give me a life time of promises (open)

Sighing, Loren lifted his hand from Maea's shoulder and let it drop to his side. For a long time, he was silent, though his slightly furrowed brow and the way his fingers drummed a beat against his thigh betrayed his restless thoughts. Finally he sighed again. "Look, it's your choice." He gave her a sympathetic look. Then he shrugged. "If you ask me, though, which you didn't really, so feel free to tell me to shut up at any point, you should think less about how much you care for him and more about whether he's good for you. Whether the...time you spend together and the way he makes you feel is worth all the...other stuff. All the bad parts." As he spoke, he grew misty-eyed and his voice grew more than a bit sad. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Maea wished she could say she didn't know what he was talking about. But she did. The guilt, the shame, the jealousy and self-deprication for letting him come back even after she'd drawn the lines and set up rules... It wasn't good and it wasn't right, and she knew it.

At least there wasn't so many 'other things' to talk about as Loren seemed to think. A small ray of hope, that. She wasn't in over her head yet.

"I appreciate your concern," she said, and found that she really meant it. Looking up at her friend briefly, Maea managed a small smile to prove it. "Don't hesitate to tell me if I'm being an idiot. It's useful to hear at times."

Straightening her shoulders, she forced down a deep breath and again let out a sigh, repeating the process until she felt less heavy. Not even noticing that she was using the breathing technique Loren had taught her not so long ago. Clearly it was working.

"Anyway... do you think it fits with your riddle? Something real that seems fake, or something fake that seems real. Maybe you're a better judge of where it falls, as you're not in the middle of it." A small concession, that perhaps she was in too deep to see the whole picture.

Nodding, the corner of Loren's mouth twitched, though he gave Maea an understanding look. "Alright, if you promise to do the same. I can be as pigheaded as, well...actually I know of very few people as stubborn as I am when I set my mind to something." He shrugged, too tired and sad to be embarrassed by that particular admission. As she spoke, he tilted his head, looking at her almost incredulously. "I'm sorry, are you offering to let me use your relationship in my task for Frey?" Confusion was writ large on his features and he just looked at her, a little wild-eyed. 'I'm not sure that's a good idea, even if it fits." LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

The smile was pale and a little weary, but there all the same. Maea nodded, accepting the deal - she had been striking a lot of those lately. "I can think of one person," she offered, wry smile indicating it might be the very man they'd just been discussing.

His reaction to the offer was met with a raised brow and a nod. "Why not? Do you think Frey will make the relation go away by using it?" She didn't see how it would be possible, except by erasing memories... and that was apparently Ludo's go-to trick. "If this mess can help you with something at all, then at least I'll have that going for it."

Nodding a bit absently, Loren decided not to press Maea on who exactly she was thinking of (and not just because it was fairly obvious. Instead, he ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I mean they did steal Remi's love once, but not that's not why." Biting his lip, he tapped the side of his leg. Finally he sighed. "No I just...think it needs to be personal? Like something I did or do, not something someone else did." He shrugged, not quite able to articulate what he thought, or what he was worried about. "Maybe I'm overthinking this." It came out quietly, and quite hesitantly. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

"Delphia keep telling me to go with my gut feeling," she told Loren. The girl didn't seem to mind that her offer was rejected, though there was a frown at the mention that Remi's actual love had been taken away. Perhaps... it wasn't as permanent a thing as she thought it might be?

"So, if you think you should keep it personal then I say you're probably right. Still, if everything else fails, my offer stands."

Maea was rather relieved to have the topic move on, away from her personal problems. Not that she minded confiding in Loren, but... there was a nagging worry that she might have caused trouble for Sunjata today. A tiny part of her almost hoped so... but she crushed it firmly beneath a twisted heel.

At the mention of Delphia, Loren sighed. "Well, my gut feeling was wrong, so I'm not sure who or what to trust. Definitely not myself." He gave Maea a slightly embarrassed look. Astra, sensing his discomfort, pressed against his side, and he stroked the luxere gently. Looking between the woman and the shrine, he bit his lip. "Do you think we should...pray or light a candle or something?" He was starting to feel a little awkward standing up here without leaving an offering of some kind. Running a nervous hand through his hair, he waited patiently for Maea's response, since she was far more well versed in this topic than he was. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Turning more directly towards the man, Maea gave him a soft smile. "Everyone makes mistakes and get things wrong, Loren. That doesn't mean you should give up, or doubt yourself. You've heard my embarrassing story... so if you want to share yours, I'm ready to return the favor of not judging. Or not, if you prefer to keep it to yourself; either way, it's your choice." She would try to be trustworthy, to be someone he could confide in, if he wanted to. Or simply accept his silence, if that was his preference. It was all about choice for her.

"Of course, we can do that," she replied and headed over to the shrine that had been erected. There was incence and candles provided for those who came to call, little shelves for tools and idols commonly used in the little rituals - it seemed to her that some of them might be the same here as in the Ground. As she examined the available items, as well as the offerings left behind by previous visitors, she offered Loren a way out in case he didn't want to answer her offer.

"Did you practice religion in your homeland?" she asked him, as she began to pick out what she wanted to use.

As Maea encouraged Loren to share what he had brought last time, he rubbed his palm against his thigh anxiously. ”Fine.” It came out curtly, and it was obvious he was uncomfortable. ”I told them my secret was that I told Abasi about a previous request I made of Frey. They told me they’d heal my broken heart if I...caused enough...climaxes. I thought that if I revealed our relationship started with a bit of a pretense, it might...” His voice trailed off and he waved a hand vaguely. Clearing his throat, he felt a light flush come to his cheeks. ”And I had Delphia bring them a ghost, because I thought that might be real but perceived to be fake. Because even though people have rituals where they encountered spirits, I didn’t think they necessarily believed the encounters at first.” He couldn’t quite meet Maea’s eyes. ”Like I said. Ignorant Outlander.” It came out more bitterly than he’d intended and he turned away, gazing out to the ocean so she wouldn’t see his troubled expression. As she went to pray, he didn’t move from his spot, still not quite recovered. ”No. There were no gods in my other worlds.” It came out quietly. His shoulders tensed a bit as he awaited her inevitable shock and dismay. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

She remained quiet for a while, considering the task, what Loren had wanted help with and the outcome. If she was bothered by the subject, it didn't show. Her face was quite serene, save for a slight coloring to her cheeks... but that could just be the heat of the room, right? (Well no, she was definitely blushing.)

The revelation that there were no gods where he'd come from was far more of a shock. Maea gave him a startled look, a million questions crowding in her eyes - how was that even possible? - but she was able to hold them back. Considered again, and nodded slowly.

"If you never interacted with gods before, then I should say you are excused for any and all future mistakes," she said with a kind expression. "How could anyone expect you to know the ins and outs of a culture and traditions you were not born to? I'm natural born, and I still make them. "

She knelt down by the shrine and waved him over with a hand, patting the floorboards beside her. Reaching for flint and steel, she produced a small flame and brought a stick of incence into it, placed it in a little bowl of sand on the shrine and offered him the chance to do the same.

"What made you turn to Frey with your first request?" she asked. "To cure a broken heart..."

Loren ran a nervous hand through his hair, but at least he finally turned to look at Maea. "Very understanding of you." Then the corner's of his lips twitched with a sort of bitter amusement. "If only the gods felt the same." When he realized how petty he sounded, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Frey...offered me another chance to get it right, so I suppose they do, in their own way." It came out maybe a little begrudgingly. Opening his eyes, he moved forward and knelt by the shrine beside her. Taking one of the sticks of incense, he lit it on the small flame, then placed it on the bowl. "It's complicated." He shifted so he was in a cross-legged position. "Like I told you, when I first came to Caido, I went...crazy. Lost my mind, ran away from the world, for over a year." The admission came out rather flatly. "Before I left, I had...started seeing Remi. In our world, men weren't allowed to be together so it...it meant a lot to both of us." He had to close his eyes again. "When I came back, the feelings were so complicated and unresolved on both of our parts that I just...couldn't deal with it on my own." Shame colored the words, and he kept his eyes closed. LOREN Not quite an open book

MAEA

Carry me through this world alive
I feel no more, this suffering

Picking out a pair of candles, Maea offered one to Loren and lit the other herself. Waiting for the wick to catch, she mused aloud; "I can't help but think that Frey is quite bright," she said. "Your heart was broken, in essence because you did not understand yourself and your wants, needs and urges. Nor those of your partner. So, they set you a task that would force you to look at yourself more deeply. To help you heal your own wounds, by accepting who you are. And accept others for who they are. To not be afraid of... sharing yourself."

As the flame grew brighter and the wax began to melt, Maea let a few drops fall onto the shrine and placed the butt of the candle into it, so it would hold itself up.

"You know... there are no set ways to worship here. Each god has their own preferences. For Ludo we make lanterns and remember our dead, offer toys and items of personal affect... because death is personal, and sometimes memory is all we have left to give. To Safrin we bring pretty baubles and flowers, ask about life and how to live it well... because it's beautiful and full of wonder, even when it hurts."

"And Frey..." She gazed into the flame, again with color seeping into her face, flushing the pale skin quite crimson. "Some offer seeds and fruits of harvest to them, but in the end, there's only one real way to honor them. By... you know. Coming together, with... others." It was awfully hard to get the words out, to explain what she knew but also knew nothing about, and still shied from even in her own thoughts.

"But also by knowing yourself and accepting who you are, by not shying away from what's in your nature. Things are the way they are, and good or bad have nothing to do with it.

"In the end... I think Frey might be the most difficult of them to deal with. Trying to hide anything or put complicated reasons over very simple things is just... pointless."

Bury me in this cold light
I feed the wolf, and shed my skin

Taking the candle from Maea without comment, Loren held it until they were both lit. As she spoke, he followed her lead in setting his own candle on the altar. As she continued, however, he turned to watch her, though his face was inscrutable. When she finished, he stayed silent for a long time. Finally, he sighed, and gave her an almost unhappy look. "I agree. I think that's...almost exactly right to be honest." Laughing mirthlessly, he shook his head. "And I hate being honest with myself. Which is...part of the problem, I suppose." Now it was his turn to gaze into the flame. "If I showed emotion or affection growing up I was...punished for it." He paused, expression growing haunted. "Tortured. By those who professed to love me." Biting his lip, he continued looking straight ahead, afraid of her reaction. "So it's...difficult for me to be open, about who I am or what I want. Because there's always this little voice in the back of my mind warning me that if I do, I'll just get hurt again." Shaking his head, he looked at her, eyes sad. "Which is maybe why I'm so stubborn about worshipping Frey. Because I...know they're right, and that what they represent and tell me are good for me. I'm just...bad at actually doing it." It came out more than a bit chagrined. LOREN Not quite an open book

MAEA

She watched him light the candle, followed the simple movements of his hands without comment, without interrupting as he responded to her reflections. There was something very serene and peaceful about the girl here, in this place. An ease and comfort that came as much from speaking about the gods with someone who would actually listen, as from his company. For all that he was closed off and difficult to read... there was an honesty about this man that she very much appreciated.

"You can talk to them about it," she suggested, indicating the shrine. The gods, the powers that did govern this world. "They might not always appear when we pray, but they always listen. They are with us, if we choose to let them in, and they will not judge you for who you are. Even if you can't confide in anyone else, believe that they will hear you, and listen, and perhaps with time you will be able to find the courage you need to be who you were meant to be."

Reaching out, a bit tentative as she wasn't sure if he would allow it, Maea tried to touch the backside of her fingers to his cheek. A soft gesture, kind and compassionate, that wouldn't linger unless he wished it to.

"You are not alone anymore. Whether you know it or not, you have friends here. Not one of us will allow you to be hurt like that again, if you only let us be there for you. I'm still learning to trust myself, so I know it's not easy... but if you want to risk it, I don't mind a bit of openness from time to time."

Loren had said himself that she should let people in. Now she offered him the same chance, just as she had before.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3