to embrace a dying star

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

Geyser and colors and rocks galore await him on the Rainbow Road.

For all its beauty, Harper is listless as he walks over the veritable rainbow of rock beneath his feet. Kiada's advice had been immeasurably valued, but he feels lost all the same. Drifting through each day. Lost in memories of his loved ones, Phoebe's words ringing in his head alongside Oliver's. A cacophony of accusation that, while not present in the tones of either individual in that moment, nonetheless inserts itself as it replays in his head. Condemning and cruel, spitting at him that he should never have led them on (no matter that he hadn't) that he clearly didn't care for them (even though he had, and still does).

But he cannot simply forget Tova. The love of his life, the sun that had kept him full of warmth and hope even in their darkest hours together. He can't ignore the vow he made as she lay dying in his arms, her blood hot against his useless palms, incapable of the magic that had lit her up from within since the day she was born. Wholly, uselessly human. Unable to stop her slipping away. But he had vowed that he would love her forever, that he would meet her beyond the Veil.

Only to be told that he would never see her again, neither her nor any of his lost family. That Mort would not reunite Harper with them, all because The Voice ripped him unfairly from his home. Harper lifts a hand to rub harshly across his eyes, feeling torn and tattered in ways he has always been able to hide. But here, surrounded by all this radiant beauty that reminds him so much of the woman he'd loved and lost, Harper simply cannot stop the grief from showing.

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

"My...but aren't you far too young to be so burdened with grief?"

The demigoddesses words were soft, expression filled with empathetic concern. From beneath her tresses, wide green cat eyes gazed out curiously. Delphia did not know this young man, but she did not need to in order to see and feel his sorrow. He wore it like a mantel on his shoulders, twisting the spirits around him unwittingly as he did so.

She realized then she had been so caught up in seeing and feeling what he likely didn't realize he was projecting, she had forgotten to introduce herself. "My apologies...I am Delphia, Daughter of Mort...the spirits here were so melancholy I came to see why."

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

Her voice startles him, and for a moment the self-flagellation only worsens, chiding himself for being caught off guard. Though as he turns to spy the feline eyes that watch him, unashamed of the wet lashes and damp cheeks he likely still exhibits, Harper can't help but give a choked laugh. "You seem younger than me, y'know." Low voice rough and scratchy with grief.

Harper wasn't looking for company today, but he listlessly allows it as the woman introduces herself. Blinking a tad stupidly at the realization that she is a demigod. He has not met any in Caido yet, though they had existed as migrants of a sort in his home world. At least it makes him less likely to explode at the notion. "My name's Harper." A weak version of his kindly smile comes tonight, reaching to brush an errant tear from the corner of his eye. Never one to subscribe to the notion that men should not show their feelings. "You...you mentioned spirits? They're around me?" Just barely refraining from looking around, aware that if he hadn't seen them before, he likely won't now.

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

Delphia smiled as he joked at her. It was heartening that even though he was shrouded in darkness, he could stl grasp at bits of light. There was hope in his oblivion, and where there was hope, there could yet be life. "My own youth does not falsify my statement." she said with a hint of a laugh. She stepped closer, head tilting slightly as she took in the sight of tears on his cheeks.

"Harper...one who plays the harp, which is a symbol of the heavens and hope - what a divine name. Whyever do you grieve so?" she asked, voice gentle and kind. At his question she nodded, a smirk curving her lips. "There are always spirits around. These of a natural source, having never lived nor died, but merely existing. You are not haunted, if that was your concern."

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

Harper gives a lopsided grin, eyes brighter than before. Perhaps because of genuine amusement, or perhaps from years of training himself to compartmentalize and swallow down grief and agony. "You've got me there." She moves closer, and he tilts himself so that his body language is inviting, letting her do so. Though his dark brows rise in interest at her knowledge of the meaning behind his name. Something every young modern child has looked up for themselves at least once, but that he'd mostly forgotten.

"I don't have the hands for music, but divinity is an honorable goal. I wouldn't mind that." Wistful smile concealing memories of Safrin and Ludo alike. Always feeling loved and cared for in those moments at their sides. It's why he does not seem bothered when she mentions spirits, and gives a weak laugh as a thumb lifts to wipe away dampness that chills beneath the wind from remaining on his cheeks. "I'd be more flattered to be haunted than scared. That someone or something would spend their time after life wanting to be around me." Instead of going...wherever. To Mort, for those here. And Harper can't hide the traces of yearning on his face, imagining how peaceful Mort's love might feel. That he might escape this calamity in his heart for a moment. A moment of weakness, surely, but Harper yearns for that brief respite all the same. "Though as you said, they aren't exactly human souls." That same tar rising up to drag him downward. Reminding him that Tova's soul will never be able to hang about his shoulders even if she had wanted to. Not here. Not ever. The agony is so swift that his eyes break away from Delphia's, trying to get a grip on the grief that wells within.

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

She listened in silence as he spoke, focused more on the clues to his suffering than the humor he displayed. An easy default for him, it seemed, to cover his pain with frivolity, earnest as his joking might be. Slowly her head shook, in contradiction to his words. "Always pity those who in death remain amongst the living. It is not a pleasant existence, for they reject what they are in favor of what they were." she said softly. There were of course, the brave few exceptions, but that was the case with any rule of thumb.

He turned away and she stepped forward again, a hand resting gently on his shoulder. "You grieve a loved one then, I presume?" she said softly, a comforting aort of smile on her lips. "Tell me of them."

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

Her contradiction makes him feel all the more exhausted. Reminds him too move of Jigano, who too had misunderstood and pompously denied Harper's own opinion. Though he has made a few friends here in Caido, the number seems evenly split with those who seem to want to press down their own ideals upon him at every given turn, and Harper merely turns his gaze away from her to hide his disappointment that she follows in this trend. "That's not what I said. I can't pass judgement on them for their decisions, or their current state, not when they made it themselves as they were departing. But to be followed around in spite of the promise of eternal peace, that is a kind of love and devotion I can't ignore." Giving a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, he shakes his head harshly. "Nevermind, as you said it doesn't matter. They are just natural spirits." He doesn't want to talk about it anymore, lest they end up fighting and stomping away as Jigano had. He's too tired for that. So goddamn tired of everything in general.

Her sharp eye only brings that grief to the surface all the more. Still refusing to look into her bright eyes, Harper stares deadpan at the horizon, the beauty of it meaningless as Tova's laugh rings impossibly in his ears. "She was...everything. The sun lived in her skin, magic breathed in her veins. And yet none of that was what captured my attention when we met. She was just...underneath all of that talent, magic, and beauty...she was so kind. Strong. I never deserved her, not once, no matter the good I did." And though his depression says otherwise at times, Harper knows he has done a lot of good. "And she died to protect me. Bled out in my arms. And I vowed I'd love her forever, and even now I continue to fail her. Even now I cannot honor her." Grief drips down his face in virulent tears, but the clench of his jaw is the only change upon his stonelike visage.

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

As he spoke, her lips curved into a slight oh shape, though no sound came from them. Perhaps he thought it a lecture, but it was instead a misunderstanding. It was not that spirits suffered when they remained, but that they would in spite of their suffering; the very human appreciation for martyrdom clear now in the intent of his words. "I see what you mean. My apologies for misunderstanding." she said with ease, a small smile on her lips still. "What you feel matters very much. I am grateful you explained it for me." she said, trying to encourage the communication.

She hummed quietly then, gazing out at the same horizon he saw in hopes it might give her answers to his pain. But as the words spilled from his lips, she began to piece together his suffering. "I see." she said gently. Slowly she lifted her fingers, gently wiping at the tears the rolled down his cheeks. "To lose such a love is a most terrible thing. But...tell me how it is you fail her? Or do not honor her?" Delphia asked. This woman was dead. She could no longer be failed or dishonored. Such was the state of death.

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

His hastiness is unnecessary, and something eases and fades away, relief washing it down into nothing as the younger woman speaks. At last he turns his gaze back to her, different shades of blue meeting once more, and there is a gratitude for her understanding that cannot be missed in his expression. "No, I'm sorry. I was too hasty. I already had a bad experience with someone who took that misunderstanding too far..." Even though he still has a dislike for Jigano, Harper will not actively drag the Sage's name through the mud, and shakes his head with a wry twist of his lips to cut off that line of thought. "Thank you." Truly. He can't remember the last time someone so boldly said that his feelings matter. Probably since Tova, whose understanding of human speech patterns had been tenuous at best. Far too bold and sincere for her own good - or for the good of Harper's heart.

Harper startles slightly at her touch, but gentles beneath it like a tamed beast. Perhaps leaning subtly into it if she cares to notice. He has lost so many of his students, his family, by being sent here. Admittedly he's aware he has become touch-starved, reluctant to intrude upon Kiada or Phoebe now that those types of touches hold too much potential for misunderstanding. His shoulders tremble at Delphia's soft inquiry, but he manages to restrain himself from clenching his hands, aware he still has wounds upon his palms from afternoons spent training to try and chase the memories away. "I swore I'd follow her someday, that we would reunite in the afterlife. But...but the Gods have told me that I will never see her again. That Mort is not powerful enough to transcend realms." His voice constricts impossibly tight. "I have lost her all over again." And this time, he cannot get her back.

"I told her I'd love her forever. The idea of keeping myself for her was never one that bothered me after her death. But now, that vow is hurting others. Others who care for me, who I can feel myself caring for in return. But I can't...I still love her, more than I feel I could ever love them. And I dishonor her by even entertaining the idea."

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

She nodded at his apology - accepting it but not lingering on it. It mattered not. They understood each other plain.

As he leaned into her touch, her arm snaked back and rested around his shoulder - platonic and sisterly. She knew all to well the importance of physical touch in healing and was more than pleased to give it. Were Mort here, he too would have embraced the crying young man, of that she was certain. In silence she listened, humming low here and there to indicate she was listening. A slow, bemused smile curved her lips as he reached the end of his tale, and gently she booped his nose with the tip of her finger. "Death is my father, and I have known and seen it all my life, and I have known the love he has placed in the hearts of man for all my days as well; and let me tell you, you are trying very hard to carry burdens that are not yours to shoulder." she said with a light laugh.

"She is not lost to you again, nor did you ever really lose her to begin with. For she resides right here..." she said, tapping his forehead, "...and here." she said as she tapped over his heart. "Your memories is where she lives on, and always shall, even when you die and transcend this realm to Mort's halls. So long as you have those, she will never really be gone, no matter how many realms separate your souls physically." she explained gently.

"And love..." Delphia sighed wistfully, looking out over the horizon once more. "It is not so simple. Loves cannot be compared as being more or less than others. They are just...different." she explained, tilting her head a bit. "No love will ever be the same as the love you felt for this woman, but loving another as you continue to live your life is no dishonor to her. So long as you cling to one who is dead, you will be dead yourself. Surely, this is not what she wished for you as she died for your sake. She wished for you to live." She smiled and looked back at him, a curious brow raised. "Are you living, Harper? Or are you merely alive?"

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

He takes the affection where he can get it, even in the guise of a veritable stranger whose goals and opinions are shrouded and far from his understanding. His mentor would be ripping his ear apart for lowering his guard so much, but it has often been a risk that pays off, and she had always grumbled about that. Though she'd likely have far more to say than just that after the woman reveals her parentage. It doesn't bother him necessarily, though he doesn't know the gods well enough to inspire any kind of awe at her existence. Instead he merely listens, understanding what she is trying to say and encourage but unable to do much more than stare apathetically at the proverbial outstretched hand.

"Memories were the only thing that kept me breathing, that kept me from joining her sooner than she'd want. I wish I had, before I was brought here. Memories are only all the more cruel when I've been robbed of ever seeing her again even in death." The bitterness is deep and acidic, and it's not Mort's fault but Harper blames him all the same. "It's a burden that might not be mine to carry, but there's no escaping it either." Nothing he can think of that will bring him any kind of peace, of resolution. There is only agony and hatred at the injustice of this world he never wanted to come to.

Even so he sits like a dog kicked one too many times, giving her the decency of at least listening to her words, absorbing and comprehending them even if he cannot summon an outward reaction. "Merely alive," he says quietly, aware that he has not been living since he was thrown into Caido. He has been acting maybe, going through the motions. And there were genuine moments of joy, companionship, something that might have become love given time and attention. But it all seems overshadowed by everything he has lost in one fell swoop. His parents, lost so young. His mentor. The students he'd lost to war. Tova. It's so much more than just love. "Loving one single person, cultivating new relationships...it will never outweigh what I've lost. I can't see any way past that." And though Harper has never been the suicidal type, too stubborn and burned by the world's cruelties, always reaching for better and happier things, his reach has finally fallen short.

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

Delphia hummed low as he spoke, the corners of her eyes crinkling slightly as she was overcome with a resigned sort of sadness at his predicament. "It is unfair and cruel what has happened to you, and so many others pulled from their worlds." she said softly, with the gentle reminder that he was far from alone in this injustice. "And there is nothing I can say to soothe that. There is no cure for this suffering you feel, the unfairness of it all. It is...a harsh reality with but two choices. One, to carry on as you are, merely alive, bending and breaking under its weight in time and gaining nothing. Or two, to step forward each day, rebuilding your family, your friends, your life - reclaiming what you can in spite of your circumstances." she said, shrugging just a bit. Harsh, but true, just like the situation he found himself in.

A wry smile turned towards him as he finally fell silent. "No, new loves and new friends will not outweigh what you have lost. But they will balance the scales in time." she said, confident in this at the very least.

Her face tilted up, looking towards the sky then for a moment. "What will you choose then? Will you continue to be merely alive I wonder?" she said softly, head shaking ever so slightly. "If you wish...I can give you rituals to practice, to help you begin to come to peace with your past...though the spirits tell me that perhaps your heart has already begun to reach out even as your mind begs you run away." she said, voice barely a whisper.

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone

you have survived every moment of your life

even the ones you swore you wouldn't

Her words remind him of Kiada, and how she too will never see some of her family again. How he'd been ashamed of his own envy, that at least she had been blessed for some of her family to end up in the same place. The bluntness, more than anything, actually helps. Harper is a mercenary at worst, a protector at best. Having a mission, a goal, clear lines of what his options are speak more to him than fanciful comforts. Not that he doesn't lean into those even still, touch-starved and needy. "I know. And...I know I will move forward, that I must. But the pain is so hard to push down this time. Even after all I've done, all I've experienced." Admittedly he hadn't anticipated it being this hard. He'd lost his parents before his very eyes, had been brainwashed and forced to kill, had lost friends and family both painfully young and old alike in various wars against metahumans and demigods alike. But none of it had inspired such a level of despair as knowing he'd never see them again.

"Time heals all things," he agrees softly, though it is haggard and hoarse when spoken. It may be true, but the day to day struggle is not diminished by that knowledge.

Sighing, Harper also turns his eyes away, both pairs of blues perusing the sky above. "I have always moved forward. No matter what. I simply...have no choice. But if you have recommendations for meditations," he shrugs weakly and turns his gaze back to her. Always one to try something new. Though his cheeks go a bit pink and he laughs, a bit high pitched, at the notion that the spirits have been paying attention to his love life. "They're tentative ideas at best. Dating multiple people to find the one your heart resonates with was more popular in my world. And I just...for many of them, I firmly believe that I am not what's best for them." Shame shadows over his face and Harper grimaces, turning away once more to conceal that particular rooted line of terrible self-worth.

this time is no different

you will last

DELPHIA

Her embrace remained, even as their words became blunt and to the point. At her mental prompting, from hidden within the shadows nearby, a small black cat with a white spot upon its chest inched forward. Purring, it approached and curled up on the young man's lap. "The gods would tell you not to push down your feelings, but to embrace them. They were given to man for a reason, you know." she said with a light laugh.

Delphia carefully looked through her little bag, procuring a few candles, a bundle of sage, and some herbal oils. "During the day, pretend your mind is a great cauldron. These things that hold you back from pursuing your life...imagine placing them inside and putting a lid on top. It cannot be opened, and these things cannot distract you." she said. A mental practice, using the imagination - as powerful as memories - to aid in healing. "Each night, wipe these oils down your sternum - the scent opens your soul to healing. Open the lid and allow the emotions within to consume you - for no longer than an hour - before placing them back in. Burn the sage to cleanse yourself and your room, then light a candle in your window, one for each person you long for. They might not be here, but Mort and Ludo will see, and by knowing you mourn, they will help ease your pain over time." Delphia explained.

But his final statement elicited real laughter from the demigoddess. "Harper...does the black widow male decide he is best for the female? Do courtship dances of birds begin because the dancer feels they are best for the observer?" she asked, booping his nose with a finger. "Vi did not decide he was best for Mort, and Mort did not decided he was best for Vi. They each decided the other was best for themselves. Find the one that fills your sight with the glory of the sunrise and leaves you mourning the sunset when they leave. Leave deciding if you are their sunrise to them - for you cannot see the world through their gaze."

Death has nothing to do with going away

the sun sets and the moon sets

but they're not gone