From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"...I suppose because it stops us from getting our own heads too messy. She knows more because she's our leader." He shrugged, knowing that as a Goddess, The Voice did not have to share her information with her followers; still, he wished she would. As for if he'd end up like the Prince...he smiled weakly at Loren, his own doubts stronger than could be comforted by a few words.
He did have The Voice, so Sam just stayed quiet with an agreeing shrug. If Loren didn't want to see the connection between Ascended and Abandoned that was up to him; Loren was not against the Ascended, so as far as Sam was concerned they were already allies anyway.
Sam stopped as Loren did, turning to face him. "I know. I'm sorry." As much as Sam wished Loren was more available to explore their relationship right now, he did also wish he could reach into the past and rescue Abasi from the clutches of death in time for Loren and the Outlander to share their feelings, to alleviate Loren's pain.
"Tell me anything you want to...I want to hear it." Reaching out a hand to gently just for a moment touch Loren's cheek, a rare intimate moment outside of the bedroom, he hoped the Launceleyn would feel comfortable enough to talk to him.
Seeing that Sam wasn't that comforted by Loren's touch, he rubbed his hand a bit awkwardly. "I guess...do you trust her, then?" The question was spoken tentatively and softly.
Waving away the Ascended's apology, the healer found himself staring up at the mountain peaks above. As the other man's hand traced the Launceleyn's cheek, though, he reached up with his own hand to capture it. Holding it gently, he returned his gaze to Sam.
Finally, Loren sighed. "Alright. It's a long...just bear with me." Letting go of the Ascended, the healer knelt to hug Astra to his chest. Taking a deep and steadying breath, he let it out in a puff of white.
"My family was always powerful in the ways of magic. This threatened the royal family of my first world. So, many many years ago, the Launceleyns bound themselves to the crown by blood and magic. They took an oath to always obey one of royal blood, to always act in the throne's best interest, and to never harm, on purpose or by accident, a member of the royal family." Pausing, he looked at Sam with haunted eyes. "Breaking that oath, even inadvertently, resulted in instant death."
"...I do, though..." Sam chewed on his lip, tilted his head side to side. "Despite what some people believe, it's not...unconditional. I think she is trying to do her best and that she believes her way is how to do it. But if another Blight occured.." He trailed off with a shrug. It wasn't really like he could stop being Ascended, even if he wanted to.
He waited patiently for Loren to speak, unsure what it was he was about to hear. Some kind of horrible confession, a tale of abuse like his own? Perhaps a reveal of a taboo fantasy of the Launceleyns?
It seemed that this would be a longer story than a single confession though, as Loren began with an introduction. Sam nodded his understanding, feeling like he'd already heard the jist of this once from another source, but couldn't quite remember who. "Go on."
Smiling a bit uncertainly, Loren rubbed his hands together. "Well. Let's hope it doesn't come to that." His voice was quiet, and he made sure to give Sam an understanding look.
Nodding as the Ascended told him to continue, the healer stroked Astra. For her part, she snuggled close, trying to provide him comfort. "So, because a stray word could spell disaster, even for a child, my family, they...demanded complete and total obedience. Because they feared anything less than that would result in many deaths." Taking a shuddering breath, he looked away from the other man. "So they tortured us into compliance. Tormented us, again, and again, and again, with magic." It came out barely above a whisper. "I was five, when my magic manifested." When it began.
Closing his eyes, he rested his chin on the luxere. "And because we were servants of the crown, and because of the need to enforce the oath, we, we, we valued strength above all else." His words came out more quickly now, trying to rush to the ending. "There was a strict hierarchy, with the strongest and most destructive mages at the head of the family. They made sibling fight against sibling, parent fight against child. Any weakness or independence was swiftly and harshly beaten out of us." Opening his eyes, he stared into the distance, mind clearly elsewhere.
As Loren spoke, painted more of the picture of his horrific upbringing, Sam knelt down before him in the snow so they were eye to eye, not caring about the instant cold on his legs. He waited for Loren to finish, brows furrowed and eyes concerned, until he said anything.
It struck him that the both of them, while Loren's abuse was arguably more extreme in a sense (though comparing these things was never a good path to go down), had had very similar childhoods and issues arising from them. He knew well what it felt like to be afraid to show your weakness, any flaw at all, for the fear of violence.
"I'm sorry." Was all he said, sure Loren had more to tell; besides, what more was there to say? Reaching forward he put a hand on Loren's arm, rubbed it up and down comfortingly.
Loren sighed at Sam's apology. Reaching up, the healer placed his hand on top of the Ascended's. The Launceleyn's other hand just hugged Astra. "It's alright. You...it's nothing...you had nothing to do with it." The words came out in a slightly broken whisper.
Taking a deep breath, he squeezed the other man's hand. "You have nothing to apologize for." Loren lifted his hand from Sam. Looking away, the healer ran it through his hair. "I'm sorry that..." Voice trailing off, he bit his lip. "Sorry that I have so much trouble opening up. About...everything."
Reaching up, he brushed away the tears that had sprung up in his eyes. "Thank you for not, for, uh, pushing me to talk to you anyway. I know I'm...difficult."
"I know, but...I'm sorry that it happened to you at all." Sam kept his hand on Loren, shuffled a little closer. To anyone else walking up the mountain path they'd look bizarre, a Luxere and two men huddled down on the snow, but he didn't mind.
He laughed quietly and shook his head at the apology, squeezed Loren's arm. "Loren, I can hardly judge anyone else for their social or emotional troubles. I've had too many to count." Not that they were over now, but he was definitely in a better mental place than Loren seemed to be. "You're not difficult. In fact, you're...much easier to speak to than most people I know."
That said he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Loren's lips; not hungry, not particularly sexual - just gentle, a way to say I accept it. I accept you. "...Should we keep going?"
Loren shook his head sadly at Sam's latest apology. "I've made my peace with it. Or at least, I'm trying." Still, the healer's voice was uncertain, and his expression was stricken.
However, he shot the Ascended a surprised look. "What do you mean?" The Launceleyn studied the other man's features. "You've never seemed that troubled to me. At least, no more than most people." Tone questioning, Loren gave Sam a curious look.
Shrugging, the healer ran a hand through his hair. "Thanks. That's...kind of you to say." It was clear from his voice and expression that he didn't believe the other man.
Eyes widening slightly as the bookmaker leaned forward, the Launceleyn returned the kiss, just as gently. For a moment he just stared into Sam's greenish blue eyes (or was that bluish green? It was hard to tell with the light reflecting off the snow). Nodding slowly, Loren stood, then reached down to help the Ascended up. And the healer wouldn't let go of the other man'd hand as they started walking, assuming Sam allowed it. Astra trotted along behind them, practically radiating happiness.
Sam almost laughed at Loren's statement that he seemed 'no more troubled than other people'; had he ever heard a more affirming statement of his maturation and growth over the last year? The laugh didn't actually reach him though, knowing he'd have to tell Loren of his past now. "Um...I...To put it shortly, my father was very abusive. He..um..kept me trapped inside, beat me...made me Ascended...I didn't leave my house at all until two years ago." Embarrassed now, he looked away. "I had a stutter from anxiety speaking and I could not bear to look at people. It's...better, but not...gone."
The gentle return of the kiss made him smile, Sam holding onto Loren's hand just as determinedly as Loren held onto his own. The snow crunching under their feet and Loren next to them, both of them vulnerable and accepted by the other...he felt a swelling happiness in his heart that he rarely got to.
Now as Sam described the treatment he'd received at the hands of his father, it was Loren's turn to lay a comforting hand on the Ascended's shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to endure all that." The healer reached up with his free hand to stroke a thumb across the other man's cheek. "But you're free, now. And from what I've seen, you're doing just fine."
Releasing the bookmaker, the Launceleyn ran a sheepish hand through hair. Then, though, he grinned shyly. "I used to have a terrible stutter too. And, um..." Voice trailing off, he flushed a little with embarrassment. "I flinched away from any affectionate physical contact. Sometimes reacted even worse than that. Because I...didn't trust it." He rubbed a nervous hand against his thigh.
However, he'd clearly overcome that particular hangup, if the way he continued to hold Sam's hand was any indication.
Sam covered Loren's hand with his own and smiled, though he was less certain about whether he was doing just fine at the moment; his mood seemed to swing wildly by the moment, and what had happened with Remi still rang around his head.
The confession from the Launceleyn was surprising; Sam couldn't help the comment: "You seem so confident now. " Loren had certainly never struck him as someone that struggled with people, but the admission just made him feel closer to him.
Stroking Loren's thumb he turned around a corner in the path, where a rather breathtaking view of the mountains appeared before them. Sam paused to take it in, though as his eyes wandered over to the Citadel a question rose, possibly inspired by earlier topics of conversation. "If... you don't want to discuss this, tell me. But i was wondering... how much do you know about when Zariah attempt to control the Hollowed Ground? And... do you think there's a chance she'd try to do it again? Jigano is concerned. "
Letting out a huff of laughter at Sam's comment, Loren shook his head. "Looks can be deceiving." Sighing, he gave the Ascended a chagrined look. "I have lots of opinions, sure. But I doubt myself and my actions...all the time really." The healer sounded more than a bit ashamed, and he bit his lip.
Squeezing the other man's hand as the bookmaker's thumb stroked the Launceleyn's knuckle, he let out an appreciate gasp as the mountain unfolded before him. However, he snorted at Sam's question. "I'll tell you what I've told everyone else: I do not think Zariah has any plans to conquer the Hollowed Ground again. She seems content being the power behind the throne in Halo." Loren's voice was firm.
Then, though, he hesitated slightly. Shrugging, he gave the Ascended a cautious look. "She is opportunistic, though, so if she senses weakness, she might strike merely out of spite." Although the healer wasn't truly worried about that possibility, it was indeed a possibility.
"I do the same thing." Sam laughed quietly, an understanding smile on his face - it was nice to speak to someone that seemed to experience some of the same issues as he did. "Yet it never seems to make my choices any better...have you noticed that?" He was partially joking, but the question was real.
Loren's certainty that Zariah was not going to invade was a relief, Sam glad he could report that back to Jigano next time they spoke. Something Loren said caught his interest though and he looked over, asking: "Power behind the throne? Is she that important in the council? Are you...on the same level as her?" He didn't really know how the government was structured in Halo, given the lack of official hierarchy for a long time in the Hollowed Ground.
His final warning about Zariah was one that Sam nodded to, but there wasn't really much to say about it, so he tugged on Loren's hand to keep them walking up the mountain. The cliff by the shrine was visible in the distance, around and up the slope before them and a walk on from that. The isolation of the Shrine made it safer, but Sam wished in that moment they'd put it closer to town. "The one thing I'll say for Torchline...it's flatter." He complained as he began to ascent a steep section, using his free hand to hold out for balance.
Loren couldn't help but laugh as well. "Well as I said, your choices have seemed fine to me. Except, perhaps, your choice to spend time with me." Although his tone was self-deprecating, he smiled faintly at Sam. "I agree though my choices have been...they definitely could've been better." The healer sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
Hesitating, he pressed his lips together. Giving the Ascended a cautious look, the Launceleyn felt his eyes tightening. "Remember what I said about my family valuing power and having a single head to enforce compliance?" His tone was low, and carried a quiet and cold anger. "Well that's Zariah. I have no doubt Neron still bows to her will." For just a moment, his jaw feathered with tension.
As the other man pulled Loren ahead, though, he found himself relaxing. Letting out a huff of laughter at Sam's comment, the healer gave the Ascended a curious look. "I don't know about that. Have you been to the volcano?"
