We Call It History

NATE

I feel a bubble in my organs and veins
In trouble, but ignoring the pain

The Voice has given them a direction, has shifted the veil of unknowing just enough to guide them, compass like, back to Snowcloak, back to the Citadel. Nate does not stray far away from his husband, though something relentless in him tugs forwards, drags the attuned along, finally coming to a head as they enter the infirmary, strangely familiar walls all but glowing with a path in Nate’s mind.

Tugging, and then breaking away, Nate rushes with a speed only an ascended could manage, though he hardly notices his own speed, at least until he passes the door he needs, and has to turn, stumbling just a little in his haste.

Nate slams open the door to an examination room, and leans against the frame as he looks around, one eye flicking back and forth as he fails, once, twice, to see what he needs. But finally, a blue gaze alights on his fellow healer, and a wide grin splits his face. ”Loren!” He calls, bright and cheery. ”We’ve been looking for you!” He swaggers into the room, utterly alone for the moment, despite the we.

doubling my score in the game
Fuck you and your whores into fame

Loren

You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your prime

Loren had been at his workstation in the corner, working on grinding some herbs in a mortar and pestle. The infirmary was all one room, with cots cordoned off by sheets or shutters if necessary. As the door slammed open, he looked up.

Astra poked her head out from under the desk. Bleating at the sight of Nate, she retreated to the back door of the building. The healer glanced at her before returning his gaze to the Ascended.

"Nate." The Firebrand brushed off his hands and stood up, setting the pestle into the bowl of the mortar. "Who's we? And why are you looking for me?" Resting his hands on the desk, he raised his eyebrows at the other man.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

SUNJATA

isn't it funny?
how the cold numbs everything but grief?

A mission to find Loren, one that they’re already in Halo for. It makes it easier, rather than heading home and heading back – having collected the jars of water they’d gotten from Frey’s Breath, something the Voice hadn’t touched but would keep Sunjata’s mental state going for a while longer. It’s in a bag that he carries, hung from a shoulder while he follows Nate. And then Nate starts to move a bit faster, and then, eventually, when he can’t move fast enough he’s lost him.

Luckily, though, he can hear Nate’s voice and the sound of a door swinging open. It makes it easier to pinpoint where exactly he should go. He’s a bit breathless by the time he’s reached the door, shuffling his way in so he might reach out and touch Nate’s side to make the Ascended aware that he’s there. “He means me.” Sunjata offers, flashing Loren a small smile of amusement at Nate’s excitement.

As for why they’re looking for him? Well. Clearing his throat, Sunjata shifts the bag on his shoulder, letting his gaze linger on Loren. “You remember the conversation we had at the Sea of Glass? I think… I think we know how to fix the Ascended and get Nate and Neron and the rest of them back to normal.” He doesn’t know about the lilies or what Loren has found, but he does know what the Voice said. “We spoke with the Voice and she mentioned you had a piece of metal from Tanau. I think that’s the key.” His voice grows a bit quieter here, a hint toward pleading, gaze shifting toward Nate to see what his husband has to offer for this little bit of help to get the ones they care about fixed again.

if we could light up the room with pain,
we'd be such a glorious fire

NATE

I feel a bubble in my organs and veins
In trouble, but ignoring the pain

”I mean we.” Nate clarifies, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and leaning into the attuned, voice and touch both confirmation enough that this was indeed his husband.

But they’re straight down to business soon enough, Nate keeping his tongue sealed neatly behind his teeth while he listens to Sunjata’s entreaty. Better to not speak until he has something worth saying, though the filter for that is clearly lacking, because when he jumps in again, it’s sharp, not fully sensible. ”Know. Not think. She wouldn’t ask if it wouldn’t help, She’s not like that.” It’s made very clear, by the obvious capitals in the she who Nate is talking about.

Nate’s single eye finds Loren again, face shifting and contorting as he tries to set it on one emotion, one response. ”We won’t... we can’t be better, not like... the water is bad, and She... might not answer again.” He has no way of knowing if that was actually true, if the Voice would simply abandon them, but she was fainter this time than she’s ever been before, and that realization shakes Nate to his very core.

doubling my score in the game
Fuck you and your whores into fame

Loren

You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your prime

As Sunjata came in, Loren raised his eyebrows. They kept creeping upwards as the other two men spoke. "I remember, yes." The healer nodded. As the Arbiter brought up the metal, the Firebrand frowned. It deepened as the "doctor" added his thoughts about the Voice.

"I had it. But...key to what?" Loren rubbed his forehead and gestured for Nate and Sunjata to take a seat. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Something stronger?" Moving to the corner, the healer took out a kettle. He added it to a small stove to start heating and grabbed a packet of tea leaves from a nearby drawer.

As he worked, he spoke, glancing every now and then at the other two men. "I already found a potential cure. One that should work on everyone, as I understand it. Because apparently, even though the water treats some of our symptoms, we'll still die without a permanent cure."

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

SUNJATA

isn't it funny?
how the cold numbs everything but grief?

Nate corrects him and Sunjata grows silent to let him speak, eventually ending up with the conversation begun, his arm resting easily around Nate if only so he’s sure he doesn’t lose track of his husband again. “Tea would be great.” A little bit of normalcy before the harder questions come. “The key to fixing the Ascended.” He offers after he’s made his request, and when Nate speaks again Sunjata finds himself frowning, listening to what Loren says as well.

And while it makes sense what Loren says, there’s that harbored part of him that doesn’t trust the old gods to have the Ascended’s best interest in mind. “Are you sure that this cure will work for the Ascended, though?” Because the understanding that Sunjata’s gathered from those close to the gods and the Ascended, if it meant it killed them quicker then it solved them a lot of trouble. “The water treats some of our symptoms because it’s Frey’s, right? The Voice said the reason it doesn’t work for the Ascended is that it’s poison for them.” His frown deepens a bit, a few wrinkles on his cheeks that are more and more prominent as the months go by.

“What… What happens if it fixes us but doesn’t fix them? Will we have lost our chance?” His stomach drops with it, steel eyes darkening with the thought, the hand around Nate tightening into the Ascended’s shirt.

if we could light up the room with pain,
we'd be such a glorious fire

NATE

I feel a bubble in my organs and veins
In trouble, but ignoring the pain

Though he had to clench his jaw so tightly it trembled, Nate shook his head to the offer of a drink. He was thirsty, more than he’d ever been, not nothing the Firebrand could offer would sate it. Instead, Nate shifts to press more fully against his husband, ignoring the offered seats to maintain closeness instead.

Nate leaves the speaking to Sunjata, though there’s a tightness to his face, a discomfort that comes with leaving his fate up to the old gods. He doesn’t trust them, doesn’t trust that he will be fine, especially not now that the seriousness of this sickness is actually setting in.

”She wouldn’t ask for something she doesn’t need.” Nate insists again, softer this time, now that they’re wrapped in the guise of civility, sitting and waiting for tea. ”We wouldn’t ask unless... unless there was a need.” Its rare for there to be such unwavering sincerity in the ascendeds voice, even considering the sickness. ”The one cure is poison. What if the other one is faster?”

doubling my score in the game
Fuck you and your whores into fame

Loren

You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your prime

Nodding at Sunjata's request, Loren stood near the small stove. Adding the tea leaves to the small strainer at the top of the pot, he closed it up and made sure the stove was properly stoked. Then he turned and leaned on the wall nearby.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure about anything, but when are we ever. Nor do I have any idea how the water works, though Frey doesn't care about the Ascended or the Voice as far as I can tell."

Rubbing his eyes, he took a deep breath. "What, exactly, did the Voice tell you about the metal?" Dropping his hand from his face, he looked between the two men. The healer's brow was furrowed, and he bit his lip.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

SUNJATA

isn't it funny?
how the cold numbs everything but grief?

He doesn’t know if Loren can tell, but the way Nate remains close to him, avoids the seats offered as Sunjata does if only to keep his husband close during this time of anxiety, Sunjata knows that the sickness is making the Ascended express his worries much more. He can hear it in the sincerity of Nate’s voice, he can feel it in the way his own stomach waves and drops, rises and falls.

And when Nate backs him up on his point, Sunjata’s arm squeezes around Nate in an attempt to comfort the Ascended more. “If anything, Frey seems to be the one that does things that benefit the Ascended more.” Sunjata agrees, thinking of that room in the Grounds. But it still doesn’t alleviate his fears. “She said she requested it from Wessex. That it’s what she requires.” His lips twist in a slight frown again, wishing they’d had more.

But the more that Sunjata thinks about it the more his stomach drops again and again. “If there’s a chance… I…” He stumbles, looking over to Nate before his attention returns to Loren. I can’t lose him, Loren. I can’t do this again. An overwhelming sadness spreads through the attuned bond, coating the words.

if we could light up the room with pain,
we'd be such a glorious fire

NATE

I feel a bubble in my organs and veins
In trouble, but ignoring the pain

Already it feels like they're going in a circle, Nate's hands clenching and relaxing, one in Sunjata's shirt and one at his side. "Even if... even if Frey does care," And some bitter part of him deep down howled that the God didn't, because why would they? "Their water is poison." Their cure would be too, the connection clear as day, a bright shining light in Nate's thoughts. Did Loren not see it, not see how the path they were on led only to doom?

There is a heaviness in Sunjata's next point, a seriousness that Nate doesn't know how to sink into, skipping along the top of it instead. He meets the eyes that turn to him and continues to stare after Sunjata turns back to Loren, his jaw working as he tried to force something that made sense, something that helped them, to his tongue. "It's... It's not just us. I'm... we're all sick. We all..." Everyone who knew an ascended, who was close to one, would lose. His too bright eye lifts to look at Loren again, worry showing starkly on his face. "Isn't... isn't your brother...?" It not clear if Nate is going to say sick or {/i}ascended{/i}, but at the moment, they carry the same leaden meaning.

doubling my score in the game
Fuck you and your whores into fame

Loren

You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your prime

Taking the kettle off the stove, Loren poured two cups. He put both cups on a tray, along with some honey and cream. Bringing the tray over to his workstation, he added honey to his and curled his fingers around it. If Sunjata took the other cup, he'd find that it was chamomile.

The healer took a sip from his own cup. Holding it in both hands, he frowned. "Required for what? The Voice explicitly told you the metal was needed to make a cure for the Ascended?' He looked back and forth between Nate and the Arbiter, since they were dancing around the issue.

Stilling as Sunjata's thoughts filtered into the Firebrand's mind, he didn't look at the Arbiter. Instead, Loren took another sip. It won't come to that. I promise.

Sighing, he set his cup down on the table. "Yes, Neron is Ascended. Yes, he's sick. Yes, I want him cured." Looking at the Ascended, the healer did his best to muster a reassuring smile, though it didn't reach his eyes.

Biting his lip, he drummed his fingers against his thigh. "Look, I'm still working on the cure that I discovered. And there's a chance the metal might be necessary for it or can be incorporated into it." Pausing, he added, "If it doesn't work though, I will take the metal to the Voice myself."

He took a deep breath. "If you want to help, we need people to collect lilies from Frey's Breath. And probably something to attract Tanau, since he's the ultimate source of the illness." Rubbing his temples, fur rippled along his arms.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time

SUNJATA

isn't it funny?
how the cold numbs everything but grief?

After a moment of pause, of Sunjata hearing Neron’s words and feeling the way Nate shifts closer, he pauses just enough to let his freehand grasp onto the cup of tea, taking a sip of it and relaxing a fraction at the scent and taste of the chamomile. However, as it comes to the Voice requiring it, it is the only thing he can think of as the reason why. “Yes.” He says, pausing as Loren tells him it won’t come to that through the attuned bond, some part of him incapable of believing that it won’t if the result is the same for themselves.

Hearing Nate’s ever growing anxieties, however, he keeps the arm tight around his husband while he chews on the inside of his cheek. “I can go to help find the lilies. But after the adventure Nate and I took there… The fire and the way the water reacted with him? I don’t think it would be a good idea for us both to go.” An apology is given to Nate through the arm wrapped around him.

And then after another heartbeat of a second, he takes another sip of the tea, lets it settle, before he speaks again. “Come with us, then? We can take you to her with the metal and she can tell you herself?” His head turns to Nate, wondering if that’s a good enough compromise. “And I will go look for lilies.”

if we could light up the room with pain,
we'd be such a glorious fire

NATE

I feel a bubble in my organs and veins
In trouble, but ignoring the pain

”Why would we come to you if we didn’t need it?” Nate questions softly, head cocking. He is not the type to ask for help, to come begging, and yet here he is, heart in hand. ”I can get on my knees, if you want to see that.” The offer is at once serious and joking, Nate’s free hand stretching out, offering.

The cup is set down on the table, Nate’s eye dropping to follow it, while he listens to Loren’s words, excuses, and tries to not let his lip curl. ”He’s your brother.” He tries, so hard, to bite everything else back, his nails digging into his own palm, twisting in Sunjata's shirt. The ascendeds gaze rises again, in time to see the smile, of all things, cross Loren’s face.

”The Voice said this would heal us.” They don’t need any other cure, not with an assurance like that. ”If I had... I did, I ruined my life to try and save my brother. I sold everything I had, I put myself in debt with the devil, for a chance. This is better than a chance, and... and...” Nate doesn’t knowing he’s speaking quietly, or if the ringing in his ears is drowning out the sound of his own voice.  He can’t believe it. Can’t understand it.

His shoulders drop, and hopelessness takes a hold of him, the plans his husband makes with the healer fading away to a blur, talks of lilies and promises he can’t believe. Suggestions that they go back to the Climb are simply met with a soft snort. To ask for help, on the heels of denying it, it’s another thing he can’t understand.

doubling my score in the game
Fuck you and your whores into fame

Loren

You gotta go after the things you want
While you're still in your prime

Picking the cup back up, Loren bit his lip. "I don't need you to beg. Believe me, I trust you both." Taking a deep breath, he stood up straight, squaring his shoulders. "But I don't trust the Voice to be completely honest about this or about her intentions. It wouldn't be the first time any of the gods had misled us or straight up lied." He met Nate and Sunjata's gaze in turn.

Eyes narrowing, the healer took a sip from his tea. However, his grip on the cup had grown tight, fingers white-knuckled with tension. "I will make sure my brother is safe. No matter what it takes." Pressing his lips together, he shook his head. "But we haven't exhausted our other options yet."

Looking at the Arbiter, the Firebrand nodded. "You and Nate can stay at the Kraai. Take my room if there's nothing else available. We've got people keeping an eye on it, since Neron is staying there as well."

As he tapped a finger against the rim of his cup, Astra came up to his side and pressed against his leg. "And if it comes to it, Neron can take me to the Voice." He sighed and reached down with one hand to stroke his companion.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time