(SE) don't make promises to me

SuNjATA

the flood

As the crowd grows a bit bigger, Sunjata begins to drift further away from the mini cathedral with the glowing lights, tenderly stepping away from all of those familiar faces in search of a small amount of quiet. And with it, Haai manages to return to his side as well, giving him something to crutch upon when he finally reaches the edge of the sandbar. It’s dark, but he doesn’t particularly mind, having already found a place to sit and wait to see what would happen next.

He’d seen Maea, he’d seen Jigano, he’d seen so many that had arrived and yet he still tries to avoid them all. Not quite ready yet to be able to form any words for Maea other than what sat in the letter – having not put much thought into it. He’s still pretty fucked up, hand purple and blue from bruising though the bones have been set and healed, his face is mostly somewhat okay now. But it’s really the side of him that causes the most pain – having wrapped it up with a bandage the best he could do mostly one handed, at least it was tight enough to be hidden beneath a shirt and still give him some small amount of mobility.

He finds a rather large rock that had washed in, choosing to lean against it and watch the waves – listening acutely for anyone to approach – having found himself almost entirely on the defensive end as of late.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

She had never been one for crowds. While her crippling social anxiety had eased off gradually with the rise of confidence and increased amounts of actual friends, it was still overwhelming at times. To be surrounded by so many people all at once.

Shii was having a blast, dancing with the other will-o-wisps Ludo had brought, and Maea was content to leave her companion with them as she stepped away, to find some quiet and space to breathe. Originally, she'd come here to think, reflect on the turbulent changes of the past few days, and particularly try to figure out what to do with herself, her lover, her life. No small order...

Maea hadn't seen Sunjata slip away. Didn't follow him intentionally, and it took her a while to become aware that the figure on the rocks was not a natural formation. By the time she realized, she was already far too close to pretend she hadn't noticed him... She stopped. Hesitated, looking from his shadowed form to the sea and back towards the crowd. Not sure she was welcome. Not sure she wanted to leave.

"I'm... sorry. If you want to be alone, I can..." Her face felt hot, limbs heavy and prickling with tension, with emotions she didn't have name for. Maea half turned, prepared to back away at the smallest sign.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

He’s not sure how long it takes before something attracts his attention and Haai’s, slipping away from his side to go toward Maea. And the voice that pipes up is full of emotions, causing Sunjata to duck his head a small amount, jaw clenching slightly though its unclear if it’s because of her presence or the pain in his side. He mulls over her question for a few moments, Haai slipping around Maea’s legs to try and herd her closer – perhaps realizing that Maea might be the only one who’s arrived without seeking some form of vengeance.

So far, at least.

“You can stay.” He says quietly, keeping his gaze out on the ocean, reaching up with his not healing hand to adjust the bandage and a slight hiss of pain for it despite his attempts to swallow it down. His head remains a small amount lower, steel eyes dark as he focuses on the lapping waves to the sandbar. “Are you feeling better?” He asks in reference to the letter, though his own voice is tight and perhaps a bit flat – so incredibly exhausted.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Not a resounding welcome to be sure, but far more than she had feared. Allowed to stay, to linger; and Haai was wrapping herself around Maea's legs, clearly not one to hold any grudges. She let herself be herded closer, but kept herself out of Sunjata's space, stopping to the side of him. Close enough to talk... not close enough to touch, at least not without invitation.

"Yes, I was healed," she replied. Keeping her eyes on the dark ocean, lit only by pale stars overhead and the distant lights of wisps and souls. Torches burned like fireflies along the beaches of the coast, tiny pinpricks of light in the distance. Any other time, the setting could have been romantic, casual, easy.

"You're... not though, are you?" She had seen the white of bandages flash by his hands, heard the hiss of pain. Remembered what he wrote about Deimos coming after him... "Is it bad?" There was quiet concern in her voice, though the girl tried to mask it.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

She moves closer, and yet Sunjata can’t find the energy to offer a space leaned up against the rock beside him – too focused on the water and the conversation and the continual rebounding pain to really do much else. So he listens when she tells him that she was healed, nodding a small amount in response. “I’m glad.” He offers, though there’s honesty in his voice and a small hint of relief for it – glad that she is.

Her question, however, of whether or not he’s been healed has him shaking his head a small amount. “Small sessions with the nearby healers but not really enough.” He says, chewing on the inside of his cheek before he finally turns his head to look at her. There’s shadows under his eyes, within them too, a certain sort of exhaustion that’s seemed to imply he’s slept like shit for what seems like forever. “A broken hand, maybe a rib? A gash almost as good as the dragon from Loren gave me to my side…” He trails off, waving his bruised hand in the air as if it doesn’t matter much. “The bones are set and healed for the most part at least. Now it’s just the bruising and keeping from moving too much to try and get the wound to fully close.” Turning his head back to the water, he offers a half shrug to not bother the bandage too much. Haai remains wrapped around Maea’s legs contently.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

She bowed her head at his reply, the genuine feeling in his voice a heartening thing when she was still prepared for harsh words and accusations to start raining. Half waiting for the argument to pick where it had been left off. Maea was grateful for every second it was postponed, too raw and still reeling from the blows inflicted last time.

Her concern only deepened when Sunjata listed the injuries he had sustained. She didn't need to see them, or the bags under his eyes to hear the exhsustion when he spoke... and just like always it made her ache to go to him. Reach out, offer what aid she could...

But did he actually want it?

"Loren is here," she told him instead. Hunched down, to pet Haai and scratch the griffin behind the ears, grateful for the chance to fill her empty hands with something. "He will help you, if you ask him." Maea was certain of it. The Grand Healer took pride in his work, and even more in doing what he could for his friends. Would no doubt be grateful if Sunjata saw fit to confide in him.

"I'm sorry you got hurt. Was it Deimos?"

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

”Loren is here.” She tells him, tells him that he’d help him if Sunjata asked for it – and honestly? He’s not sure. Not sure if either Loren would be willing or whether or not it would be worth it. He supposes it all depends on how much Maea had told him about what happened, what kind of picture was portrayed, or if it would be the same that everyone else sees now when they look at him. He doesn’t particularly care in the long run, but he cares now while he’s wounded and hurt.

People could think what they wanted to, perhaps think he deserves every bit of the pain he feels. He did too for a time, until it became almost too much.

So he sighs quietly though his nose, gaze shuddering a small amount when he blinks before he focuses again. “Do you think he would?” A hint of apprehension. “I considered sending him a letter when I sent you one… But I wasn’t sure if he would also be in line of giving me what I deserved.” His voice is still a bit flat, tension feathering within his jaw as he swallows hard. The question of whether Deimos had done it causes a bit of a half shrug.

“The wound on my side, yeah. A few pricks of claws to my chest, yes. The hand? No. I was boxing with Ronin. I got into a fight with Amalia too, not too long ago.” Though he’s not sure where those bruises begin or end with how rattled his body had become. And he’s silent for a moment, head ducked a bit before a hiss of some kind of dark humor passes his lips, at the insanity of it all.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Maea turned her head to consider him, turning the situation over in her mind. "If he did... it wouldn't be because I asked him to," she sai, quietly. Remembering the tired request not to add more people to his violent line of suitors. "And he would still heal you before he did it. Possibly after too. He healed me, after hearing of the ways I screwed up... so I think you'll be fine." Maea hadn't tried to hide her own part in creating this mess, or sweetened the story in either direction. Not intentionally, at least. Just poured out her frustration and pain.

Hearing he'd boxed with Ronin didn't surprise her, but Amalia? That drew a startled noise from her, half disbelief and half amusement. "I don't think I've ever seen her fight anyone, leastways not with more than words." She reached a hand up, pushed a tendril of hair behind an ear. "I ran into her in Halo not long ago... We actually talked, for quite a while." Surprise at this showed in the uncertain smile, in the quiet nostalgia... it had been nice. Almost like old times.

"Were you..  able to retaliate any? Against either of them?" The girl har always preferred to see him win, and it was clear she still held that sentiment. Quietly seated in his corner, a pale shadow of support.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

She turns to focus on him, and he half turns his head toward her to listen – gaze flickering from the waves to the sand at his feet. A small snort leaves him at that, a ghost of a smile crossing his face. “He has a bit of a temper himself some days.” He says a bit halfheartedly, before nodding quietly. “I will ask.” A quiet confirmation to that, that he’d at least seek out the summoner when the gathering was over.

The startled noise that leaves her has him turning his head to her a bit more fully, scanning that pale face of hers as she pushes her ivory hair behind her ear. He draws his leg up to the side of the rock to rest his arm on it. “We were in our shifts for it.” He offers quietly with a small half shrug once more. All things considered? They were strong and Sunjata? Well, he wasn’t quite there yet. And part of that pisses him off to no extent.

But he’s fine right now – in pain, but fine. A small mercy.

The mention of retaliating, Sunjata puffs a quiet sigh through his lips. “They’re a lot stronger than I am.” All of them, come to think of it. “I did manage to kick Ronin’s legs out from underneath him though.” A small ghost of a smile at that. “Deimos, however, had me pinned and I only managed to push him off a couple of times.” He sighs to that before he shakes his head, wanting to change the subject.

His bruised hand flexes a bit with a slight wince before he closes it into a fist again, gaze lingering on the purple and blue bruising that covers each and every finger. “I missed you.” It’s quiet, honest, and he doesn’t look at her. Even with the words between them, what had happened, he still missed her.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Her lips twisted into a wry smile at that. "It seems we all do," she admitted. Rueful, always surprised to find it within herself, when she'd never gotten into fights with people before. Not like this, not the way she had snapped at Loren, or yelled at Sunjata. In her efforts to change, Maea seemed to be growing increasingly unstable... and it frightened her.

Still, it vexed her all the same to hear that Sunjata had been on the receiving end of the fights. His frustration was hers too, the same resentment to being the underdog flaring in her when she thought of the recent scrapes she'd been in. How she'd had to run from smugglers at Rae's Fingers alongside Amun, because she wasn't strong enough to face them head on. How the sharks had been too much for her, and the Cloud Manta. How easily Jigano molded elements while she struggled to control only a few herself... "It seems very unfair, sometimes," she sighed. "How blessed some people are, while others aren't. I suppose.. at least it's an incentive to keep training." So that next time, she could do better. So that perhaps one day, effort and investment might triumph over raw talent.

Maea sat quiet when Sunjata shifted the topic. Stilled, and drew in a quiet, soft breath at the admission. It kindled something warm and tender in her, a small, fragile flame that made the shadows of pain and residual anger retreat, ever so slightly. Maea was surprised that he would be the one to say it first.

"I missed you too," she breathed in reply, the sentiment raw in her voice. Buried her fingers in Haai's dark fur, to again hold back the urge to reach for Sunjata. "I'm so sorry for the things I said. And did. I never meant to rile you like that..." Truth was, she had lost her own temper. Hadn't planned anything, moved with any intent other than to catch his attention and make him listen, when it felt like nothing she said ever reached him.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

A bob of his head in agreement is all he can really give Maea when it comes to tempers. Sunjata has at least worked quite hard to not delve into them, trying to be realistic in most scenarios. But his moods had also been volatile, unsure if it’s because he let her so close, to see those parts of him he despised and the mistakes he’s made.

He’s not sure, in the end, but at least right now things are okay. Could be exhaustion, could be hints of memories of what Deimos had said.

So he sighs quietly when she speaks of others being blessed more, and he finds he can’t agree with that. Because he has been blessed, he has a variety of shifts at his disposal. He’s just not good enough yet, not compared to the General, not compared to the Shield. “I just need more training, really.” He says quietly, muscle feathering in his jaw slightly.

But then he tells her that he misses her and she says it too, and his gaze lifts to her when she continues on with her apology. Both of them, really, had said and done things they ultimately wouldn’t have if not pushed that far. Haai presses against Maea a small amount, laying onto her side and watching the girl with those wide green eyes. Sunjata however, shakes his head slightly. “I’m sorry too.” He says, shifting a small amount on the rock with a quiet sigh before he looks out to the water again.

“I think most of the things I said to you were mostly about myself anyway. Deimos told me I was selfish and reckless and everyone suffers for it.” He rumbles quietly, shaking his head and finding the ghost of a smile crossing his face, shifting to something like a grimace. “I think he’s right. So, I’m sorry for any pain I caused you.”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

It was a demure mood. Somber, heavy, lightened only by Haai's presence and the cool breeze that blew in from the ocean. It pushed Maea's hair back from the shoulders, to dance and tangle freely; she had left it hanging loose for once, not tied back by braids or leather cords. She kept stroking the wolf-bird's pelt, scritching the part where wings connected to body and feathers melded into fur. She nodded acceptance to his claim of needing more training. Understood the sentiment - it was why she was in Halo, after all - and couldn't contradict him, after he'd been so soundly defeated by no less than three opponents.

He moved on then, responded to her apology with one of his own, and something about it soothed more of the seething anxiety within Maea as he explained his standpoint. Drawing in a deep breath, some tension came away from her shoulders; she rolled her neck, felt something pop and crack, and then an easing that let her draw more air into her lungs.

"Perhaps," she said gently, not entirely disagreeing. "For what it's worth though... you were not entirely wrong, either. My motives for doing things... often I think it's for the sake of others, tell myself it's for others, when really, it's just to satisfy something in myself. I have this deep need to make myself useful, to be needed. Which," she said with a light shrug and half a smile, "I guess is rather selfish."

Looking up at Sunjata, she regarded what parts of his features she could see in the gloom. Watched his silhouette, dark and looming, and saw the hint of his smile ghost over the features. Ah, she had never been more thankful to Ludo for the bargain made. If Maea didn't have her sight, she never would have known the color of those eyes...

"For my part... I think I took offense to this idea you seemed to project, that you could only draw people in and make them stay by flirting. It's like... if that's how you see yourself, then what would it say about me, and my feelings for you?" Maea grimaced, rubbed a cheek with her hand, and glanced at Sunjata before looking away, out over the dark horizon. "So... same thing. It was mostly about myself, too. Seems we're all very selfish creatures, in the end."

But she said it with a smile, easily able to forgive anything with an honest apology. Him, a bit easier than herself, as she had made things so much worse when they'd finally reached some sort of understanding.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

He listens to her as she speaks, listens to the way that she both agrees and disagrees. It’s not an entirely him thing to be selfish, and he wonders what had caused it to spark — was it from never having something of his own before? That when given the chance to take something for himself he got carried away with it? He doesn’t know the answer, so he simply listens.

A quiet nod is given to her at her own explanation, however, and his gaze drifts along the whipping waves. “Wouldn’t say anything, Maea.” He says quietly, shifting on the rock a small amount before he turns enough to look at her. “It’s just words. I use it because it’s easy for me to do and it’s fun. Doesn’t mean anything comes from it. It’s almost like it’s a currency of its own.” He shrugs, gaze flirting along her face.

“Most of the time with the people I usually deal with, it’s just words. Like… jokes of a sort, anyway.” He muses before pausing. “And that’s why I got defensive. I’m not selling myself out so much as I am just teasing them. Like friends do.” He tries to offer her a small smile for that, moving a small amount to give her space beside him as he goes to look back out over the water again. “But you’re not used to that, and I get it. I just thought perhaps you might think something worse than just words if I had done it. So the conversation was necessary in that regard at least.”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

When he phrased it like this, calmly and without the expletives, she understood. Far better than she had back at the house, while drunk and tired and already riled up, ready to believe the worst. When Sunjata shifted to make room for her, the girl stroked Haai's nose affectionately and stood, crossed the distance and slipped in to stand beside him. Not about to pass up the chance to be close, not when he offered it to her.

The rock was jagged and uneven against her back, but Maea reclined against it anyway, hands held before her with fingers loosely braided together. Intensely aware of his battered, bruised form beside her, she followed Sunjata's gaze out over the ocean, listened to the sighing waves. She was silent for a while. Processing, let the feelings come and go inside her. To find truths, and determine how much of them to offer.

"It was," she sighed, in the end. "And you weren't wrong, to think that I would misunderstand. I did anyway... but mostly because the timing was off. Too much else had been said already... I wasn't open to listen and understand what you meant." A quiet admission, accepting the blame for how things had gone from tense to explosive. Maea pulled a hand through her hair, pushing the silken strands up and away from her face. Tucked a lock behind her ear, expression thoughtful.

"I grew up very isolated, I think you've heard that by now. My father was strict, and grandfather was too, when he was alive. Being sick so often, people avoided me, for fear of catching whatever it was I had. And my family was set apart in general, as so many of us were Abandoned. It was a stigma, bad luck... Only Evie and Amalia ever befriended me, and only because they had no choice but to come, with Amalia's mother being the healer father usually called on when I took ill. She was kind enough, and I thought of her as some mother surrogate... but she wasn't, really.

"My brother was the only one who really took the time to be around me, to let me play and laugh and do things... He taught me the letters before my eyes grew too bad to read, taught me how to swim, let me help him with his chores, even though I usually just slowed him down... Noah was everything to me. Brother, best friend, even guardian when our father passed away..."

She drew a deep breath, and let it out in a slow sigh.

"But... in hindsight, he was also overprotective. Especially after that incident with the boys... Noah kept me home, only really let me off on business for the farm, and I think he kept others my age from visiting, too. To spare me from their antics, no doubt, but... it meant I never learned how to handle it. Teasing, flirting, feeling or receiving interest, how to make or reject advances... having 'fun', as you call it. I've seen it done from a distance but was never involved with any of it. Add to that my own aversion from letting people get too close, and... well. You get this."

She held out her hands, indicating herself. A recipe for disaster. Which Sunjata had walked into blindly, too eager to seduce a virgin and not knowing he would have to deal with all the baggage that came with her.

"I try to keep an open mind, about everything. Try to challenge the values father wanted to instill in me, and the generally accepted traditions of the Grounds. But at times... it all goes a little too fast. I don't even really accept myself yet, and it's still scary to open up to you. I don't... know how to be so casual. About... sex, or relations, or sharing myself. I keep waiting for people to point and laugh, like in the past. To judge and decide my worth, without giving me a chance to even try anything. The more they know, the more ammunition they will have. So I gave them nothing, in the past. Still give nothing, except to a select few, who actually seem like they can be trusted to keep what I give away to themselves. You. Loren. Amun. Jigano, to some extent... "

But the list of people she trusted was small, so very short. A handful of names, and that was all. That was it.

Maea quieted, breathed, wasn't sure whether any of this was helping. She thought of her brother, whom she loved more than anything, and couldn't help but wonder what he would think of all this. Of Sunjata, of the world outside, of the choices she had made... No doubt he would find a reason to laugh about it all. But Maea couldn't; it had caught in her throat a long time ago.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3