drifted down the deepening cool

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

With as many times as Sam had braved the underground caves in the Hollowed Ground to see the Voice (and more recently to find the Prince), he thought that the tunnels of Torchline would be something almost familiar for him to explore, certainly not a particular challenge - it appeared this assumption had been incorrect. From the moment he had stepped within the dark entrance he had felt it was a mistake...but he had a duty to fulfill for The Voice, so he forced himself to walk further.

After a little while it became less eerie, his own footsteps forming a sort of comforting rhythm and the darkness becoming almost boring over time. Sometimes he would hear what sounded like a person rushing by in the edges of his vision, but he never quite saw them and it was easily enough excused as his imagination when he had to summon the bravery to continue.

When his footsteps began to sound a little wet, he thought nothing of it at first. Just a puddle, or a lower part of the tunnels where the tide had once come in and not entirely left. Shortly after though, he began to hear a rushing noise, hard to recognise but alarming all the same, growing closer and closer - only when he realised it was the approach of a great deal more of water did he panic. Looking about, he saw an opening in the upper part of the tunnel, one that seemed to bend up and away from the downwards path of the water.

Using Loren's attuned power he transformed into a goose to fly and squeeze up into the passage, coming out in a small cave that would just about keep him from the flood as it passed. Wide eyed he stared down the hole, waiting to see the deluge.

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

Remi was making a map of his own, of this area. Though he'd more or less become one of the locals by now, he didn't trust the merchants of Torchline to give him a proper map. He was still an Outlander, for better or worse. Besides, it wasn't as though he hadn't time on his hands. When he wasn't out killing on Ludo's behalf.

So as the waterline began to rise, Remi took shelter in one of the higher sections of the tunnel system. It was small and cramped and smelled of mould, but hardly any of that mattered. Ronin was out Ronin-ing, and the high tide lasted only a few hours at this time of day. He'd be able to work on understanding how his magic had changed, and how things were—

—Remi's expression darkened considerably to see the goose awkwardly flying into the cave. Thinking it Loren, because of course he did, Remi's lips pulled into a snarl as he fixed the goose with a darkened stare. "I said I was done with you Loren. No amount of theatrical throat-slitting is going to change that." He growled into the dark, eyes turning a predatory amber.

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

Sam was just beginning to calm his nerves, figuring that he would likely be safe in the alcove and he might be able to just sit the danger out, when a growling voice sounded out in the tunnels - one he had not expected to hear at all. Shifting back to himself, he held up his hands in surrender, though he didn't suppose Remi had any reason to prefer his company to Loren's.

"I-I'm not Loren." He said, as if it were not already obvious. "I just...I'm just exploring, I didn't know you were here, I--" Sam took a deep breath, trying to stop himself from rambling on; he couldn't help his high nerves. Last time he'd seen Remi in person it had ended with his own attempted murder, and his letter had never had a reply. He had no reason to believe Remi's motives had changed in the time they'd been apart.

Making himself as small as possible, he curled up by the far wall from Remi. "Please don't hurt me."

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

That it was Sam and not Loren, was perhaps an even bitter twist than thinking the summoner had come to replay the events of a few days prior. Remi stared at the bookmaker, his once dear friend and love, with eyes like cold bits of glass. Sam only bit those he was in a relationship with, unless he was under duress. And unless Loren was just behind him, Sam having only just bit him, then...

He wanted to say something like how could you? But he knew. Sam had always been selfish, Loren too. Though never in his wildest nightmares nor dreams had he pictured the Launceleyn and the bookmaker together. Thinking of it now made his stomach flop unhappily, and Remi turned angrily away.

"Then just keep to yourself, the tide will be out in a few hours." So saying, the alchemist leaned against the wall, tossing pebbles at the opposing side.

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

Remi looked at him as if he were his sworn enemy; Sam had to glance away from the Alchemist at the strength of the hardness in his eyes. Thankfully Remi seemed at least like he didn't want to hurt him, just leave him be - which Sam was content to do, for a while. Nodding, he leaned against the wall, watching the water beneath them flow and chipping at a small outstanding bit of rock with his nail.

Occasionally he allowed himself little glances over to Remi, which of course each time only served to remind him of how broken things were (and sometimes, the dream he'd had, which made things rather uncomfortable). When an amount of time had passed that felt both like years and seconds, he felt a tremendous pressure in his throat to say something to acknowledge the tension.

While he was sure it wouldn't mend it all, he could start with a genuine apology. "...I've thought a lot about what happened before on the beach. I made a horrendous mistake. It was cruel, callous, distasteful...a lot of things. You were right to do what you did...I am glad you didn't succeed though." A laugh so quiet it might as well have just been a breath passed his lips. "I don't know if you read my letter, but I really am deeply sorry."

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

"Good for you." The alchemist growled in response, the thrown rocks being properly rocketed towards the opposing wall now, probably with magical aid. Remi cared infinitely little about what Sam thought of his actions, whether he thought them right or justified, how deeply sorry he was, as if any of it mattered.

That Sam and Loren were together—fury and grief making that unfettered assumption seem like gospel in his mind—only served to further server the bonds once so tight between the two men.

'All you ever are is sorry." He added bitterly, glaring at the wall and wondering whether or not risking death by swimming out of the caves might not be better than sitting here.

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

Remi's response was predictable enough but it didn't stop Sam from sighing and cringing inwardly, flinching a little at the noise of the rock hitting the wall hard. This was dangerous territory, he knew - talking was probably a bad idea, Remi already proven to be volatile at this time...but he felt such an ache in his chest, a deep sorrow missing his once-lover, dear friend, companion; maybe Remi was not that man anymore, but any time Sam looked across and saw the same eyes, hair, face that had once smiled so sweetly for him...he could not entirely give up.

Unawares that his relationship (if it could even be called that) with Loren was making matters worse, not having considered Remi having seen the shift yet, he nodded. "..You're right. I've made a lot of mistakes." Less as the years went on, but like everyone, he was always learning.

"I don't understand why you suddenly hate me so. Even before our argument on the beach...but that's your right to do so." He shrugged. "I wish it wasn't that way, but...I can't change your mind, can I? So. I just...I just have a rambling mouth, I guess..." He drifted off, with a smile that would have carried a laugh in any other situation, if he'd thought Remi might kindly return it.

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

People made mistakes to be sure, but not the sort Sam made. Those weren't the kind that could be brushed off with the wiles of youth, justified by impatience. No, the things Sam had done—to Remi specifically—were unforgivable, and yet the alchemist had, time and time again.

But now his patience was gone, set aflame with a bundle that was once the light of his life, all those weeks ago on the beach.

"And teeth, by the looks of it." Remi replied pointedly, eyes narrowed towards the coppery-haired man. "Did you know Loren slit his throat in front of me in these caves, just a few days ago? Pity you weren't here to lap up the blood."

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

At first, Sam didn't understand Remi's comment - then Loren's name was mentioned and he realised all at once...though he was confused why Remi would be upset about that particularly, unless he just wanted to hate everything the both of them did. He didn't respond to it anyway, unsure of what exactly Remi wanted or thought.

"He told me about that, yes." He said, voice purposefully calm. When Remi tacked on his quip about Sam 'lapping up blood' he sighed, deciding he'd have to face it. If they were going to have this argument now, he supposed he'd rather have it out and done with. "Do you have some kind of problem with me drinking from Loren?"

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

Leaning his head back against the wall, looking up at the ceiling of the cave, Remi barked a hollow laugh. "The resentment I feel towards the two of you is all I've left of the life I left behind. So yes, I suppose I do care. Because you're with him now, aren't you?" The alchemist let his head loll towards Sam, eyes maniacally amused. 'You only drink from those you are. I was waiting to see if he'd follow you up in here, thinking perhaps it was a one-off. But I don't see him, and you don't seem particularly worried."

That Sam had to even ask If Remi was upset only showed just how far gone their friendship really was.

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

That 'the resentment' was all Remi had left behind made Sam look over with a very concerned frown; frankly, it didn't sound healthy at all, and he didn't understand. He thought if he'd been faced with a tragedy, he'd run to the arms of his friends, readily accept comfort they might have to give, rest in the love of his community...not decide to cut them all off, become a cutting, biting thing to those you had once been close to.

"I'm...not actually with him, no." He said gently, looking right back at Remi. "Some things have changed. We're friends, we have...been together in a physical sense, but we're not together." Would that make it better? He really didn't know; it was again like he and Remi were speaking on entirely different levels or planes.

Before Remi could bite back too much, he thought to say: "You know, I spoke with Ronin. We apologised to each other...and I might not ever see him again, but at least neither of us will hold that angry feeling. Why are you...adding all this extra trouble on yourself by being so...like this?" He asked, hands uselessly gesturing before him, voice more desperate to understand than biting.

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

Remi's jaw feathered angrily at this information, not knowing at all if it made things worse or better. Both, probably. "Well you two deserve each other. Needy and selfish as you both are." The alchemist spat back, before rolling his eyes.

"Gods you're such an idiot Sam." Remi muttered darkly, shaking his head. "He never cared about you. That's why it's so easy to just apologise and not hold that angry feeling as you so eloquently put it." Other than perhaps wondering why or what Remi had ever seen in Sam, the Dark Star rarely mentioned the man unless Remi mentioned him first. Ronin didn't care about the bookmaker, Remi did. It was that simple and yet, like so many other things, Sam just didn't get it.

"And what would you have me do, Sam? Just forgive you, like always? Keeping letting you take and take, hurting me worse and worse every time?" Snorting, the alchemist rolled his eyes again before lobbing another stone at the wall. "No, I'm quite done with you. And Loren."

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky

And I won't regret the lives I didn't lead

I knew you, I loved you

"...If that's how you want to feel about it, then...fine." Sam sighed, shaking his head, becoming tired of fighting against the constant stream of vitriol from Remi. He and Loren had not done anything wrong by being together; in fact it had been one of the better decisions of his last few months.

While he and Ronin had admittedly never been close, Sam thought it was a stretch to argue that he'd never cared even a little; still, he had no interest in belabouring that point, just the implication it brought: "Then...you do care about me?" He asked, quiet and vulnerable; he really had no idea why he was letting himself be like this when he knew it would lead to nothing but more hate, but something in him that believed in Remi wanted to keep trying.

"Take...and take? You see me that way..?" He sighed, curling in on himself. He'd thought he was at the core a good person, that most people saw that - was he wrong? It was not hard to get Sam to self doubt, especially not for someone as important to him as Remi; already dark thoughts began to swirl.

Let that be all that I need

SAMUEL

Base Code by Sky!

aúsi, nos paramas // & still we stand

That question made the alchemist pause. Part of him wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it, the other wanted to breeze across the distance that separated he from Sam and slit his throat, that the bookmaker might never ask him such an offensive and obvious question again. In fact, Remi did neither. 'A great deal more than I would like. Which is not at all, if you're wondering." He said, rubbing at his forehead and trying to keep his teeth from going pointed with his rising anger.

"Even when I was blind." Remi snarled back. "Our entire relationship was founded on what you needed. Mistakes on my part were met with abuse and cruel words from you, while all of yours were met with understanding and forgiveness." He said in a voice like dusty gravel. "I faced down your god for you, that you might drink tea again, feel the touch of my hand and yes, other things as everyone is so fucking quick to mention." Heat bloomed in Remi's cheeks as he glared at the wall before him, snarling into the dark.

"When it mattered, you left me in the worst way possible. And after that? When I forgave you the worst thing ever done to me? What was I to you then but someone to drag out when you needed help, be it on quests, when someone hurt you, when you and your boyfriend wanted a place to stay." He huffed. "Take is an understatement Sam, but I loved you despite it all and let you. And what did you do then?"

Now, Remi turned his gaze towards Sam. "You screamed the name of my dead child for all the world to hear. You, who had a second chance at being there for me when someone I loved died, made it impossibly worse. And then, as if that wasn't enough, you're with Loren. The only other person to have hurt me like you did, by forgetting me." Oh, it might be petty and unfair for Remi, now happily married, to hold grudges such as the one he was voicing. But life was hardly fair and out of anyone, to see Loren and Sam together hurt worst of all.

"So yes, Sam. You take. And when you do try, it's for all of three fucking seconds before your selfishness gets the best of you and then it's all woe is me and here is a letter."

THE

ALCHEMIST

Table coding by Sky