haven't we been here before

As Delphia began to recount all the times they'd encountered one another before, Loren's memories flooded back. For a moment, his features flashed in annoyance. However, it was quickly overtaken by the dull grief that was once again his constant companion. His fingers began to scratch and rub Astra, and she snuggled against his side. With his free hand, he picked up the pestle and began to grind the herbs again. Looking down on his work, he seemingly stopped paying attention to Delphine. "You forgot jerking my friend around." His voice was bitter and he found his features twisting into an ugly mask. "You can stay. I'm not going to kick you out just because you're a useless, unreliable, and terrible person." That being said, there was something dismissive in his tone. LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

Delphine tipped her head, curious. "When friend did I 'jerk' around?" It was an honest question. Now she was the one who was forgetting things. His voice told her that he was upset with her, now that he remembered the things she had down, and she was fine with that.

Until he started calling her names. 'Useless', 'unreliable', 'terrible'. Each thing struck a chord, each thing was a thought she had about herself every single morning. Instead of leaving, like the passive girl she had been, or ignoring what he had said and smiling through it as she once may have, she stepped towards him and raised a hand back.

She was attempting to slap him. She'd lose in an all-out fight, that much she knew. She was just as weak as ever, except this time that applied to her magic as well. "It isn't nice to project yourself onto others," she had no idea if those words applied to Loren, but, he had hurt her feelings, might as well try to replicate that. She spoke regardless of if she was able to hit the man.

Snorting, Loren ground the herbs with a particularly swift flick of his wrist. "Of course you didn't know what you were doing." His voice was sarcastic and he shook his head over Delphine's self-centeredness. "Remi." Pressing his lips together, nostrils flaring, he took the paste and scraped it into a jar. "Don't worry, we're not friends anymore. Feel free to play with him to your heart's content." Letting her slap connect, he set the jar he was working with down. Rolling and rubbing his jaw, he met her gaze squarely. "Terrible, yes. But I'm there when I'm supposed to be, and far from useless." Then his own hand swept out to slap her right back. Only his fingertips partially shifted to claws, and he had no qualms drawing a bit of blood. LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

Delphine stared at him, as he explained she had toyed with Remi. And... she did not know what he meant. As far as she knew, Remi didn't have any reason to hate her... Did he? Loren had her doubting what she knew about her own past, and it showed in the way her eyes drifted across the room. That had only spurred her anger, though.

Her slap connected, and he swiped at her with... clawed hands in retaliation. She'd not been expecting that, so she hadn't tried to avoid it. A little slap was normally nothing. Pressing a hand against her cheek, where his claws had scratched across her face, she furrowed her brow. "What the hell are you?" Delphine murmured, pressing her hand against her cheek hard enough that it only hurt her more, but she enjoyed a little pain under certain instances.

"I never hurt Remi. Ever. I loved him." Though Loren's words had let Delphine know that... Remi was here. That was enlightening, though his earlier words had made her question whether Remi would care to see her, or associate with her.

She knew she had ruined many friendships, and given many people a terrible view of her. And she also knew she'd... well, she had no reason to try to change. And it probably wouldn't help change the opinions of those who knew her.

Loren... was giving her a different view. Maybe there was something about herself that she could change for the better.

"What am I?" Loren snorted, and his expression twisted once more into something ugly. "I am the Grand Healer of Halo. Whom you just assaulted without cause, I might add." Tone challenging, he raised his eyebrows at Delphine. Picking up more herbs with his telekinesis, he tossed them into the mortar. The pestle was lifted with his telekinesis as well, and he ground the herbs with practiced strokes. Letting out a bitter laugh, he gave her an almost incredulous look. "Hate to be the one to break it to you, but sometimes we hurt the people we love." He flung it at her almost as an accusation. Much more softly he added, "Sometimes especially the people we love." LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

Delphine narrowed her eyes, staring at the man as he gave her a title, and claimed assault. She said nothing, even as he spoke, but his words did sink in. Standing there in silence, she seemed to be thinking. Possibly about whether she needed to leave or not.

Poe made a quiet sound, burrowing into the woman's hair. She finally spoke up, "I never meant to hurt him, if I did." She still was not quite sure what she had done to Remi, but...

She was beginning to truly doubt the sort of person she was; even to those she loved. "Can I help?" She nodded towards the mortar and pestle, her hand dropped to her side. She wasn't worried about the fact he'd clawed her face, and she wasn't quite ready to leave.

Loren... might have more insight for her. If he'd share it, at least.

Making a disgusted sound as Delphine stood there silently, Loren just continued to work on the medicines. He actually pulled out another mortar and pestle and started working on two batches at once, his hands and his magic working in tandem. When she finally did speak he scoffed again. Not looking up, he pressed his lips together. The anger had already left his face, replaced by a bone-deep sorrow. "Yeah, well, again, hate to break the news and all, but sometimes what we intend and what we actually end up doing don't line up." That came out in an icy, but quietly furious. Underneath that was guilt, though. "Like I said earlier, you don't even know what I'm making. And I don't have time to teach you. Anything." Perhaps if she hadn't slapped him, perhaps if their history hadn't been so charged, or perhaps if she'd apologized even once for her actions instead of laying them before him without shame he would've been kinder, even in the midst of his grief. Or perhaps she was just a convenient target for the self-hatred that always bubbled just below his surface. LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

Delphine averted her gaze from the man, sighing quietly. "Seems it." That was all there was to say about that. She didn't care enough to look at the man, or perhaps she couldn't bring herself to look at him. He was exhibiting emotions that she was feeling, and masking.

"You don't have to teach me to let me grind ingredients," she murmured. It was true, at least. The thought of an apology had briefly crossed her mind, but she wasn't sure what to apologize for.

What had directly affected Loren? She wasn't sure, or perhaps she didn't want to outright admit her part in hurting someone. So instead, she murmured, "I did use to do this, you know. I could do the simple, mindless tasks."

Some part of her wanted to prove she wasn't useless. It was like trying to please her brother, or doing anything Bellamy asked just to get a little moment of praise.

Humming a noncommittal sound at Delphine's reply, Loren just continued his steady work with his mortar and pestle. "Shocking. I would never have guessed, what with being a healer and all." His voice was practically dripping with sarcasm. As she insisted she could help, he sighed. "How about the rest of them? The ones that require thought?" Still snarking, he set the pestle down. Then he pulled out a third mortar and pestle and slid it across the table towards her. Gesturing for her to get on with it, he resumed his own grinding. However, he shifted so that he could keep a watchful eye on her own activities. LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

His question made her bite her lip, "Well... I'll learn it all again." She shrugged, and she didn't clarify who would teach her, or how she would learn. She accepted the pestle and mortar and set to work, grinding in gentle motions. While the motions were gentle, they were quick and done with ease.

It seemed her muscles had a memory. "I want to learn again, anyway. It was... one of the few things that made me happy, before." She murmured, not really loud enough to denote that she wanted Loren to pay attention to her, though. She was just musing to herself. The sentence did leave her lips in a tone of quiet sorrow, though.

She fell into silence, working away with the mortar and pestle, as Poe flew across the room to attempt to perch on Loren's shoulder, curious.

Loren rolled his eyes at Delphine's comment. "Guess you will." Satisfied that she wouldn't screw up his medicines, he focused more fully on his own work. When she mentioned healing bringing her joy, he pressed his lips together. "Forgive me if I don't particularly care about your happiness." It came out in that same mocking tone. Scraping the pastes he'd made into a jar, he took the time to place a few empty ones in front of her as well, before resuming with a fresh set of herbs. "There are books. And a school even. If you're serious about wanting to learn, I'd suggest you check them out." LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

She snorted quietly, murmuring, "Never asked you to care." Delphine finished with the paste, scraping it into the jars he had sat out for her, listening as he spoke.

"I was considering the school, but..." Well, she missed her magic. She was still figuring out what she had now, because it was not quite the same. It even felt different to use, which was off-putting in and of itself. Though it probably did not help that she had not used her magic, or attempted too, outside of the wandering traveler offering her something in trade if she healed a small wound they'd received. She wasn't even sure the extent of any of her other magic.

That fell in line with the fact she had told the children magic was not real. A lie, which Zariah had ruined. She fell into silence again, watching him work.

Poe squawked, "Acantha! Bryony!" as he flew away from Loren and circled Delphine. He sounded worried, and she reached a hand above her head for him to settle on, nuzzling him as she sat the pestle and mortar down properly.

"Stop worrying," she insisted, though she did move towards the door.

She stopped for a moment, her gaze fixed on the ground, and she turned to look back at Loren, "I'm sorry for stealing your time." It was the closest he'd ever get, at the moment, to an actual apology. Instead of waiting for an answer, Delphine started on her way, Poe squawking about the children as they went.

"Great. Glad we're on the same page." However, the icy tone of Loren's voice slipped away, leaving him looking tired and haggard. As Delphine mentioned she'd been thinking about the school he just sighed. "But what? What could possibly be the problem?" He didn't even bother looking up at her. He did glance up as Poe spoke some names that he vaguely remembered as being Bellamy and Delphine's children. Not particularly interested in getting wrapped up in that particular drama, the Launceleyn immediately returned his attention to his work. As she went to leave, he began to label the jars they'd filled. "I'm not really the one you need to apologize to." It came out as a dismissal. Astra, of course, let out a concerned bleat at this. Sighing, he reached down to give her a reassuring scratch behind her ears. LOREN Not quite an open book

Delphine Mountrose

Forsake your loved ones, to protect yourself.

But what? What could possibly be the problem?

Those words would stick with her, as she made her way away from the infirmary, silent. So would his statement about her apology.

Delphine and Poe disappeared through a corridor, turn after turn. She was walking, moreso to try and clear her mind than to get anywhere else. Loren had... well, he had made her troubled.

She wasn't even sure her children could pull her out of her thoughts, so she went ahead and sent Poe along ahead, so he could entertain the twins. She'd just keep wandering, exploring.

// finished