Let's Try This Again

"Hmm. Perhaps someone had enchanted it." Sam suggested idly, not sure if such a thing was really possible but wishing he had a way to find out. Without seeking out the (corpse?) Luxere, he had no chance of investigating further. It was good to see Jigano apparently pleased with his little speech, even if he did tense at the mention of near-death (honestly, a welcome response, after the callousness Remi had attempted his murder with). As Jigano spoke of the 'core' of the guild he smiled and laughed awkwardly, looked down at the ground. "Speaking of Amalia...I've been trying to talk to her more recently - we discovered something rather unusual together." He wasn't sure if their long-lost family bond was meant to remain a secret, but he trusted Jigano to keep it if it was. As for how he'd nearly come to his end. Sam slowly raised his eyes back to Jigano, swallowed anxiously before admitted: "Yes, though not for the same reasons and...and...it was Remi. I found him, in Torchline - did you know he's there? On the beach with Ronin." He had certainly not expected to run into the Alchemist in the new realm, had thought that he'd never seen him again, only think of him when he saw stars in the night sky. "He is changed by his grief terribly. We had an argument, of sorts...he hit me several times." Sam reached up for his face, felt along the now-whole line of his nose. "I was healed--" He was sure Jigano could guess by who. "--Though that was not all he attempted. Just before I left, he swiped..." Sam gave out a heavy sigh, fought the urge to place his head in his hands and sob. "Swiped at my neck with his claws. Ronin held him back, and I ran." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"It's possible," Jigano agreed, though he couldn't imagine what would be involved in such a thing. Perhaps Kai would know? He seemed good with animals. "It bonded to Oia'i'o, in the end, so you might see it around." That was... probably not reassuring for an Ascended, come to think of it.

Perhaps Sam should not have opened with the near-death experience, but the rest of his words were more than welcome, and hearing that he and Amalia were finding common ground when Jigano had feared they were even more at odds over the Voice than he and the bookmaker had become was even better. He wasn't sure if Sam's avoidance of his eyes was out of shyness or nervousness, but he nodded supportively, wondering what they had discovered. "A Loreseeker expedition? Was it something Underground, or here in the Atheneum?" he asked eagerly, wondering what his closest friends had found.

The more sober talk of risk and death had him trailing a worried finger over the rim of his teacup, but the mention of Remi, Ronin, and Torchline had him drawing in a breath of surprise. "I knew he lived but not that he was there," he admitted with a slow shake of his head. "I haven't been there yet, myself. I had no idea..." he trailed off, glad to hear that Ronin had survived Safrin's wrath, but that Remi had attacked Sam? It was almost impossible to believe. "Loren said that... when Aoife died... Remi tried to kill himself," he said slowly. "Tried to tear out his own throat with his claws. This is..." He shook his head, a worried crease marring his brow. "This is terrible news, Sam. I never imagined he would have tried to hurt you. But... what were you arguing about?" He looked up again to meet his friend's blue-green eyes, worried but also knowing Sam well enough to suspect that there was more to the story. He cared for the red-headed scholar, but he knew his friend had a habit of omitting or forgetting the parts of stories he didn't like.

Or getting a certain someone to remove the memories for him.

"Mm. I should probably avoid something that spreads fire." Sam decided, hoping he wouldn't run into Oia and her new companion any time soon. As for his and Amalia's discovery, it appeared he'd given Jigano the wrong impression about the nature of it. "Oh, no. Um...not an expedition. Not really anything for the Guild.." He shook his head, wrung his fingers around each other as he tried to find a way to summarise the realisations they'd come to. "I don't know if you heard, but my father died recently. Amalia..received a letter from him with a confession. She...she's my half-sister." He paused after this revelation, looking up to Jigano with nervous eyes to see how he'd respond to the news. He already knew of Remi's attempted suicide, just nodded at that; given the Alchemist's current emotional state it was hardly surprising news anyway. Sam had known Jigano would asked for more details and was willing to give them. While he had regrets, he didn't feel particularly guilty about any of his actions, thought they had been at least justified if not rational. "Well, when I arrived, it started with him attacking my...character, I suppose, calling back to every mistake I've ever made. Then...I don't...really remember how it developed into this--" It had been a lot in a few moments and began to blur as soon as he'd left. "--But I said he was not acting a way Aoife would recognise, that he had forgotten himself. He told me to never say her name again, and, well...I did. Pushing something away, pushing yourself away like that, it's no way to get past anything. I..." Sam sighed, pushing a hand up through his hair. "I wish I was better at all of this. Comforting, helping. I'm sure someone else could get through to him. He doesn't have to face it all alone, and I honestly think Ronin may well have a part in his anger, so I don't know if he counts as company." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Not for the Guild? Jigano paused, his assumptions screeching to a slightly embarrassed halt as he waited for Sam to explain. He nodded cautiously at the mention of the bookmaker's father - condolences and other such platitudes hadn't been offered, fraught as their relationship had been at the time, but given what the man had done to Sam, Jigano didn't think he'd be missed - the stark revelation of a familial connection between the two of them stunned him to silence and he blinked, shock numbing his expression as he stared at his friend without comprehension for long moments. "Your... sister?" he repeated at last, tasting the words and trying to make them fit into the view of the world he had previously thought he knew.

Compared to processing that, it was almost easier to speak of Remi's uncharacteristic violence. Jigano had also had his character picked about by the alchemist before, so he simply nodded at that, finding that far easier to believe than a physical assault...

And then Aoife's name was mentioned and Jigano winced immediately. He stayed silent, letting Sam finish and using the time to draw a breath and consider the tale - and the bits that Sam had already forgotten, though what the bookmaker remembered was bad enough. "Sam..." Jigano shook his head, bemused at the unexpected disdain for Ronin. Then again, the last time they'd seen the Fallen Star he'd been trying to drop a Temple on all of their heads. Sam could be forgiven some resentment there, especially given how Amalia had been injured as a result. "Given that Aoife was their daughter, I suspect Ronin is the only one who could understand what he's going through or get through to him... just as I suspect that neither of them are ready to move 'past' that yet. You can't rush someone's grieving," he added softly, remembering Amun's insensitive shoving at his own mourning for Caiside at LongNight. "It doesn't excuse his attacking you. But it sounds like he needs more time. A parent having to bury their child after failing to save her... I cannot imagine the pain they both must still be in." And that they would remain in for quite possibly the rest of their lives, even after they put on outward smiles again to fool the rest of the world into thinking that they'd moved on.

Jigano's face so well matched his own reaction to the whole situation that Sam couldn't help but laugh just a little, nodding in response to the question. "Yes. It appears we share a father...we...are still finding out how we feel about it." Some progress had been made to be sure, but hardly enough for him to feel comfortable over the whole thing. "...I don't know if anyone else knows for now, so it needs to be kept secret." Rexanna had told him much the same about Remi (though he had refrained from being quite so rude about Ronin in that conversation) and sighed as he nodded in acquiescence. "I know...I just didn't expect an attack the second I said hello. It all happened so fast...before I knew it he'd punched me and I was scared and yelling at him." Sam frowned, tapping his fingers uncomfortably on the table. "I'm not sure though, about Ronin. I think he has to have something to do with it. His first response was to go and try to destroy the temple, something he must have known was going to result in someone getting hurt. We're lucky no one died." He shook his head, struggling to work out what exact emotion he was actually feeling. "..I just...I don't want him to make Remi stay dark and depressed just because he is. I...If it were--" Before he said anything else, he shrugged and looked away. "Nevermind. I think I'm just confused about it all." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"I... yes. I can't imagine that will be easy," he murmured, still very much shell-shocked. "I won't tell anyone else, of course. This is... quite the unexpected turn of events," he trailed off weakly, unsure of just how he felt in that moment, aside from worried for Amalia. She was already under so much pressure and wounded besides, and for this to happen...

He had to trust that she'd be strong enough to bear the weight of it.

"He punched you right after you said hello?" Jigano asked, recovering from the Wordsworth family secret only to focus on another surprise, this time from someone who had quite possibly broken beneath his grief. Something sounded off about it all... Then again, grief and guilt combined could drive a man mad. The bard pulled himself together enough to arch a brow at Sam's callousness, giving a slight shake of his head. "The Temple was empty when Ronin began his rampage - or at least, it was when I got there. The only people in there were those of us who came running to stop him, and it wasn't as though he didn't try to make us leave." He'd seen little of Ronin in recent seasons, but the Star had been a friend to him and Isuma, and he wasn't so quick to believe the worst of him.

"Remi was the one who brought Aoife to the festival," he continued softly. "Remi was the one who couldn't protect their daughter. Don't say 'no one died' when her death was what caused all this, Sam." He knew that wasn't what Sam meant, but the bookmaker seemed to be glossing over her violent, messy end with a distressing ease. "Remi's been depressed since well before the festival, and it has everything to do with what everyone asks and expects of him here. Or at least, used to. Gods least fortunate... Sam, give them space. All they have left of her is each other. And the only other person who can understand the pain Remi feels right now is Ronin, and vice versa. Can you imagine...?" He sighed, because he couldn't imagine it, the pain of losing a child. "How would you feel if your Nate was killed while you were trying to protect him?" Not the same thing at all, but it was the closest analogy he could come up with on short notice.

"That's certainly a way to phrase it...I'm not sure it'll change anything, yet. We'll have to see." That seemed unlikely, but it was also hardly a guarantee that he and Amalia would end up any closer after all of this. There was a lot of work to do, a lot of damage to repair. Sam shook his head at Jigano's first question. "No, no. That's not what I'm trying to say...I mean it all just...seemed to descend very quickly from that point. I don't really remember the things we spoke about before it became that violent, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes before he was attacking me." As for Ronin and the temple...well. He stayed silent. Perhaps Jigano didn't understand as an Outlander, but Sam knew just how terrible it would have been for the people in Sanctuary if the temple had been destroyed - how bad it already was. Maybe that was a bit of it, the pain of an Outlander man honoured by their Gods throwing it all back in the worlds face; maybe even a more personal anger, that he'd been taken in by the Old Gods and didn't see the gift it had been. Not to mention what he felt he was doing to Remi. He didn't say anything more, not wanting to cause another fight with Jigano, but he still didn't believe Ronin was anything good for his friend (?) right now. Still, he only nodded, trying to think of something else to say-- --Then as it turned out, Jigano provided him with something. Immediately Sam took in a thick breath and pressed a hand to the back of his mouth. He had not had such a strong reaction to the thought of Nate since the night it had all happened, but perhaps it was hearing his dear friend mention it so casually, as if it were just a given that the man would still be with him. "...Well..I...er...I'm not going to be protecting him. He cheated on me, and we broke up." He said plainly, determinedly staring at his book and flicking a corner. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

It wasn't the sort of situation one rushed, this finding of lost siblings, but deep in his heart Jigano felt a small curl of jealousy, petty and bitter, that the family he'd sought so hard to build - that had fallen apart around him, a castle built of cards - had fallen so easily into the laps of two of the three people he had tried to build his foundations on. It was foolish, he knew, but it still felt like doors, opportunities, bonds, were opening for others... At the expense of closing on him, so that he found himself tied less and less to the people he had once tried so hard to protect.

Tried, and failed, time and time again.

And, as Amalia so disliked about him, he blamed himself for not being good enough to fix it... to fix any of it. Perhaps Rory and Loren had the right idea.

But Sam had other drama to impart, and Jigano swallowed his jagged envy down deep, away from the light of introspection so he could focus on his friend. He nodded solemnly at hearing again how fast things had gone downhill, but he remembered, too, that Sam had tried to weaponize Aoife's memory. He didn't know what else to say, other than: "I'm glad you made it back safe." Simple, heartfelt, and grateful to Ronin for being the voice of reason when Remi had fallen into a rage that could have cost the alchemist whatever he had left of a soul after his daughter's demise.

After how vociferously Sam had defended Nate to him before, he was surprised at the sudden reaction to the name. His first thought was that the doctor had died, too, and he drew in a ragged breath at the toll this year had already taken on their little community, but then Sam explained in full and...

"Cheated?" It was the second time he'd repeated one of Sam's statements tonight, but the bookmaker kept throwing him curveballs. "But... why? With... with who?" Bewilderment furrowed his brow as he considered what he knew of Ascended and just what 'cheating' might entail for a people with, ah, limited blood (fluid?) flow to certain important areas.

"I am too. I..." Sam sighed, shaking his head. "I know I made a mistake, really. But it was all so fast, all so--I'm not....I don't want to keep excusing myself because I'm bad at talking to people, but I just--I didn't know what to do. I never seem to choose the right option." The little confession surprised him as much as it would Jigano, but it was all true enough, words that had been kept in his mind for a while now. "Now...I fear Remi will never forgive me, and I'll have deserved it. Even if he did hit me first." Picking at the edge of the table, he wondered why it was he never seemed to have many nice conversation topics anymore. "Yes, cheated. With a patient. The Voice gave him the ability to diagnose from a bite, and, ha, well-" Sam looked up with a bitter smile on his face. "I told him, I said: 'Nathaniel, it's going to be too tempting', but he assured me it wasn't going to lead to anything. That he was professional." Removing his hand from the table he smacked it hard as a fist into the palm of his other. "I was stupid. The second he could bite someone he...well, I don't know what they did. But it was enough for him to look guilty when he came home." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

He could continue to berate his friend, or he could simply nod in sympathy. It sounded as though Sam already realized his mistakes and regretted them, and piling on the guilt deeper would do him no good - and their friendship some harm. "You've said 'never' with Remi before," he said gently instead. "Remember what happened the last time? Be patient, Sam, and give him time. He needs his family around him now, it sounds like. He'll come back when he's ready." And if he was never ready? Well... that was his choice, too.

Not that Jigano thought for a moment that it would be allowed to stand. They were a meddlesome bunch, these Grounders, himself not least among them. Indeed, his long nose was usually among the worst offenders for not leaving well enough alone.

At first Jigano didn't understand what Sam meant by 'a patient' but the explanation made a sort of seriously uncomfortable sense. It was exactly the sort of thing he was trying to avoid with the protection he'd been trying to gather, and he grimaced a bit and gave his friend a sympathetic nod. He did blink at the impact of flesh against flesh, but he ad grown more used to Sam's flashes of temper over recent seasons and merely sipped at his tea. "So... you don't know who it was with, you don't know if it went further than a bite gone wrong, and you do know that he felt bad about it having happened?" he asked cautiously, trying to make sure he understood what had caused the breakup.

"..I hope you're right." Was all Sam could really say, though he doubted it. He had made mistakes where Remi was concerned before, but he'd never seen such cold in his eyes. This time had felt different, final. The ending to a story that had been limping along for the last few chapters and abruptly been brought to a close. Jigano's questions seemed to imply that he didn't think the breaking up had been justified. Sam frowned and stared at his friend, a little hurt from the lack of comfort in the interrogation. "I asked Rexanna to find out for me who it was...in the moment I couldn't bring myself to ask. It doesn't matter if he felt bad, he made me a promise that he would be faithful and clearly he knew he'd done something to break that." Sam's voice was considerably firmer on this than he was on a lot of topics; when it came to romance and relationships he had very certain expectations. "We had only been together a few months....I...thought I began to love him, but...if he betrays me so soon, how could I continue to trust him? I couldn't. So..." He sighed and drank his tea, looking off into the room. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Jigano hoped he was right, too. He'd known that Remi was in a bad place from Loren's description of the alchemist's attempted suicide, but Sam's tale made it sound even worse than he could have imagined. Still, grief could make people do terrible things, even drive them mad for a little while, and maybe the story wasn't quite over yet.

The hurt in Sam's eyes and voice was well-earned, and Jigano winced, holding up a hand and bowing his head in silent apology as the bookmaker explained his reasons. "I'm sorry, Sam. I shouldn't have phrased it that way. I remember when Remi had his memories taken away... and how much it hurt you. How you eventually gave up on him, then," he said quietly, remembering how horrified he had been to find out that Sam had willingly given away his own memories in turn. "If you think you love... or might have loved... Nate, I'd hate to see you repeat that mistake. I want you to be happy, but... well, people aren't always perfect. They screw up, they disagree, they fight, but if they mean enough to each other... they work to fix what goes wrong and build from it." He smiled, a little crooked and a little lopsided as he looked at his friend. "Just look at us. With all our ups and downs and arguments we're still here, sitting together drinking tea and still friends. At least... I hope you still think of me as your friend?"

Jigano's apology softened Sam's frown and he listened to what the bard had to say, though he still found that he didn't quite agree with it. "It's different to Remi, though - Remi did not intend for that to happen. Nathaniel certainly had a choice in this matter." There was an almost sardonic, bitter tone to his voice as he spoke, smiling humourlessly down at the floor. "I believe that once a romantic commitment has been made, cheating is one of the most...disgusting, cowardly things someone can do. I don't want to ever be with someone who could betray my trust and throw...throw away my love, like that." With some of the most complete and steady words Sam had ever spoken, he hoped that it was clear he was very sure of this point. When it came to his friendship with Jigano though he looked up and smiled, nodded. "Of course. I don't...understand a lot of your viewpoints, honestly, though I wonder if that's partially because you must come from such a different place to me. But you are still my friend, Jigano. You are always good to me, even when you think I'm being stupid." With a smile he took a sip of his tea, looked out over the guild hall. "..And now we have these new positions, don't we? Natural..and Outlander advisor. Do you know what we will need to do yet?" So far, Samuel had not been called for any duties related to his new title. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Did Nathaniel have a choice? It sounded like Sam hadn't given him a chance to explain himself, but Jigano heard the firmness in his friend's voice, and bowed his head in acceptance of the romantic ideals the bookmaker aspired to. "Then I will not ask more of it. I'm just sorry it didn't work out," he said softly, giving up on his attempt to try and get Sam and his most recent beau back together. He still didn't really know Nate, and the redheaded Loreseeker across the table from him was one of his closest friends, alongside Amalia and Rory. When it came down to it, he'd chose Sam over a stranger and not look back.

Sam's smile reassured him that the other man felt the same, even before the words that renewed their sometimes rocky, often dramatic relationship. "Not stupid, Sam. You come at things from a different way of thinking and I don't always understand it, either. I'm sorry for when I come across as overbearing when that happens. And, if that's any consolation," he said wryly, giving his friend a lopsided smile, "I'm just as hard on myself. I make mistakes and I make stupid decisions... and I don't always listen when people try to set me straight on them."

The mention of their new positions in the government had him nodding his head wryly, playing with his teacup with idle fingers. "They're very vague," he admitted with a faint grimace. "Rexanna had said she would let the council vote again to decide if she should remain as Queen once it was formed but..." he shrugged. "To be honest, I haven't seen her around much since then. I don't know that any of us has really done much in the way of governing. I suppose we should collect opinions and see what things people would like to see changed or done differently? We might put two boxes in the Atheneum, one for Naturals and one for Outlanders, and ask people to leave suggestions in them? That way they can anonymous if they want to be, and the Notice Board might get less, mmm, editorial opinions pinned to it?" He arched a brow at his friend, more amused than annoyed at the 'anonymous' notes in that very fine handwriting he had just been praising.