(SE) don't make promises to me

SuNjATA

the flood

She reaches out a hand to him, and he glances to it briefly – wondering if whether or not he should. But… It doesn’t really matter, does it? He takes her hand, laces his fingers in with hers as he recalls more events. His gaze finds the magic that plays out, listening to the crashing of the waves. “When she died, everyone had seen it happen. So it was… Shocking for most, me especially.” As he’s sure she’s aware of. “And after that, I went to my room.” To do what? Nothing, really. “Lusea showed up not long after with a bottle of the best whiskey I’ve ever had.” A slightly nostalgic smile on his lips for that.

He glances to Maea with that same smile. “She stole it from her father. Said it was better use here.” He shrugs to that. “I think that might have been the drunkest I’ve ever gotten. I blacked out, woke up just as she was leaving.” His smile falters a small amount. Nothing had happened that night, just the presence of her and the comfort she’d brought in the form of conversation and whiskey. “She’d lost her mother, too. In a slums skirmish when she was young. I think that’s probably why she was the way she was. Korofi women were supposed to bow down to the men, very traditional. Lusea would just as soon tell someone to fuck off rather than do what they asked.” Gods knew she’d told him that enough.

“But anyway, after that night, she started calling me Sunny. Rather than Princeling or Senzaok. It was... A step, I suppose. Of getting into the shell that surrounded her.” He hums thoughtfully, reaching up with his bruised hand to rub at the side of his neck a small amount. It was a nickname only one other person had tried here, and with it – too many painful memories, too much.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Maea felt his moment of hesitation. Couldn't say what it was that caused it, or why he took her hand in the end. Perhaps she shouldn't have offered it in the first place - supposed to give him space, and all. But when his fingers laced in with hers, everything felt so much better. The night not as dark, the sea not so lonely, his tale not quite as terrible. That would be reason enough not to hold on, really - to fully experience those awful things on her own, without him to lean on - but... what did it matter, really?

As she listened, as he listed events and revealed details of his past never offered up before, Maea couldn't help but draw parallells to her own experiences with him. Compare them, weigh them, measure herself against Lusea. What would she have done? What had she done, and would the other woman have done it different, better? Impossible questions, and it was rather pointless in the end, because Maea could only be herself. Just a bird let out of a cage, trying to decide what to do with all this newfound freedom. No fire, no light, no rebel girl fighting for a cause...

Nothing so grand as that.

But she smiled when she heard the nickname Lusea had given him. Thought that, at least there they had something in common. "I think I prefer 'fishboy'..." she mumbled, absently stroking the back of his thumb with hers. The first things she'd said in a long while. Maea didn't sound very serious though.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

There’s a playful roll of his eyes at Maea’s own nickname for him as she strokes the back of his thumb. His bruised hand falls from his neck to settle along the leg he’d lifted up along the rock as he focuses on the water once more. “When we first started going together, it was almost like another punch to my father. And in her own moment of rebellion, she tattooed a blue dot to me right…” He reaches up to point at the space in his chest where she’d put it – long since covered up by her arrow tattoo now. “Here.” He lets his hand fall back again.

“And then she told me that if I were to die, she’d be the one that killed me.” It’s nostalgic, a sort of vow that he needed to survive everything just so that way she could be the one to take him when he goes. Perhaps that’s the only reason he’s around now – that damned arrogance and old habits. Still, he snorts. “Ironic, considering.” A small shrug. “But she had these dark eyes. Brown, almost black. Like flint. Bronze skin, some freckles, and long black hair.” He pauses as he considers it again, as if he can see her there. “She was maybe half a foot shorter than me?” That’s why she’d been so good at kicking his ass, of all things.

“She could handle almost anything. Almost everything? Was as stubborn as I am.” He shakes his head to that before squeezing her hand and running out of things to say right now as the exhaustion continues to set in. At least now the wound feels better, and he looks to Maea then with slightly less shadowed eyes. “I’m… pretty tired so if it’s all over the place, I’m sorry.” A slight quirk of his lip to that. “But thank you.” He offers her again, for letting him speak of her, for fixing and cleaning his wound, for simply being there and understanding without the alcohol to ignite the fire in them both.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

A true daughter of fire, then. Bronze and black, like him. Stronger than anything, stronger than anyone. Stronger than him by far. And somehow... it made Maea feel better. Because being jealous of someone like that... was so pointless. It would be like envying Safrin for her stars. Lusea likely wouldn't have cared whether Maea liked her or not. People like that, the burning ones, the bright ones... it was impossible to hate them.

Sunjata's story trickled to a halt. Grew jumbled, and then ended altogether. Maea turned her head to look at him, and her expression was warm, calm, far more relaxed than it had been. She squeezed his fingers gently. "Any time," she said, and meant it.

Gazing back out over the ocean, she stood quiet for a while, then... sighed. "She sounds wonderful," Maea admitted. "Not someone you should try to forget, or leave behind." With her free hand, she reached up and tugged strands of hair behind her ear.

"Instead of trying to get past her... wouldn't it be easier to learn to carry her with you? I don't know if that's how things work, but... I don't think the ones we love ever truly leave us. They are part of us, and in a way, they live on as long as we remember them. It helps me, when I think that my brother is still watching over me, from somewhere. Just out of sight. Slightly out of reach."

She made a vague gesture to the sea, the stars shining overhead, the waves rolling into shore. Like he was everywhere, nowhere, right there, as long as she remembered him.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

He doubts that he could forget her. He doubts he could even try to. As it stood right now, she had made him as much of who he is as much as anyone else. To forget her would be to forget himself, and in some aspects, perhaps that was necessary. But for the good parts? The good parts were from her. The ones he should strive for more often. Perhaps it could help prevent more trouble in the long run.

He’ll never really know, he supposes.

So when Maea comments with a question, of whether he could learn to carry her with him, and he nods to that. “That’s how it was before.” He says quietly, but now? Now he’s certain that if Lusea could see what he was doing, she’d likely give him a good ass kicking to begin with. He’s messed up. A lot. And with it, the amount of problems only grew. She was the fire to his water, the surging wildfire to his flood, leaving mist and smoke in behind where they collided.

Things were easier with her. More… Understandable.

“That’s what I’m trying to do, really. I just need to get her out of the headspace of a future when there… Isn’t one.” He admits, gaze looking out to the water before he shakes his head, craving a subject change but not quite willing to give up yet on it. “She would have loved Torchline, though. When I talked to her through Delphia, I told her I would find it for her.” His gaze slips over to Maea. “And I did.”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Well, at least they were on the same page then. Finally. Maea nodded, gazing back at him. "You did," she agreed. "You found it, and fulfilled your promise... Have you told her properly?"

She gestured back to the gathering, to Ludo and the cathedral... to a small memorial built not far away. "Jigano and I helped Remi build a memorial to souls lost at see not long ago. And I think Aofie has one too somewhere... he said he had a grave to build when we spoke last season. Maybe you could do something similar, if you want. Have a proper burial... the one she didn't get before."

It was not an easy thing to say, and her tone was a bit tentative. Didn't want to tell him how to do this, as he'd said he wanted to figure it out on his own... but the urge to try and help was so strong. Not because it might bring him back to her quicker, but because Maea wanted to see him happy. Content. At peace.

"And then... Maybe you owe yourself a promise," she added, looking down at her feet. "One that doesn't involve anyone but you. One others can't steal, or break, or intrude on." The way she had with that house... casually inserting herself like it was obvious she should belong.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

He nods to her agreement, shifting his gaze back to the water and squeezing her hand gently. “I did.” At least, he thinks he has. He snorts lightly. “I told her right before I stumbled across you at the lighthouse the first time.” He slips his gaze back to Maea then, watching her face to try and spot any sort of reaction. But he’s distracted by her gesturing, to the gathering and the coral cathedral.

A true grave? He hasn’t thought of it. She’d never had a memorial the first time, no headstone for her. Though he hadn’t stuck around to see what her father did for her. His own little remembrance to her had been the addition of his compasses. Other than that? Nothing really. When she’d come back, they’d gotten the tattoos on their chest. She had gotten an ocean wave, and he had gotten the arrow with fire in nearly the same place.

But a place to go and visit and talk to her? It might not be a terrible idea. “Maybe. Maybe I should just get another tattoo.” He rumbles with a small half smile to that before shaking his head and focusing on what she has to say next. A promise… For himself? He’s not even sure where to begin, if he’s being honest. He’d never had too many plans, having always found them to disappear just out of reach when he felt as though he could latch onto them.

So he mulls it over, glances back to the water as he sighs quietly through his nose and contemplatively runs his tongue along his lower lip as he debates it. “I don’t even know where to start.” He offers quietly, awkwardly, wondering if it falls under what Deimos had told him of being selfish. Would it still be if it only involved him? Likely. Only if it came with destruction as well, he assumes.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

His mentioning of the first time they met at Aumakua only brought on a smile and a faint blush. To Maea, that night had changed so much, and there wasn't really anything that could ruin it for her. So what if Sunjata had reminisced about his dead lover first? He had still asked her to stay with him after. And that was all that mattered.

His musing that the grave might be a good idea earned an encouraging nod, and Maea was content to leave it with that. If he wanted help she would be there, if not he had the space to do it himself... She would stop presuming things. Wait for an invitation, from now on.

"That's alright. I don't really know either," she sighed, the smile a little unsure. "For my part... I have the notion of growing stronger. So that I won't hurt others by getting hurt? I don't want anyone to blame themselves for failing to protect me... and to do that, I need to be strong enough to protect myself." Maea squeezed his hand again. "That's why I get a little uptight about being treated with silk gloves, sometimes." Like Jigano's coddling, Loren's apologies, Sunjata's attempts to shield her from himself.

"It's really for you to decide what it might be. A promise, a goal, a motivation... something to strive for. Maybe you already have it, in your guild. It should be something you don't intend to quit on, at least." Something to live for, was the thing she didn't say.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

She explains that she doesn’t really know either. And he listens when she tells him the reasonings, a quiet hum in the back of his throat as he understands – having had that motivation once before. Before dead mothers and lovers and friends had come into play – people he’d failed to protect regardless of how strong they had been. Still, he squeezes her hand back with some thought. The fact that she’s open with telling him that she doesn’t want anyone to blame themselves if she gets hurt relieves some tightness in his chest, as if he’d needed to be told about it in order to get it to register somewhere deep within him.

“I’m a bit predisposed toward being protective.” He offers with a small apologetic smile to her. But he’ll keep it in mind, try to give her the options of protecting herself more. It’s the least he can do while he figures himself out.

So he listens instead when she tells him that his goal could be something to strive for, possibly with the Guild, and he thinks on that for a small amount before pursing his lips somewhat in thought. “I typically stay in a sort of survival mode.” He offers, waving his bruised hand to gesture. “Plans I make have a tendency of not happening or getting taken away, So far… The move to Torchline has been fine. And the house.” His gaze flits back to her, trying to pull her into him a bit closer. “Well I cleaned up the dust and got some furniture in it before I was essentially useless on moving anything. You could come and see it, give me some pointers on if I’m overdoing it?” There’s a slight roll of his eyes to the ending question, but he smiles a bit softer to her. “Provided you aren’t slipping away to Halo so soon?”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Maea raised a brow at him, expression turning a bit knowing. "I noticed," she said, but with a fond teasing lilt to her voice. "If you insist, I might let you watch my back for me. And tell me when I'm being reckless?" And she would not deny him the desire to keep her safe... Maea felt the same towards him, after all. It came with caring about people.

Sunjata went on, told her how he was tentative about making too many promises, and it echoed things he'd said before too. Perhaps she just understood it better now, teetering on the edge of losing something precious herself. "Maybe that's enough for now," she suggested. "Doesn't have to be complicated."

But the way he pulled her in closer, stopping just short of touching, made the girl question, with heart racing in her chest, whether they were as damaged as it had seemed. Her gaze shuddered upon meeting his, when he invited her to the house, to linger... and butterflies came alive in her stomach at the thought, in a way that made her scold herself for a fool. Why did this man suddenly feel both tempting and dangerous and unknown all over again? Like she didn't really know him at all, for all that they had been together so much.

"I probably should go back," she said slowly, teeth worrying at her lower lip. A faint blush creeping over her cheeks. "But if you want me to come...? I can give pointers. Maybe help patch the roof too, so it won't rain on you?"

And she would take any excuse to stay with him a little longer.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

There’s a quiet rumble of amusement that leaves his throat at her comment, offering a slight shrug to that. “I guess that’s fair.” He hums to her, steel eyes softening a small amount. And soon enough, he’s nodding along with her too about his plans — about how they came and went because things never quite went according to plan. She’s right, at least. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but gods was he good at making them out to be so.

And he tugs her closer, just within reach to scan her face as his question is aired. She tells him that she should probably go back — and he understands, though it doesn’t mean he likes it more than that. Someone around that’s not edging for a fight sounds nice right now.

He’s surprised, however, when she agrees. And he hums a quiet sound of thought as he considers her. “Sure.” His own agreement — having been unable to get to the roof just yet. At least he’s prevented the rain from coming inside the home in other ways before. Not enough to ruin the interior, but it is the start of the wetter seasons, so he could probably focus on that a bit more. After all, this was his season, his birthday season. He should know better than to expect it to be just as sunshiny as Longheat.

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

'Sure.' A quiet agreement. Small and plain sounding, and yet the relief it brought her to hear him say it was immense. Maea found herself smiling, a silly, way-too-happy little grin, and she bowed her head to keep it from being too obvious. Bit her lip, tried to bite back the swooping, coiling elation and keep it tucked away, somewhere out of sight. Didn't want to crowd him with her emotions, show too plainly how happy she was just by being next to him.

"Then I'll come," she said, trying very hard to keep her voice light. Easy. Free from nerves.

On a break, time, pause, distance. Repeat mantra. They were only looking at the house again. Offering pointers on furniture. Keeping the rain outside.

Maea found that it was very difficult to breathe easy when she stood this close to Sunjata. The urge to touch him was very strong, as was the desire to reach up on her toes and kiss him. But that would be foolish indeed. Especially considering the nature of the last kiss she'd given him. Forced, brutal, not loving at all...

She gave his hand a final squeeze, then gently freed herself and backed up. Distanced herself, on the pretense of walking down to the waves, the sea, so it could sweep in and surge around her feet, drech the skirts of her dress and bite at her legs with cool, salty indifference. Maybe it would keep her heart from racing so much... Maea rubbed her palm with a thumb, quiet. Not sure what to say, or do. There were so many things to talk about.. and they all died away before reaching the tongue.

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3

SuNjATA

the flood

Regardless of how she tries to hide it, Sunjata can see the way she lights up from it. It settles something within him, good terms that they can move forward on — an understanding of sorts that both of them can realize and work towards. After all, they’re two separate people with varying goals between them. And despite the feelings between them, goals should come first.

It didn’t make sense to try and revolve around each other. They’d never get anywhere.

So her quiet and excited acceptance is greeted with a softer smile to that, a nod. ‘It’s a deal.’ Sort of feeling. And he lets her hand go when she begins to withdraw, watching from his space on the rock as he feels the bandage remain in place even when he places his foot back down on the beach and shifts his weight a small amount with another quiet hiss, having been in the same position for too long.

He doesn’t know what rampages within her, but he glances back out to the water with a quiet sigh before his gaze flits back to her along the waves again. “What do you have planned for tonight? After this.” He gestures back to the gathering despite his eyes never leaving her. “If you need a place to stay for the night…” He trails off. To tell her there’s room when she’s fully aware of the house and how big it is has him not feeling the need of ending the sentence. “We can work on the roof tomorrow?”

if i let go, would you hold on?
would we fly?

MAEA

Shii came to play with her, where she roamed among the waves. Weaving in and out of her arms as she moved them, darting through hoops of water when she made it arc and bend; it was a quiet game of light and shadow, of making certain things bright and shiny while others were left dark and secret.

The silence did not have a chance to grow too heavy though. Maea looked up when Sunjata addressed her, asking about her plans. Offering her a place to stay for the night. The thrill was there again, to be invited. "I hadn't expected to stay the night," she admitted. "Originally I just wanted to visit Remi's memorial... think for a bit. But then Ludo was there, and... well." She too gestured to the gathering, though her eyes remained on Sunjata's shadowed form. "You would save me the trouble of finding lodging at this hour... so, yes. Thank you." Especially since she'd come without anything to barter with.  

A small part of her did wonder whether it really was a good idea to spend the night, at this point. But one look at Sunjata's battered, bruised body reminded her that there probably wouldn't be a risk of complicating things further at this particular point... and also made her recall the healing he could receive, if they were a bit quick about it.

Maea left the sea again and sloshed her way back up towards him, water magically draining away from her clothes and skin until only salt-stains remained. "Do you want to try and find Loren, before leaving?" she asked. "While he's still around..."

Lost in a world full of non-believers
Searching for smoke in a still water pond

BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3