, but it moved nothing inside of his soul. Gay? Sure he was. But now it seemed just another fact the same way his hair was a sandy brown colour. It was true of him, but it didn’t guide any of his actions. It didn’t matter anymore. As she mentioned being rude, Remi’s gaze sharply turned back towards her, his expression one of soft disagreement. “Oh no, not at all.” The alchemist said gently moving towards her with a boyish and polite smile. “You were not being selfish. What that being did to us...” Swallowing, colour slightly flushed Remi’s cheeks as he shook his head. “You do not sound stupid.” Remi corrected again, realizing for the first time how pleasing it was that her eyes were brown instead of blue. “I appreciate you coming here.”

She noticed the stance he took, one he might've given a higher ranking person back in Northaven. Phoebe smiled ever so slightly, shaking her head. "Please, I am far from your superior. I'm just a common girl. My mother and brother were shapechangers even. There is no reason to be so formal with me." She didn't want him feeling any more on guard with her than he might already given everything. Phoebe certainly didn't feel deserving of his respectful stance. His one word response made her think she had insulted him. Why? No real good reason. Anxiety works like that. "I-I'm sorry, maybe it isn't a secret? I shouldn't assume I just..." Assumed. She just assumed. Phoebe looked down at the floor, feeling ashamed and stupid. It felt like her whole world was upside down and there was nowhere stable to stand anymore. Here she was, insulting this man in her effort to bring him assurance and looking like a damned fool for it. It didn't help that the situation that brought them together had been so mortifying. Embarrassing. Revealing. She didn't glance up at him again until he spoke once more, insisting she had not been selfish. She worried her lip, thinking on the encounter with Frey. "Yes, they are certainly not to be trifled with...but we each made choices that day too." she said softly. Celosia's actions had been what scared her most, and in the end, the god had stopped her from acting on her impulses towards her. Blame where blame was due, no? The tiniest pinprick of hope shown in her eyes, the unknowingly comforting golden brown gaze she had brightening the tiniest bit. "I'm glad. I...it's silly but I was...wondering if you wanted a friend? I was hoping we could be..." They had gone through and intense experience side by side, both supplicated before Celosia and the god, powerless to their whim. It was an unanticipated bonding moment wasn't it? And, while she had Roana and her nephews...they didn't replace friends. Phoebe was lonely, desperate for someone who might consider her a companion in this new journey the had all been thrown into. But she finally heard how she sounded and again her confidence faltered. "I sound like such a loser." she said with a nervous laugh. Here she was, wanting him to be her friend, because she had none. He probably had many of his own. Why would he want her around? Remi Phoebe Be gentle to all and stern with yourself

remi Took a fall from a windy height, I only knew how to hold on tight & pray for love enough to last all night “Ah. As am I.” Remi said, half raising his arm which previously had the shape-changers cuff, before realizing that it wasn’t anymore. “Although being a shape changer here is certainly not like it was back in Northaven..” “Ah, no.” Remi said with a shake of his head. “I suppose it was a secret. You know how things are in Northaven. “ Are? Were? Running a hand over his eyes again and then through his hair, Remi sighed wearily. “I...I suppose I was coming to terms with things there, and then suddenly we were here.” In fact Remi had struggled quite valiantly against his feelings, wanting to side on what was right, however hard that was to pin down. But in a new world, who was to say? There was no king here, no hierarchy really. Was who he was illegal here in the way it was before? “It isn’t the sort of thing I’d just have a deity mention so casually in any regard.” Remi could only shrug helplessly. He too had been caught in the snares of the terribly overwhelming waves of passion and pleasure that Frey had forced upon them. He still thought of it sometimes, the memory making him feel guilty and sad. “Yes.” Remi agreed, thinking of what the deity had recently said to him; there was always a choice. Sometimes that choice simply meant dying instead of giving in. Swallowing hard, the alchemist sighed. “We did.” Selfishly, Remi was just glad that the focus hadn’t been on him. How and what he would have chosen frightened him most of all. Looking at her, so soft and pure, Remi’s heart melted slightly as a warm smile spread across his face. “I would very much like that Phoebe.” His accent made the words all the more gentle and kind as he nodded. That she thought she sounded like a loser made the alchemist chuckle and shake his head. “That you do not.” He disagreed immediately. Turning away, Remi moved behind the counter to where he’d been making some tea. “Tea?” He offered, holding up two cups (cups Loren had once made for him, though that sentimentalism was now gone, and the cups were simply that). “But if we are to be friends, I should know a bit about you, mm?” He chuckled, raising a brow as he looked over his shoulder at the midwife, inviting her to tell him whatever she would about who she was.

Phoebe smiled a little as Remi tried to show off his cuff that was no longer present. This world really had changed a lot of things. "No. Maybe here shapechangers will be treated with the respect they are due." Phoebe said. She never understood why they were so looked down on. They were more than just a regular person in so many ways. Her smile faltered as she watched him struggle with himself, and what it meant in the world they lived in. Just like being a shapechanger...would this aspect of society remain the same, or would it be different? "No, I would think not...which is why it was important I think for me to come tell you that...Well you don't have to worry about me and what I think. You are still a far better person than many with 'accepted' tastes." she said, making quotations with her fingers around the word accepted and rolling her eyes a bit because it was ridiculous. She couldn't imagine why anyone would think someone like Remi was so bad just because he was attracted to men. If anything it was to his detriment - men could be real jerks. Though maybe it wasn't so hard for him because he was a man and understood them? Her thoughts were turned away from that though when he said he wished to be friends as well and would even like it. She smiled truly then, bright happiness, reaching all the way to her eyes. Pleased as punch was a good description. She followed behind him as he moved away, still clasping her hands in front of her, and for the first time looking around. It was quite the impressive shop he had. "Oh, yes please." she said with a smile at the offer of tea. Tea had a way of calming her down, whether it was the intent of the specific brew or not. He asked about her and she thought for a second. "Well, I am the youngest of four. Brahm Steadman was my brother if you ever knew him in Northaven. I am a midwife as my trade..." she said, pausing as she lifted a hand and tapped a chin with her finger. What else? She didn't really like talking about herself so this was hard. "I'm seventeen...I don't like conflict and actively avoid it...and I can't lie to save myself." she said and smiled with a curt nod. That was a pretty good description of herself she thought! Remi Phoebe Be gentle to all and stern with yourself

remi Took a fall from a windy height, I only knew how to hold on tight & pray for love enough to last all night Respect? Now there was an odd term to be associated with shape changers. Remi who had never desired to be anything more than he was, had never truly bothered with wondering about his place in society or the fairness of all of it. As soon as he'd performed the ritual that unlocked his avian-self, he knew that he was hopelessly and forever at the bottom of Northwind's totem pole. To be in a land where such customs perhaps did not hold was certainly...strange. Not unpleasant of course, but Remi was waiting for the other shoe to drop. A land where he could be himself in all aspects of what that entailed? This world was far too deadly to be heaven, and yet...Well. For all the good, Remi had had his love torn away from him in the most horrific way possible. So perhaps it really wasn't for the better. Shaking his head immediately and with absolutely no attempt at fishing for more compliments, Remi disagreed. "I would not say that. But thank you." Remi, who had broken laws in Northaven every day simply in virtue of the feelings he carried over which he had no control. Feelings he eventually did give into. Remi who was the lowest of the low. Remi who, upon coming to this new world, and had almost bene forced to commit a heinous act against the woman before him, and who'd killed his mother during some bizarre godly twist of fate and who'd injured a friend in the process. A good person? Was he? Pouring them each a cup of tea, Remi handed hers across the counter. She'd find the tea a mixture of green and jasmine; rather earthy at first followed by a blossom of flavour. It was one of his favourites and luckily he'd found the plants and herbs needed to make it in this strange place. Blowing on the tea to cool it, Remi listened with rapt attention as Phoebe spoke. At the mention of Brahm Remi shook his head. "A midwife?" He piped up. Hadn't Delphine told him something of the midwife Belamy and Iris had called upon? "Did you deliver the Rowan baby, before we were.." Making a circular gesture with his fingers Remi shrugged, communicating before we were brought here. Chuckling as she mentioned a dislike of conflict and being a poor liar, the alchemist could only shrug as he leaned casually against the counter. "I am not a fan of conflict either. Lying however.." Twitching his lips as a bit of colour infused his cheeks, Remi could only sigh. Lying was part and parcel of being what he was in a society where such things were not allowed.

Phoebe tilted her head to the side when Remi disagreed with her. He didn't think he was a good person? "Well you're in luck, because I get to judge if you are or not, not you. And all I have seen says you are a good person." she said with a warm smile. She didn't know why he disagreed but she didn't like seeing people tear themselves down (and yes she recognized she was a but hypocritical because she beat herself up all the time). There was enough people in the world more than happy to tear others down as it was. She smiled brightly when he mentioned the Rowan child and she nodded. "Yes, I did! It was my first week in Northaven actually." Phoebe giggled a bit, remembering just how frantic the Master Chief had been when he came to get her. Such a powerful man sent into a tizzy over something so natural. "I suppose learning to lie comes part and parcel with your preferences." she said in understanding. That had to be hard, living a lie all the time. How could you even possibly find someone when everyone who had the same preference also had to lie about it? It seemed impossible to her. Phoebe sipped her tea thinking on it a little. "Well you should tell me about you! You are so much more than just who you like." she said brightly, to lift the mood. Phoebe Be gentle to all and stern with yourself

remi Took a fall from a windy height, I only knew how to hold on tight & pray for love enough to last all night Chuckling the alchemist held his hands up in mock surrender. "Well if you indeed are the judge I suppose I cannot argue." "Your first week?" Remi repeated with a low and impressed whistle. It had taken Remi quite some time to get himself set up in Northaven when he'd arrived. He couldn't imagine being thrown into the deep end—or between the Master Chief's wife's legs, as it was—in his first week. "I heard about that from Delphine Rowan. She said you acted masterfully." Actually that wasn't what Delphine had said at all. In fact Remi thought he'd detected no small amount of jealousy on her part, but that didn't matter now. As Phoebe asked after him, the alchemist twirled his cup slightly between his strong hands for a moment as he considered. Remi was not normally in the habit of talking about himself—he was a lowly commoner after all—and really, what was there to tell? "Well. I am an alchemist by trade—" He said with a vague wave of his hand to indicate their surroundings, "—as I grew up the son of a very bad merchant." Chuckling, Remi ran a hand through his curls. "My mother died when I was very young, and my father began to immediately spend all the money he made from our trade on whoring and ale. " Despite the negative colour of the words he was saying, Remi's voice was still relatively bright and without judgement. "And so from a young age I learned how to craft and create what people actually wanted, rather than the garbage and lies my father tried to sell instead." Sipping his tea, the alchemist shrugged again wondering really what else there was to know about him. "I am a shape changer, though since coming here I have found things to be ... different." Briefly his lips twitched before he steeled his resolve and continued. I can transform into more than just one creature unlike back in Northaven. And..now I can—" Trailing off, Remi set his tea cup down and focused on it. Gently and with a small sigh, Remi levitated it a few inches in the air and caused it to gently spin around.

Phoebe gave a little curt nod at his surrender, a small smile curving her lips. Good! No more arguing that point then. She hated arguing anyways. When he noted who had said she acted so well assisting the Master Chief’s wife…she raised a brow in surprise. “Delphine told you that?” she said, her surprise just as evident in her tone. Delphine had seemed…less than pleasant when she was there. Of course, Phoebe did have a tendency to get a bit bossy in those situations. It was here job to take charge though. ”I’m surprised she said that but…glad all the same I suppose.” she said with a small smile, deciding to take his words at face value. Maybe the other woman had just been tired. Or she was stern. Phoebe didn’t know but she would take the compliment. The blonde listened attentively as he detailed his past and his trade. She was a good listener at any rate, nodding occasionally, face expressing sympathy, concern, amusement and so on as his tale indicated. Phoebe was nothing if not an open book. When he made the cup magically lift in the air though, her eyes widened. ”You’re a shapechanger and you can use magic?!” she said in shock. Such things weren’t possible where they came from! This world was strange in many ways apparently. Phoebe smiled Remi brightly. ”It seems you’ve got a lot going on in this new place! I am hoping to get my clinic up and running again soon…I could use an alchemist’s help to get me stocked up on supplies?” she said. There were lots of herbal remedies Phoebe could prepare on her own, but they were basic and compared to what he could concoct probably pretty pedestrian. ----- MINI TIME JUMP ----- Since then, Phoebe had decided Remi was indeed a good friend and a good person. She still hadn’t gotten her shop up but…well she had gotten distracted. Busy. More like frozen in her tracks and hadn’t left her house unless she absolutely had to. But she couldn’t do so forever. She had made a promise to a god…dess…Frey. She made a promise to Frey, whatever gender or sex of higher being they most identified with since she surely couldn’t figure it out. So she made herself get up and out and go see the one person she knew would at least be understanding of her predicament. They had met while encountering Frey after all… though she was likely in for a stern talking to about poor life choices. Phoebe walked into Remi’s shop and looked around for him. ”Remi?” she said, her expression and tone indicating that she wasn’t totally at ease. Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

The tinkling of the bells overhead notified the alchemist that someone had entered. "Just a moment—" He called cheerily from the back room, though as Phoebe's voice wafted towards him immediately his smiling expression dimmed somewhat and he hurriedly put down the log he'd been holding. Indeed he'd identified the voice correctly, and as the alchemist appeared his pale eyes were wide with concern. He hadn't seen his friend since they'd spoken prior about all that had happened to them. Belatedly he'd wondered about the pretty midwife, but given all that they'd been through he wasn't particularly surprised that she still needed time and space to heal. Or at least that was what Remi had thought she'd been doing. Wiping his hands casually on his shirt (and leaving stains of dirt from the bark he'd been working with), Remi offered the woman a tentative smile. "Phoebe, is everything alright?" REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

The midwife felt a little guilty when she saw the concern on his expression. She didn’t mean to worry him but...well she couldn’t really hide how she felt could she? Someone else might be able to but not her. But she did her best to give him a smile when he appeared and covered his apron in…something unidentifiable…a plant residue of some sort given his craft. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, you should have finished what you were doing.” she tried to say lightly but it was forced. Yup. Open book. He asked what was wrong and she glanced at the floor, scuffing the bottom of her shoe along it lightly. ”Well…” the tone of her voice got a little high pitched and squeaky with her discomfort. ”I tried to do something good…something nice and thoughtful…and it sort of…backfired.” She sighed and looked up at him. Phoebe took comfort in the way he looked at her. His intentions were good, and lacked ulterior motives; which she reveled in given the task ahead of her. ”I um…I took a little offering to that god or goddess we saw…to thank them from keeping Celosia from…you know…” she sighed and looked down again. He was going to call her stupid. She knew it. Only an idiot would do what she did. ”I-I didn’t mean to but somehow I made them show up again... They didn’t hurt me.” she added the second part quickly to assure him she was physically alright. ”But…they gave me a task and I agreed to it but…I don’t even know where to start! I promised I would do it and I don’t want to imagine what would happen to me if I don’t…” Phoebe was pretty sure luck alone had gotten her through these encounters with the god…dess…entity. Luck would eventually run out. ”I know I was stupid but I didn’t know who else I could go to but you…” He was her friend right? He would help…she hoped. Remi Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world

The pair were similar in that way. For all of Remi's abilities to hide his sexual preference for so long, when it came to his emotions he did wear them on his sleeve. Honesty was something he valued, and though he understood that there was a time and place for sharing, rarely did he ever lie about how he felt. Except when it came to men of course, though that seemed to be over as well. Smiling with an easy boyishness, Remi shook his curled head indicating that he would not accept her apology. "It was nothing. Just trying to see if I could make the wood burn longer in the fire. It can certainly wait." Remi frowned as he listened, his eyebrows knitting together with growing concern. His pale sea-green gaze washed over her gently, scouring her for any indication of what might have happened. No visible wounds were present which was a relief of course, however as she continued Remi's heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach. Closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, he had to thrust away the momentary desire to see her somehow physically wounded rather than grappling with Frey again. Nodding gently with understanding, his eyes widened as she said Frey appeared again, though his concern was quickly replaced with relief. "A task?" He asked, his accented voice coloured with both apprehension as well as curiosity. Smiling with a sort of familial affection—Phoebe was stunning of course and he had seen her naked, but even so, his regard for the young woman was entirely platonic—he moved behind the counter to begin brewing a kettle for tea. "What is it you are meant to do?" REMI So come on, get higher, loosen my lips, faith and desire and the swing of your hips Just pull me down hard and drown me in love