From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"Mmm...no, I've definitely made plenty of mistakes recently. I...did tell you about what happened with Remi, right?" Sam asked, unsure of who he had spoken to after his argument with the (and near death at the hands of) Alchemist. As much as he didn't really want to revisit it, it was a pretty perfect example of how he had recently messed up a personal interaction.
It was a surprise to hear Zariah had the power. Sam tilted his head. "I thought...Neron was the one in charge? Do you get on better with Neron, by the way?" He'd not heard Loren speak of his brother much, but the two were twins like him and Evie, if he remembered correctly. Not that that meant closeness (it certainly hadn't with him and his sister) but it usually meant at least a more joint experience of childhood.
"The volcano? I think that'd be a bad idea for an Ascended." He laughed. "But okay, point taken. Have you been to the Volcano?"
Loren sighed, and shook his head. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he gave Sam a chagrined look. ”You haven’t. But I can’t imagine it’s worse than what I did last time I saw Remi.” Giving the Ascended's hand a gentle squeeze, the healer tilted his head to one side. "Do you want to talk about it?" It came out softly.
Biting his lip at the other man's question, the Launceleyn shrugged. "Neron might be officially in charge of Halo. But I'd be shocked if he wasn't listening to Zariah behind the scenes." His tone was more than a bit worried. Expression faltering at the other man's question, Loren hesitated, brow furrowing. "I honestly don't know. For a moment I thought..."
Voice trailing off, he gave the Ascended a sorrowful look. "I thought, when he invited me to be on his council, that he wanted me back as a sibling. Not that we...he tortured me too. But I haven't seen him since coming to Halo." It was clear how hurt the healer was by that.
Smiling a bit faintly, he nodded in agreement with the other man's statement. "Probably. Though it was dormant when I visited."
Sam looked over to Loren surprised as it appeared he'd also had a bad experience with Remi. Thinking it was better to say what had happened rather then let Loren imagine something worse, he nodded and said: "I..saw him on the beach and he began to insult me almost immediately...um...we got into an argument and I..." He cringed. "...I yelled Aoife's name at him because...well, I thought he wasn't dealing with it right. Now I see that was horrible. Ridiculous, to think I knew. ...He nearly killed me."
That Zariah had so much power made him more than a little nervous, but any comments Sam might have had on that were unimportant in the face of Loren's sad words about his brother. He squeezed his hand. "Maybe he's busy. If he's sensible, he'll know that you're a wonderful person indeed to have around."
02-23-2020, 10:13 PM (This post was last modified: 02-23-2020, 10:21 PM by Loren.)
Listening to Sam's words, Loren grimaced when the Ascended revealed what he'd done. Wincing, the healer gave the other man's hand a sympathetic squeeze. "Yeah, not the best idea. He needs to work through this on his own. Or not." Stroking the bookmaker's knuckles with a thumb, the Launceleyn smiled hesitantly. "But you're alive. And I, for one, am glad."
Then though, his expression faltered. "Remi asked me, if I really hated myself as much as I did, if I was really that sad...why didn't I just end it." Taking a shuddering breath, he released Sam's hand.
"So I slit my throat." It came out in a shameful whisper, and Loren looked away. "I would've done it too, but..." Voice trailing off, he rubbed a hand on his thigh nervously. "Astra was there. I stopped. For her." Pausing for a moment, he hugged Astra close as she stared at him with worried eyes.
Shaking his head, he let out a bitter laugh. "I don't think any member of my family is sensible." Giving the Ascended a wry grin, the healer stroked the luxere's fur. "Including me."
"Yes, I realised that right after I'd said it. It was...just a tense moment, and I acted on a stupid instinct." Sam sighed, glad Loren could see it had been a momentary lapse and didn't seem like he was judging him too hard for it; he returned the hand squeeze. "I am too."
He wasn't expecting Loren's tale of his Remi encounter to go like it did - looking over as his hand was dropped, his face falling at what Loren said. "You..you did?!" He leaned forward to look at the Launceleyn's neck, which appeared to be unmarred. Loren went to hug Astra and Sam stood silent for a moment, unsure of what to say or do. He'd been close to suicide a few times in his own life, had attempted before - but he'd never been faced by anyone else with the same problem.
"Well...to start being sensible, don't do that again." He said, a smile on his face like he was being friendly, telling a joke, but his voice deadly serious. "I would be very upset, Loren, to lose you. We haven't known each other that long, but...you've been a wonderful friend. And...there's enough tragedy in this place already."
Letting out a huff of laughter, Loren gave Sam an understanding look. "I have been known to act on stupid instincts in the past, so I get it." The healer stroked the Ascended's knuckles again, the motion fond and almost familiar.
"I did." It came out softly, and a bit guiltily, and the Launceleyn couldn't meet the other man's eyes. Instead, Loren continued to hold and stroke Astra. As Sam asked? cajoled? told the healer not to do it again, he nodded slowly. "I slit my wrists in front of Maea, too. But...I don't think I'm going to do it again. I'm...not better. But I know that I won't...do that." Finally looking up, he tried to give the Ascended a reassuring look.
The Launceleyn also reached for the other man's hand again. "You've been a good friend to me too. And I agree...there's been too much sorrow already." However, Loren bit his lip. "I just didn't think anyone would miss me. Or that I had anything to look forward to."
"...Mm. Thank you." Sam smiled softly at the feeling of Loren stroking his knuckles, glad that the Launceleyn was not going to add to his already guilty conscience.
Hearing that Loren had slit his wrists before Maea as well...letting out a quiet, disbelieving sigh he shook his head. He'd had that urge himself, but to act on it so openly, before others, the way Loren hard...it spoke of an especially long gone psyche. He squeezed Loren's hand back, leaning his cheek in for a moment to press against his shoulder. "I would miss you rather a lot. I can't take another loss." Perhaps Nate hadn't died, but his absence from Sam's life in addition to everyone else had hurt.
"As for things to look forward to. Well...do you have any dreams? Anything you really, truly want?" As he asked Sam looked over the view of the mountains, wondering if Loren had a goal of any kind.
Smiling sadly, Loren shook his head and squeezed Sam’s hand. ”You can. You’re stronger than you know.” There wasn’t a trace of doubt in the healer’s mind about that. He gave the Ascended a grateful look. The Launceleyn wasn’t smiling, exactly, but his posture had relaxed.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the other man’s question. ”Everyone keeps asking me that.” It came out more brusquely than Loren had intended, and he sighed, before smiling apologetically. ”Sorry.” Shrugging, he looked up at the peaks high above. ”I just want a quiet life. A family. To help people. Nothing fancy.” Closing his eyes, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ”Some peace and quiet for a change.”
Loren's reassurance made him look across at the Launceleyn, give out a sigh that threatened both a smile and tears - he settled on the smile, squeezing back the man's hand. "Thank you. Hopefully I don't have to find out for a while though, hm?" Maybe he would be able to weather the storm, but that didn't mean he was out chasing them.
Surprised by Loren's reaction he sheepishly laughed and apologised himself, continuing to walk. "...I see. Me too, actually. That's always been my goal. A family, a place to make books, a nice view...maybe some friends. It doesn't seem like a lot, but...it's hard to find, isn't it?" He asked, thinking Loren would understand what he meant.
"It's odd...I'm happy to help The Voice, and with everything that happens here...but sometimes I wish I could just be making a cake for my family instead or going out to tend to a garden. I wonder if those kinds of lives are possible, for me and you." He hoped so.
Loren smiled faintly at Sam. "Hopefully." However, the healer's voice didn't exactly come out confidently, and his eyes tightened a little with fear and doubt, since he knew full well that Caido was not kind enough to allow that.
Nodding slowly, he sighed. "It's very hard to find, yes." Running a hand through his hair, he squeezed the bookmaker's hand gently. "And it's hard to believe that I ever will find it." The Launceleyn gave the Ascended an apologetic look.
Loren shook his head as slowly as he'd nodded before. "I don't think it is. Not for me at least." Tilting his head to the side, he gave Sam an appraising look. "Why don't you think it's possible for you, though?"
Walking up the mountain with Loren, even with the depressing topic of conversation at hand, was almost meditative. The snow white before them and the challenge of the peak coming to an end, he felt able to talk about nearly anything with the Launceleyn.
"...Well, no matter how hard I try, nothing in that vein ever seems to go right. I've never...once...heard someone say they love me. Not properly." Saying this drew a sigh from him and Sam hunched up his shoulders, as if trying to make himself small. "Not my family, or anyone I've been with. So...I don't know. I don't know if there's just something wrong with me, or ..." Drifting off he shrugged, looking out into the mountains with a shake of his head.
Loren raised his eyebrows at Sam's rather self-deprecating statement. Though the healer knew better, he couldn't help but quip in response to the bookmaker's words. "What, not even Evie?" However, the Launceleyn's expression softened as the other man went on to say that he'd never heard what he wanted to, even from his relatives.
"Me neither." Voice quiet, Loren gave Sam an understanding look. Then the healer took a deep breath, and let go of the bookmaker's hand so the healer could drape his arm across the other man's shoulders. "There's nothing wrong with you, Sam. You've just had rotten luck and life's treated you unkindly. Just like me. But...it's not your fault, or mine." The Launceleyn squeezed Sam's shoulder, and Loren smiled faintly, though his eyes were still sad.
Loren's mention of Evie drew a laugh from Sam and he shook his head, a little smile remaining on his face at the thought of either he or his sister ever saying I love you to each other during their childhoods. Such a statement would have drawn deep discomfort from both of them and had them not speak for a week, he was sure (as much as they did speak, anyway, at that time). "Especially not Evie. I've...begun to rebuild something with her recently, but we're certainly not at that point, and we never were before."
The arm around his shoulders was a welcome comfort and he leaned in towards Loren for a moment with a soft smile and exhale, nodding. "Mmm. Well...I suppose we can only hope the future brings better things."
Looking up he saw the cave containing the shrine not far before them now. "It's just there. Do you want me to do this last bit myself? I know some people are...uncomfortable, being around The Voice or her shrines. I don't expect to actually see her today, though." He asked, trying to be courteous.
"Oh." Loren's voice came out quietly, and he looked away from Sam. Expression awkward, the healer rubbed a nervous hand on his thigh. "She's always...we've always had pleasant interactions." He gave the bookmaker a faint smile. "I'm glad you two are repairing your relationship."
Then the Launceleyn bit his lip. "For what it's worth, Neron and I had...have...a terrible relationship too." He let out a huff of laughter as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.
Nodding slowly, he kept his arm around the other man's shoulders. "I suppose." However, it was clear Loren didn't feel hopeful.
As Sam mentioned they'd reached the cave, the healer peered at it curiously. Then he shrugged. "I don't mind accompanying you." With his free hand, he gestured for the bookmaker to lead the way.
