feel like I'm permafrost
Asavvi Kouris
Weaver

Age: 27 | Height: 5'11" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 0 - Strg: 10 - Dext: 12 - Endr: 13 - Luck: 0 - Int:
Played by: Laine Offline
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Posts: 15 | Total: 66
MP: 0
#1
Asavvi
My mind, my body, my soul
Only feels good standing out in the cold

The door hung crooked on its hinges, open far enough that Asavvi only had to nudge it a little farther to step inside. It seemed uninhabited, meaning that is was a wreck. She’d seen a few so far that morning that had born obvious signs of an attempt to make them habitable, and a further few that were completely hopeless. This one didn’t look so bad, she thought as she ran a hand along the old stones beside the doorway, at least the walls seemed intact. There was dust everywhere, old bits of wood that might have been furnishings once and a smattering of broken ceramics.

Doable, she though, trying to be practical. She could make this a place for herself to live, to work and she tried to tell herself it didn’t feel like giving up, like resignation to the fact that she had to make a life here because she’d never reach her old one. But what was she supposed to do? Find a sword and go crusading around the countryside? And to what end. No one she’d yet met had ever seemed to hear of anyone going back once they were inside the bubble.

The laugh that bubbled up was an unpleasant thing, quiet and tinged with bitterness. Her brother wouldn’t have given up; only death had stopped her parents from being with their family. And here she was, a few days in this land and ready to roll over and accept that there was no way home and only a hairsbreadth of a hope that somehow her family would someday be brought here too. It made her feel weak, unworthy of her name, unworthy of they love they’d given her. They wouldn’t have given up.

It felt like it should be inconsequential but Asavvi missed her work, her routine all the little things that could have distracted her from this fear that was turning so terribly quickly into grief. She’d held on for a moment to the warmth and comfort in the body of a stranger, and that had been distraction enough to keep her going since she’d arrived but she’d run away from that too and guilt surged at that fact. Selfish.

Her back found the cold stone wall and finally, finally the weight of what she’d been through forced her to crumble, sliding down the wall and onto the floor. It would have been been in her to scream, to thrash and rage and sob but even more than her present circumstances Asavvi had always feared that part of herself. She hated more than anything the violence of emotion that ran so strongly in her blood that evn now when she’d lost everything else she turned away from even that and tried to lock it away. Her hands she had clasped in her lap in a vain attempt to stop them shaking, gripping too hard until her knuckles were white. She tilted her head back to rest against the wall behind her, eyes squeezed shut to stop tears. Push it down. Put it away. You can’t handle it. You’re not strong enough for this, Asavvi.


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