From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
While Korbin had not broken the rules of their agreement with his conduct, Morgan still was not pleased. She did not want anyone spreading doubt and insecurity in her council members so early into their careers, before they even had a chance to prove themselves: especially not from someone so currently unproductive and volatile as Korbin, who was staying out of her mercies.
She found where he was in the Academy shortly after her meeting with Chulane and set off there immediately, the gait of her walk clearly one of angered authority. When she reached him she stood before him with a set to her mouth that made it clear she was about to deliver the telling off of a century.
"Would you like to explain the bullshit you told Chulane?" Morgan asked: she normally wasn't one for curses or less direct words, but her frustration with this member of the Citadel was showing.
But what does it take to break you, to awake you?
To make you bow and spit it out?
Korbin was reclining on his cot in the medical room set up for the duration of LongNight. Still feverish on and off, he looked on the verge of a physical collspse, not just a mental one. Gaunt and hollow cheeked, his color was pale and pasty, the aging bruises on his jaw the only splash of color around.
He slowly pried open crusty eyelids and leveled a listless gaze on Morgan. "Not particularly," he replied, voice hoarse; his mouth was dry, even though there was a glass and pitcher of water just within reach. Nor had he touched the bread and honey, or the tea standing beside it. "Didn't say anything I didn't believe."
Seems like Chulane had really gone to the Warden then. Had he resigned after all? Good riddance. Maybe that would finally get the guy off his back.
Doesn't matter if I hate you or embrace you
Nothing makes you turn around
Korbin was clearly not in a good way but Morgan found it hard to summon up much sympathy after seeing the trouble he had caused. She had tried gentleness with him before and not succeeded, so now she was only ice; the consequences she had promised were the only thing that had prompted any positive reaction.
"Then you truly believe that Chulane, who as far as I know has done no damage to our Citadel and has in fact done an immense amount of work already in trying to improve it, should not be on my council?" She asked, one skeptical, questioning brow raising as she spoke. "I'm going to give you a chance to either explain your reasoning or to admit that you're lashing out at nothing again." Folding her arms, Morgan waited.
But what does it take to break you, to awake you?
To make you bow and spit it out?
Closing his eyes again, Korbin sighed. He really did not feel up to this kind of talk at the moment, but by the look of her, Morgan would keep talking whether he wanted to or not.
"I never said that. I did say that I consider all outlanders to be a danger. In my experience, change and death of people I love are synonymous, and these newcomers bring both. Doesn't matter if they're not here by their own will; they are still products of The Voice, same as any Ascended."
Pushing himself up to sit, Korbin opened his eyes again and fixed a calm - if tired - gaze on the Warden. Didn't expect her to accept or agree with his perception of the world; but nor was he shy about delivering it either.
"It does bother me that someone who has only been on this world and in this region for a bare season thinks he understands the place well enough to implement changes and predict the consequences. Everything I've seen so far suggests that sooner or later that impatience will cause trouble. Maybe not today, or next year, but what about ten years from now? It starts with a farm to breed ningos, but where does it end? How is this any different from what The Voice is doing, by opening portals and making the region dependent on things we never needed before?
"You said yourself that you wanted to track the movements of the Ascended; how is it any different to be wary of these other new entities who bring their ideas and their savior complexes?"
Reaching for the waterglass, Korbin took a sip when his voice started to turn hoarse. It felt best to get his thoughts out there right away. He didn't know what Chulane had said about their confrontation, but Morgan had clearly drawn her own conclusions from it.
"I did express a general desire to close down the portal and bring everything back to the way things were before any outlanders showed up. Before Neron, before the portal... and I did say that I find his lack of respect for my personal space and the urgency in his desire to 'save' this region to be offensive. To me personally. I never liked new things, and lately it's been synonymous with upheaval in my personal life. The death of my family.
"I did not suggest that Chulane should leave Halo or quit his post on the council. As a matter of fact, I was disappointed that all it took was my negative reaction to make his whole resolve about his ideas crumble. He claimed he wanted my trust and respect, for some reason I can't comprehend, but did not seem to feel that giving it time and proving me wrong was an acceptable approach."
That still rather hurt. It was not the first time someone had claimed to want his friendship only to disappear when it turned out that his trust was hard earned. Aparently they weren't serious enough to work for it.
"From the start, Chulane and Delphine - not to mention Loren - have all ignored my expressed desires to be left alone. Delphine has followed me around on a number of occasions, as have Chulane. Loren has used his magic on me without even asking for permission, and the way they refuse to back off when I say no to their offers of help has been incredibly intrusive.
"I never asked for their help, I don't want it, and it seems that the only thing that makes them back off is to resort to hard words. Barely."
His violence in the past had been unintentional, and even now Korbin didn't set out to be cruel. But when asked for his opinion he did not intend to lie, or cover up his opinions. It's not like he had the power to do anything about any of these things, not like he could drive anyone away or make the newcomers stop appearing. Did he have to be thrilled about it? No to that too.
Doesn't matter if I hate you or embrace you
Nothing makes you turn around
Morgan was certainly not expected Korbin to give such a long answer and it showed on her face, a tired surprise taking over as the speech went on. A hand on her hip, she felt like a teacher admonishing a naughty pupil who was trying to explain at length how the dog had eaten his homework.
She herself was nervous about some parts of the new world the portals had opened up to them: the incoming of Outlanders and especially the Ascended. Still, she had realised rather early that trying to defy all of it was foolish. If Halo wanted to keep up with the rest of the world that was now at it's doorstep, it had to be able to adapt.
His words about the farm simply had her mouth fall open; she struggled for what to say simply because it seemed almost deliberately ridiculous. "You really believe that a farm is at the same level as what the Voice is doing? That Chulane has the power to change things like a God by doing some agricultural work? The Ascended could actively be dangerous to us. I fail to see how a farm is, especially as Chulane is very willing to work with our farmers and discuss adaptations to his plans if needed; if you have a legitimate concern with concrete outcomes, then you would have legs to stand on here."
The desire to return to some nostalgia laden era that had never existed was a dangerous one and not something she wanted to encourage. "I can tell the members of the council to leave you be, but when you are so regularly coming up as a name that is causing trouble it is hard for me to believe the issue lays with them and not you, Korbin. This is the new Halo we live in now. The portals are a part of our life and I specifically made a council of new and old so we could attempt to marry the two. When you have real evidence, real notes, real reasons other than emotions and blind hate, you can come to speak with me."
But what does it take to break you, to awake you?
To make you bow and spit it out?
Korbin actually could expand on his concerns, and he made himself more comfortable. A new gleam entered his eyes as he launched into it; it might actually be quite interesting to wrestle mentally like this. He always did enjoy a good debate.
"Let's say the farm is established and it becomes a success. The tables of the Citadel all have ningo in sufficient supply. That would reduce the need for hunters to enter the Tundra. It's a dangerous job, after all, and no one would go out there if it wasn't necessary. More people take up ningo farming, but with the climate being what it is, suddenly the food for the animals aren't quite enough. You solve it by importing feed from other regions, or perhaps by building one of those greenhouses Loren talked about. That opens up for even more food production, and now Halo enjoys ningo, fresh greens and whatever else. Maybe there's a surplus; it's used to trade for other things from the outside. Cloth, pelts, lumber... No one hunts anymore, because the need to do so is gone. More time is put on construction, or transportation. Maybe more magic is used to make the Citadel warmer; Deepfrost might not even be reason enough to be isolated anymore. We wouldn't need the Tundra anymore."
It was not an impossible vision. It might take work, and years of planning, but it was absolutely possible. Korbin let the idea sit with the Warden for a moment, before he crushed it.
"And then... something happens to the portal. Or there's an attack like the one we saw just recently. Or maybe something goes awry with magic - it's happened before, to make Halo what it is now. What happens when the chain is disrupted, and no one remembers how to hunt, how to survive in the cold, how to live off the land?" It would be carnage.
"Chulane said it wouldn't come to that, but can you say where the point of no return really is? When does a farm stop being merely a farm and start becoming a revolution? Just look at the portals. A great idea, a clever innovation; no one would complain if that was all The Voice did. But it's not, is it? I bet the first things she changed were small too. Something innocent, only made to help. But it grew, brought her from mortal to what she is now, and we see her legacy in the Ascended. As far removed from the natural workings of the world as you can get." And that was his point. His fear, his objection. Maybe it was fine to only have one farm, maybe it wouldn't change the fundamental structure of this the community. But what if it did?
As for the complaints about him... He could only shrug. "I'm only a problem to them because I don't accept their versions of help. If they left me alone to sort out my own mess then we would be fine. I don't have a problem with them beyond the nosing into my life." Heck, he was only talking insane theories because he was asked about it. Korbin had never chanted his views on street corners or chased after newcomers to make them cry for coming here. "I've already said I'll take over the Kraai. Neron asked me for a job there and I accepted, so if left alone we'll both be out of your hair, and that would be the end of it."
Still, he gave Morgan a sidelong glance as he set the glass aside. "Better be careful though... what you said there smells of hypocrisy. You call the Ascended a threat but not the portals, and you accept Outlanders and change but not a whole new race of beings. That's a very slippery slope to be on. Not all the ascended chose to be what they are... they were brought here and made just as the Outlander Attuned. Are you going to say that one is bad but not the other? What about the Accepted, or the Abandoned - like the cultists that broke down the gate? Are you going to make lists of all the mages that come and go too?"
The raven didn't expect her to have any answers. He himself did not; only fears. It was a never ending list of possibilities, and he was incapable of seeing a path that did not lead to destruction.
Doesn't matter if I hate you or embrace you
Nothing makes you turn around
Morgan internally sighed when she saw Korbin lean in instead of give up: why was she listening to a grumpy 18 year old not even on her council again? Still, she had asked the question, so she stood ready to listen, arms crossed and face the picture of 'putting up with it'.
He certainly had a strong imagination, but she struggled to call it more than that. What Korbin had was a series of fears but no evidence, no alternatives. Only a call to remain stuck in the mud where they were and never move forward. "A grim vision of the future, but one that could be easily avoided with the correct planning. Tell me, do you govern everything in your life like this? Letting every 'what if' paralyse you? It is good to plan, but we cannot allow Halo to remain still while our new neighbours rise up around us. Your fears are not enough to assuage the need for change and with the right preparations, could be largely avoided." Things that were certainly worth talking about, but just shutting down everything? Hardly.
Morgan couldn't help but laugh at Korbin's assessment of why he was a problem. "No, you're acting like a petulant child in front of grown adults trying to make our situation better." As for her 'hypocrisy'... "The Ascended seem to be a specific threat in of themselves due to their blood drinking and upgrades: if I receive any indication that use of the portals benefits them, I will order a stop while we consider what to do. Slippery slope arguments often don't come to anything, Korbin. Anyway."
Standing up straight, she spoke with all her authority: "I did not come here to defend every inch of my decisions to you. I came here to tell you to leave my council members to do their work and sort out your attitude. Work on that, and you won't need to hear from me again."
But what does it take to break you, to awake you?
To make you bow and spit it out?
From the looks of it, Morgan did not take him seriously. Was it because if his age, or because of his actions leading up to this point? Or was his worries really just paranoia brought on by too many losses? Suddenly Korbin wasn't so sure anymore. When had he started to overthink to this extent?
"I didn't use to," he said quietly, quite sure it was a rhetorical question but answering anyway. "But after burning four family members I can't help but wonder where the fault lies. Am I not strong enough to keep them alive? Is it the way we live, this place? Who do I blame, what do I do to make sure it doesn't happen again? Can it even be prevented? I'm so tired of losing the people I love..."
He shook his head, and glowered at the Warden under jaggedly cut hair when she likened him to a child. He could claim it was only natural given his actual age, but that would mean he had to accept being treated like one. Which was what he tried to avoid - and clearly failing spectacularly.
"I'm under no obligation to accept help from anyone if I don't want to. I was told about Chulane's idea and offered my honest opinion on it because he seemed to want my thoughts on the matter. Are you suggesting I should have lied? Or not responded? I admit I wasn't very polite about my objections, but considering the circumstances of the last interaction I had with him, I wasn't very happy to talk at all."
He resented the implication that he should stay out of the 'grown up affairs'. It was a condescending attitude that set his teeth on edge, doing little to inspire that change in attitude Morgan seemed to require.
"So... I'm to shut up, smile and go with the program? Sounds very much like you're telling me to be a good dog and wag my tail at anything your council does. Is that really the kind of Halo you want?" The curl of his lip spoke volumes about how much Korbin resented that image.
Doesn't matter if I hate you or embrace you
Nothing makes you turn around
Tired of this argument and with much more pressing issues at hand, Morgan merely fixed Korbin with a straight forward look as she nodded. "I won't speak for the rest of Halo, but right now I would like that from you. When you are willing to discuss things calmly and rationally, you will be welcome to our council meetings in the Flowerbirth. Until then, you know the consequences if you let your rage take you too far." She had laid them out for him plainly the last time they had spoken, after all.
With that said, she turned on her heel, hands behind her back. She knew she was being harsh, rude even, but Morgan really was at the end of her tether for this situation. Could he not see the others around him, each grieving and suffering just as much, but working on bringing the Citadel together, not apart?
But what does it take to break you, to awake you?
To make you bow and spit it out?
There was no end to the angry retorts Korbin could have spat back at her for that reply. The vision of a dog in collar with muzzle and chains was painted vividly in his mind, and every fiber of his being objected to it, offended to the core. But by some miracle he managed to keep quiet, biting the inside of the cheek so hard that it started to bleed. The stare that followed the Warden out of the room was hard.
There was a vast chasm between seeing the needs of others and being able to step up and see to them. Korbin wasn't blind, and despite his own insistence he did actually care... but in this moment, at this point in time, he had nothing to give. He was struggling to stand, in his own way, but it was exceedingly unfair to expect everyone to heal and recover at the same pace, and in the same way. Others were hurting too, and some might even be worse off than him... But in no way did that diminish his own grief, and pain, and struggle. No one else had lived his life, no one else had suffered his exact losses, and no comparison of plights could make him heal faster.
Did it excuse him for acting the way he did? No. He had earned the bruises on his face, and the telling off, and Noah's anger. But it would absolutely not help to berate him for not being like 'everyone else' when there was no such thing.
Still... perceived necessity or not, Morgan's choice of words cut a bit too deep. And words that had been on his tongue were swallowed, held back, the impulse to confide in her withered and very much gone. He was to shut up and not bother her? Fine. No need to tell her anything, then. Even the things she might want to know about; like hidden doors at the Kraai, secret pacts or 'business meetings' to come.
Good dogs weren't supposed to bark, right?
----------
- Fin
Doesn't matter if I hate you or embrace you
Nothing makes you turn around
