how they shine for you [open]

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

"I wish I'd had the chance to know you."

Remi speaks to the stars. Seated crossed-legged on the sands, his palms flat that he might lean back against them, and eyes turned up towards the heavens. If he thought it wouldn't break his deal with Ludo he might have had this conversation at one of the shrines, as if that might help Vanya hear him.

But then, seabird she was, perhaps this was just fine.

Staring at the empty place in the sky he now knew her star was merely hidden rather that removed, the alchemist cries silent tears as he tries to re-formulate the words which had spun over and over in his mind. Words like, I'm so sorry, and I had no right. "I keep thinking of Aoife all alone..or, at least without you." He says quietly to the night air. "And you alone up there." Remi's heart lurches in his chest as he bites down on a sob.

"Gods Vanya, I'm so sorry for what I've done."

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

The absolute last thing Nate wants to do is trespass on someone else’s grief, especially when that person is Remi. He might have a sense for people, but there’s something about the once governor that strange. Close enough to joke, to chat, but not quite enough for Nate to offer comfort here.

There is a part of him that considers moving on, creeping away before he’s noticed. Continuing on to his own kind of mourning, wanting to pick through the burnt out husk of home before it was worn away too much more. There is another part of him, louder but only a scrap, that has him lingering, and finally, clearing his throat.

”Remi.” He offers by way of greeting, hazarding a half step closer, and keeping his gaze on the distant ocean. ”Do you uh... need anything? Or, wanna talk about it.” The offer is sincere, Nate’s hand rising to rub through his hair, trying to pull it flat against his head fruitlessly.

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

(omgomgomgogmgom nate thread)

Remi doesn't hear the ascended. Whether it's because of the man's unnatural ability to keep quiet or simply because he's lost in conversation with a woman he hardly knows doesn't matter much. But he doesn't spook or start at the sound of Nate's voice. He does stop talking of course, slowly turning a tear-bright cheek over his shoulder that he might catch the outline of who it is. Smiling softly at the other man with a warmth that doesn't quite reach his eyes, Remi lets his gaze fall for a moment before he softly shakes his head.

"I would like that very much." He says, the words tangled around a self-deprecating laugh. "But I can't. Sworn to secrecy, and all that." This is sad with appropriate annoyance, both at the cliche words and how frustratingly true they are.

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

Nate takes the momentary meeting of their eyes, the weak smile as an invitation, and steps closer, coming to stand beside Remi. ”Well I’m here to-“ He doesn’t get to finish his offer before the Lullaby is continuing, negating it, and throwing Nate for a loop. ”Shit, that bad huh?”

There’s only so many things that require a vow of secrecy, so many things that are so bad you never want to share them, and Nate has experience in a handful of them. Nothing like what the other man is going through, he’s sure, but he knows the scars a little better than most. ”I can talk then, if you don’t mind that. And you’re lucky enough to get no nonsense, now that I’m cured.” His own rough laugh accompanies the words, as his hand reaches out to squeeze Remi’s shoulder. His gaze is still focused out towards the sea, but the ascended chances a glance towards the other, to see how his offer is taken.

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

Remi can only nod his head with the dull acceptance of the very, very fucked. "I think it just might be, yeah." He agrees, before offering the ascended a boyishly crooked smile as he nods towards the sand next to him. "I'm all ears."

However as Nate reaches out to touch his shoulder, the alchemist instinctively shies away. It isn't for the reason it once was, that the touch of any man was enough to send him running for the hills, but perhaps was still something just as intimate. "Sorry." He mumbles with an apologetic smile. "I just wanted to warn you first. I can...if you touch me, whatever you're feeling, I'll feel." Some didn't mind the Lullaby's empathic abilities, while others found it extremely invasive.

Settling considerably, now that Nate had the information he needed, Remi leans back on his hands again. "Being cured though..what a relief. I can't honestly say I thought it would be the combination of Loren and the Voice who pulled it off, though."

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

The meagre invitation is all Nate needs to flop in the sand, legs stretching out before him, a single hand thrown out behind him to lean against. Now that it’s been invited, he has absolutely no idea what to say, where to start. ”I’m not gonna pretend to know what you’re going through.” Is what he decides on eventually, before falling quiet again, trying to offer some kind of comfort in a different way.

Nate’s hand freezes as the other man jerks away, surprise widening his one eye, lifting his brows in a question that’s answered before it can be voiced. ”And I thought I was good at reading people.” The words are mumbled under his breath, a joke more for him than it is for Remi. His hand stays lifted between them a moment longer, the ascended considering, then dropping his hand on the Lullaby’s shoulder anyway. He’s calm, despite the deep currents of emotion running through him, the buzz of discomfort and rapidly aborted grief and sentiment.

There’s a ripple of something else through Nate as the Firebrands name comes up, some deep stirring of rage, of grief, of pain, but it’s swallowed down expertly, replaced with a cool, distant thrum of irritation. Prickly still, but nothing to drown in. ”I wonder what made him change his mind.” A humourless laugh leaves the doctor, his head shaking, hair that had been somewhat neat falling wild again. ”Wasn’t me and Sunny, that’s for sure.”

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

Remi laughs a touch awkwardly at that and had Nate not reached out for him again, the awkwardness might have persisted. Knowing very little about Nate, all things considered, the kindness and calm the alchemist feels pulsing from the ascended makes him take a deep breath, surprised and touched by it. The strangeness of all of this, of not knowing what to do, how to unravel emotions bound by secrets is there too, but Remi can't help but smile warmly in the face of it all. "It takes some getting used to." The Lullaby admits, of his magic.

Eyeing Nate at that, Remi raises a brow and shakes his head in agreement. "No, nor Ronin or I...we did try and talk to him." That being a major overstatement of what had happened, "But he pulled a typical Loren, accused everyone of being in the wrong and constantly doing wrong by him and then just..vanished." Heaving a sigh, he grits his teeth slightly. "That it ended up being the right thing to do almost makes it worse, you know?" Or maybe he didn't. It was no secret that the alchemist's feud with the Launceleyn was a long-burned-out thing that likely he was the only one keeping lit at this point.

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

”I can’t imagine.” His own emotions are often too much, locked behind clenched teeth and sunny smiles and dutifully ignored. Adding someone else’s roiling storm to the mix sounds like a nightmare. Perhaps that’s why he fights so hard to stay calm, to offer the other man smooth sailing, for as long as they’re in contact.

Nate glances over just in time to meet the Lullabies gaze, brow lifting in quiet surprise. ”Did you now? I just remember... trying to appeal to him on behalf of Neron, and that not being good enough.” Theres another dark twist of anger in the ascended, before he pulls his hand away to bury in the sand behind him. ”I know. You shouldn’t have to force someone into doing the right thing.” If there was anyone at all who understood, who sympathized with even a little bit of Remi’s vitriol towards the summoner, it was Nate. ”I do wish I knew how he did it though.”

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

"Well...there was talking involved." Remi chuckles darkly with a shake of his head. Not diplomatic talking, no. That had gone out the window when Morgan had barged in. But they all had to have known it wouldn't work with Loren. It never worked with Loren, nothing ever did.

Feeling Nate's tendrils of anger just before his hand is released, the alchemist forces out a slow breath as he nods in agreement and silent appreciation. He's enough of his own anger just now without needing to add extra complexity to the mix. Still, he appreciates the ascended's awareness of it all.

"Did it?" Remi wonders, glancing over his shoulder at the moonlit-profile of Nate's face.

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

A ruined brow is raised in obvious interest at Remi’s dark words, darker chuckle. ”I would have loved to see that. Don’t think I’d be able to appreciate it, but..” Nate shrugs, shaking his head. The hand that draws away from the alchemist drops to the sand, fingers carving out a senseless pattern.

”Justifies everything he does as good.” Nate only barely manages to stop himself from tacking obviously to the end of the words, a bad habit he’d picked up sick. ”I can talk around everything I’ve done to make it sound good, but I still know the difference.” Loren didn’t seem to have that same perception, didn’t seem to be able to tell how his actions would be interpreted.

Of course, there was the chance this was all Nate being a touch too judgemental, but he’d gotten this far in life based on judgements and gut feelings. Why change now?

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

"Oh." Remi barks with a hollow laugh. "Easily, as Loren always does. Always has an excuse at the ready. Always so ready to play the victim. Waffling between standing behind his choices and making it seem like he was helpless to do anything else." Remi rolls his eyes at the stars, for a moment forgetting his fury at Safrin and directing it at the summoner instead.

"I know what you mean. I've never seen him hold true to anything for more than a season. Sometimes his family is all that matters, sometimes they aren't. Sometimes he's going to say what's on his mind damn the consequences, and sometimes he tries to play nice." Pulling in a deep breath and very much wishing he had a pipe to smoke, the alchemist exhales with a sigh. "I think Loren lost who he was the second he came here. He never used to be like this." The seeds of genuine sadness for the loss of the man Loren once was were just hollow kernels now. Still present, and likely always would be, but Remi didn't both watering them anymore. He knew nothing would grow from them.

"So what'd he do to earn all this from you?" Dramatic of encounters as the pair had had, most knew roughly the story between Remi and Loren. But Nate?

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

There is not enough room left in Nate to be saddened by the change in Loren. He doesn't know the man that had existed before, has nothing to mourn there. Understanding the regression that came with stepping into a new world was easier, in a way. "I just don't understand it. Don't think I ever will." Nor did he want to, not really.

"It's not... not any one thing, really. It's all these little pieces, adding up to one big pain in my ass." Maybe this is a bit generous, the uncertainty clear in the set of Nate's jaw, the way he doesn't quite look over towards Remi. He'd only really had what, three, four encounters with the summoner? "The first time we met, I'd gone to talk to him regarding some medical ...thing," Nate's hand waves distractedly in front of him, brushing away the inconsequential details, "and we ended up fucking in his infirmary." By all accounts, it should have been the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and yet.

"I was willing to be civil after hearing about the dragon he dropped on Sunny in a fistfight. After his smug little... everything. It's just," Nate's hand waves again as he struggles with his words again, trying to put words to the bad taste in his mouth, "it's everything. It's the fact that he was so fucking eager to throw his brother to the wolves, for a chance at something else." That was the real nail in the coffin, wasn't it? The last tug needed for the muzzle to come off.

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else

REMI

the lullaby

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair

Remi grunts a primitive sort of acknowledgement at that. He's long since given up on Loren, having tried time and time again with the summoner. 'He slit his throat in front of me once. I can only think it was for attention, or to force me into helping him." The alchemist bites his lower lip as if that might keep the snarl forming there at bay. It doesn't. "Then he healed himself and left like it was nothing at all."

Though to hear that Nate and Loren had once been intimate? Turning wide and nearly disbelieving eyes toward the "doctor", Remi tugs in a hasty breath, as if offering early condolences for how he imagined the story going. Then again, he couldn't really judge. Being with the Launceleyn was something he'd lusted after for months upon months. Snorting dryly and offering Nate a hard and dusty look of unhappy understanding, the Lullaby shakes his head with disgust. "I'm not surprised to hear any of that, and still it makes my stomach turn." He grumbles, digging his toes into the sand as it needing to keep himself rooted to the spot lest he go off and find Loren right then and there.

"Well, now that I'm no longer Governor I expect you'll be seeing him more and more around here." He pauses, wondering whether to simply...slip the next bit of information into the conversation. Deciding he might as well, Nate would find out soon enough and the alchemist felt strangely comfortable around the 'doctor', he adds: "Especially with Ronin and I planning on leaving."

Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

- NATE -

There are things that we put in our bodies
We know what we're doing and we aren't sorry

”He did what?” A parade of emotions trample across Nate’s features, shock, outrage, nausea, before his jaw sets in grim disbelief. As if he needed more fuel for his smouldering dislike of the summoner. ”I don’t even know what to say.” The ascended has been through hell and high water, rubbed elbows with all kinds of unsavoury characters, and still his skin crawls at this particular revelation.

Never one to kiss and tell, Nate just refuses to meet the alchemists knowing eyes. Still, even a lack of a story can speak volumes, and his extended silence here certainly has a lot to say. A butter chuckle leaves Nate without warning, made more jarring by his previous silence, but agreeing with the grumbled sentiment. Content to simply smoulder for the moment, Nate lets himself fall back into the sand, his gaze roaming the heavens instead of the sea, some deep part of him connections the two vast spaces.

”Let me enjoy the Governor thing just a little bit longer, huh?” Another laugh follows the whine, more good natured, more joking than the last. Nate’s already turning to face Remi, but the movement becomes faster, more urgent at the Lullaby’s little addition. ”Leaving to where?”

Honestly, I don't know how to react
You think hurting yourself doesn't hurt anybody else