[SE] With the hate of some other man's beliefs

Jigano's clear shock at his words caught Sam by surprise. He had expected his friend to be sad at the news, maybe even a little disturbed, but he had assumed Jigano had to know what happened to Ascended that left the Voice. It had been a foregone conclusion once he'd realised he couldn't get fluid, even as his hope had forced him to ask Safrin for help. He placed a hand over the one on his shoulder and gave a weak smile, though it was obviously meant more to comfort Jigano than born from any kind of contentment about the situation. "Ascended c-can't live without f..fffluid, Jigano. I think Safrin s-said I would live ab..about a year, without." A pitifully short time, not enough to do anything he'd wanted when he'd gotten used to having eternity. "I can't ask anyone t-to give me some. It'd pro..probably get them in tr-trouble with her too." That had been his first thought, but who did he trust enough to ask? There was no one in his Ascended family he could both trust and potentially endanger like that, so he was on his own. As for the monsters...he dropped his hand from Jiganos and sighed, eyebrows coming together as he frowned down at the sand. "Like...the ones at Longni--night." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

There had to be another way. The Voice's cruelty - and her wicked cunning - twisted anew in his soul, fueling the anger that had simmered there since he'd been stricken with the Blight. This wasn't right, and he squeezed Sam's shoulder again as his friend's hand covered his with paltry reassurance. "What about blood?" he asked, weakly, desperately, knowing that the bookmaker had already thought it through and found the other options to be dead ends. "What about... about Rex? You said she was your friend, surely she'd help you?" He shook his head. "Surely she and at least some of the others have to see this for the threat and intimidation tactic that it is? And if they know you have only a year... that means it's happened to others before..." He drew to a halt, sucking in a sharp breath at the can of worms that thought opened.

Sam looked down, but the bard didn't release their connection with his first and oldest friend on Caido as fear was put into words and left Jigano cold. "Is that what they are?" he asked softly, struggling with the idea that the monsters he had faced the past two years might deserve more sympathy than he expected. "Ascended who turned away from the Voice and refused to worship her? So she turned them into - let them turn into - what they are now?"

"..I am...dr-drinking blood, but..." Sam sighed, shook his head. "It won't be the same as f..ff..fluid." It did for now, let him keep up some semblance of strength, but it was obvious it was not a suitable replacement for the lifeforce that kept the Ascended going. As for Rexanna, all he could do was shake his head: he couldn't drag her into this, not with her position as Queen; it was unfair and besides, he doubted she could do anything. He was surprised to learn that Jigano didn't know the origin of the monsters of Longnight. Looking his friend in the eyes now, he nodded. "Yes. Well. Not qu-quite. They're old Ascended ex...experiments, that d-didn't work out." Sam had once defended this, but it felt good to say it like the horrible thing it was. "But I d-don't know if that'll ha-happen to me too, without fluid. Though..." An odd thing to take comfort in: "I th-think I'll pr..probably just die." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Lips tightened, holding back further frustration at the Voice's cruelty, but Jigano nodded slowly in understanding as Sam revealed that blood couldn't replace fluid for him. Damn. Having it confirmed still hurt, and he tried again to find an alternative, only to have the option of Rexanna fizzle away as another dead end.

Not that he couldn't approach her himself, perhaps. "As a Queen, part of her duty is to protect her subjects," he said softly. "Even those not in her god's favor." Though politically it might be convenient for those concerned about the Voice - and Wessex - and her sly maneuverings behind the scenes. A consideration for another time and place, when his heart was not so full of pain for his friend's dilemma.

Jigano had been one of the first to learn of the monsters' status as failed experiments, but he had read it in an old tome, and recognized that such second (or third) hand knowledge might be out of date or incomplete. "I wonder if the reason they didn't 'work out' was because they refused to worship and obey her," he tried to explain his reasoning. "It sounds like she values the illusion of free will and choice... but not the practice of it."

He sighed, shooting an annoyed glare at the birds which were edging closer, hoping for another handout now that they'd had one. He'd hoped to coax them onto their shoulders, take Sam for a walk across the waves... but the mood didn't align for that now. Turning his attention back to the bookmaker he shook his head. "A year... is still a long time. Time we can use to try and find other options. If nothing else..." He hesitated, then drew in a slow breath as an idea floated to the surface of this thoughts, dangerous - desperately dangerous. "I know a way to reach the Draig Cordillera. Maybe... maybe there's something there that could help us. The monks I met guarding its entrance said that souls that were lost there didn't pass on to Mort. If anything happens to us... well. It might be enough to sever your soul from the Voice, too." A final act of defiance, if the goddess wouldn't release her hold on the bookmaker even after laying the foundation for his wasting death.

"Right, but..." Sam sighed, held out his hands hopelessly in front of him as if to gesture to the empty air before them. "Wh-what could she do? It's n..not like she's going t-to convince the Voice of anything." Despite her position as Queen, Rexanna was really rather useless in this situation; she did not have a way as far as Sam knew to help him survive any longer and she did not have any particular sway with the Gods. While Jigano's theory was certainly not impossible, Sam thought it unlikely. "The Voice v..values efficiency and p-perfection. I think they pr..probably just weren't m-made to her standards." Who knew what half-made monstrosities had existed before the current Ascended, tossed out into the dark? As Jigano's suggestion got to the Draig, somewhere Sam had only heard about in the context of how deadly it was, he turned to stare with wide eyes. "But...m-my soul will be where The Voice k-keeps them. Sh..she told me, she has a place..." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"Perhaps not... but we won't know unless we ask her. She's lived other lives, from other worlds. She has perspectives and experiences we don't. She might be able to think of something. At the very least, she deserves to know. All of the other Ascended do. What awaits them if they refuse to commit the Voice's crimes for her." He shook his head, frustration, anger, and sadness creating a deep well of shadow in his heart at the position Sam had been forced into.

Jigano tilted his head at Sam's correction, then nodded thoughtfully. "You know her better than I do," he agreed. "If you think that's the case..." He trailed off, swallowing hard. "Then... it may be the rest of the Ascended are in danger now, or soon will be. If Wessex is the 'new model' then yourself and the others... might no longer meet her standard either, once she gains enough power to make more like Wessex." And Osozo, though he didn't know about that development yet.

His friend's surprise was unexpected, but his words soon had Jigano's eyes widening in return. This was new information to him, a misunderstanding he'd operated beneath for seasons. "You mean, your soul isn't with you now?" He tried to confirm. "That it is... separate from your body? But... how can such a thing be?" He'd thought the souls she held were only those of the Ascended who had already died, not of those still living. "How can you live without a soul?"

"She can know-" Sam had never had any intentions of hiding this from Rexanna; in the Ascended 'family' she was basically his best friend, had forgiven him after great hurts and had held him as he sobbed. "-But I d-don't want...to pu...put the pressure of fff-ffff..feeling like she has to fix this - me - on her. Especial..especially when she probably can't." Perhaps that was the newly found council man in him coming out, wanting to prioritise Rexanna's role as Queen over that as his friend. Jigano's theory about Wessex made him pause; he'd never considered it and he wasn't sure if it was something to actually give weight to or not. With The Voice often being so vague about her plans, it was hard to know. As it was, he just gave a non-committal nod and 'hmm'. He certainly was not an expert on souls and could only shrug helplessly to the questions. "I d-don't know, I just know th..that the Voice ke..keeps the souls somewhere. That w-when we die, she put..puts us in a world she made. She sa..said it was.." Sam paused as he tried to remember the exact wording. "Not perfect, so we are st-st...still challenged." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"Sam," Jigano said gently, "we're your friends. Of course we're going to want to help you. If someone doesn't feel pressure for trying to save your life then... well, they aren't much of a friend, I think." He had his opinions, did the bard, no question about that. Where it came to friends and loyalty they were stubborn ones indeed.

Sam didn't seem convinced about demigods being the new 'style' of Ascended, so Jigano let it be. He had nothing more than a suspicion and a fear, and aside from Sam and Rex he wasn't on friendly terms with many others of the Voice's children. Once again he had to trust that Sam knew more than he did about his lady's plans...

Though given what he was currently going through, the bard wondered how much and how truthfully she had really shared with him.

His frown deepened as Sam explained further, fingers flexing in frustration at how terribly the Voice had twisted the natural order of the world. "Is that where you want to go?" he forced his force to remain gentle as he asked, looking Sam in the eyes if the bookmaker would let him. "You don't have to answer right now, Sam, but what do you want for yourself, if the worst should come to pass?" It wasn't his choice, to decide for the other man, but if he could help him achieve what he wanted, then Jigano would do what was within his power.

While hearing that he had friends that cared for him was still sometimes a wildly inconceivable and exciting statement for Sam and it certainly brought up a well of emotion, he had to shake his head. "Jigano...I left the Voi-voice because I need to deal wi..with my own problems myself. When I spoke to Remi--" He paused, hurt rushing in at the memory of the difficult conversation in Rae's fingers, the way Remi had sounded so sure that Sam had done him wrong. "When I spoke to R-Remi, it was clear..th...th..that I had hurt him. A lot. From asking him t-to do so much for me. I ask for t-too much and I'm..I'm a grown man." There was a tone in his voice slightly as if he was trying to convince himself of the words he was saying, but he tried to keep even eye contact with the bard, let him know he was serious. "I c-can't unnecessarily put pe..people in danger or ask too mu-much." As for where he wanted to go when he did die, whether that was in a year from a lack of fluid or not: his initial mental response was that he had no idea. "...No, b-but I don't really wa..want to go to Mort, either. I've never ff-felt welcomed, by the O-Old Gods. So..nowhere for me t-to go." He tried to smile as he shrugged, but it was very weak. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Jigano opened his mouth to protest, but Remi's name silenced him, and he closed his jaw to give Sam a chance to continue. What had passed between the two men was such a tangle of love and loss, betrayal and pain, friendship and woe that even the nosy bard knew he had no place to say anything of it. And if Remi felt that way about Sam, it was his right. He bowed his white-crowned head in acceptance even as Sam accepted the alchemist's condemnation, but he drew breath again to intercede--

And the words that came next struck painfully home, stealing his breath and stilling his tongue as he was forced to swallow his initial response. His words, given to Amalia, to Maea, to others now gone. He grew silent for a moment, and the breath he finally drew might have shaken, just a little. "In this, you are not asking," he said quietly at last. "I understand that it's the sort of thing you can't ask of anyone else. But I - and your other friends - are free to offer. To offer to help you of my own free will, and knowing the dangers. And others may choose to do so as well." Whether Sam would accept that help though, now or in the future, was up to the bookmaker.

Choices were all he had to offer Sam now, decisions that he had once laid at the Voice's feet and avoided thinking about, content to let others direct his life. Remi and the Voice, his two compasses in the night, now both cast aside while he tried to chart his own course. The choice of where his soul would go, in the end, was perhaps the most powerful and intimate choice of all...

And one that had been denied him, once again, by the goddess who held his life - and more - hostage. "If you change your mind, I'll take you to Ludo," the bard offered quietly. "If Safrin won't help you. It might not be able to do more than that... but perhaps it would be willing to let us talk to Mort directly. Mort is said to love all life, so he may be more sympathetic and willing to help. But that will always be up to you. Still, I wonder... if we could search for where your soul is together?" It was a mused thought, sparks ticking over in his mind as he considered options. "I might be able to keep it in the lantern, at least for a time, if you wanted the freedom to chose a future other than the Voice someday." Hopefully a someday far down the line.

Or perhaps within a year, if it all went to hell.

Sam could tell that something that'd he'd said had made Jigano pause, though he wasn't quite sure what it was: he'd never been good at knowing that in his rambles affected people and what didn't. When the bard finally did speak again it sounded like something he had considered and Sam gave it extra attention, though he still felt odd residual guilt at the idea of anyone helping him through this. "..I just...wo-worry that peopl..people might feel later that I d-didn't give them a choice. That they h..had to." Personally, he doubted Ludo or Mort would be compassionate towards him: would Mort even count him as one of the 'living creatures'? He knew at least some of the Old Gods considered that definition non-inclusive for the Ascended. "...Tha..that's nice of you, but..." He cringed, the thought of being trapped in a lantern for years while they waited not appealing. "I think...F-ffor now, I'm going to tr-try and focus on living the li..life I do have, without the Voice. I think..." Sam lowered his voice conspiratorially. "I met so-someone. And I promise he's n...not a mistake this t..time." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

The Hels edged closer, making small begging sounds in the backs of their throats, oblivious to the mood between the two men (except that it prevented them from getting more food).

Jigano hesitated at Sam's worry, then nodded understanding of where it came from. "You aren't Zariah," he reassured his friend wryly. "But... look at it another way. If Safrin cursed me and gave me only a year to live, how would you feel? Would you try to help me even if it meant putting yourself in danger?" Something Sam had done time and time again when Jigano had asked it of him in the past. "That's how I feel about you. This isn't something I 'have' to do because I don't have a choice. It's something I choose to do because I don't want to lose my friend. The only one at fault here is the Voice for creating this situation, where you must either submit to her and drink from her... or die." A situation the Attuned never found themselves in, even if they turned their backs on the old gods or earned their wrath.

The bard saw the bookmaker's flinch at the mention of the lantern and he nodded. It hadn't been a perfect solution, merely an option. One that Sam did not like, and so would not be used. "Alright," he said softly. And then... another lover? Jigano paused, uncertain, but if it made his friend happy... "Oh?" he coaxed. "What's he like?"

Sam would have smiled at the Hels and their persistence were he in any other mood, but right now they were just a passing background thought, something he barely paid attention to. He'd gotten used to the slightly grating noises they made over the last weeks in Torchline. He wasn't sure where he being Zariah had ever come up, but the rest of what Jigano had to say did resonate with him. If their positions were reversed he would be finding out what he could, trying to bend the rules and ask the right people for help; it was just hard to apply that same logic to himself. "Mmm. I d-don't know if there's ac..actually anything anyone can do, though. J..just promise me. If you..you're g-going to do something big..tell me first." The pause was not unnoticed and Sam supposed he could understand Jigano's hesitation: he'd hardly had good luck with men over the years. "He's so...ki-kind. And he's mature and ff...ffff....feels like he h-has his life together. I mean, we're not...we haven't...we're just f-friends. But I think I li..like him." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Zariah hadn't given people choices during her stint as Tyrant, but Sam wasn't nearly so cruel as the former ruler. He asked or, more often, didn't ask and instead let people offer to help him or not. Sam's lack of hope, the way he seemed to be already resigned to a slow death that would inevitably come for him within a year, broke Jigano's heart, but the bard did his best to hide it and instead nodded at the bookmaker's caveat. "Of course." The herald gods wouldn't have the answers, he was sure. Ludo had made it clear that it had no interest in saving the Ascended, except where Mort's desires were made crystal clear. But if Sam didn't want to go to Mort's Halls then that left...

A conundrum. The Draig was looking more and more likely, but it would be dangerous beyond measure.

The shift in conversation to something lighter was almost a shock to the bard's system, and it took him a moment to reorient himself. Strangely, Sam's speech impediment almost made it easier, reminding Jigano of seasons now long past, when the Guild was new and the world had been brighter and filled with more hope. When they had both been younger and more innocent. "Friends is a good place to start," he agreed gently. "And so is liking him. What does he do for a living?" He hesitated, glancing over at the birds, them impulsively offered Sam his hand again. "Walk with me, while we talk?" he coaxed, an idea forming.