From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
The trip is instant, but that doesn't mean it isn't without discomfort. You're not used to travelling by compass and you find the experience nearly as jarring as flying on Ronin's cloud had been. It doesn't help at all that you're both trying to hold onto Finn in case you need to roll him over if he vomits, but also touch him as little as possible knowing what his preferences are. It's a line that you're walking poorly just now, erring on the side of too much contact. Falke can sort out the mental trauma your hands might inflict on this flighty man, but you're going to make damn sure he doesn't choke on his own saliva up until that point.
You're outside of Finn's door (it's only your second time using one of these things; that you're in the right wing of the tower at all is a gods-damned miracle), slumped over Finn just as you had been on the side of the volcano. "Finn?" You whisper. No one really comes up this way (hence why Finn's apartment is here, no doubt), but still you don't want to try unnecessary attention to the two of you. "Finn." You prompt again, a hand on his cheek to try and bring his head level from where its slumped against his shoulder.
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
Finn wants to vomit, don’t get him wrong. And if not for the fact that he cant remember the last time he ate, he might have - there’s not even enough in him from the dribble of water that Tobi’s given him. So he merely spins and reels with the journey, a fresh sheen of sweat on his brow as they arrive, breath coming in shaky gasps. ”M’here,” he tries, blinking his eyes open like they’re trying to glue themselves shut.
He struggles to focus on the doctor, barely able to feel her touch - indeed, she might think him a different person, in that moment, with how he leans into her fingers, like the physical sensation might anchor him to the world and stop his mind from floating away like it’s full of balloons. Still, in the stark, cool silence of the right wing of the Tower, he almost feels like he’s breaking already.
It’s familiar, the smell of books and stone and woodsmoke, and he looks even more out of place because of it. ”Where...? Tobi, the meeting...” The one from forever ago. The one he was trying to make.
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
"Well that's a good sign." You chirp above him, glancing towards his door. It seems a million miles away given that Finn doesn't seem capable of standing and you definitely don't have it in you to move him. Not in this body any, nor as a dog. A unicorn would do it, but..you don't think things are that dire yet. You keep it in the back of your mind though, just in case. Finn is delirious enough you can tell him it was a fever dream if he ever accuses you of shifting into the hateful form of an abanded's companion.
"Oh that. I'll fill you in, it isn't a problem." You say with an easy shrug, as missing the meeting wasn't a nail in Finn's coffin, but just a bit of administrative work to catch up on. "Do you think you can stand? Or shall we slither over to your door like we were snakes?" You ask partially to break the tension, but also to see if Finn is coherent enough to pick up on what's mostly meant as a joke.
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
”It’s a problem,” he whispers, and they both know it to be true. When he’s well (and it’s confusing, now - is he unwell? He doesn’t feel great, but what does it mean?) he’ll find his back against the wall with Cian, and it’s a thought that turns his blood to ice. It also gets him sitting up, even before Tobi mentions snakes, Finn squinting at her like the corridor around them is too bright (it isn’t).
He regrets it instantly, the Spyglass groaning under his breath and slumping sideways - thankfully against the doctor instead of back on the ground. ”We’re at home?” he asks, his voice soft, and although he’s grasping onto Tobi to try and get himself to his feet, he does seem just about able to stand. Being upright, though, makes him swing with nausea, and he hisses out a breath and reaches another hand to press against the wall.
”Key... in a book outside the door...”
It sounds like it might be the stuff of delirium, only it’s true - there’s a tiny bookshelf set into the stone wall at the end of the corridor. There are only half a dozen books there, all of them looking terribly boring - especially the one on musical compositions.
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
You aren't going to outright lie to him, not about this. So instead you just find yourself watching him, how the storm clouds in his eyes have darkened the skin around them, how even his lashes seem cowed and brought low by all of this. "Oop." You mumble into a mess of unwashed and ashy curls as Finn falls against you. Your balance is better than his just now, and having been ready for something like this (despite his sudden movement), you're able to keep you both upright. Gods, he's burning up.
Given that your scrubs are always about 18 thousand sizes too big, there is lots of extra material for him to cling onto for purchase. "Yep, right outside your door. Just like I promised." You say encouragingly, your arm going around him as you try and shoulder as much of his weight as he'll allow. The two of you sway towards the wall as he reaches out for it, but remain vertical.
"Okay, I'm going to need a bit more to go off of." You chuckle, coaxing Finn with your fingertips to move away from the wall and toward the door. Hopefully, when you're closer he'll either tell you which you need or allow himself to be propped up against the wall so you can thumb through them.
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
He’s upright with Tobi’s help, but the world is still star-spangled and shimmering, and it’s enough to make him want to hurl his guts onto the stone floor. It passes, by degrees, but Finn swears he’s actually sweat himself into a puddle as they amble the short distance (short, but so far) up to his door and his bookshelf. ”It’s the one... that sounds like this.”
Finn whistles a soft, sad tune through the air, reaching out with the hand not clutching onto Tobi and fumbling for the tome that tells tales of musical notes and how they form. ”This one,” he says, before turning and violently shaking the book out onto the flagstones. It completely ruins it in the process, pages splitting and ripping and the cover almost tearing away - but a key does tinkle out of it, bouncing off the stone.
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
You love him for how his mind works on a good day, but just now, the mechanics of his thoughts make your heart bleed and twist. It's his cleverness that makes him so mad, of that you're quite sure. His delirium isn't just floating lights and vibrant tastes from mundane foods. It's a world behind a world that has come to swallow him up. A looking glass shattered to free the hands and faces within.
"I should have known." You're happy to humour him, as you are with all of your patients. However as he begins to shake the book, nearly shredding out a page of blank staff paper, you reach out to stop him. It's too far gone though and soon pages depicting the circle of fifths and various harmonies litter the ground. "That isn't how the song ends." You chastize softly, contorting yourself to try and both hold him vertical while you lean down for the key.
You can deal with the mess later. If anything, it will make it seem even more like Finn isn't at home, given how the Spyglass rarely abides a mess. "In we go." You push away the anxiety that comes with what you're about to do, this private realm of Finn's you very clearly have not been invited into. You send a silent prayer to Rae even though you know they don't care about such things, asking for Finn to forgive you this transgression once he's in the right state of mind again.
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
”It is now,” he says, his voice dropping to something dark and soft as he watches the ruin of pages and ink almost hiding the key. He stumbles as she leads them forward, nearly tottering over when she has to lean down and retrieve his door key, but then suddenly the lock is clicking and the door is swinging open and Finn is home.
He doesn’t make sense, standing in the space, filthy and sweaty and sick, treading ash onto the dark floorboards. But everything else does - his apartment is built upon two levels, cooped up in a tower as he is. The bottom portion is clearly a working space, lined with thick rugs and bookshelves, and one side of the area is dominated by a blackboard and a sprawling desk. His reports and research cover the desk, and a mixture of compositions and more notes are chalked onto the board.
Finn’s space speaks of neatness and minimalism, of everything having a place. His apartment is clean and bare precisely because his mind is not, and up a small wooden staircase (against the bottom of which leans a guitar), spiralling away into the pointed loft, the end of a neatly made bed can be spied.
The Spyglass trembles, like the sight of the place hurts because it’s all he’s wanted, and unless Tobi stops him he’ll sag to the ground. ”I don’t want to go out again,” he whispers.
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
"Says you." You chime brightly, not falling into his darkness for even a second. If Finn has lost himself in orbit, you're more than happy to be the sun that holds him there, providing light, until he's ready to go off on his own. "You aren't the only musician here." Though he'll have to take your word for that, seeing as there's no piano in the apartment you've just entered.
It isn't for you to read into things. That's Falke's domain, and so as you let your eyes drift from surface to surface, you don't let yourself extrapolate anything. Not a single thing. Not how well-loved some of the books seem in comparison to others. Not the perfect angles with which the rugs meet the bookcases. Not how music and research intermingle on the chalkboard, the perfectly rendered notes and letters.
You can absolutely try to stop him, but Finn is a load of bricks that seems to be pulled to the floor. Rather than fighting him, you sink down as well. It hardly matters right now where he is, so long as he's safe. Quickly you realize neither of you has closed the door, and so you crawl over and press it shut, reaching up to snag the bolt before returning to Finn's side. "No one knows I've found you. No one knows you're here. And if anyone comes to the door, I'll scare them off." Tobi's bark is absolutely worse than her bite, but not many know that.
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
He barely notices as she leaves to get the door, to slide the bolt, Finn looking around and feeling the rugs, the grains in the floorboards, breathing in deep the smell of books and woodsmoke. There’s a small door next to the bottom step of the staircase, leading through to a kitchenette and a bathroom, but he doesn’t have the sense to tell Tobi that this is where she’ll be able to find everything to clean him up. He’s transfixed, sanity already trying to slip away from him, so he can lose himself in walking the world he has made just for him.
But then she’s talking and he shakes his head in a jerking motion. ”Tell them,” he urges. ”They have to know. They need... not to go looking.” For him, he means, if that is indeed what they are doing. He tries to push himself to stand again, failing miserably and slumping back to the ground, irritated and puzzled by his own weakness. ”Tobi... what’s happened to me?”
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
"I will." You say soothingly, your voice aiming to be as much of a balm as your words are. His mind isn't working, or he'd have pieced it all together by now, so you don't bother to argue. "They won't go looking, don't worry." They won't because that was my job, going unsaid.
You reach out as Finn tries to stand, but you let him try to work his weary body even though you know it will be in vain. Sometimes there's healing in letting your patients find their boundaries themselves. "You know what's happened." You say softly, rising onto your knees and offering your hands for Finn to take that he might try standing again. "The Climb. The infection." You won't lie to Finn, and while your tone remains almost musical in how upbeat it is, there is a cold shard of truth that runs throughout. Finn must have known what would happen, and it was done anyway. However in your mind, given that Remi is on the list of patients as well, you assume that it was he who gave this to your colleague, and not Amalia.
"Finn, we need to get you cleaned up. Can you try to stand again?"
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
”Good,” he whispers, as far from the truth as he can be, but soothed by her words nonetheless. ”That... that’s good.” His hands are cut and burned and covered in ash and blood, but he grips hers tightly as he tries to think through the grey slush of his thoughts. His eyes prickle as she gives him a much needed dose of reality, Finn nodding without meeting Tobi’s eyes. ”It all got so out of hand. She was just... I ran into her. I didn’t mean to.”
He’d been keeping his distance, as he’d promised. But it didn’t make it any easier. He squeezes her hands, like she might just save him from whatever he’s done, but of course they both know that it’s not possible. The damage is already done. ”I’ll try,” he mumbles, doing as much as he can to get his feet under him, gritting his teeth and managing to get himself upright - barely. The world swims and so does Tobi, painted in shades of violet opalescence, and Finn can’t help but smile. ”You’re beautiful,” he tells her with boyish innocence.
Standing in the sunlight laughing, Hiding behind a rainbow's wall
Her. You don't understand. Amalia? She was the one outside of the Inn, though as far as transgressions go, Falke made it seem like Remi was the only one you should worry about. "No of course you didn't." You agree. Given the transmission rates you think at the outset this was quite contagious; a chance meeting might have indeed done Finn in.
You drop a shoulder and slink an arm around Finn, rising much more gracefully than he does. You aim the pair of you towards the only door that you can see, assuming that there must be some sort of bathroom behind it. "And you smell like a campfire." You mutter in response, not taking to heart this fevered-compliment of his. "We're going to sit you down and let the water run over you, alright? Then I'm going to need to check you for other injuries. Your job is not drowning, do you think you can manage that?" Your tone of voice and smile suggests that this is a joke, but in Finn's condition, you can't be too careful.
you are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world
He doesn’t know why she makes him feel so forgiven, but either way Finn is in no position to argue it or question it - not when he so desperately needs that forgiveness. Validated and with Tobi there to hold him up, he manages, sort of, to get to the door next to the stairs leading up. For a second Finn veers away, like he really wants to get up those stairs and to bed, but it’s a short-lived transgression. He fumbles the door open, leading them into a short corridor.
The open door to a kitchen can be seen at the end of it, and a second opening to the right shows a bathroom, as clean and minimalist as the rest of Finn’s rooms. He cringes back at Tobi’s suggestion, the idea of letting water pouring over him seeming to ignite some sort of rebellion in him, but he’s got nothing left in the tank to stop her.
”I drowned before,” he says softly, ducking his head and meandering over to the bathtub, all but falling into it. Whatever Tobi wants to do with him from there is her business. ”Wasn’t in this though, it was in a barrel.” He shivers suddenly, and though it’s partially because of the cold and the fever, it’s also the memories. ”Do campfires smell good? Different to other fires?”
