give me a life time of promises (open)

At Maea’s suggestion, Loren barked out a humorless laugh. ”Sorry. It’s just...talking to them doesn’t...I don’t know. It’s so anathema to me. Especially since they don't seem to care about my problems when I do bring them up." He offered her a tentative grin, though it didn't reach his eyes. "But like all things good for me, it probably won't feel good right away." There was a chagrined expression on his face, and an equally chagrined tone in his voice. He let her touch his cheek, reaching up with a hand to cup it gently for a moment if she'd let him, before letting it fall back into his lap.  "I was doing better. I was happy, even. And then..." he let his voice trail off. As his eyes prickled with tears, he blinked them away. LOREN Not quite an open book

MAEA

Encouraged by the way he accepted her gesture, by the way his hand cupped hers for a moment, Maea left her hand there for a while. Sensing the fragile place his thoughts had gone to, the grief brought to the forefront of his mind, she reached up further to rest her palm over his hair. Tender, careful and sensitive to any indication that he wanted her to withdraw.

"And then, everything fell apart again," she quietly finished for him.

Maea felt a lump form in her throat, empathy for the desperate unfairness of his loss so strong it was painful. Why was it that Caido seemed to take so much from these broken, wounded men? Was her world really so cruel? Or was it just bad luck, that they would come here and begin to heal, only to have every wound ripped open again?

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

As Maea rested her hand on Loren’s head, he sighed. Astra came over to lay herself down by his side, and he pulled her close and just held her. When the woman spoke, he nodded. "And then everything fell apart again." Speaking in a whisper, more to himself, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, they were still sad, but more focused. "But I'm used to the world falling apart on me, and being left to pick up the pieces." Although his tone was exhausted and resigned, it was also weirdly resolute. He'd been here before, and would be able to move past it eventually. Maybe even sooner rather than later if he opened himself up to Frey's advice. And to others. Like his friends. LOREN Not quite an open book

MAEA

Maea smiled. The change in his tone was not hard to miss when she paid this much attention to it, and it gave her hope for his recovery. It would not be swift, or easy, but perhaps in time he would come out stronger because of all this.

"They say broken bones heal stronger than they were," she offered, and brought her hand back to rest on her lap. "No doubt you'll be a terror to behold when you are ready to stand up again."

And perhaps that was a lesson she could learn to embrace herself. Life was certainly no dance on roses for her either... and there was a thorny path ahead of her whichever way she chose to go. With Halo and the Academy, with Sunjata, with the gods and her personal quest to be accepted by them...

Maea sighed, but lightly. "At least life isn't boring," she said.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

"That's a myth, actually. It's about the same strength as before" Loren's response was automatic and without thought. Flushing a little with embarrassment, he shrugged. "Sorry. Habit." Clearing his throat, he gave Maea an apologetic look. "Point taken. At this rate I'll be able to bounce back from tragedy in no time." The quip fell flatly and humorlessly between them, but at least it was an attempt. Chuckling, more nervous than amused, he stroked Astra's fur. "Maybe that's what I should tell Frey next time they call me dull. 'Other people don't think my grief is boring!'" It was a weak attempt to find some silver lining out of all this. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

She shook her head immediately, realizing too late how her words might be taken. Though she wanted to laugh at his correction, it died in her throat at the bitterness of the words and the way he tried to make a joke out of it but had it come out more like an accusation.

"No, please, I'm the one who should apologize. It was tactless of me to say that. All of it. I was thinking more of my own situation, yours is certainly nothing to laugh at.

"And you're not boring. Stop saying that, just because a god told you so doesn't make it true."

Maea certainly wasn't bored. Not writhing in laughter, perhaps, but this was the kind of conversations she enjoyed. Deep and introspective; for all that much of their topics were grim and painful, she still enjoyed herself in his company.

Loren sighed, and shook his head. "It's alright. If I got upset every time someone said something tactless around me, I'd probably die of the aggravation before long. Plus I'm tactless often enough that it'd be rather hypocritical of me" Giving Maea an understanding and somehow patient look, he shrugged. "I know you meant no harm, and even if you did, words from others can't worse than what I've told myself time and time again." It was depressing and self-deprecating and a little self-hating, yes, but he was trying to power through it, not let himself retreat behind his walls again. As she tried to make him feel better, he smiled sadly. "No offense, but I think Frey is a slightly higher authority than you." Again, that was his attempt at a joke. Too bad his sense of humor had always been sardonic, even when he wasn't grieving. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Chewing on his words, Maea wanted to keep apologizing, keep telling him off for being so cruel to himself. The very exchange was one she hated. 'I'm sorry for hurting you' followed by 'It's okay, I'm used to it'... No. It was not okay. Never. If anything, she should be making up for all the past hurts by saying the right things, doing the right things.

Not make things worse.

"Frey isn't here, so for now my word is what goes," she retorted, finally finding something to latch on to. Her jaw shifted, bringing on a slight feathering to the muscles of her cheeks that was remarkably similar to what a common friend of theirs sometimes did. As if chewing on the words, deciding whether to spit them out or not.

"I'm not bored, so the logical conclusion is that you are not boring."

Maea could be stubborn too, when she wanted to be.

All that was missing was a stamped foot. As Maea grew almost indignant, Loren raised his eyebrows at her. "Thought you said the gods were always listening?" It wasn't teasing or cruel, just a gently calm response to her words. "Plus, you might want to be careful speaking of them at the shrine to another deity." He glanced over at the shrine just in case. Still remaining weirdly placid, he shrugged. "We're talking about god of sex and the herald of the god of nature. Not sure logic enters into it." However, he raised his hands in surrender. "Alright. I'm not boring. Thank you for rightfully pointing that out to me." Despite the slightly joking words, he was genuinely grateful. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

"What place would be safer? I doubt Frey would ever appear here, even if we begged them to. Plus, if they really want to contradict me bad enough to do so, then I'm honored. At least I caught their attention, for once."

Pious she might be, and devoted, but not quite a zealot.

But he surrendered, and Maea smiled in smug victory, poking her tongue out at Loren to seal his defeat. "Glad to see you're willing to listen to reason," she told him, content as a cat with a bowl of cream.

"So, now that we've cleared that up... what would you pray for, if Safrin appeared to us now? No guilt, no break of loyalty, just in theory."

Loren raised his eyebrows at Maea's confident statements. "I feel like that falls under the purview of both 'be careful what you wish for' and 'spoke too soon.'" There was a sort of wry humor in his voice, though it was muted. "Are you sure you want to risk them appearing?" It was an honest question, given her seeming dislike of the god of sex. Shrugging, he rubbed Astra's fur absently. "On occasion. When I have no other choice." Glancing at the woman, he smiled faintly, though it faded almost immediately and didn't reach his eyes. When she asked what he would pray for, if Safrin were to appear, he bit his lip. Finally he sighed. "I don't know. That she help my friends struggling with the dark find their way back to the light? That she provide me clarity in my time of need?" It was clear how uncertain and how uncomfortable he was just trying to come up with viable prayers. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

Maea considered that question. Did she really want Frey to appear? Here, or in any other place? Ever? She recalled what she had seen of the god last time, and like a red dawn the blush crept up over her face. The things she'd seen in that ever-changing seeming had been... awful. Horrible. All the more terrifying because of how alluring they had been, and for the response it had provoked in her. For a repressed, inexperienced girl that had never even been kissed until recently it was too much, and Maea doubted anything would have changed since then. She shook her head with emphasis, pressing her lips together tightly with a sort of panicked embarrassment.

No. She decidedly did not want to see Frey again. And to the void with her own hypocrisy, if Loren called her out on it - she didn't even care.

Far easier then to think of Safrin, and Loren's gentle, almost timid answer. Forcing down a gulp of breath, Maea looked into the candle light and breathed out, seeing them flutter in the breeze she set in motion.

"That... is a prayer, Loren," she told him, trying to reclaim the calm peace and certainty from before. "And a very good one. As for me..." Maea thought about it, recalling everything that had passed since her last visit to a shrine. Since her last prayer. "I would also ask for guidance, when the time comes to choose the next path. And comfort, some small understanding if it takes time to find the right one."

Touching two knuckles to her forehead, to the chest just above her heart and then to her lips, Maea finally reached out and touched the shrine as well. The gesture was small, more a personal act of reverence than anything official; her hand came to rest on her lap again, and she shifted. Legs growing slightly numb from kneeling for so long.

"That wasn't so bad, right?"

Shrugging, Loren rubbed a nervous hand against his thigh. "Maybe. But I'm not sure she's particularly inclined to grant my prayers." It came out quietly, and he sighed. As Maea offered her own prayer, he watched her carefully, though he didn't dare speak up during what felt like a weirdly intimate moment. Shaking his head, he bit his lip. "No. Not so bad." Then he gave her a wry smile, one that wasn't happy in the slightest. "This is the easy part, though. The part I can do." Looking away, he took a deep breath. "It's actually speaking to them that gives me trouble." The words were more muted now, as he slid back towards that emptiness that called to him. LOREN Not quite an open book

Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away

"Well.. that part is up to her. And when it comes to talking to them eye to eye... Try honesty? As much as you only can. Think carefully, speak only what you can honestly stand by, and don't let yourself be bullied into anything. Though the last bit is easier said than done."  

Leaning in, she pushed her shoulder into his in a gently teasing shove. "It's how I try to deal with people in general... so far it works quite well." Maea smiled at him, coaxing slightly to see if she could keep him from retreating back into his shell.

See? He'd been open for quite a while now, and none of them were bleeding.