I would rather be dead

The white sheep of the family

Loren was continuing his drunken wandering through Torchline. Shirtless and barefoot, dressed only in a pair of shorts, he'd stumbled his way by a tunnel entrance. Astra, of course, was immediately intrigued by the possibilities and started to bound in.

So she'd been quite unhappy when he'd grabbed her, not wanting her to go rushing off and fall into a hole or something. Keeping a tight grip on her with one hand, and a tight grip on his flask with the other, he'd taken a long pull. Only then did he start walking forward himself. He kept one hand on her back on the off chance she tried to bolt.

Reaching a fork, he frowned. He peered down both tunnels, but made no move to head down either just yet. Instead, he compelled some gulls from outside to fly down them for him, trying to scout out the options.

Remi

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

As the gulls enter into the tunnels, Remi can only assume that means there is another attuned nearby. From experience, he knows that the birds don't tend to flock down here. No one does, it's why he's here after all. Depending on who was at the other end, Remi would try and compel the gulls back towards the surface and into the sunlight. If he failed, that would give him a fairly good indication who was at the other end. Only Jigano or Amalia he thought could push back hard enough, and he very much doubted he'd see either of them down here in the dank and dark.

Unless they were heroing, of course.

Dressed almost identically to Loren—just shorts—Remi stood and narrowed his eyes into the dark haze, reaching out silently through the attuned bond to try and deduce who it was sending birds as spies.

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars

The white sheep of the family

As the birds came flying right back towards Loren, his eyes narrowed. Then, though, a familiar mental presence nudged his mind. However, seeing was believing, so the healer turned down the tunnel he thought it was coming from. His steps had grown cautious, and Astra huddled nervously behind him. However, he did let down his own mental barriers, letting the darker recesses of his mind seep out through the link.

Eventually, a familiar form resolved itself. Sighing, Loren took a long pull from his flask before speaking. "Remi." The name came out flatly, but unlike the monotone from before there was more than a bit of an edge to his voice. Titling his head to one side, he pressed his lips together. "Just passing through." Astra poked her head out and watched Remi with wide eyes.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

Remi regarded the summoner with a flat stare. That Loren was day drinking once again might have interested the alchemist once upon a time, but the pair were so far from even amicable at this point, his mind quickly moved on. "So nothing new then." The alchemist quipped in reply, straightening, and folding his arms across his chest.

Glancing down at Astra his brow raised further. Being a predator, sensing the distress of prey-animals came naturally, but it didn't take a genius to see that Loren's hand on her back wasn't there as a comfort. Not for her anyways.

"Hey you." He said softly, eyes on the luxere as he knelt down, a hand outstretched.

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars

The white sheep of the family

As Remi quipped back, Loren's eyes tightened. "Would you care if there was something new?" His voice came out quietly, but there was a slightly challenging and dangerous edge to it.

As the alchemist stepped towards Astra, the healer stepped aside. The luxere still stared at the other man with wide eyes, shying back just a little. However, at the almost gentle way he knelt down and held out his hand, she took a few tentative steps and sniffed it. Then she moved closer, pressing herself against him cautiously and looking up at him with almost hopeful eyes.

The Launceleyn moved to lean against the cavern wall. As he watched the scene unfolding, he just drank from his flask. His expression had darkened, somewhat, the beginning of a smirk lurking on his lips.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

"No Loren, because there never is anything new with you. There's always some injustice for you to soapbox about, some family drama to make you bitter, some way in which the world has wronged you." Remi replied with a tired roll of his eyes. "The only thing that could be new for you, is a period of happiness that wasn't just manic." And that would be a gods-damned miracle.

Smiling gently, allowing her all the time she needed, the alchemist ran his hands through her fur making soft sounds in the back of his throat. "You remember the way out, in case this idiot gets drunk and gets swept away by the tide, alright?" Remi said in a sing-song voice, before eyeing Loren. "The tide will be coming in soon. It hits faster than you might think."

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars

The white sheep of the family

At Remi's words, Loren let out a huff of laughter. "Yup. You're right. I'm a habitual complainer who will never be content with his lot in life." He pointed a finger at the alchemist. "Never mind that I had that period of happiness you're talking about and lost it. Nothing could possibly compare to the trials and tribulations you've been through, though, so why bother?" The healer's voice wasn't even bitter, just slightly mocking.

Taking a long pull from his flask, he crossed his arms. Raising his eyebrows at the other man's warning to Astra (who actually nodded as if she could understand it), the Launceleyn smirked. "Why Remi, it almost sounds like you care." Sarcasm dripped off the last word.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

"That hardly explains your behaviour for the past year though." Right now? Sure. Loren had lost Abasi and Remi would allow him his grief. It didn't change what an unsufferable martyr Loren had been for the past months though. "There you go again." The alchemist chuckled, shaking his head. "I never said anything of the sort, but leave it to you to create your own narrative where, shockingly, you're still the victim."

Pressing his thumb between his eyebrows as his other hand continued to softly schritch Astra's fur, the alchemist pulled in a breath and held it. Exhaling and opening his eyes, he looked up at Loren. "You? No. Her? Yes."

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars

The white sheep of the family

As Remi spoke, Loren pushed off the wall to face the alchemist. "Like you've never played the victim card with me." Taking a sip from the flask, the healer raised his eyebrows. "But alright. I'll admit to being an asshole. And to putting words in your mouth. Won't happen again." His voice came out softly, suddenly too tired to do this song and dance with the other man for the untold time.

When Remi mentioned that he cared about Astra, the Launceleyn smirked. "Miracle of miracles. We found something to agree on." With that, he started to walk back the way he came. "Thanks for the warning." It came out as flatly as he'd spoken earlier.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

'No Loren, I haven't. I've never played anything with you. When you've asked, I've answered." Remi replied with a bland stare. "And all of this? The fine I'm an asshole. won't happen again, it's all the same Loren. It isn't taking accountability for anything. You like being told you're wrong or have fucked up, because it's just another poor Loren badge you get to wear around. But look at your life Loren. Nothing has changed." More sexual partners, different jobs, same miserable Launceleyn.

"As soon as the water rises, make sure you two get out." Remi whispered to Astra as Loren turned, offering the luxere a worried smile and nod.

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars

The white sheep of the family

Astra headbutted Remi gently in acknowledgement before trotting after Loren. For hiss part, his steps faltered. Then they resumed. However, he only got a short distance before he finally stopped. Sighing, he finished the latest flask, tucking it into his pocket.

Finally, he turned and marched right back up to the alchemist. "Well alright then." There was almost an eager gleam in the healer's eyes.

He spread his arms, part challenging, part helplessness. "What would you like to see from me? Huh? How would you like me to take accountability for my actions?" His arms dropped to his sides as his hands clenched into fists. "Tell me. What am I supposed to fucking do?"

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

Remi had turned to resume what it was he'd been doing earlier (trying to discern the change in his magic). Pausing, he watched Loren stalk up to him before turning and squaring his shoulders to the Launceleyn. The differences in their respective body types couldn't have been more clear then, and the Remi of long long ago would never believe he'd one day be starring down a duke with such hostility and disgust. More so given who that particular duke was.

"Oh no, Loren." Remi chuckled, his lips threatening to crease into a sneer as Loren's hands balled into fists. "I remember very well your whole speech about letting you be your own man, figure out who you are." Raising a brow and letting his eyes slowly wash over Loren's gaunt frame, the alchemist gave an unimpressed shrug as if to say, and this is it, apparently.

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars

The white sheep of the family

Not at all perturbed by the way Remi faced off against Loren, he smirked "Ah, there's the disapproval I remember." Leaning forward, he dropped his voice to a feigned whisper. "You know, the way that literally nothing I ever did was ever going to be good enough for you, could never make up for all my many crimes in your mind, could never seem to make you anything other than hurt."

Crossing his arms, he cocked his head to one side. "Tell me, Remi. Answer me honestly, which you seem to pride yourself on. After I came back, were you ever going to fully forgive me? Or was I never going to be able to measure up to the idealized version that you put on a pedestal in your mind." Astra let out a concerned bleat and backed away from the brewing confrontation.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

it doesn't matter where you roam, when no one's left to call you home

Remi could smell the alcohol on Loren's breath and it made him wince. Once, his heart would have been a flutter to have Loren so close, so strangely vulnerable and nearly naked. Now, he was ever edging close to the hate-side of the line between love and hate.

"There it is again. Always someone else's fault. Tell me Loren, why is it just the many crimes in my mind. Last time I checked, they happened in the real world too." Remi returned, not bothering to match Loren's stage-whisper.

"Forgiveness was always easy for me, Loren." The alchemist replied, sea-glass eyes steadily meeting the blue of Loren's. "But then you just kept hurting and kept hurting, never taking responsibility for it because you said it was going to happen, as if knowledge of just how selfish you could be was somehow an excuse." At the idea of idealized though, Remi just laughed in Loren's face. "Loren I forgot you. There was nothing to idolize. The only stories I ever heard from you were from Ronin and Vai and Ianto and trust me, they did not paint you on a pedestal. I saw the good in you because stupidly, it's what I do."

Then, shaking his head he added, "..did."

i might have strained a bit too far, i'm countin' all the moonlit stars