From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Laying out in the middle of the main room was a gigantic tarp, one that was meant to cover up any...spillages. Next, ontop of it, were two canvas and two tapestries. Laying along the sides were jars of paint and some planks of wood that they could pour the paint onto for easier use. Now, who was they? Well, they was whoever Oliver could convince to help him and hopefully, it would be Loren.
He had a master idea that he hoped would be carried out with far more attuned and eventually, everyone else. It would be like a form of therapy, especially for him, Loren, and maybe even Sunjata. Seeing as none of them were mentally okay, Oliver decided that art may be the solution.
With everything set up, Oliver started to look around for Loren. "Loren?! You here?!" He called out, hoping that he wouldn't need to shift to be heard.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Oliver definitely didn’t need to shift to be heard. As was typical, Loren had been in the kitchen. However, rather than prepping anything, he’d just been staring blankly at the wall.
At the other man’s call, though, the summoner sighed. Then he padded out to the main area. "Everything all right?" However, the sight that greeted him halted him in his tracks.
Eyes wide, he just stared at the tarp, the canvas, the cans of paint. Then he sighed and rubbed his temples. "What are you doing?" His voice was nearly inflectionless, and when he finally lowered his hands, there was a neutral, but tired mask on his face.
The person in question didn't end up being that hard to find, thankfully. Honestly, Oliver should've checked their first, but he wasn't always the brightest star in the sky. Despite this, he did notice that Loren wasn't exactly all that happy right now. It was to be expected, a lot had happened recently and Loren had dealt with a lot.
"Well....I actually have an idea and I was hoping you'd be willing to join me?" If not then that was fine, but it was obvious that Oliver seriously wanted Loren to join in. "I thought we could do some painting in our animal forms...you know, create something fun. Maybe we could make a painting of a landscape or maybe it could be for the myth? I mean, Bastien told me that you can create stuff for it...so why not?" Hopefully Loren would join in on the fun, otherwise he'd comply to whatever demands the master of the house had to make.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
As Oliver mentioned he had an idea, Loren crossed his arms. He was still staring at the setup. ”Clearly.” There was something weirdly dull about his voice, a monotone that betrayed nothing about his mood beyond his weariness. His expression wasn't much better.
His eyes narrowed as his houseguest explained his idea, such that it was. "I'm sorry, Bastien told you what?" Then the summoner shook his head. "I told you I didn't like art. So why ask for my help with this? What are you hoping to accomplish here?" Arms still crossed, he tilted his head as he stared at the other man. Although the Launceleyn did his best to take steadying breaths and keep his emotions out of the bond, a little of his uncertainty and annoyance trickled through their mental link.
A sheepish smile appears on the blonde's face and all he can do is offer a small shrug towards Loren. This may not be what Loren is used to, but Oliver isn't embarrassed, not at all. Yeah, he probably should have remembered that Loren wasn't a major fan of the arts and turned down any attempt to make him do anything artistic, but Oliver was motivated.
Despite the man's next comment, Oliver wasn't deterred. Loren had taken the brunt of the monster attack, so he obviously wasn't doing too hot. He seemed extremely annoyed, but Oliver ignored it, still trying to put on a happy face. "Bastien basically said that we should do art! For the myth." Did Loren dislike Bastien? Probably. Loren seemed to hate the most random of people. Oliver had never bothered to ask why Remi and Loren were so awkward around each other, but he probably should have at some point. Oh well....
"Listen. I know you don't like art, but I think this'll be good for us....for you. So just- hear me out here." He held up his hands, hoping that Loren wouldn't immediately leave or force him to clean everything up. Oliver wanted a chance, that's all. "Art may not be your thing...but I'd really like it if you could paint with me. It'll help get your mind off of things...." His voice trailed off and he offered the man a faint smile.
"All I want is to make art. That's it. And in return, I'll do whatever you want me to do. I'll clean the entire manor or I'll cook dinner or whatever you want. Just do this for me. Please."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren just stared at Oliver. Finally, the summoner sighed. ”Okay? And did that we include me?” His voice came out in an almost monotone.
As the other man asked for the Launceleyn's to listen, he raised his eyebrows. However, he stood there, expression impassive and inscrutable. When Oliver finished, Loren sighed, and rubbed his temples. "I don't want you to do anything." The words were soft.
Biting his lip, he found his foot tapping on the ground before he forced it still. "Fine." There was a defeated tone in the acceptance, one born from the knowledge that it would simply be easier not to argue with this. Or with anything, really.
Okay. So Loren and Bastien do have some sort of drama between them. Great job, Oliver you done fucked up! Of course, if Loren could hear or feel it, he was basically screaming with panic and regret. He didn't want to make Loren any angrier, but too late for that. "He didn't mention you! This part is all me. It's purely my idea to ask you." Loren was the attuned that Oliver felt closest to, the one he felt like he could speak to more. Sunjata was always an option, but seeing as he was having marriage issues Oliver didn't even consider him. In all honesty, Oliver felt like he could tell Loren nearly anything and that Loren was someone he could be safe with.
The blonde watched Loren with keen eyes, searching for even the smallest reaction. He wasn't super satisfied with the response. Loren never let him repay him, no matter how many times he asked, but he shouldn't complain. This was a step in the right direction, seeing as Loren seemed ready to paint with him. Time to try and make this as easy as possible.
"Okay so...the plan is to create art using your animal forms. Use the special little things that each form has to create a masterpiece. Maybe it's your hope for the future, how you envision the myth, or whatever comes to mind." Once he explained that he smiled at Loren one final time before he shifted down, changing from an average sized man to an absolutely tiny little fox. "We could maybe make our own and then share a canvas? Whatever makes you feel comfortable, Loren."
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren tilted his head at Oliver’s almost frantic response. ”Okay?” The hesitation and confusion in the summoner’s voice was clear. ”I was just asking if Bastien’s suggestion was just for you, personally, or just the Artist’s Sanctuary, or for everyone.” While he still spoke in a dull monotone, at least he was still replying without anger.
Unfortunately, it wouldn't remain that way for long. "Not doing art makes me comfortable. Not seeing children die makes me comfortable. Not having my friends go crazy and then disappear without a trace makes me comfortable." With each statement, the chill in the Launceleyn's voice grew, until it was completely icy. However, he shifted into the form of a goose and padded forward. Simultaneously, he stared at the other man, awaiting further instructions.
01-12-2020, 02:53 PM (This post was last modified: 01-12-2020, 02:53 PM by Oliver.)
OLIVER
Well fuck. Looks like both of them were a bit on edge! Oliver blushed and turned his eyes away, not wanting to look Loren in the eye. He didn't really want to admit to making such a massive mistake, but he kinda had to. "He told me personally...it wasn't to the guild." Loren should've been more clear, at least that's what Oliver felt. Still, he'd clarify, obviously.
And then things escalated even more. The two were both dealing with similar things, but both in very different ways. Balling up his fists, Oliver glared at Loren. "Did I ever fucking say that you didn't deserve to feel upset?! No. No I didn't. All I'm trying to do is help us to let out our emotions in a healthy way. We can't fucking change the past, Loren." When he had changed to a fox, his ears were pinned against his head in clear frustration. If the argument continued in this form, he'd probably be growling. They couldn't reverse the past. Obviously, bad shit happened, so why pretend like you can change it. Don't dwell on the past and let it prevent you from actually doing shit.
Just...stick your foot in paint and do whatever comes to mind. With his ears still pinned tight against his head, Oliver walked over to the red paint, stuck his paw in and proceeded to basically slam the paw down onto a canvas. Obviously, seeing as he was tiny as hell, it came out more like a tap.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
01-12-2020, 03:23 PM (This post was last modified: 01-12-2020, 03:23 PM by Loren.)
LOREN
Too exhausted to care about whatever it was going on with Oliver, as evidenced by the dark circles under Loren's eyes and the too thin nature of his frame, he simply stared at the other man. However, as Oliver shifted from embarrassed to angry, the summoner's nostrils flared. "You said we could do whatever makes me comfortable, so getting pissy with me after I tell you what makes me comfortable just because you don't like my answer is kind of a shitty thing to do. It's not my fault my ways of grieving don't match up with yours." His words were low.
Not done yet, he crossed his arms. "Plus, it's not the past. It's the gods damn present. The bodies aren't even cold in the ground, there are still wounded, and people are still fucking missing." With each word, his voice grew chillier.
That didn't stop him from stalking forward. Shifting into the form of a honey badger, he dipped his paw into the red paint as well. Then he slammed it sloppily against the tarp, leaving a streak that only vaguely resembled a smeared paw print.
01-13-2020, 12:23 AM (This post was last modified: 01-13-2020, 12:24 AM by Oliver.)
OLIVER
Wait. What?! Loren was pushing the blame onto him? Mr. I'm going to fucking bitch out of nowhere?! "You're the one who was suddenly aggressive!" Of course, he wasn't in the mood to continue the argument as a human, causing him to transform into the fox. Things only become worse as the argument got more and more heated. Slamming his paws down onto the canvas, growls left Oliver as he was screaming with rage through their bond.
Did I once ever say we should forget them?! No. No I did not. You and I both know exactly what I fucking meant. What got into Loren?! Why was he acting so god damn childish? Believe me Loren. I wish I was helpful like you. I wish I had abilities that could actually repair this fucking disaster, but guess what? Not everyone is like you! Not everyone has a fucking manor to offer to people or healing magic or magic that can make shit appear or water magic. Not everyone is you, Loren. Loren was acting like Oliver was trying to completely forget everything, which Oliver would refute strongly.
After quite a few stomps and slides of his feet, Oliver trudged over to the pots and basically slammed his paw into the yellow paint, completely coating his arm before he walked back over to his canvas and started slamming his feet around again. Art is all I can fucking do. What do you want me to do? Huh? Drink myself to fucking death? You look like shit Loren. You look fucking miserable. You say people are suffering but all you're doing is locking yourself away instead of dealing with your emotions in a healthy way. All I wanted to do was help but nooooo.
I JUST WANT MY EXISTENCE TO BE MORE THAN TREMBLING
Loren scoffed at Oliver. ”I hate to break it to you, but if you think that was aggressive, you’ve got another thing coming.” Unsurprisingly, the summoner’s voice was unimpressed with the other man’s angry words.
Shifted into a honey badger, the Launceleyn found himself growing almost eerily still. Oh, he still moved, but it was with precise and stilted movements. He dipped his paw into the paints, mostly reds and oranges, and pressed his paws against the canvas.
He stayed quiet through the Oliver’s tirade. It was only when the other man finished that the summoner finally responded. It started with a snarl. I have housed you, fed you, and helped you acclimate to Caido. Loren’s rage coursed through his veins and his mind in an icy wave. But your happiness and sense of self-worth is not my responsibility. It's yours. If you want to be more helpful, if you feel like that would make you feel better, then go out and learn the skills you think will be helpful. Build your own manor. Learn how to heal without magic if you don’t develop that magic. Nothing’s stopping you.
Stalking forward, he left colored prints on the tarp. That’s the thing. You could be as useful as me, if you applied yourself. I didn’t start this way. It took time, and effort, and a lot of pain. So if you want that, if that's what you really wish, stop talking to me about how hard it is, and get to work. He turned and went back to the paints.
The chill in the Launceleyn’s mind intensified. I didn’t ask for your help. So don’t get mad at me for refusing it. He dipped a hand into the blue, and sent a splattering of his over the canvas, deliberately marring the warm colors on display.
What...the actual fuck. Did Loren seriously just say that to him? The anger was still simmering inside of him, but right now? He was actually hurt and offended. His ears pinned tightly against his head and his body stiff, lacking movement. I have offered you my help as much as I could. I have offered to clean, to do anything, but each fucking time you say no. Now you act like I've been nothing but a fucking burden? Loren was acting like he had been wasting his time and energy. Loren was the one who constantly offered to spend time with him, to help him and speak with him. Nice to know that he truly wasn't wanted in this god damn house.
Staring down at the unfinished painting, Oliver contemplated just leaving. I have been trying as hard as I fucking can Loren. Whatever happened to the Loren who told me it was okay to learn? Okay to be a beginner? Was all of that a lie? He growled out the last bit, baring his teeth a small bit.
Since you clearly know so much more then me tell me this: What do I do, Loren. What do you want me to do.
Suddenly exhausted, Loren sent the mental equivalent of a sigh through the bond. I never said I thought you were a burden, or that I begrudged helping you out with room and board. Although still chilly, his thoughts were calmer. But I can't make you happy. Only you can do that.
Glancing away as Oliver continued his rant, the summoner felt sorrow steal over him. He saw his friends' dead children. He felt a friend's blood on his hands as that friend ripped out his own throat because he was mad with grief. He heard about another friend that was mad with grief and attacked a holy site, crippling another friend in the process. Padded agitatedly, he found his despair well up. And that's just what happened recently.
He halted, and stared at the fox. I don't want you to do anything. That's the thing. All I want is for you to be happy, to do what you want. I already gave you the advice that it's okay to be a beginner, that it might take a while. It wasn't a lie. It just wasn't complete. Loren felt himself trying to hold back another wave of cold anger. Thankfully, he was mostly successful, at least at keeping it from the bond.
Dipping a paw back in the blue paint, he flung another splatter onto the canvas. Here's the flip side of that advice. Don't complain about not being able to do things quickly. Not when you haven't bled or cried or raged over the training process. It's not going to be easy. It's not supposed to be easy. If what you really want is to help people, I want you to spend the time and effort that it's going to take to learn the skills that requires.
The Launceleyn let out a little snarl. The first one is patience. The second one is learning to deal with rejection. The third one is learning to think before you ask if someone needs help.
