[se] we've a lot of starving faithful
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
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Posts: 4,062
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#1
there's light at the edge of the darkness
Loren hadn’t been to see Amalia yet, and he felt incredibly guilty about that fact. However, he’d been busy with healing and rebuilding, and that shitshow of a marriage, and he tried to tell himself that she’d been well cared for. In fact, he imagined she probably felt positively hovered over.

However, the guilt also stemmed from the part he’d played, however inadvertently, in her injury.

Finally, he’d forced himself to go and visit her in the infirmary, a large pack on his back, Astra at his side. Nodding at the attendants there, he made his way to her bed, which one of the nurses kindly provided him directions to. Once he got there, he called out softly, though he figured she’d seen his approach. ”Hey Amalia. It’s Loren. I’m...I’m sorry I didn’t visit earlier." He bit his lip. "How are you feeling?”

Settling in to a chair by her bed, he shrugged off the pack, as Astra went to hop into the bed and curl up at the baker’s side. ”I brought you a few things. I hope you don't mind.” First, he lifted a jar of a green and brown paste. ”It’s some medicine I made from the Efas herb. I… I figured it couldn’t hurt.” Next, he pulled out a few books. ”A few things from the Atheneum. I didn’t, uh, didn’t know what you liked, so I got a selection.” He set them on the table next to her.

Finally, he pulled out a whole mass of straw. ”Jigano told me about the ah, legend. The um, the capturing the sun thing. Would you...would you maybe like to make a basket with me?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
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Posts: 1,971
MP:
#2
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
How long has she been in here? A day? A week? A year? It feels like ages - the minutes ticking down with agonizing slowness, the sun taunting her as it marches its way deliberately across the sky, leaving shadows streaked across the floor where people walk through the day, taking their legs for granted.

Amalia took her legs for granted, once.

She's miserably bored, and she's too angry to admit it, so the boredom continues and the anger perpetuates and it's all a lovely vicious cycle. Amalia has been in rare form of late: something about being confined to a bed brings out the worst of the already volatile girl, and when she isn't exhausted she's in a fell mood, bored and resentful and still in pain.

So when Loren visits (another person to pity her, another face to look on her with sadness, Oh poor Shield, what good are you now?) it is a harsh laugh that meets his question of How are you feeling?

Petulant, frustrated, she does not reply as he begins to set out potions and books, though her black eyes are stormy as she watches him work. It's a sweet gesture, part of her knows, and she should be grateful- but gods, right now she just wants to scream, to throw them all back at the Summoner's face.

Turning her gaze back to the ceiling, the Shield shrugs, raising her arms for him to see. The bruises are mostly gone, and the bones have straightened, but she's still horribly weak, and her hands shake visibly with the simple effort of showing them off. "Hard to make shit when your fingers made of limp spaghetti, but, y'know. Nice thought and all."
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 4,062
MP:
#3
there's light at the edge of the darkness
Loren’s jaw tightened for a brief moment. Then he sighed, and rubbed his temples with both hands. When he finally dropped them, the tentativeness, the worry, the concern, it was all gone. In its place was a bone-deep weariness. ”I’m a bad patient too.” His voice came out dully.

Grabbing a vial, he uncorked it, and began rubbing the paste onto Amalia’s still weakened hand. As he went, he pulsed healing magic through her, taking care to keep it invisible to her eyes, and taking care just to try and soothe whatever injuries remained. ”I’ll leave if you want me to.”

Lowering the first hand, he gingerly picked up the second one, and repeated the process. ”But I’d rather not be alone with my own thoughts right now.” Although his tone was inflectionless, he let the despair, fury, and guilt he was harboring deep down, in that hidden part of himself he kept all dark emotions, spill through their bond for the briefest of moments.

Then he shut himself off completely. ”I don’t know how to weave baskets.” He released her other hand and sat back, emptiness in his eyes and voice. ”If you tell me how, I’ll be your hands.” Falling silent, he studied her features. ”Or you can tell me how you’re actually feeling. I won’t tell anyone.” It came out barely above a whisper.
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
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Posts: 1,971
MP:
#4
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
She considers snatching her hand back in a petulant act, but in the end decided it would take too much effort. Instead she succumbs to his ministrations, stubbornly determined not take any relief from the obnoxiously soothing act. When he finishes with her first hand she keeps it in the air, slowly extending and flexing the now-stronger fingers, aware of what he must have done, of the effects of his magic taking hold. "Thank you," she says stiffly, not looking at him as she holds her arm above her.

The fingers still tremble.

His assault of emotion catches her by surprise; for a second her own walls falter a little, the onslaught of his agony letting some of her similar emotions spill forth. Then he closes himself again and Amalia does the same, the pair of them once again boats alone at sea.

This time when he drops her hand she lets it thump back down. Staring at the ceiling, the girl shrugs weakly. "I don't know-" she replies hoarsely, her voice suddenly a child's, lost and small- and then the vulnerability is gone. "I don't know how I feel. And I'm garbage at baskets. So useless all around."
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 4,062
MP:
#5
there's light at the edge of the darkness
"You're welcome." Loren's voice was as stiff as Amalia's. As she demonstrated her continuing weakness, he sighed. "As difficult as it is, you need to start working with your hands, even if it's just for a short time each day. It'll help you get out of here more quickly." His tone was hardly comforting, merely a statement of fact.

However, as her own agony washed over him, he bit his lip. For the briefest of moments, his eyes glittered before he angrily dashed the backs of his palms against them.

When he was done, his features had been schooled into a neutral mask once more. Bending down, he picked up a handful of straw in each hand. ”Alright, well, if we’re going to play the pity game, then this is all my fault. So I'm more useless than you are. Although he was aiming for self-deprecating, the joke fell flat. However, there was still a grim humor behind the statement. Wordlessly, he held out his left hand for her to take the straw.
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
Change author:
Posts: 1,971
MP:
#6
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
"Who says I want to get out of here?" It's a wry remark, almost a joke, but there's a harsh undercurrent of truth to it. As much as she loathes the infirmary, the idea of leaving terrifies her. What is she to do in the world, broken doll of a girl that she is? After this latest and greatest failure, how much further can she possibly fall?

His self-depricating remark does earn a laugh, barking and harsh in a single note, surprising Amalia herself. Closing her eyes against a sudden, stinging wetness, the girl smiles mirthlessly. "Great. A perfect pair of disaster artists." She ought to have said something kinder, something empathetic, but she doesn't have it in her. Not today.

She sighs but takes the handful of straw, placing it in her chest. Wincing, Amalia drags herself up in the bed, propping her weight on her elbows and dragging her legs behind her. Thoroughly exhausted from that simple action, it takes her a moment to pick the straw back up. One eyebrow cocked up curiously, the baker inspects the bundle. "Are you making baskets or bird nests?"
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 4,062
MP:
#7
there's light at the edge of the darkness
Loren stared at Amalia for a long moment, expression inscrutable. ”Do you?” The words came out in a dull tone. He tilted his head as he waited for her to respond.

As she laughed, though, something cold and dark stirred in his breast. He didn't bother to hide the way his eyes had suddenly grown icy and haunted, or the way a chill had crept over his thoughts. "Not really. In fact, you should count yourself lucky you're not of a kind with me. My disasters get people killed." Dropping the straw in his lap, he stoppered the vial with a bit more force than was necessary and tossed it in his bag.

Subsiding in both mind and body, he felt an exhausted emptiness form where the sorrow and anger and self-hate had just been. Picking up the straw, he wove it together listlessly. More strands began to float in the air, gripped by his telekinesis, twisted into place. "Doesn't really matter what I make, does it? It's not going to make a difference."
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
Change author:
Posts: 1,971
MP:
#8
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
She doesn't answer his rhetorical question; of course she does, as much as the prospect of leaving a cripple terrifies her. But Loren's sudden burst of rage catches her off guard, and the wry amusement quickly fades, hardness left in its place. She should feel lucky, and the fact that she doesn't is further testament to how entitled, how foolish, how wrong she is. She should count the blessings that she has: legs, life, a comparatively clean conscience.

Right now, though, she just feels shitty, and she wishes he would tell her that it's okay. Wallow with her instead of against her; allow her to be his comrade in guilt, rather than his competition for most wounded soul.

But it is Amalia's fate to always come up short - she's not even the best at having a bad day.

She watches as he begins to string together straw with telekinesis, holding back another joke about how he hardly needed her for this. Instead Amalia dutifully begins the bottom of a basket, not skillful but clearly experienced enough as she creates a network of strands to weave her connecting reed between. It's hard, slow work, but her hands aren't so shaky anymore; she can feel the effects of Loren's magic, the strength it lends her body. Carefully, stubbornly, she snakes the twine until she has about an inch worth of woven base, and beads of sweat upon her brow.
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 4,062
MP:
#9
there's light at the edge of the darkness
The steady rhythmic work of weaving steadied Loren’s unsettled mind. It gave him something to focus on other than the images of the fateful Fiat Lux that repeated over and over again whenever he wasn’t doing something. His anger, cold and unexpected as it had been, faded into an exhausted guilt, one he didn’t bother hiding from Amalia.

When she picked up her own straw, he didn't say or do anything, or react, even, just continued on with his own basket. However, his eyes caught the sheen of sweat on her brow. Pausing, he held the strip that he'd already woven in place. Creating a damp and cool cloth, he held it out to her. "I'm sorry." The words were very quiet, almost defeated.
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
Change author:
Posts: 1,971
MP:
#10
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
The steady rhythm of work is indeed a soothing thing, even if she struggles to maintain her task for long. How aggravating it is, to be brought low by something as simple as her own inefficient body. She knows that her energy has been sapped by healing, redirected from menial task and into such roles as the repair of bones... but still she finds it infuriating.

And still, her legs don't move.

The cool towel breaks her concentration, causing her to look up from the woven reeds. Blinking surprise, Amalia takes the fabric, her eyes catching Loren's for a fraction of a second before she places it to her head. "Thank you," she replies, not acknowledging his apology. Not verbally, at least- but in her mind she lets her walls down just a little. Empathy, some semblance of understanding, and an apology of her own.

She mourns for Aoife and her fathers, too.

Opening her eyes again, Amalia looks down at her barely-begun basket, tired mind wandering between thoughts. "Have I ever told you about my mother?" She has been thinking a lot about Rishima of late, especially since her internment here began. "You would have liked her, I think. She was a healer, too."
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 4,062
MP:
#11
there's light at the edge of the darkness
As Amalia took the cloth, Loren nodded carefully. ”You’re welcome.” Although he relaxed slightly as the baker let a trickle of her sympathy through, he didn’t lower his own mental barriers, except to send a pulse of understanding and appreciation back towards her.

Then he walled himself off completely.

Shaking his head, he resumed the weaving with his magic and his hands. "I'm sure I would have, but no, you haven't told me much. You mostly spoke of your grandmother." Glancing at Amalia for a moment, his eyes studied her features. "What was your mother like?" The question came out softly, without much inflection or emotion behind it. However, it was clear he was listening.
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
Change author:
Posts: 1,971
MP:
#12
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
Why is her mother a safe topic? Probably because this place reminds Amalia of her, and all their arguments, the way they fell apart. "She was stubborn. And smart. And she never took any shit." It's true- if Rishima disliked you, you knew it well.

Sighing softly, Amalia returns to her work. Her mother is a strange figure in Amalia's mythos, absent for longer than she'd been deceased for no good reasons except their shared pride. "We never got along. She was always working - here - and I wanted to play around. She was Abandoned, and forbade me from Attuning until I was an adult. We would fight all the time, especially when my grandmother died."

She places the basket down again, a troubled expression on her face. Her mother is hard to think about, but lately she's been reflecting on the woman more and more.
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia
Loren Launceleyn
Citadel Grand Healer

Age: 22 | Height: 5' 11' | Race: Abandoned | Nationality: Outlander
Level: 8 - Strg: 20 - Dext: 23 - Endr: 26 - Luck: 29
ASTRA - Mythical - Luxere
Played by: Crooked Offline
Change author:
Posts: 4,062
MP:
#13
there's light at the edge of the darkness
Remaining silent as Amalia spoke of her mother, Loren continued weaving. Between his hands and his magic, his basket was starting to take shape. For a long while, he stayed quiet. However, as the baker set her basket down and her expression grew upset, he glanced at her. His own eyes were haunted. "What's your favorite memory of her?" The question came out softly.

Turning back to his work, he felt his hands grow sluggish as his mind grew distant. "I don't really remember my birth mother. She died when I was very young. It..." His voice trailed off as his eyes sparkled with tears he refused to shed. "I sometimes wonder if...what it would've been like if she lived."
loren


Coding base by Sky!
Force and magic can be used against Loren without permission.
Amalia Chandrakant
the Shield of Safrin
Hand of the Queen / Baker
Portal Guardian
Age: 22 | Height: 5'6 | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural
Level: 12 - Strg: 34 - Dext: 34 - Endr: 35 - Luck: 34
JYOTI - Mythical - Starwhale (Humpback)
Played by: charks Offline
Change author:
Posts: 1,971
MP:
#14
I took the stars from my eyes and then I made a map
& I knew that somehow I could find my way back
Favorite memory? It takes Amalia a moment: most of her clearer memories of her mother include sharp words and disdainful glances, a mocking smile, a lighting-quick wit. Licking lips that are suddenly dry, Amalia smiles crookedly. "Honestly, looking back... all of it. She used to take us into the Fields to learn about herbs and I would be so sulky, but I learned so much." She tilts her head in thought and reflection, as though remembering sunnier days.

Loren's distant tone draws her back, her face turning back to look at the summoner as he reflects on his own mother, lost too soon. They have both lost and suffered, made mistakes and been defined by their sins. Sighing softly, the girl reaches out, trying to place her hand on him in silent solidarity.

"When my mother died... we hadn't spoken for a year, I think. We'd... we'd had such a fight, after my grandmother... and just fell apart. And we were both so stubborn-" She cuts off with a wry, mirthless laugh, reaching up to wipe away a tear that has escaped the side of her eye. "I've been thinking about that a lot. How... how stupid it is, to hold onto things like that. How many people I've lost because of my own pride."
then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
so I stayed in the darkness with you
Amalia


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