(SE) so we light up (O)

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

It was strange how a stranger could give you everything you needed in such a simple phrase. That it’s okay to not know what he wants to do. That it’s okay if he simply just… Wasn’t okay. And he didn’t know what to do with it, that confirmation, that acceptance that felt like he did have a moment to choose and simply learn. That nobody would judge him except for himself.

It has him pressing into Vai’s embrace a bit more as she turns to face him a bit more fully — a motherly embrace he hasn’t had for years. Nearly ten now, to be exact. And it’s that thought paired with the idea he might be able to do exactly what she says that has him collapsing a bit more internally. Because by being himself, he’s the opposite of everything he’s grown into. By being who he was, he’d trade the masks and sharp edges for honesty and softness. And he can’t do that, doesn’t know how to revert, doesn’t want to revert. “I’ll try.” He manages instead, burying his face a bit more, muffled as he takes a haggard breath. Not even knowing where to start, where to begin. It was daunting.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

VAI The huntress Vai managed a weak smile, one he probably wouldn’t see, nodding in agreement with his intention to try. ”That’s all that matters,” she said. ”Trying is all anyone’s doing, believe it or not. The rest is a bonus.” And fuck, that would just have to be enough, at least until the world made some serious changes and got its shit together. She didn’t move out of their embrace, sudden as it might have been; the tide kept on coming in, the rain got harder, the beach stayed deserted. ”I think maybe going to see that broody man of yours might be a good step in the right direction,” she murmured eventually. ”Though maybe neither of you has to be the bigger asshole for a change? I’ll take you home, if you like. I know the way now.”

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

It sure doesn’t seem like everyone else is trying. It seems like they mostly have their shit together, either that or they’re better at hiding it than he is. Which should be a given considering his affinity for the bar and alcohol of all sorts. But that’s beside the point. It’s all he can do to pay attention and not break further, and when the subject turns to Nate and seeing him soon, he nods and somewhat reluctantly pulls away.

He does want to go home and see Nate, already he’s been gone too long and with Nate’s attack still fresh on his mind he sighs. “I can walk if it helps.” He rumbles, attempting time jest but finding little luck with the tone as it leaves his lips. The orca half shift changes then as he focuses on trying to fix himself back to fully human, before he mixes it up and his tail and the rest of him shifts into his cobra shift instead, falling out of her embrace entirely. And then he tries again, latching onto something else and shifting into his panther shift before he’s sitting in the sand, long tail swiping along the sand — scars marring the sides of his body and his neck in this form. A nod as if to say he’s ready, a paw reaching out toward the bottle as it to ask if she’s bringing it along.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

VAI The huntress ”Are you sure that’s a good ide— oh!” It didn’t matter if it was a good idea for Sunjata to try and weave his way back up towards the lighthouse while wasted, because suddenly he was a cobra tumbling out of her arms onto the sand... and then a big black cat in its place. Vai tilted her head, a look of amused confusion on her face, and she reached out to pick up the bottle he gestured towards. ”I guess this is how we’re going now,” she said with a chuckle, rising to her feet and having to wring out her hair and hastily tie it up (they were both soaked to the bone by this point, of course). ”A panther, a snake, an orca, a bat, a deer... any others hiding up your sleeves?” She raised her eyebrows down at him, before starting to trudge up the beach, glancing over her shoulder to see how he was faring.

don't be scared

you're like the calmest slit to my neck

Finally, he settles on the panther shift and his steel gaze peers up at her through the rain and everything else as she grabs the bottle. And when she goes to stand as well, wringing out her hair, Sunjata pulls himself to his feet and staggers briefly before he settles and focuses on Vai and her question. There’s a feline grin that spreads across his face, replacing the feelings of before as he usually did with a typical mask that made it easier to ignore and he bobs his head – long tail flicking with the response. He’s still got the bird shift she doesn’t know about yet, and that’s enough.

But then she’s moving up the beach and he begins to follow – paws taking him across the ground in a small amount of a zigzag motion, but he remains near to her and by her side as much as he can – even accidentally closing in and bumping his shoulder against her leg. If anything, it’d likely look like to strangers out here she has a huge cat for a pet, the way he remains at her side like a dog would.

bring me in closer

SUNJATA

VAI The huntress They were a right pair, walking up the beach together; Vai had to try and squint through the rain to see a gap in the trees where they could begin to make the trek up to the lighthouse. It was an act made all the more difficult by the panther zig-zagging next to her, bumping into her legs and causing her to stumble. Luckily she didn’t trip and fall in the wet sand, but her sudden laughter rang across the beach. ”Do you mind? Steady,” she said with a grin, reaching out to touch a hand to Sunjata’s rain slick fur, as if to try and guide him in more of a straight line. ”I’m beginning to think you were lying when you said you could walk. There’s still a long way to go, you know. You going to be okay?”

you promised me sunshine, why's it gloomy? we'll wait 'til the night to catch the moonbeam

The laughter is a nice touch as he staggers into her leg, having not realized that this shift was rather large and bulky in comparison to her frame — how he was used to using it to spread out on a bed or hunt rather than for leisurely walks. So he shuffles a bit at her question, pausing in the sand where claws dig in and flex while he considers what she says. He peers to the break in the trees, the long way home, and his ears flatten briefly against his skull.

And then he shifts from the panther shift into the macaw, long navy feathers nearly black in the dark stormy night, wings spreading to push himself up off the sands and to land on her shoulder as delicately as he can. His feathered head dips down and nestles into her curls, peeking out of it to the path they take. “Fine.” He rumbles in a croaky, throaty avian voice.

SUNJATA

VAI The huntress Vai waited by while he decided what he was going to do, arms folded across her chest, an amused expression on her face. She knew enough about cats to know what his ears flattening back meant, raising an eyebrow expectantly. Only apparently Sunjata had yet another trick up his sleeve, because in place of the expected flying fox, a colourful parrot appeared, flapping up to totter onto her shoulder. ”No way,” she said, especially at the voice that came croaking out, and it was with a broad smile that she began to head up the beach again. ”So this is how pirates feel,” she said, glancing sidelong at the feel of him nestling against her curls. ”The going will be easier like this at least. Do we need to drop you on the doorstep with a note telling Nate that you’ve had a bit to drink?” she asked, prepared for the possibility that he might go sliding off her shoulder.

you promised me sunshine, why's it gloomy? we'll wait 'til the night to catch the moonbeam

“Yes way!” Sunjata chimes from where he’s positioned on her shoulder. He wobbled a bit from where he’s set, keeping his eye on the path they take, trying to remain as still as possible for her even as his wings flare a bit in an attempt to try and keep still. Her comment of pirates has him clacking his beak in an easy agreement, a wing lifting to cover an eye as a makeshift eyepatch before he’s settled again and his feathers are puffing.

Her question of placing him on the doorstep with a note has him shaking his head, however. “Nope.” He croaks out, tucking his wings in tight. “I’ll get in. Then bed.” An over excited nod to that, thinking briefly of Nate in the state he’s in, how it’s best for Vai to not find out about that recent trauma. “Sleep.” He tacks on, regardless if Nate has plans other than milling about the house tonight. It’s been far too emotional of a day than he anticipated, it’s one thing he can at least attempt to do to even his mood, is to snuggle against his lover until he falls asleep.

SUNJATA

VAI The huntress ”Nope, huh,” Vai echoed, grinning up at him as his wing lifted to make an eyepatch, before she shook her head and turned to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. The going was much easier now that the more sober of them was doing all the walking, and once they were off the sand and Vai got into a decent rhythm, they were making good headway up and past Safrin’s lighthouse. Not that much could be seen over the grey wall of the sea, the rain misting everything into monochrome. ”Now that sounds like a fine plan,” she intoned when he mentioned going inside and getting sleep. A smile ghosted across her face, the slope of their houses coming into view only a few minutes later, and Vai walked - for the second time - up to Sunjata’s doorstep. ”Safe and sound,” she murmured, leaning down so the parrot could hop off her shoulder and shift back to two legs. ”You want the rest of this?” She offered the last of the bottle of whiskey.

you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb

and you're getting close

He highly doubts Nate’s mental state would be welcoming of a surprise drop on the doorstep of another bundle of Sunjata — although, at least this way, he’s less in pain and more exhausted than anything. But the trek to the houses (especially seeing as Vai’s going the same way) is easy enough. And his perch on her shoulder despite the fact it was a bit wobbly and unsteady, still manages to hold throughout the journey until his porch is within sight.

He hops off her shoulder, shifting into himself as his boots hit the wood of the porch, and he staggers back briefly to where his spine meets the door frame. “I’ll take thattt.” He chimes, flashing her a grin as he reaches for the bottle. But as he’s steady now, his steel gaze flickers back to a drenched Vai, some sort of clarity sparking in his very drunk mind. “Thanks, by the way. Sorry I dumped so much shit at you.” He says with a sigh, reaching out to give her a brief hug should she let him. And then he’s reaching for the doorknob, to disappear within and follow through with his plans.

so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow

and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know

SuNJATA

VAI The huntress ”Ooh, careful,” Vai said as she straightened up, holding out a hand as if worried that he would tumble straight into - and through - the door. But he managed to right himself, the huntress laughing quietly and handing him the bottle. ”Maybe save it for another day,” she suggested. ”Water is probably better, especially if you’re trying to get some sleep.” She tapped her nose, like it was a well kept secret. Of all things, the gratitude and the hug were unexpected, Vai smiling softly and returning his embrace. ”You know where I am if you need to talk again. Or if you need anything in general,” she murmured, stepping back and watching him inside to make sure he was alright. Only once the door closed did she turn to step back out into the rain, sighing deeply. She stayed out there, walking the cliff side for a little longer, thoughts churning like the waves that rolled in. ~FIN