half human, half machine

Samuel

With everything happening around him, Sam had had very little chance recently to just sit and reflect on all that had occurred. His mind was racing all the time, thinking of things he should have said in arguments, better ways things could have gone, what to do next...it was exhausting, and with his newly injured foot in the mix it was worse. He couldn't feel the pain (something he was massively thankful for) but it was still causing him to walk oddly as he waited for it to heal.

As much as it went against his anxious nature, he decided to force himself to have a day of rest. Of not doing anything, of trying his best to be kind to himself. He certainly wasn't going to go outside. In fact, he had not yet decided if he was going to get out of bed.

Bundled up in his covers he laid by the edge of his bed, staring out of the window. His curtain was enough to block the harmful sunlight, but there was a slight transparency to it that let him see vague shapes and movements on the street below. His mind wandered as he watched people began to go about their days - every so often, he would reach his healthy foot back to just graze against Nate's behind him; they had not slept in separate beds for a long time now and even if he was not sure quite where their relationship stood, it was nice to have the comfort of another body next to him.

Even if that body snored and woke up much later than he did. With a fond smile he looked back on his lover and turned from the window, going to lay his head on Nate's chest instead and close his eyes, breathing in his scent and sighing, trying to relax.

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

Sleeping is strange as an ascended. Logically, Nate knows he doesn’t need it, hell, he had tried to go without it for about a week right after he’d been changed. It just hadn’t felt right to do, jot after he’d spent so long need to sleep. But he knows it’s not a natural thing. Sam being by his side, ‘sleeping’ with him did help, and the loss of that other body is what fully rouses him today. Or maybe its the sudden return of that body.

The room is grey with filtered sun, and there is a weight on his chest, red hair filling his view when Nate looks down. A warm smile crosses his face, arms coming up to wrap around the other ascended.

”Good morning.” Nate rumbles, then turns to look out the window. ”Is it still morning? Have you been up a while?” That wasn’t a great thought, though it made sense. It had been the lack of Sam that had stirred him after all. Sam just had a tendency to stew in his thoughts when he was left alone with them, a habit Nate had been trying his best to help.

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have

Samuel

Sam had not expected Nate to be awake so soon (not that he'd ever truly been asleep, but they could get close enough); he glanced up with a smile before settling back down on his chest. "It's still morning, yes. I've been awake for quite a while...there's a lot to think about. Not that I've discovered any answers." He sighed, wondering if he ever would.

He idly looked down Nate's body, the parts he could see. Solid, strong, a body he had come to know very well in the last few months. One he loved, though that word seemed like an unspoken curse between them. One that he dared not speak, in case it was not returned.

At least an escape from his problems could be found here, however brief. In Nate's arms and in his life. "I was meaning to ask, last night, but..." He trailed off, a little laugh escaping as air from his nose. Nate knew full well what had stopped them from having a conversation the night prior. "How has it been, working as a Doctor at the clinic? Have they been good to you? I was worried that people might take against an Ascended healer."

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

”Why am I not surprised by that?” Nate said warmly, swiping his hand up Sams back. There was no real sensation to it, but it still satisfied some deep itch in Nate to have his hands moving over the other man, to have him so close. ”What answers are you trying to find?” Knowing Sam, there could have been almost anything on his mind, though Nate thought he might have an idea where the thoughts were skewing.

There had been tensions with the other people in Sams life, and while Nate’s advice would be fuck them, they don’t deserve you now, that wasn’t necessarily something that worked for the other man. So instead he worried, loudly, and Nate had no idea how to help. How to put any of the worries at ease.

He shifted when Sam began to speak, moving so they could look at each other easier, so they could speak easier. So Sam could see the wide, salacious grin that spread over Nate’s face at the mention of last night. He only just resisted the urge to reach down between them and ghost his fingers over the bite marks littering Sams inner thighs. He shook the thoughts from his head at the actual question though, and hummed while he thought about it.

”Most people who’ve come in haven’t noticed, I mean... I’m not exactly advertising it. And the ones who do know have just accepted it, and take it as part of their visit. I mean, no one complains about the bite, especially when it helps me make a diagnosis.” Nate laughed.

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have

Samuel

"I didn't know you had such poor faith in me." Sam teased, leaning his head up to stick out his tongue a little at Nate. This was one of the few spaces where he felt comfortable enough to really relax, to be silly and make fun of himself. "Just...what I could say when people start to get angry about The Voice. It seems nothing I tell them ever works." He sighed, staring ahead at the wall and thinking over his conversations with Jigano and Amalia.

They moved and Sam pulled a cushion to rest under his shoulder so he could look directly at Nate. To the grin he only rolled his eyes, but there was a clear pleased tilt to the smile on his lips - to still be desired and taken by a man with no sexual urge...it was something akin to romance, he thought. Perhaps they had to work things out their own way that would not look normal to anyone else, but...it was enough for him.

He was glad to hear that Nate's patients had not discriminated against him due to his Ascended nature, but the last sentence spoken made him frown with confusion. "Wait, what do you mean? You've been...biting your patients?" For the moment Sam didn't make any judgements on it, not knowing quite what Nate meant, but he shuffled a little further away.

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

”Why does it have to be poor faith? Why can’t it be... knowing you well?” Nate asked, mock offended. The act was quickly given up, unable to withstand Sam sticking his tongue out. It was a rare treat to see the ginger so relaxed, even in his own home. The brightness didn’t last though, Nate shifting to be more comfortable and making a sympathetic noise.

He took a moment to really think about his words, wanting them to be all the things Sam needed to hear. ”People like that... they just do whatever they can to stick to their own beliefs, and avoid things they disagree with. Sometimes there’s no reaching them.” As he spoke he ran a hand up and down Sams back, fingertips barely ticking against the curve of his spine.

An eyebrow quirked up when Sam frowned, a silent show of confusion. ”Not all of them. Only the ones I can’t diagnose any other way.” Though he didn’t mean it, Nate’s voice took on an almost condescending tone. ”Why wouldn’t I use the upgrade I was given?”

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have

Samuel

"I suppose. Sadly, I do very rarely come up with answers to things." Sam pulled a face, drawing his mouth to the side and furrowing his brows. He spent a lot of time thinking, probably more than the average person, yet what did he have to show for it? Mostly just paranoia and a lot of nights spent staring out his window.

The feeling of fingers running up and down his back, the simple affection of it - really, that was more meaningful to Sam than Nate's words, which were sweet, but things he'd struggle to actually apply to his life. The hand on him was real, meant someone felt something for him, a reminder that there were people on his side. Gently he took

Though Nate wasn't entirely in his good books, not when it seemed he was biting people at the clinic. "I would have liked you to tell me." Sam leaned away from Nate, a troubled look on his face. He felt he was probably being unreasonable, but his mind couldn't help but wander...Nate biting someone at the clinic, the feelings overtaking them both, Nate pressing into them the way he did with Sam... "..Have you...do you...have the same feelings, with them?"

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

All Nate could do was shrug in response to Sam's lack of answers. It was the way things went, as far as he was concerned. Not every question has a satisfying answer, or an answer at all sometimes. Nate had never understood the obsession people had with asking questions like that, but it did make him frown to think of how the other man was consumed by such frustrations.

His nose wrinkled at the sudden change in Sam's posture, his tone. "Why would I tell you? It's just business as usual." The reason for the sudden shift, and concern, became clear as soon as the other man continued, and Nate could have slapped himself. As gently as he could he shifted, looking down at the ginger. "It's nothing like that. It's just a normal medical procedure. I'm a professional Sam." He insisted, trying to make himself sound as earnest and honest as possible.

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have

Samuel

Because I'm your boyfriend, aren't I? Sam nearly bit back before Nate continued to speak, but he was actually glad he didn't have the chance to say it. Both because Nate reassured him and because he actually wasn't entirely sure - were they dating? He'd begun to call Nate his 'partner' when he spoke to others, because it was the closest term he could come to, but as far as he remembered they had not actually established what this was.

What laying together, legs entangled, meant. What their kisses and quiet evenings spent together meant.

"....I suppose, then. As long as it stays like that." He'd always saved his bites for whomever he was with, but he supposed if they were to see it more as a tool outside of their relationship, it would probably be useful for them both to be able to bite other people. With a sigh, he pulled the covers back up as he laid back down against Nate's chest.

Fiddling with the edge of the duvet he hesitated before asking: "Nate...do you...like where we are right now? Me and you?"

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

”Course it will.” Nate promised easily, intentionally not thinking about the sensations that came along with the bite, with his professional procedure. It was easier to think of the weight of Sam in his arms, the comfort of having a bed and a body to come home to, two things he would never have been able to maintain in his old life. He’d not going to put it at risk, he’s not that stupid.

There was a flutter in his chest and in his gut at Sams next question, like excitement and panic all at once. In one innocent question, Nate felt everything between them become all too real, the easy distance he maintained from actually saying anything gone. ”I... I do.” He answered, surprising himself. ”Do you?”

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have

Samuel

Of course, Nate assured him. Sam tried to take comfort in it, tell himself that Nate wouldn't use his ability to take advantage of any of his patients...though he couldn't help the way his mind drifted back to their first meeting, where Nate had spontaneously kissed him in the Atheneum. Really, it was a miracle they'd actually stayed together after that.

The answer to his question was not quite the one he'd been hoping for ('No Sam, I must let you know I love you now let me kiss you mwah mwah lets get married') but he continued with what he wanted to say anyway. If there was one thing his relationship with Remi, half-gone as it was, had taught him, it was to not run away when you could face the truth.

He looked up to Nate and ran his tongue over his teeth as he tried to think of the words. The man really was very handsome, with a pleasingly solid body and, Sam thought, a good heart. He was the kind of person Sam could see himself eventually settling down with (though admittedly that was also true for most people he had any kind of crush on). "...I um..well. I was actually thinking I'd like it to be a little...more. Maybe something more...um..." He traced his finger in little circles on Nate's chest.

"Official? I suppose. With a name to it. I think...I like you more than just..." He looked down their naked bodies, the way they were easily pressed together; it was obviously more meaningful than simple lust.

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

Patience was not really something that came naturally to Nate, he had always had to move quickly, to spit out his words just to have the chance to get them out. He was used to being on the spot, and in return, forcing others into it. Something in him wanted to wait for Sam, eyes gentle as he waited for whatever was on the other mans mind to be given voice.

When they finally came, Nate had to force himself to hold his tongue, to keep in the first thing that sprang to it. No. He had never sought out anything beyond a casual thing, and yet here it had snuck up on him, and still he couldn’t bring himself to be so callous as to say no. Couldn’t really bring himself to truly want to say no, once he had a moment to get past the knee jerk.

”I’m not... really sure I’m the kind of person you’d want to... be serious with. Or... emotional really.” He said gently, offering the words as gingerly as he could, like he was afraid they’d be rejected, or thrown back in his face. Nate had never seen Sam angry, yet he would prefer that over sadness. Over disappointment.

Maybe he really was more invested in the idea than he’d initially thought.

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have

Samuel

As his words ended, Sam felt Nate tense beneath him and tried his best not to furrow his brows together and sigh, sure that that a rejection was coming. Somehow, he'd managed to convince himself this had a decent chance of going smoothly, but of course he'd forgotten his poor luck, especially in matters of love.

Though when Nate's words did come, they weren't what he expected. A rejection of sorts, but more to do with Nate than Sam. Frowning he leaned up, head resting on a hand as he spoke. "Nathaniel, you're exactly the kind of person I'd want to be serious with. You're strong, and good, and kind to me. Handsome, too." Laughing a little embarrassed, he shook his head and looked off to the window, the light filtering in through curtains. "I would not ask if I wasn't sure. You've done nothing but...well, charm me, for months."

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

Nate

Nate weighed his words very carefully before sending them, wanting to be gentle, but also wanting Sam to be sure of what he was getting into. ”You know I wasn’t those things before here, before you, right? I mean,” He laughs, unable to finish the sentence with a straight face, ”I was strong and handsome. Not the other things though.”

And even though it was literally a world away, Nate knew how easy it could be to slip into that old life again, how naturally it could come to him. It wasn’t something he wanted Sam in, tame as it might end up being in Caido. The ginger man was too gentle for a life like that. And, more concerning, not that he’d admit it: Nate had never actually been in a real relationship. He’d had beards, to keep his dad happy, and flings, none of which lasted more than a week. Sam was talking about a real commitment.

And that terrified him.

So let's face it this was never what you wanted
But I know it's fun to pretend

Now blank stares and empty threats
Are all I have, they're all I have