Falling in Love Will Kill You

And I was starting to feel the way I used to So just keep on laughing at the bad news
'Cause it's bringing me back Bringing me back

The actual sight of the dagger has Nate dizzy, excitement and anticipation both swirling around in him. His hand opens and closes, flexing the faint scar already there. It’s silly, he knows it won’t hurt, knows he’d do it even it was going to hurt. Knows they’ve already done this, in a way, the wrong words but the same kind of sentiment. This is so much more than that had been though.

Nate can’t help but wince as the dagger runs easily over Sunjata’s palm, as blood wells up. Maybe though, in this moment, in the hazy, dreamlike state the sickness has put him in, he understands this tradition, better than he ever has. You can’t make a scar without digging deep, without opening yourself up, the same things you need to forge a bond. His chin tips up, offering up easy access to his throat, an easy smile on his face at the sensation. The blood starts to dry immediately, growing tacky, but it feel like more than that. Feels like soemthing he doesn’t have words for.

Then it’s his turn. And despite whatever lingering fears sit in his chest, there’s no hesitation as Nate takes the dagger, opens up his own scar, fluid pooling into his hand slower than the blood had. He mirrors Sunjata, dipping his fingers in the fluid and lifting them to the attuned’s neck, drawing a shimmering collar, a promise. ”Deur my,” Nate hesitates a moment, glances down at his hand, dripping fluid, ”bloed is jy myne van vandag af.”

Fingers drop away, an adoring blue eye the only thing Sunjata will have a chance to see before Nate leans forward, kisses him. Call it a moment of weakness, call it impatience. The ascended remembers himself quickly, pulls back with a sheepish grin. ”Sorry.” Moving to take the cloth from Sunjata’s hands, Nate wraps his lovers wound without looking, tying the makeshift bandage tight, then squeezing the other mans hand.

NATE

so show me your love under a bad moon // we'll find your pieces in your bedroom
'cause it's bringing me back // it's bringing me back

Nate’s chin tips up and Sunjata’s ruby red collar is placed, something deep within him easing at the sight of it, waiting patiently for his turn where he does exactly the same – offering a scar flecked, tattooed neck for Nate to drape that pearlescent collar around his own. And when Nate withdraws, the words spoken, diving forward for a swift and fast kiss before he pulls away to wrap his hand, Sunjata can’t help but to let the love and light shine through the softness of his gaze.

“It’s okay.” He murmurs, though there’s amusement that edges the tenor of his voice, hand given to Nate easily to wrap the cloth around. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thinks of doing the same for Nate, but it’s gone before he can realize it. Instead, hands are back in hands, and the man officiating looks to the companions briefly before he looks to the box brought.

Two rings sit inside, but when placed together create one. A moon on one side, a sun on the other, glimmering in silver and gold, stars and sunrays. The man doesn’t know which one goes to whom, so he holds the boxes out for both Nate and Sunjata to pick between before they continue. Sunjata picks the one gilded and brilliant, rays of sunlight throughout from a bright Longheat sun. Once Nate picks the other, the man continues. ‘T’rings symbolize unity, without beginnin’ ‘r end. They’re the love that’s between ya, they’re yer devotion t’one another. They’ll be yer reminder.’ He says, pausing for them to place them on each other’s finger.

Sunjata slips his ring onto Nate’s finger, his gaze never wavering from the Ascended’s face, heart thundering in his chest in excitement and relief, and he waits for Nate to place the ring onto his finger – finding the weight of it somewhat familiar from a time before, but far more… More, this time. ‘Now repeat aft’r me again.’

A deep inhale is given, Sunjata’s gaze scanning Nate’s face, internally praying that if he forgets everything except for one thing from this sickness, he hopes it’s this he remembers. “Nathaniel,” Nate’s full name feels strange on Sunjata’s tongue, but since that was the name he’d chosen to begin this with, Sunjata continues with it. “With this ring I promise to grow with you, to build our love, to speak openly and honestly, and to love and cherish you forever.” If his voice wavers with emotion, he pretends not to notice. “From this day forward, you won’t walk alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home.”

That last line perhaps means more to the both of them than the officiant could even imagine.

SUNJATA

And I was starting to feel the way I used to So just keep on laughing at the bad news
'Cause it's bringing me back Bringing me back

Of course it’s okay. Of course it’s okay. This is for them, and no one else, and no matter how much they might want to stick to tradition, Nate doesn’t think a kiss at the wrong time ruins anything. Doesn’t think Sunjata feels any different.

Nate doesn’t even need to look to know the rings are perfect, tears welling in his eye again as he reaches blindly for the other half of the ring. It’s a cool weight in his hand, though his fever ridden body warms it up quickly, making it feel almost alive in his palm. He knows it’s half sickness and half wishful thinking, but Nate could swear he feels a pulse, a weak throbbing. A smile so wide it should hurt is spread over his face, weepy eye flicking away from Sunjata for only a moment, to glance at the gold adorning his finger, to line up the silver with Sunjata’s.

There’s a weight to the ring he hadn’t expected, a warmth. It seems to spread through his body, through every finger and toe, to the very edges of his grin. Nate laces their hands together, new rings clinking gently against each other as they come to the last part. Sunjata using his full name has Nate’s nose wrinkling, the full thing already strange to hear, but stranger still on his lovers lips. It’s official though, some kind of proper, and despite the way Nate is more than willing to tweak words, to steal kisses, some things are ingrained deeper into him.

The hand that isn’t already entwined with Sunjata’s rises, brushes against his cheek. It’s not quite acknowledging the shiver in the attuned’s voice, not quite not doing that either. It’s support, offered automatically. ”Sunjata,” Nate’s voice is soft to start, almost nervous, though he recovers quickly. ”With this ring I promise to grow with you, to nurture our love, to speak openly and honestly, and to love and cherish you forever. Forever.” He says it like a promise, and realizes a breath later that’s why they’re called vows. ”From this day forward, you’ll never walk alone. My heart is your shelter, and my arms are your home. I love you so fucking much Sunny.” This time at least, Nate is patient, barely. But this is the part where they kiss, the part where they’re officially married, where Sunjata is his husband. Just thinking about it has him trembling with excitement, his eye locked on the attuned.

NATE

so show me your love under a bad moon // we'll find your pieces in your bedroom
'cause it's bringing me back // it's bringing me back

It lines up, the rings fitting together perfectly, fitting each other’s fingers perfectly, and it feels right. So much so that when he speaks, when he utters Nate’s full first name and spies the brief wrinkle of his nose, he can’t help but to offer a crookedly boyish smile back, an attempt to soothe however it felt.

But he’s speaking, he’s vowing, he’s stumbling over his words and Nate’s hand lifts to brush against his cheek when he stumbles and stutters. But he draws silently, gaze focused intently on Nate as this final piece of a puzzle is put in place, as he hears the vow for what it is, what it means, and everything it’s ever made him feel. For a man that’d grown up imagining that marriage would never result in happiness, it’s no wonder he thought it a pointless affair.

Not if he could feel like this.

Nate finishes his set of the vows, and Sunjata takes a shuddering inhale of breath. ‘With these rings, yer now wed.’ And that’s all it takes for Sunjata to lean forward and crash into Nate – greedy and needy in all the ways he can’t express his feelings with words, even if the sickness had made it easier. He could certainly express it here.

There’s a brief chuckle from the man before he continues, Sunjata reluctantly pulling away to listen. ‘Now you’ll feel no rain, fer eacha ya will shelter fer the other. Now you’ll feel no cold, fer eacha ya will be warmth fer the other. Now there’s no loneliness fer ya. Now ya are two people but only one life ‘fore ya.’ A brief pause as he considers the two in front of them, Sunjata’s gaze focused intensely on Nate.

‘Go to yer home ‘n enter into th’days of yer  togetherness. May yer days be good ‘n long together.’ And after that? There’s really nothing else for the man to do, grabbing his things and leaving the two of them to their devices – leaving Sunjata clutching Nate’s hand tighter and moving again to crash into Nate again.

SUNJATA

And I was starting to feel the way I used to So just keep on laughing at the bad news
'Cause it's bringing me back Bringing me back

You’re now wed. This was never the life Nate had imagined himself in, never a path he would have thought of taking. But now? He can’t imagine anything else, anything less. If he could change just one thing, it would be to do this earlier, to tie themselves together and drift into the seas of their life before now, when sickness rampaged through them. Honestly though, it’s a wonder he manages to think anything, to feel anything, with Sunjata crashing into him. Nate leans in, closing the last little bit of distance between them, the hand on the other mans face shifting up, to cradle his head and hold him close.

Hold him in place when the officiant chuckles, and starts speaking again, when they have to part. He might listen, but Nate doesn’t hear a single word the man says, not when he’s distracted by his husband, steel and sky locked together, a wordless exchange happening between them. Not as robust as the attuned bond, but when all you’re trying to communicate is your adoration, your devotion, your ceaseless love, there’s only so much that’s actually needed.

Nate at least has the decorum to rumble out a thickly accented ”Thank you as the officiant packed up and left, leaving them alone. No, not alone. Leaving them with each other. A laugh spills from the ascended, giddy and light, not interrupted by the kiss crashing into him again, at least not at first. What he can’t feel in breathlessness, Nate tries to make up for with eagerness, pressing everything he possibly can into the kiss, into his searching, shaking fingers, squeezing Sunjata’s hand and roaming through his hair.

And when he finally pulls back, still giddy, still giggling, he almost doesn’t know what to say. Almost doesn’t know if his own words are enough. He settles for repeating himself, pressing in close so their foreheads are touching. ”I love you Sunny. You’re my fucking... we’re married.” It’s like can’t quite believe it, that a thing so wondrous would happen to him.

NATE

so show me your love under a bad moon // we'll find your pieces in your bedroom
'cause it's bringing me back // it's bringing me back

A thank you doesn’t even pass Sunjata’s mind – not as he’s so wrapped up in Nate already, both of them likely quite the scene with the sickness burning through them, fluid shimmering along Sunjata’s skin, blood wrapped around Nate’s neck. But he doesn’t care – because the only person that it would ever matter to anymore is the one standing before him, the one that’s now his husband. It’s a thought that makes his breath hitch in his throat.

The kiss is met and greeted with all of the feelings he can share through this -  his own hands trembling, tears slipping from his eyes finally. He can’t help but to wrap an arm around Nate, the other moving to mirror the way Nate holds him too, to bury into raven hair and the back of Nate’s head – breathless when they part but not knowing of any other way he’d have it. The smile that breaks across his face is relief, excitement, enjoyment, love. And when he looks into Nate’s electric blue, forehead to forehead, his fingers continue to run through his husband’s hair, listening, trembling, hopelessly in love.

“I love you too.” He breathes, head tilting up slightly to brush his nose against Nate’s, before he seeks out Nate’s gaze again. “I’m your husband.” He finishes for Nate, a breathy laugh slipping from his throat, moving to press a kiss to Nate’s cheek, then to the corner of his husband’s mouth. “And you’re mine. Gods, I'm so fucking happy, Nate.” And because he can’t get enough of it, he dives in again for another kiss, tugging Nate into him tightly.

SUNJATA

And I was starting to feel the way I used to So just keep on laughing at the bad news
'Cause it's bringing me back Bringing me back

”You’re my husband.” Nate repeats, managing somehow to sound breathless, this new reality already blanketing him like a warm hug, like Sunjata’s arms around him. Strangely, it’s more difficult to swallow the idea that he’s Sunjata’s husband as well, the words making him pause, smile still caught on his face. ”I... I am, aren’t I?” The words are quiet, thoughtful, and swallowed up in another kiss. His hand pulls away from the attuned, the slight ooze or fluid ignored, or forgotten, as the hand, the arm it’s connected to, wraps around Sunjata’s waist.

Without warning, Nate heaves the other man up, lifting him into an almost bridal carry and twirling them. It feels right, though it’s a touch awkward. Nate lets his teeth drag at his husbands lip as he pulls away, wobbling and falling to his knees, leaning back to keep Sunjata away from the sand.. His voice is suddenly quiet, a secret just for the two of them. ”I’m your husband.” The smile is shaky, too excited to stay together, to hold in everything else, the nonsense words and proclamations of love and undying happiness. He doesn’t need to say anything more, not when he can press it all into another kiss, leaning over the other man.

It will take some time before they can rise again, before Nate is willing to let go of Sunjata, to wander back home, waltzing through the doors without a care. For now, it’s just the two of them, and their companions, and the sound of waves. It’s all Nate needs.

Fin~

NATE