a perfect soul

even my darkness shines for you

It’s a quick journey through the jungle; faster than Ronin could have anticipated, truthfully. So they return to the house and the sanctity of their bedroom and the world, it feels, gives them just a second to breathe. The air is still and hot and LongHeat beams its light through the windows, but Ronin draws the curtains to try to shut it out. ”So,” he announces, pulling his shirt over his head and balling it up, tossing it into the corner of the room, ”no more Governor, then.”

Moving to slip his arms around Remi, the Star leans in to gently kiss his cheek. ”How does it feel? No, let me guess.” He grins, able to read his husband like a wide open book. ”It feels tiring. In fact, you might just need a nap?”

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that's the thing about pain // it demands to be felt

"No more governor." Remi agrees with a crooked smile, undoing his belt and shimmying his way out of his pants. These he tosses on the windowsill as a reminder that they ought to be washed. Why not a bin? Why not mind your own business.

Returning the gesture, Remi's arms twining around Ronin's shoulders, the alchemist opens his mouth to answer before promptly closing it again, his smile saying everything. "Gods how did you know? I'm so very tired." He wasn't actually. Not at all. In fact his heart was pounding with excitement and adrenaline was coursing so brightly through his system he felt as though he could fly to the stars. Instead though, he pulls Ronin onto the bed. With dimples as deep as craters, the alchemist tugs the Star into arms. "I love this age." He mumbles, pressing a kiss to the tip of Ronin's nose. "When their emotions are so clear and they're just learning to smile...Shall I put us to sleep?"

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”I thought you would agree,” Ronin murmurs, letting the alchemist tug him down onto the bed and winding himself into his arms, eyes closing to enjoy the simple affection between them. It still feels as though these moments are a rarity, between the trauma that stalks them, and the prospect of seeing their son again, however dreamed up he might be, has him bubbling with an impatience that Remi will feel as clear as his own emotions.

His smile is tinged with sadness, though, at the Lullaby’s next comment. ”I don’t think I really got it, with Aoife,” he confesses with a sigh, though that’s just an excuse to make sure he enjoys it as much as he can this time. Does it matter, that it’s not technically real? Not to Ronin - not yet, at least. Leaning in, he presses a soft kiss to Remi’s lips. ”Go ahead.”

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They're like boys on the eve of some long-anticipated event. Only, they did precisely this the night before, and the night before that. Still, it fills Remi with excitement every time. Knowing that they'll appear at the foot of the stairs, rush up and into Mateo's room to find him asleep or cradled in Isla's arms as she reads to him..

"Well, you've all the time to enjoy it now." Remi says softly, exhaling against the sudden stream of memories that pop into his mind, of all of Aoife's firsts. Firsts that the Star hadn't been around for. But he would now. Death couldn't find their son where he was now. There was that, at least.

"I love you." And then they are gone.

And then they're back.

Grinning at Ronin and moving up the familiar stairs, Remi pauses to listen outside of Mateo's door. Within he can hear Isla telling the boy a dramatic story of her time as a battle-medic (it's graphic, but he can't understand it yet), and with a boyish grin, Remi pushes open the door.

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”I love you too.” Ronin can’t even imagine those firsts, because honestly it has been so painful for so long that he’s just... stopped thinking about them. But he’s comfortable in Remi’s arms, and while he can’t stop the niggles of doubt, the impression that something is wrong with what they’re doing, he can ignore them for a while to enjoy dreaming with his husband. So off they go, pulled into slumber, and he’s already climbing the stairs after. Remi at a leisurely pace, a soft smile on his face to hear Isla in the nursery with the boy.

When Remi opens the door she’s on her feet, rocking Mateo in her arms as she tells him animatedly about all that happened in the battles she’s seen, her golden hair left loose around her shoulders. At the sound of the boys coming in, though, she pauses and turns to grin at them, and the baby she holds coos and wriggles to inform her that she has not finished her story.

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"Don't let us interrupt." Remi chuckles softly from the doorway as he lets himself in, making space for Ronin to follow. Coming to stand at Isla's side, the alchemist peers over her shoulder into the bundle of blankets she holds. Just as it does every time, Remi's breath is stolen by the sight of the boy swaddled in the medic's arms. His eyes have become an even brighter blue since the last time they were here, he's sure of it.

Nodding that Ronin should be the one to take Mateo from Isla, Remi's mind seemingly expands out into the room, adding additional touches of he and Ronin to every surface that the boy might be surrounded by their love and affection. There are instances of Isla as well, and of Vai. Less frequently are happy memories of Ashetta, of Ianto and Vanya, of the sunny moments of lives lived long ago. One day their son will come to know the tales of the Star and the Lullaby, but for now it's enough that there are flashes of their past.

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”Oh, the tale was nearly done anyway.” Isla’s voice doesn’t change, doesn’t become any less gentle and sing-song, but there’s a distinct... weight that falls over the room. And suddenly Ronin isn’t there either, the door slamming behind him, the Star thrust out of the dream as swiftly as he was brought into it. And Remi will be able to see, faintly, behind the vision of the golden-haired medic; Ludo, holding her strings, making her dance and sway with their son. ”I see you are feeling better,” it says with Isla’s lips, with her pebble blue eyes, with her smile. LUDO she's still here if you believe it hard enough

that's the thing about pain // it demands to be felt

Ice screams through Remi's veins at the sound of the distinct un-change in Isla's voice. He's heard it often enough that his body almost has an instinctive response to it by now. Indeed, feathers have ruffled through his curls as hair raises defensively on the back of his neck. Had it been anyone else the Lullaby would have been confident in his abilities within this dream to bend the world to his advantage. But dreams and memories were Ludo's domain, and the alchemist isn't so prideful as to try to best the herald. Not when it holds his son. "Ronin is quite cranky when he's abruptly woken up like that." He remarks dryly. Though it won't be crankiness that his husband is currently feeling, of that he's quite sure.

Biting the inside of his lip to keep from clawing out at the raggedy god behind the blue eyes and golden hair, Remi nods stiffly. "We'll see how long it lasts. Though there's rumour of a cure in the works, so perhaps all of this will be over soon."

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”He would be even more cranky if he knew what I am about to tell you. There is a reason I woke him.” Ludo says, though its eyes never leave the baby in its arms. Mateo is growing and changing, but even though the two men’s imaginations might be good (and their dream magic considerable), this should not be. And yet it is. ”Sweetling, I am going to give you a gift. In exchange, you are going to keep a terrible, terrible secret for me.” Smiling sweetly to Mateo, the god with the healer’s face runs a gentle finger across the baby’s cheek. ”This is our first step together, you and I. This begins the moment where you understand how allegiances are made and broken. And how important it is, that we play these games. You have only one chance to turn your back on this. Choose wisely. Will you hear what I have to say?” LUDO she's still here if you believe it hard enough

that's the thing about pain // it demands to be felt

"And here I thought you just wanted to play a two-player game and didn't want to hurt his feelings." The alchemist snarls back. It isn't like him to be so icy with the god, but when it's holding his child—dreamed or not—he doesn't shy away from his protective instincts. So it is that as the baby in Ludo's arms yawns into the changes taking place that Remi steps forward, his hand stretched outward to try and gently move the blanket that he might see what is happening. Gods if it doesn't take all his restraint not to try and slash through Isla's throat. But it's a tenuous balance, not unlike the one he had to strike long ago, when a man had stolen Aoife at around this age.

Giving the god a stern look through his curls, Remi's sea-glass stare searches through Isla's pebble-blue eyes to the dark-eyed youth that hides somewhere beneath the rags. Over the years Ludo has been terrible and wonderful to him, but the alchemist can't say that he'd ever been unfair. And, knowing the advice it had given him once about Aoife, the tenderness that the god had shown him, Remi thought perhaps (and hopefully not naively), that whatever was to come would not be to Mateo's detriment.

"Yes."

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This facsimile of Isla remains calm and serene in the face of Remi’s protective anger, humming softly under her breath and rocking Mateo. The deity does not stop the alchemist, at least, as he moves the blankets, and his son is still quite content in Isla’s arms. All Ludo needs is his affirmation, and in that moment all grows ghostly still in the dream, but for god and demigod and baby. So without further ado, ”Safrin has been telling your husband that she is bargaining with me to have the seabird’s star plucked from the sky, and her soul delivered to Mort. She’s lies. She has never approached me about it. The star is merely hidden.” She speaks as if talking to the child, voice soft and sing-song. ”Safrin craves it, you see. The love, the attention. And your Star is going to need to give it to her, to walk that balance, lest her manipulations grow dangerous again.” Raising her gaze, Isla smiles to Remi. ”Hold your tongue and your temper. I’m not finished.” Lifting Mateo up a little further, she coos at the child. ”Once upon a time, a soul was taken from me. A little starry soul, meant for Mort. Safrin broke a rule, and made her yours. She dabbled with death. And now I will even the scales, and dabble with life.” Isla offers out the boy to Remi at last. ”If you can keep all I’ve told you to yourself... when you wake, this little one will wake with you.” LUDO she's still here if you believe it hard enough

that's the thing about pain // it demands to be felt

What Remi hears starts out reasonably enough. LongNight protection to have Vanya's soul plucked from the sky to live in Mort's realm. But oh, how things change.

She lies.

Ludo's warning is well-timed of course, the Lullaby's green gaze already growing black with predatory rath. Now it isn't the raggedy herald's whose throat he wants to sink his claws into, but Safrin's. That she lied to Ronin, that Vanya was up there...that Aoife was alone.

Reaching out for Mateo the second he's offered, the alchemist holds the baby close. Too close perhaps, for he grumbles and tries on a scream of protest until Remi relents and holds him less tightly. Heart pounding and cheeks flushed with heat and fury, the alchemist raises his gaze from Mateo's face to Isla's. "To myself?" Remi mumbles, uncomprehending. The potential realness of Mateo something his mind simply can't understand. This boy was a dream.

Could such a thing be made real?

"Wouldn't it be worse for Safrin for Ronin to know the truth? And give us this life?" He wonders, the hope in his voice painfully heavy.

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”To yourself,” Isla repeats, hands linking before her once Remi takes the boy. ”Ever utter a word about this once our deal is made, and he will be entirely unmade.” She smiles sweetly at Mateo. ”I am not doing this to hurt Safrin, sweetling. Otherwise I’d have paid your Star a visit myself. No, I do this so that you know the flavour of the things that go on while you live your life and sail your boats and languish in your hot springs. Your husband is not my problem. You are.” Lifting her gaze back to Remi, she tilts her head. ”So what’s it going to be?” LUDO she's still here if you believe it hard enough

that's the thing about pain // it demands to be felt

The boy in his arms is real. Gods he knows it now. Every stutter of breath, every yawn and flutter of Mateo's eyelashes is somehow better than his mind could ever have recreated it. Unable to pull his eyes away from the infant in his arms, the alchemist takes his own shaky breath, eyebrows flexing and tugging as if carried away by the tide, so tumultuous are the emotions he feels.

"Just so I understand...the secret is that Vanya exists still as a star—that Safrin lied about it? Or this deal you are making with me?" No doubt Ludo will feel the cogs of Remi's mind spinning and turning, wondering if there are ways for the Lullaby to point the Star toward Safrin's deception whilst keeping their son safe.

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