Maybe, I’m Sure

PETER

Peter wasn’t entirely sure why he was doing this. Visiting the places that had meaning, visit the people who had meaning. He had never been one for sentimentality, despite how much he loved the familiar. Though maybe it had something to do with the fact that Caido was the first place he had things to look back on that he didn’t want to forget. Regardless of the why, he was still doing it, wandering and wondering about the why.

One of the last places he visited, almost like an afterthought, was the first place he had called home. Or, would have called home, if he had stayed longer. It had been difficult to, after the old farms owner had disappeared. Guilt swirled in Peters gut quietly as he came upon the Valair farm, left to rot almost an entire year. The animals were long gone, and the house was sagging, sinking into itself like it couldn’t bear being empty. It was a feeling Peter almost resonated with.

Entering the house was probably a mistake. But Peter conjured a lantern, then lit it, looking around quietly. He wondered absently what things might have been like if Maea had been around when he’d left, if he’d have been able to leave her like that after she’d been so kind. He sighed softly, and looked around, wondering if something had survived that he could take with him, to help make Halo feel a little warmer.

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." The house was damp, and dark, and smelled abandoned. The roof had not taken well to the heavy snow and had caved in towards the back, ruining most of the rooms on the upper floor. It had always been a sturdy building, but it was old and after being open to the elements for almost a year it was breathing it's last. There lay a sadness about it, the way only abandoned homes could. A sorrow that caught at the throat, made something clench hot and tight in the gut. It was the signs of a life interrupted. A cup left out on the livingroom table. The rumpled blanket on the couch, and the slippers that had been kicked off sometime between sitting down and finishing the food on the plate that also sat there. Curtains still hung before the window, almost hiding a dead flower in its cracked pot. Maea stood there, in the middle of the room. There was something forelorn about her slight figure as she surveyed the damage. Not so long ago this place had been full of life. Voices, laughter, childrens running footsteps... It had been alive. Now, it seemed almost as the house too had mourned the loss of those who once called it home, and had perished along with them. Dead. If a house could die, this one had slit its wrists and bled out. A slow suicide, brought on by hopelessness and abandonment. The sound of feet behind her made her turn. Pale, near colorless eyes squinted a bit against the light of the lantern, but when she saw who it was, Maea smiled sadly. "Hi Peter."

PETER

For a moment, Peters eyes simply slid over the figure in the centre of the room, so much paleness not making sense in the dim interior, the edges bleeding away into something soft, fuzzy. The spirit of the house, lingering while it still could. Then, all at once, it made sense in his mind, went from ghost to person, and he nearly gasped, free hand going to his hip even as unsure feet brought him closer.

The shape of Maea was illuminated just as she spoke, and immediately both Peters hands dropped, the lantern falling against the ground with a crash and dousing itself. Steps that had been so uncertain before carried him forward now, closing the last bit of distance between them, but halting just before they touched, close enough he could reach out to hug her, wanted to, but still kept at a distance by his own mind.

”Maea.” Peter breathed the name, not sure what else he could say, or at least, not sure how to put words to what he wanted to say. ”I... I missed you.” He settled on finally, closely followed by ”I’m sorry.”

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." The lantern fell and the room was flooded with darkness once more. The crash made her flinch, and it took a while before she noticed that the young man had come closer, was reaching out for her, if hesitantly. His apology made her cock a white-haired head to the side, puzzled. "Why should you be sorry?" she asked, as she closed the distance and offered him a gentle hug, if he allowed it. Never one for touching unnecessarily, she would withdraw again, to look him over from head to toe. Checking for injuries old or new, scanning to see what changes time had wrought upon him. Everything had been affected by it, save her, it seemed. "I'm the one who disappeared. It seems..." She looked around, a wry smile forming on her lips. "Seems like you had other things on your mind." There was no blame in her tone, only understanding. Why should he have stayed when the owner of the house did not? If the state of the house was what he apologized for, then... truth be told, it was Maea's fault it had come to this. If anyone ought to be blamed... If blame had to be doled out at all. "It's good to see you again" she said in that she turned back to Peter. "How have you been?"

PETER

The hug was accepted easily, as long as he want the one to initiate it Peter was happy to hold and be held, though he was also glad Maea kept it short, both of them pulling back to their bubbles of personal space. There was the a ghost of a smile on Peters lips now, the emotion coming easier to him than what she might have remembered. It was the most obvious change to him, where there had been a stifling anxiety before, there was now a breath of ease, of comfort in himself.

Other than that though, he had not changed much, his dark hair kept short with a dagger, and his clothes as layered and grubby as ever. If anything, he looked a touch more tired, but then again, so did she. It was simply what time did, Peter thought.

”I... I don’t know. I thought, uh... think, I guess, I should have... should have kept it nice. Here.” Peter shrugs, looking around the ruined room. ”It just... didn’t feel uh... good, or right, without you here.” Some of his concern bled away with the softness of her voice. It was a balm, a warm blanket he’d all but forgotten about.

Again, Peter found himself struggling with his words, so much trying to condense itself into something sensible. ”I’m... glad you’re back. Things have been... they’ve been... a lot. Confusing, and... and hard, and... I don’t know.” He shrugged, as if to show just how much he didn’t know, and tried again. ”I’ve been... good, mostly. What about you? I was... I was worried, I thought...” Shaking his head, Peter tailed off, not following the thought through.

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." His speech was as staggering as she remembered. The hesitation too. But Maea was glad to see the hint of ease in his eyes, the suggestion of calm that had not been there when they first met. He'd been a bundle of nerves back then, she recalled. It would seem that good things had indeed come for him, and she was relieved. At least she hadn't failed him too much in her absence. "I'm flattered you think I would have been able to make things less confusing," she said, and smiled a bit wider. "What kind of things are we talking about?" Stepping over on quiet feet, she leaned down to pick up the lantern. It seemed to be in one piece, still, and after some rummaging in a box by the fireplace she produced steel and flint, and some tinder. It was damp, of course, but with some patience and a lot of muttered prayers under breath she got the wick burning and a warm light spilled out over the room. It... might have been better to leave it in the dark, truth be told. Without seeing any details Maea had almost been able to pretend everything was the way it had been. Now, with the decay of room and furniture on display, it became clear to her that this was no longer a place she could linger in. "I wish I knew where I was," she said. "To me, it seemed like a short time. A few days, maybe, lost in the forest, in a storm... I walked, and I was tired... but somewhere between entering the Greatwoods and stepping out on the tundra of Halo, a lot of time had passed." Shrugging helplessly, she offered Peter the lit lantern. Was she well? Moderately. Confused and very tired, but unharmed. Some memories were jumbled, others faded... but what really got to her was the not knowing why. If there was a reason. If she ought to be worried about the event, or let it go. "It's a bit confusing" she admitted.

PETER

Peter returned the soft smile, his head tilting to the side in soft confusion. ”You made other... well, everything. Everything easier. Less confusing. When I uh... when I first came here.” He pointed out, as if that was reason enough for her to be the common thread of sense in Caido. Though it’s hard to tell how much of this thought is just Peter looking up to the first person who showed him a scrap of kindness.

The urge to repeat lots of things cryptically did strike Peter for a moment, but he was still disciplined enough to resist it, and him while he considered an actual answer. ”Well I... I was adopted, um, first off.” It was probably the biggest change as well, despite everything else that had happened. His new family had been the source of most concern. ”And I... I became attuned, but... I still have magic.” Maea was actually one of the only people he’d told so far, and it felt a little freeing. The last major change he’d had was the one he was most hesitant to share, though he couldn’t put his finger on why.

The sudden light in the room, made him wince, but finally spurred the words from Peters mouth. ”Adam and I... got um, got together, too.” Gods that sounded immature in his own ears, bringing a flush to his cheeks. ”Do... d’you wanna go outside?” He suggested as he accepted the lantern, trying to brush past everything quickly, and get them out of the mouldering remains of a life so far removed from them now.

”Maybe it was... um, fey... something?” He suggested unhelpfully, the only possible thing that came to mind in response to Maea’s scattered memories. In all honesty, Peter had no idea what could have caused that kind of lost time. He took the first few steps towards the door, trying to lead her out. ”What do... what do you remember?”

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." It was quite flattering to hear that she had been a source of calm for someone. Sweet, and a little painful, somehow, because how had she handled that? By disappearing. Even if it hadn't been intentional, Maea still felt responsible, and it was only Peter's continued list that kept her from succumbing to the urge to wallow in the guilt. Because it turned her world upside down. The news that he'd been adopted was fantastic, oh it really was, but it was the second revelation he shared that made her straighten up sharply, made her turn her whole, undivided attention to him and stare. Long and hard. "You... attuned? Even though... despite being abandoned?" It was a whisper, hoarse and painful, filled with volumes of emotion that neither timeslip nor the destruction of her home had managed to bring on. But this, this was momentuous. It was everything she had ever dreamed of, all she had wanted, all she hoped for and craved. "How? Who was it that accepted you?" She followed Peter as he headed for the door, disregarding the other revelations with a sharp nod and quick smile - she could congratulate him on the relationship updates later, could tell him about her chat with Adam and fill in the gaps of her whereabouts at some other time. No doubt she ought to say something sweet and congratulatory, but all her thoughts went straight back to the topic of attuning.

PETER

Peter blinked, a soft grin caught on his lips but confusion, concern almost spreading over his brows, and eyes. Maea’s question, her tone, it tugged in his chest in a way he hadn’t expected, so all he could do was answer. Try to offer rhat little bit of information, in the hopes that it would help her. ”It was Safrin. I... I asked her if there was a way I could... be more useful. If there was something I could work towards. And she said... if I uh, if I passed her test, she would help me.”

They were outside by this point, the sun hanging lazily in the sky and making the lantern unnecessary. Peter led them towards a fence to sit on before continuing, his voice gentle. ”She... tried to drown me. Put me in a... a bubble of water. And when I broke out, I was... I was an animal.” Peter had forgotten the stigma of being abandoned, hadn’t grown up with it, and spent most of his time now with other outlanders. What happened to him had been a blessing he’d never expected, but it hadn’t seemed like an impossible dream.

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." "A test... an offer, and a test. I see." Maea climbed onto the fence and gazed out over the yard as she processed the information. Something painful was working inside her chest. Her eyes swept over the ruins of what had once been a happy life, and similarly her mind stroked the raw places of her soul like a tongue might prod the tender flesh of a pulled tooth. Weeds had started to choke out the path from house to barn and outhouses. The fence they sat on had grown rickety, and swayed whenever she shifted. The damage to the house looked even worse now, under the late Flowerbirth sun, and she knew the orchard would be a similar mess. "From my experience, the gods don't usually offer such things to us. To the Abandoned. They fear giving us too much power, don't easily trust that we won't take it and use it against them. Like the Voice did." Dragging her fingers through the pale white hair, she pushed it from her face and looked aside at Peter. A faint trace of a smile lingered in her eyes, but the lips were pursed in thought as she regarded him. Perhaps she ought to be more upset that Safrin had tried to kill her friend, but... it was the goddess, wasn't it? The lady of life and light. Surely a test must be harsh indeed to persuade her of the suitability of an abandoned. Maea was oddly forgiving there. "I suppose... there are exceptions to every rule now, though. It's a bit of a comfort to know. I've always wanted... always dreamed of coming closer to the gods. Perhaps... it's only difficult, and not impossible." Dangling a foot and brushing the sole of a strangely worn shoe over the tip of the brown grasses of last year, she went on. "I met Adam on my way here. He found me by the Spire, just as I portalled in. He did say he was meeting a 'Pet' later, but I had no idea it was you he meant. I'm happy for you, for both of you. And for you finding a family." If he'd feared some odd reaction to learning about two men being in a relationship, Maea spared him that. It was not uncommon, not something to scoff at or question. She knew there were people who considered it selfish, who claimed that the point of such things were to produce children and a new generation. But now that the wall had come down, such talk was more obsolete than ever. Trying to explain what she'd been through was harder. She told Peter about her extended illness, of the delirium, the hallucinations. How she'd ended up roaming the Greatwoods, somehow, and gotten lost. Been caught in a storm, and walked. Blindly walked, until the wind died down and she found herself on the tundras of Halo. "A man named Amun found me there, and helped me get back here. And that's all I know. I have no explanation for what happened. Perhaps it was something fey..." She trailed off, eyes growing distant. There was something about those memories that nagged her, that made her wonder if it had all been just dreams. One memory in particular stood out more than the others... But perhaps it didn't matter.

PETER

Peter frowned softly, not sure what to do. It didn’t take a genius to see the pain washing over Maeas face as she looked over the ruined remains of her farm. It was a feeling he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around, to have a happy life fade away like nothing. A new pang of guilt rise up in his chest, though there really wasn’t much he could have done. He set the lantern on the ground, then leaned against one of the posts, careful to not rest too much of his weight on the weak supports.

”I... I was surprised too. I don’t really... I mean, I can’t imagine what she... why she chose me.” He admitted softly, not wanting to spend any more time on it than he had to. It felt almost like rubbing it in. Even if he hadn’t exactly asked to be attuned. ”I wish I could... I would tell you what I did if I really knew.” Honestly, if anyone deserved something good from the gods, it was Maea. Peter looked over the sagging remains of the farmhouse and nodded, mostly to himself.

A blue eyes gaze turns back to Maea when she mentions Adam, his head cocking. ”I’m glad there was... I’m glad someone welcomed you.” He said, a smile tugging at his lips, though a flush of red bloomed over his ears when she mentioned his nickname. It was one thing to hear direct from Adams lips, but hearing it from another person was still a little surprising. ”Thank you. It’s been... it’s been weird. I’m glad you’re back now.”

Leaning against the fence a little more (and then pulling back when it groaned dangerously) Peter considered Maeas words. Considered what it would be like to be lost, with no sense of time or place, for much longer than he thought. He realized with a start that it was a feeling he sort of understood, missing time and hazy days. ”You’re back now. Maybe uh... there’s somewhere else you can stay? For now? Oh!” He perked up, stepping closer. ”I know a place you can stay!”

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Reaching out, Maea touched a hand to the boy's shoulder. He was offering so much sympathy and well meaning and it did not go unnoticed. She felt it, like a gentle warmth in the chest that eased some of the pain she was feeling. Not really knowing what to say, other than 'thank you' over and over again, she just held her hand there if he would allow it, a gesture of mute gratitude. Then he seemed to have some small eureka moment, and she tilted her head and looked down at him from her perch, a brow rising curiously at his excitement, "I haven't really thought about it yet, to be honest," she admitted, having returned to see the state of her home only a few hours ago. "All options are welcome at this point. What do you have in mind?"

PETER

Finally, there was something he could do to help her. Peter could have laughed for how bright it made him feel, to finally be able to repay some of the kindness Maea had extended towards him. Not that that’s why he was doing this, of course, they were friends, and he wanted her safe, with a place to rest her head.

”The manor, the Launceleyn manor! You stay there, until... until you don’t need to, or... or want to. There’s lots of rooms! And... some other people, but they... most everyone keeps to themselves.” Peter honestly wasn’t sure if he had permission to offer up rooms in the manor, especially given he didn’t exactly live there himself anymore (or wouldn’t, soon) but there was still empty rooms, and if anyone had an issue with someone else there, he would stick up for Maea.

and our memories defeat us
and I’ll end this duress

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Swaying slightly on the fence, Maea was taken aback by the suggestion. Not only because of the generosity of it, but... because the name Launceleyn triggered some memories. She knew that name, knew it to be trouble. Wasn't it the name of the queen who'd taken up Maea's slack and become the first leader in the known history of the Hollowed Grounds? To impose on such a figure... "That's far too much, I couldn't possibly intrude!" she exclaimed, holding up her hands as though to ward herself. "I'm sure I'll be able to find something. I've the Loreseeker's Guild, if they accept me back, and... well... there's always the inn. I'm sure the Rathskeller have a room to spare for a few days." Not yet knowing that the old tavern had burned to the ground, Maea smiled at Peter. "Thank you for the offer though. I might take you up on it if nothing else works out. It's very kind of you... I take it they're the ones who took you in?" It was a point in their favor, to show her friend such kindness, but also a notion that worried her a bit. What were they gaining from it..?