hold me like we're dying from the liquor that we drank

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

In reality… What was a home? In Sunjata’s experience, he’d found a home with people more than tangible places. He’d had homes before, a vast vibrant one in Korofi with white walls and blood inside. He’d had a rapidly shifting room in the Rebellion when they had to leave at the drop of a hat. He’d danced between beds and couches when he fled his father’s reach. And he’d done much of the same here. The house by the ocean was just that. A house. They could always have another.

His home was with Nate.

It doesn’t take long – or maybe it takes an eternity, he can’t tell – before they’re stumbling into the Slagveld, slipping up familiar stairs to a door that’s locked, a key swiftly (and fumbling) in his attempt to unlock it. And once they’re inside? He locks the door again, gives Haai a lot of scratches behind the ears and wings for her work, before depositing the items he’d brought from home atop the makeshift dining table within the main room.

And then he turns to Nate, exhaustion finally weighing heavy in his bones and his mind, adrenaline lost. He reaches out for his fiancé, to bury his head into Nate’s shoulder, the scent of woodfire smoke and cigarette smoke thick within both their bodies. At least there weren’t any shadows here, not yet anyway. "Thank you... For getting Luci's lantern." He murmurs against the Ascended's skin and hair, simply taking a moment to breathe.

SUNJATA

NATE

The walk is longer than Nate remember's, longer still burdened as they are, though by the time they enter the Slagveld the trek is all but forgotten, in favour of the far more familiar locked door, the narrow staircase. The little bit of safety they have carved out here, in a place that can home just as easily as their house had been. At least for now, until they figure something else out. If they even want to.

At first, Nate's not sure how to respond, except to wrap his arms around Sunjata, squeezing him gently. His hand rises so his fingers can swirl through the attuned's curls, tracing nonsense patterns into his scalp. "It was the first thing I thought of." He croaks out softly, his tongue dipping out between his lips in an attempt to help. "You said uh... things we can't get back. Important things." And so, therefore, lantern.

Sunjata leans against him heavily, exhaustion the likes of which Nate can't even imagine anymore weighing on him, and for maybe the firs ttime that night, the ascended has a good idea. Slowly, but deliberately, he takes small steps back, almost twirling while he does, almost dancing. Everything is closer in the advocates rooms, and before he expects, he's bumping against the edge of the bed, hard enough that he's forced to sit to keep from falling, his hands dragging down Sunjata while he does. "Sit with me Sunny." He asks, almost begs, reaching out for Pemota as well, and calling for Haai. "Min Mis, kom, as jy wil." It seems so easy to be alone right now, a different fear begining to knock at the edges of his thoughts, though he tries as hard as he can to keep it tamped down.

Losing any of them would have been so easy though.

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

Arms wrap around him tight, encasing him in comfort – a hand guided through his hair as he buries his face into Nate’s own wild tangle of curls. His eyes shut, exhaustion hanging on every breath he takes. He’s not sure how to say how much it means to him, but he hopes in the way his own arms snake around the Ascended that it’s explained.

And then Nate’s guiding him, and he follows with his eyes shut until they’re bumping into the bed, a twirl of bodies and Sunjata wonders if that’s music he can hear coming through the room that they move to or if it’s simply his imagination – his sickness. It’s gone as soon as Nate’s sinking down and Sunjata follows, slumping into the bed and keeping his arms around Nate wherever he can reach.

So he makes room, as Haai forces her way onto the bed and curls herself around Nate, Sunjata, and Pemota, and Sunjata reaches up with the hand wrapped around Nate’s back to rest and scratch behind the griffin’s ears, the other reaching up to rub gentle circles along Pemota’s underside. “I love you.” He murmurs, eyes opening finally as he peers up to look at Nate from his half seated, half laying position. “This is going to be home for a while I think.” He murmurs softly, offering a small weak smile.

At least this way hardly anyone could bother them, right?

SUNJATA

NATE

Maybe it isn’t quite music that Nate moves to, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a rhythm, isn’t a beat between them. It’s soft, pulsing between them, just them, and he’s sure that if he really had to try, Nate could pick it out nearly anywhere. It had been strange, moving to a heartbeat that wasn’t his at first, but now, now he can hear the symphony of it, now he can appreciate the warmth for what it is.

Despite the circumstances that have brought them here, a tragedy that he will surely feel, once he has the capacity to really feel tragedy again, he’s glad. Nate’s family is here, in his arms and wrapped around him, and it’s all he needs in the world. This one, and any other.”I love you too.” It’s just as quiet, meant only for Sunjata, not that there’s anyone else around to hear them. Or anything. They’re safe here. Nate nods, his gaze locked on his lover, though his smile is a fair amount brighter. ”I guess it will be. Good thing we’ve already broken in the bed.” With a warm chuckle, Nate drops down so they’re both laying properly, cradled all around by Haai’s warm bulk, but Pemota’s glittering light.

For the first time, at least, since they’ve sat, though it feels so long right now, Nate casts his gaze around the room, his hand, his fingers following paths up and down Sunjata’s side. ”Anywhere is home with you.” He offers, bright eye returning to his lover, a stuck thought making its way out of him.

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

The confirmation, Nate’s own easy ‘I love you too’ settles whatever nerves feel like they might spark up – settling in easily and watching Nate’s gaze, scars and all, and simply breathing him in, breathing in the dusty surroundings, the boarded up window though he can’t exactly remember why it was boarded up. But that doesn’t matter, because he’s here, safe, smelling of smoke and fevers, buried into the arms of his lover, huffing a quiet laugh of surprised amusement at the comment. “We did.” He murmurs, pressing back against Haai’s side and snuggling in closer.

And then, he feels the warm and easy brushing of the Ascended’s hand along his side, and he wraps his arms tight around Nate, pressing his face into the crook of his neck. “You’re home.” He agrees, pressing the bridge of his nose against the column of Nate’s throat. “So now what? I’m too wired to sleep.” He murmurs, despite the exhaustion that weighs heavily on him. He can’t help but to feel like he’s in that state after a big event, where physically and mentally he’s tired but he’s ready to run at the drop of a hat.

Flight or fight, he supposes.

SUNJATA

NATE

Nate all but purrs as Sunjata’s fever warm body shifts closer, pressing in against his neck and shoulder. His head tilts gently to the side, content with this closeness, content to stay here forever, as he has been a dozen other times. Something almost clicks with that, something profound and romantic, but he’s in nowhere near the right state to process it, and it fades back into the recesses of his mind, floating like a sparkle in a snow globe.

A bright smile spreads across his face, obvious even from where Sunjata is. He’s so lucky. Just as he’s about to say it though, his fiancé is moving on, describing a state Nate is all too familiar with, considering his sleepless reality. ”I know the feeling.” Nate hums, his rumbling laugh not quite leaving his throat.

Being in a dusty, infrequently used room, stirs up memories of his summers, of staying in the spare bedroom at his grandmothers. ”She’d be so mad at me if she saw me now.” They’re words Nate means to think, that he doesn’t realize he’s said out loud, his next thought coming immediately after, but at least it’s intentional. ”Do you want to play lazy truth or dare? It’s the same, but dares can only be stuff we don’t need to leave bed to do.” For a game thought up in a half second, it sounds pretty fun, though it may just be the sickness dredging up more of his childhood tendencies than should have risen.

”You can go first.” He offers, assuming already Sunjata wants to play. ”Truth or dare?”

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

A low hum leaves Sunjata’s throat in quiet agreement with Nate’s own hum, unable to imagine being in a sleepless state like Nate was permanently, to feel like this all the time. And its part of that thought that makes him nestle in closer, arms wrapping for a closeness far more mentally than physically, and only having the physical touch to get there.

But something Nate says has his head pulling back, steel gaze half lidded as he focuses on his lover, settling in again. “Who would?” It’s a quiet probe, wondering who this ‘she’ was, if it was someone in the past previous world or someone here in Caido before he’d arrived. But before he can ask more questions, sidetracked already by the question slipping Nate’s lips.

Gods, it’s been years since he’d played that game. It was one his sister and he would play occasionally, transferred into one that helped the rebellion get to know him and his father a bit more once they’d accepted him more fully into their ranks. So his hand lifts up, running calloused fingers through Nate’s tangle of hair, a smile sparking along his face and reflected in his eyes as he clears his throat to speak. “Truth.”

And then he waits, wondering what exactly he’s stepped into. Too sick to realize what all it opened up.

SUNJATA

NATE

”Who would what?” Nate’s head cocks, the thought reluctant to come back to him, though once it does he beams happily, confused that the other man can hear his thoughts. Has he shifted? But it’s a human mouth that answers. ”She... my nonna. I was... well, I was thinking.” He snickers. ”She wouldn’t like you.” A fact, presented before they get back to the matter at hand.

Truth, truth, truth, truuuuuuth. It’s a toss up, trying to find something he doesn’t already know, and something he wants to know. A wide blue eye searches Sunjata’s face, lingering on his cheeks, his lips, and the question leaves him quite without thought. ”When was the first time a kiss made you feel something?” The words manage to sound almost wistful, his gaze still locked to his lovers mouth.

At the end of it, regardless of Sunjata’s answer, Nate grins wickedly and in a voice that has never known fear decides ”Truth!”

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

It takes a moment before they’re on the same page again, but once they are Sunjata finds some sort of amusement with the answer, wondering why his nonna wouldn’t like him. But silence stretches on, Sunjata remaining quiet while Nate thinks of and asks his question, a flicker of surprise crossing his face with it.

It takes him a moment to think it up, tongue running along his lips as he considers it, gaze absently searching Nate’s face. “Honestly? Not until Lusea. So I was.. Twenty? Believe it or not I was incredibly shy about it. Had to kiss her in privacy first before I could in public.” He furrows his brows, so uncertain in his answer, feeling like holes are lingering in his mind. Sure he can recall the far more lustful romps after his trial, but nothing had ever really made him feel anything until that moment.

And then… Then he has to think on Nate’s truth, filtering his mind until he comes to a decision. “Why wouldn’t your Nonna like me?” An amused grin spreads across Sunjata’s face.

And when it’s his turn to choose, he chimes a bright and content “dare!”

SUNJATA

NATE

”That’s cute.” Nate murmurs, a little grin on his lips. Jealousy aches in his chest, and it’s not fair, not at all. He’d asked the question, he’d known the answer, or could at least guess at it. Surely some of the hurt should be alleviated because he’d known it wa a coming.

The question takes Nate a little by surprise, the playing field of his mind starting to resemble something like ping pong, back and forth and back and forth. This is at least a question he really doesn’t need to answer, though his mood flags, grin and tone both turning a touch bitter. ”She wouldn’t like you because you’re a man. And cause you’re kinda... greasy, but mostly the man thing.” A sigh huffs through his nose, Nate leaning in try and hide his face in the curls of Sunjata’s hair before drawing back. ”You’d never know though. She’d still feed you and pray for you.”

Finally though, after two hits in a row, Nate gets a chance to make himself feel better, the metronome of his emotions swinging back into delighted, into downright lecherous in an instant. Obviously the whole point of the game is the dares, but they have to be eased into. There’s no point in (metaphorically) blowing his load early. ”I dare you... to kiss me somewhere you’ve never kissed before.” As soon as the words leave him, Nate lets himself go limp, easy to push and pull however Sunjata wasn’t to arrange him.

And when the date is done, when it’s his turn again, he neatly calls out ”Truth,” a touch of smugness in his voice.

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

He settles, a small smile of amusement on his lips as Nate answers the question – he understands Nate’s bitterness, especially when the answer comes, but he snuggles up closer to his lover and rests his head in such a way that Nate can hide his face away into his curls. “Kinda greasy?” He questions, a huff of amusement slipping from his lips as he suddenly just imagines himself covered in grease – wondering if it’s true, his vision swirling with the thought before he manages to shake it away. “If it helps, my father wouldn’t have approved of this either.” A shrug is granted. He doesn’t know if it helps – knows his father is still one of those monsters Sunjata can see in the corner of his eyes if he stares long enough.

But then there’s a dare on the table, and Sunjata wonders if there’s a theme going on with the suggestion of kisses and lips, and he feels Nate go limp – giving Sunjata ample time to find the strength in his bones to raise himself above Nate and inspect him, as if he can see every space he’d kissed before illuminated before him. Or maybe they’re fireflies. Or maybe it’s just his imagination. His hand lifts, running from Nate’s collarbone, along his chest, down to his hips when a sudden realization hits. A sort of… Mirroring of how many scars and kisses aligned the hollows of his own.

And seeing as he tends to focus mostly on Nate’s upper half, it only seems fair. He lifts Nate’s shirt up to the middle of his stomach, leaning over to press lingering kisses on the edge of each hip, before raising himself up to catch Nate’s lips in a kiss for a final of the trio.

But then, a truth, and Sunjata smirks as he hovers above Nate – staring down at the Ascended thoughtfully. “What was your first thought when you saw me?” He asks, fully intending it to go wrong seeing as he’d been sick and less than willing for treatment. A common theme, really.

When that answer comes, however, Sunjata settles in and chimes with a playful grin of his own. “Truth.”

SUNJATA

NATE

”Greasy like um...” Nate nearly snaps his fingers as he tries to think of a similar word, though only one thing really comes to mind. ”Crime... ish?” The kind of hoodlum that never really grows out of it, or that’s never known anything different. ”She thought I was too.” And he had been. Still was, if he’s being honest. Nate tries to decide if it does help, knowing Sunjata’s fathers opinion, but barely a second into mulling it over he decides actually I don’t care at all about his thoughts, much like his own father, and shrugs.

There’s something far more important to devote his focus to though, his incredibly self indulgent dare coming to fruition as his fiancé rises up above him. Nate has never considered himself shy, still wouldn’t, but something in him forces him to close his eyes, unable to bear looking at Sunjata look at him. It feels private, somehow. And it sends a shiver running down his body when a hand, not lips, runs down his chest, drags his shirt back up.

When lips finally brush against his skin, it feels like he’s floating, his back arching off the bed. Nate’s eye opens just in time to see the other man leaning in, just in time to close again and press against his fiancé. He draws out the kiss as long as Sunjata will let him, following after the attuned until he absolutely can’t anymore. Only then does his eye open properly, the bright blue overflowing with love Nate doesn’t know how to contain.

Sunjata’s question gives him another release for it, at least. Nate hums as he thinks, casting his mind back, and smiling as memories surface slowly. ”I thought you were beautiful.” He says with a brilliant smile, his eye never leaving stormy grey ones. ”I thought that if you’d let me, I’d just look forever, and never get bored.” Theres a chance he’s exaggerating, but only a chance. ”I didn’t want to stop touching you.”

Everything he’s just said out strikes Nate all at once, and he feels his cheeks heat up, a quirk that probably wouldn’t happen if he wasn’t sick. ”Thiyght you were too fuckin’ tall too. Just... a ridiculously sized man.” His words are all a huff, a distraction from his gushing.

Thinking about the time theyd first met inevitably steers his mind towards Sam, and more  specifically, a question his ex and fellow ascended had unintentionally put into his head. ”Would you rather grow old together, or live forever together?” Nate knows, without a doubt, which option he’d pick, and he finds himself quietly wondering if Sunjata will choose the same.

He nearly forgets to choose this time, his head in the clouds. It’s only when he realizes silence is stretching out that it’s his turn again, and he makes a snap choice. ”Tru- Dare!”

the last ones here on earth

// and if i was the only thing you couldn't bear to lose,
i'd set fire to the wood, just so you wouldn't have to bury me too //

The explanation of the grease has his mind calming down when it comes to just what he meant. Originally, his mind had fixated on real grease, not quite following the idea that it was something else. But that sits behind them now, especially as Sunjata’s hovering over Nate, his focus on him, watching as Nate closes his eye and lets it be a surprise. And Sunjata certainly takes his time with it, leaning into the touches and caresses – something he was far less likely to be so up front about if it weren’t for his sickness.

And he catches Nate’s eye as the words fall from his lips, Sunjata’s cheeks flaring with a bit of fevered warmth, but the smile that crosses his face is genuine, soft, meaningful and loved, especially when he leans down to press a kiss to Nate’s forehead, to his cheekbones, to his nose. “Now you get to look and touch, huh?” He comments, a breathy huff of a laugh given as he pulls away slightly.

“Y’know… I was surprised at how short everyone was here in comparison to home. I felt huge.” A bit of an honest truth, offering something else for his fiancé to focus on other than the offered truths.

But it’s the truth that hits him, that has him stilling a bit while he considers it. A part of it makes him sad, to think that his gut instinct would be to grow old together rather than live forever – if only because he’s not sure he can mentally handle so much destruction after destruction for the rest of eternity. “I want to…” He trails off, searching Nate’s face, searching for the answer he thinks Nate wants to hear and not quite mentally coming up with it. “If life wasn’t as tough as it is here or was in Korofi… I’d want to live forever. But…” His head tilts here and there. “I’m not sure I could handle it. Living forever.” It’s a quiet admission, his hand lifting through Nate’s curls to tap at his temple gently as if to mention it’s in his mind.

But then Nate’s shifting it, a truth turned into a dare, and Sunjata beams down at Nate. “Talk to me in your normal accent… The thicker one.” He rumbles, leaning down to press his forehead against Nate’s. “You slipped into it earlier I think. Or did I dream that? I don’t know. It was attractive.”

SUNJATA

NATE

They might not be particularly close, might not be pressed together in their usual impossible to differentiate pile, but it feels like they are. Feels like there's a warm blanket wrapped over them, made of love, of adoration, of fever-induced openness. Nate likes this. Wants more of it, though he's not complaining about the physical closeness, his hands coming up to run along the back of Sunjata's neck, to keep him from drawing away fully. "I do get to look and touch now." He croons, like a song, only without the rhythm behind it.

The more he sits in his embarassment, the easier it is to manage. The more Nate starts to realise it's not really necessary. What's he even embarassed of anyway? Loving his fiance? Even with the change of heart, the little distraction is nice, too tantalising to not leap on. "You weren't tall in Korofi?" What a strange thought. And a mildly infuriating one. He's always been tall, even the idea of a world where he's not is a little damaging to his pride.

Nate's question drops into the warm fuzzy mood like a stone. The seriousness is slow to touch him, but once it doesn, once Sunjata's gaze starts to roam his face, Nate thinks perhaps he should have picked a different question. Despite the fact that he doesn't breathe, he finds himself holding his breath, waiting for his fiance's answer. And it's not quite what he expected, though that doesn't mean he's surprised. "I think I got used to the idea of living forever too easily." He admits softly, his fingers dropping to trace along the edge of the attuned's jaw. Being on opposite sides of the question like this, it's a little ironic, and a lot tragic. "I... never thought I'd grow old with anyone."

Swallowing, like he regrets the words, or like he's trying to stop the next ones, Nate's mouth opens, and he hesitates. He'd just gotten over this, but now they've gone and made it serious again, made it mean something again. "You're the... the first person I've ever wanted to do that with. If we were... back home-" And he winces with the word, meaning where he'd come from, not where he was now, "-I'd run away with you. From everything, from everyone." Does Sunjata know how much that means? Does he himself even know how much it means?

This is more in love than he's ever been, and Nate trips all over it, not knowing how to deal.

"My normal accent?" Even though it's a question, Nate's already dropped into his accent, his voice warm, maybe a touch exaggerated. Leaning up into the crush, he hums and listens to Sunjata continue. He didn't remember letting his voice slip, but there was so much that was fuzzy now. It seems to take a moment for the words to reach him properly, but when they do, Nate bursts in laughter, almost biting his tongue when he tries to speak through his mirth. "There's not a lot of people who'd agree with you on that. Annoying maybe. But..." He shakes his head, not sure how to continue.

Sunjata let's the game stutter, the pause filled with Nate shifting, moving the both of them, so their positions are reversed, so he can shower down a rain of kisses over his lovers face instead. Once he's satisfied, or at least sated for the moment, Nate hums, dropping his head to rest on Sunjata's chest, over his heart. "Do you want to keep playing, darling?" The words come out in his nasally accent, the dare sticking for as long as he remembers it.

the last ones here on earth