From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
A wry grin pulls at tired lips. "Trust me, I'm likely the most emotionally available man I know. But...this is going to take time, I'd rather do it in parts I guess." Instead of risking overwhelm by letting it crash into him all at once. Harper may not have much to his name as an individual outside of his physical ingrained skills, but at least he is familiar with his own emotions unlike many others. Despite how they seem to confound him now.
He listens carefully to her instructions. It's quite an intriguing list of instructions, and definitely something he has never even thought to do. But, well, what's the harm in adding it in to his tried and tried methods? Taking the items she hands over, he gives a small grateful smile and tucks them away to set out in his area with Phoebe. "Thank you, I will definitely give it a try." Especially so that the products do not go wasted when she has so kindly bequeathed them onto him.
Though he is a bit agog at her following metaphor, entirely romantic and intense in a way he hadn't expected from the reserved demigoddess. "It sounds so easy that way. But knowing my own problems, the danger I can pose to untrained people...not to mention the danger I know I am all to willing to put myself into to protect others. It's not something I can ignore. Love...yes, love is something each person chooses every day they're with someone, but love is also protecting and caring for the person who you've devoted yourself to." A hand idly strokes down the cat's back, the warmth in his lap and the rough purring a soothing combination. It makes him long all the more for a companion, as Phoebe had encouraged him to ask for, but that's merely another thing he has refused to try. "I knew Tova could handle me in the moments I was most dangerous. I knew she was just as willing to die to protect our city and thousands of people we didn't know." Sighing, Harper lifts his gaze from the car and stares out over the iridescent sheen of stone before them. "I can't put that burden on them. Some of them have already lost so much, or are far too vulnerable." Phoebe had lost her nephews, and neither she nor Oliver were of the inclination to fight if they could instead live more peaceful lives. Cracking a weak smile he tries to divert from that topic a little. "Plus who knows how long it might take to be at peace. I won't have them wait for me, not when humans change so much as people with every day that goes by. I might not be what they want by then, or vice versa."
"Do it in parts and extend the time in which you suffer? Now there is a masochistic outlook." Delphia said with a light grin. She was pleased though that he would try her methods for bringing peace to his mind and heart. It was a practice, getting through grief. The physical and mental steps would help give a tangible edge to his intangible woes. With practice would come perfection of peace finding, she was certain.
"Your favorite word is but." she said jokingly, and the cat sith mowed as if in agreement. "Let go of that which you 'know'. Let go of the need to control the situation so it is perfection. Why must your partner fight like you or Tova? Perhaps you could benefit from one who fights the world in a very different way." she said with a ghost of a grin. "You worry too much. You over complicate the heart. What you need, I think, is an empath, to absorb your anxieties and wash them away...and empaths, you will find, are rarely combative." she said with a light laugh. Again the Cat sith meowed, purring as she butted her head against Harper's arm.
"So that I don't get overwhelmed and toss myself off a cliff to say hi to your dad," he teases back, all too aware of the truth that lurks behind the laughter. He appreciates her advice, and will surely try her meditations, but for all her wisdom he knows his own limitations.
Again he shakes his head, words rolling off his shoulders. "I value protection and safety over romance. I can love someone without being in a relationship, even if those feelings are more romantic." It's weird, to butt heads so peacefully and to do so with a half-god, but Harper is a 22nd century man with strong ideals and a lifetime of blood that has sealed his mind on certain issues. "Opposites can certainly attract, but there are also many fish in the sea. I can't change who I am, what I think. And many people are empathetic, but there's a difference between a comfortable love and passion. I still feel I haven't found it, even if I was ready." A hand comes to rub at his forehead, exhausted and unsure how to properly word what he wants to say. "I know to you it might seem like overcomplicating it, but love to me is complicated. Unifying two vastly different hearts, lives, and ideologies is no easy feat. It's choosing, every day, that this is the person you want to be with. It's not as easy as merely finding someone I like, to me." For all the offers and confessions after all, Tova had been his only partner. Ever.
"Ah yes. A perplexing method to me - I'd happily take friends to meet him without the theatrics." she said, playing along with the dark humor with ease. It was her nature after all - death was not so serious a thing in her mind as it was to others.
She took a moment to think on his words, rolling them over in her mind to see how they sat. In the end, she found not enough leniency in his words - far too rigid and bound by an iron logic. "Are all warriors so rigid and stubborn?" she teased, the corners of her eyes crinkling. "You say you cannot change who you are and what you think, yet but a moment ago that humans change so quickly, yourself included."
Delphia hummed and smiled at him warmly, a bit amused by his back and forth logic, twisting and turning as though dodging blows on a battlefield. "Protection and safety come in many forms in this world, nor are they inherently separate from romance. What I mean to advise you is to find one who can protect your heart and soul. To open your mind to the possibility that love found here might take a very different form from what it did with Tova. There are, as you say, many fish in the sea. Don't send a fish back simply because you do not recognize what it is."
"I'll have to write to you if I find myself on a cliff edge then," he chuckles, scratching playfully at the cat's neck as his nerves slowly steady the longer he remains in her presence.
"I'm sure it seems back and forth. But I stand by it. Events change us fundamentally, and can make us mature or form new fears or desires, but it's difficult to change a man's mind when it comes to ideals and morals. They're different kinds of change to me. And men are rather pigheaded." Flashing her a playful look from the corner of his eyes, feeling more like himself now.
At least she seems to adjust course a little, perhaps reading what he feels, because her next words settle more solidly in his chest. "I can't promise it will happen soon...but that's something I can at least try to do." It resonates more with how he feels than her urging to find someone that he feels he can't honor.
Both cat and Demigoddess feel the shift in his energy, the steadiness in which he begins to exist in the space. The cat stretched in response, lazing across his lap belly up, and the young woman smiled. "I have noticed men in particular struggle with pigheadedness...though at leaat you recognize it." she teased.
"Speed and time is relative. What are seconds to us are weeks to the gods. Worry not about time." she said encouragingly. "And whether for romance or kinship or close friendship - whichever way the river bends - take steps to find a healer to whom you can entrust these feelings and worries and pains. I am confident that those steps will help you greatly." she said, grinning at him. "And should you wish my advice or thoughts, or simple Tishy here to stratch, you need only ask the spirits for me. It might take time but I will come."
"Self-reflection is my only virtue," Harper laughs, hands desperately clenched to avoid petting that cute cat belly on his lap. Alas, he knows better than to indulge in that from experience, and continues to pet in safer zones.
"Therapy definitely seems lacking in this world compared to mine." Mostly local doctors who deal more with physical ailments and injuries. "But I'll definitely try and search for some around here. Something more than just a friendly confidant." Kiada has been that for him, but he also doesn't like to burden her with his feelings too often. "Thank you, Delphia. For everything." Smiling, he tilts to lay his head briefly upon her shoulder, enjoying the last bit of light dancing off the colorful rocks together. Feeling much better than he had before.
